Thursday, 25 June 2026

9 Days Countdown to the release of We don't live in America by The False Dots - Dave the Roadie

 On Saturday the 4th of July, The False Dots release our new album, We Don't live in America. The band will be perforing at Jesterfest in Fortune Green at Noon to celebrate. I am previewing the album here and looking at the tracks as we go  through. Today we look at Track 2, Dave The Roadie. I wanted to write a tribute to all of the mates of ours who helped us and acted as roadies, etc over the years. Special shout out to Dermot Fanning. He was our first real roadie, by virtue of being the first mate to pass his driving test. Before that, it was my wonderful Dad and a few other band mates parents who'd ferry us around. Derm used to borrow a green camper van off our mate Emil Bryden. We'd get about ten of us in it, and set off on adventures far and wide. The skeleton of the song is based on him, although I've borrowed a few things from a couple of other mates of mine, who acted as roadies for other bands. Derm never set up a dog refuge after being nicked for drug smuggling, although another mate has, who was a well known roadie back in the day. He is now a man of the Lord. It is one of our good fun songs and always gets people dancing. The ending, "All your family are quite mad" is deffo not Derms. His Dad was a chief of police. It was actually inspired by another local roadie. Any visit to his house was fraught with jeopardy, as his Dad was a proper old school nutter, who'd by drunk by 10am, but would still drive his van around, often abusing old ladies at zebra crossings. His Dad was eventually jailed for drunk driving and the family moved to Scotland whilst he was inside, to get away. 

Running a studio, I often get to know the crew better than the bands. They will sit around, drinking tea and chatting as the band rehearses. This is often where you find the juicy gossip. Dave The Roadie, we salute you. It is quite sad sometimes to see how unnappreciative some bands are of the people who make things happen. I can recall seeing one well known band in Stockholm. They had free beers courtesy of the promoters, but I got chatting to their roadie, as he had to buy his own! I was shocked, but he told me they were one of the nicer bands he'd worked with. 

Here are the lyrics 

Dave The Roadie


Dave can’t Dance and Dave can’t sing, Dave can’t do anything,
He can’t play drums and he can’t play guitar, But our mate Dave he’s got a car
He’s six foot four, looks like a God, trouble is he’s a lazy sod
He don’t buy a round, he’s tight old git, but he’s got a sister and she’s quite fit.
 
Dave don’t work, coz he likes a toke, and  he gets his gear ,down in Burnt Oak
He’s got no style and he’s got no taste, but it’s always Dave who saves the day
If Dave weren’t here, we’d have no band, Cos good old Dave drives us round
He don’t drink and he don’t chase girls, our mate Dave’s in his own little world
 
Chorus
Dave’s the roadie he’s our mate, we all love him think he’s great
He drives us round in his uncles van and if you need a spliff, he’s the man
Dave The Roadie, we salute you, though half the time we want to shoot you
We fancy your sister but we’re scared of your Dad cos all your family are quite mad
 
Middle 8 Breakdown

Every band needs a mate like Dave to get them from A  to B
And sometimes some C and E's, We all salute you
 
Dave disappeared for 20 years, nicked in Columbia for smuggling gear
Stayed in Columbia and got a wife, Started up a brand new life
Set up a refuge rescuing Dogs, Joined a church and discovered God
Wrote to say he’s a different man,  but told us all he’s  our number one fan!
 
Chorus
Dave’s the roadie he’s our mate, we all love him think he’s great
He drives us round in his uncles van and if you need a spliff, he’s the man
Dave The Roadie, we salute you, though half the time we want to shoot you
We fancy your sister but we’re scared of your Dad,  cos all your family are quite mad
Sharp Stop here

La La Laaa La La La Laa Las  All your family are quite mad x 4  (La’s Staccato)
 
Coda
Dave, Dave he’s our mate, we all love him think he’s great
He rescues dogs with his wife, I’m so happy he got a life
Sharp Stop here

La La Laaa La La La Laa Las  All your family are quite mad x 2 (La’s Staccato)

When my mate Boz Boorer got the gig as guitarist/musical director for Morrissey, I went to see them at Brixton Academy. I stayed for the aftershow party and then had a wander around with Boz. For The False Dots, the roadie was a mate. I couldn't believe how many people were involved, or quite how much gear the band had. The crew were all massively professional and the vehicles were not rusty old vans. How times change!



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