Gather your Gorms - It's time to bash Boris

Dave Hill at the Guardian criticises Labour for it's gormless Boris Bashing. Quite rightly Dave says that Labours ridiculous policy of trying to turn people off Boris by calling him a toff or a racist is completely counter productive. Here at the Barnet Eye, we like to think we've got a cupboard full of gorms. We are quite happy to bash Boris, but we limit our Boris bashing to bashing him for breaking his promises and not living up to his expectations.

Boris promised to be a "mayor for the suburbs". He said Ken had neglected areas such as Barnet and he didn't understand the needs of the people who live here. So how has our Barnet friendly Mayor worked out? For a Mayor who claims to be in touch with the suburbs, he clearly doesn't understand that his core constituency are commuters. What has Boris done for the commuters of Barnet? What has he had to say about the First Capital Connect Thameslink fiasco? Given how Boris ejected Sir Ian Blair from the Met Police Commisioners job even though it wasn't within his remit, I wonder why he has done nothing. Had Boris thundered " I will do everything in my power to sack this useless company" when the "emergency timetable" was implemented, I'm sure that the minds of FCC would have focussed rather sharply.

As to the tube service. How many Barnet Commuters were affected by TFL's lacklustre attitude to running a service in the snow. We always get the mantra that it's not economically viable to prepare for bad weather, but according to figures bandied about on the radio and TV, yesterdays disruption to London cost billions. How hard can it be to keep tube lines running when bad weather has long been forecast?

I predicted that the downfall of Boris would be due to his lack of attention to detail and his lack of management experience. It seems to me that this is proving to be the case. Time after time his poor judgement on senior appointments has shown him to be unsuitable for the top job. The Veronica Wadley affair is only the latest in a series of awful judgements by the Mayor.

Another example is some of the bizarre decisions by TFL, of which Boris is the Boss. Abolishing the River Thames from the Tube Map was one. Closer to home in Mill Hill, the decision to reroute the 186 bus away from the Watford Way between Mill Hill Circus and Aerodrome Road is another prime example of lack of attention to detail. This has inconvenienced many local pensioners who used to use the bus to go shopping at Brent Cross. It has also significantly increased the journey time for people North of Mill Hill Circus. Originally a new bus was promised to serve Grahame Park, but a bit of Boris penny pinching put paid to this.

So has Boris been a better Mayor for Barnet than Ken? Not if you use Thameslink. Not if you use the Northern Line, not if you use the 186 Bus in Mill Hill, not if you have to buy a ticket to travel on buses and tubes. The abolition of the Western congestion charge zone will have miniscule positive effects for the voters of Barnet as few people here enter the area regularly. They will however have to pick up the cost of it's removal, in fare and tax increases.

Like many Londoners, I don't care what school Boris went to. All I want from my Mayor is attention to detail and a good job done. Boris has done neither.

Springtime for Boris at County Hall

Something has troubled me for a while. How could Boris Johnson and his mayoral team be so rubbish. How on earth could so many basic cock ups be squeezed into such a short period of time. God knows how many Mayoral deputies etc have come and gone, some before they even had their feet under the desk.

Bonkers schemes such as bendy bus replacements have been leapt into with no thought for the consequences or cost. The western congestion charge is being abolished, with no clue as to where the shortfall came from. How could the Tories inflict this walking disaster on us? What has David Cameron got against London.  I was looking through my film library today and I came across my favourite film "The Producers" starring Zero Mostel. I slipped it into the slot, sat back and suddenly I realised the horrible truth. There is an uncanny likeness between David Cameron and Zero Mostel (see piccies).

Then I started to think about the plot of the film. Mostel plays a dodgy film producer who has been making a good living producing flops and fiddling the books in the process. Gene Wilder plays his accountant, who points out that if he'd produced a really big flop, attracting loads of investment from doddery old ladies, he could clean up. If it shut on the first night he could keep all the cash. Mostel realises that this is his big chance. He looks for the worst play, the worst actors and asks the wrong critics. The result - A spectacular success. Mostel realises he's finished as he can never pay back the investors so he blows up the Theatre.

Which takes us back to Cameron. Word on the street is that he's never rated Boris. He sacked him from the shadow cabinet at the first available opportunity. I believe that the last thing Cameron wanted was for the Tories to win the London Mayoralty. Boris would be mid term in the election year and Cameron new that there was a good chance that things would be unravelling, causing much damage to the many marginal targets where the Tories hope to win. Just suppose he could solve the Boris problem for once and for all, ensure London stayed under nasty bogeyman Ken and keep all of those marginals tipping towards the Tories.

Looking at Boris's appointments, he clearly got the worst team. As his policies unravel, it's clear that he had the worst policies and as to the critics, well the Evening Standard aside, we all knew what would happen. Anyway, Dave Cameron clearly hasn't watched "The Producers" or he would have known what would happen. London loved Boris in spite of everything. You see they see Boris as Boris, but they blame the Tories for what is going wrong. It is clear that Boris is a buffoon who needs constant minding. He should have a team to catch his foot every time he tries to put it in his mouth.

The trouble is that Cameron does not have the Zero Mostel option. He can't blow up London, he just has to hope London doesn't blow up his chances. Whilst Zero Mostel in the Producers is my favourite film of all time, I'm afraid that I won't be singing along to this little ditty

Springtime For Boris at County Hall

London was having trouble
What a sad, sad story
Needed a new leader to restore
Its former glory
Where, oh, where was he?
Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found
The man for you and me
ANDREW GILLIGAN:
And now it's...
Springtime for Boris and County Hall
London is happy and gay!
We're marching to a faster pace
Look out, here comes the plastered race!
Springtime for Boris and County Hall
London's a fine land once more!
Springtime for Boris and County Hall
Watch out, Europe
We're going on tour!
Springtime for Boris and County Hall...
CHORUS:
Look, it's springtime
Gilligan:
Winter for Labour and Ken
CHORUS AND Tenor:
Springtime for Boris and County Hall!
BLUE RINSE CHORUS:
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
 ANDREW GILLIGAN :
Come on, Tory's
Go into your dance!
BRIAN COLEMAN:
I was born in Barnet Lane and that is why I'm such a Pain.
VERONICA WADLEY:
Don't be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the Tory party! 

 I guess you get the idea. I only wonder why it took me so long to see it, I guess it's too bleeding obvious. I just hope David Cameron feels guilty for lumbering us with the useless lummocks.