I can't dress it up. The are too many people in the world who are complete A-holes. Not surprisingly, they tend to band together to push forward the A-hole agenda. At all levels there is a pattern, They tend to be misogynistic. They tend to have a complete lack of empathy and respect for other people, outside of their clique. They tend to ignore the misdemeanours and sins of their awful friends, but at the same time are incredibly thin skinned and cowardly, and run a mile when actually confronted. But they seek safety in numbers and know that when they have a little gang, they can forward their agenda.
With the situation in the world at the moment, they have a massive cheerleader across the pond. It would be very easy to get totally frustrated by all of this, I do. In fact I get quite down, however, sometimes you have to take a step back and realise that they are just part of the rich tapestry that is called life. I try and rationalise it by telling myself that God put all of the A-holes here so we properly appreciate the nice people.
The most difficult aspect of it all, is that sometimes I see decent people falling for their b@ll@x. Many moons ago, I decided that I wanted to do an Open University degree in psychology. I thought that it was a subject that would make it easier for me to negotiate the pratfalls of dealing with people who's behaviour I found repulsive. I read a stack of books on the subject. It convinced me that I didn't actually want to learn anymore about it. What I realised is that generally such people have been damaged at some point in their life. They suffer from psychological injuries that make things like empathy and decency difficult.
Human beings are pack animals. When we are injured or damaged, we seek the solace of the pack. We tend to choose the pack we belong to based on our psychological needs. Damaged men, who feel vulnerable, band with men of a similar mindset. They reinforce each other. They seek small victories and small advantages if they are insignificant individuals. When they find themselves in positions of real power, they do real damage. But the problem for me, and why I decided that I wouldn't persue my studies was because when I started to understand this dynamic, I started to feel sorry for them and wonder what terrible thing had happened in their life, to make them so revolting?
In Mondays blog, I discussed why it is OK to dislike people. One of my regular correspondants sent me a very emotional message, about a figure in their life. When I read it, I started wondering what made the person they were talking about so repulsive. Sadly, they seemed to conform to all of the steriotypes above.
I recalled the lyrics to Kow Kow Calqulator by The Steve Miller Band. There is a passage in it that has always disturbed me, but seems appropriate.
I have always read this as a warning. Be careful around such people as they can destroy you. One of the most disturbing aspect of people who have suffered psychological injuries is that often, the abused become abusers and seek to share the misery and hatred. Whilst people who have suffered psychological damage have reason to be how they are, it does not excuse their behaviour. It does not make it OK. We live in the world we live in. Not the one we would like to live in, As such, we have to look after ourselves, our family and our friends. It may be sad that damaged people become A-holes, don't let them drag you down with them. I have great faith that in all instances reason, justice and fairness prevails. It's just sad that it doesn't always happen in the timescales we'd like. In the meantime, we just have to deal with it.
It's a Friday so I'll leave you with what I think is a suitable tune for my mood today. I wrote this in lockdown, Charles Honderick takes the vocal duties. It's called "Get your knee off my brothers neck"
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