Monday, 7 January 2013

*** Updated *** Barnet Council - One Barnet - what are the DRS and NSCSO projects

I note with interest that Barnet Council have updated their website to include details of the One Barnet project. You can see this here


DRS
http://www.barnet.gov.uk/info/930351/development_and_regulatory_services_drs/987/development_and_regulatory_services_drs

NSCSO
http://www.barnet.gov.uk/info/930354/new_support_and_customer_services_organisation_nscso/990/new_support_and_customer_services_organisation_nscso

Interestingly the info on the Council website makes much more modest claims for the savings than those bandied about by Leader of the Council Richard Cornelius. With NSCSO Cornelius claimed that £120 would be saved. The Council website says £41 million over ten years.

The full business case is here

http://barnet.moderngov.co.uk/documents/s6652/Appendix%20A%20-%20New%20Support%20and%20Customer%20Services%20Organisation%20NSCSO%20Full%20Business%20Case.pdf

This document is highly dishonest. It lists an options appraisal of four choices, giving the advantages and disadvantages.


1. Do nothing - abandon the  procurement and retain the services in-house


Advantages
• The Council retains complete control over service delivery and how savings are achieved
• No services are re-located
• The Council would avoid the effort involved in transferring the services and setting up a contract
management team
• The Council would avoid the risks of poor contractor performance and poor contract management

Disadvantages
• The Council has limited capability to secure and manage the significant investment, transformation and remodelling required for these services to preserve service levels, achieve strategic objectives and reduce cost
• The services will have to be reduced in order to deliver the savings required by the Medium Term Financial Strategy, and this would severely jeopardise the ability of frontline delivery units to work effectively
• The services are unlikely to contribute to any of the Council’s strategic objectives of new relationship with citizens, one public sector approach or relentless drive for efficiency
• The Council retains all risk relating to the quality of service delivery and how future savings are achieved
• The Council would still need to invest substantially in replacing IS infrastructure that is now at the end of its useful life.

2. Proceed to contract signature on the Preferred Bidder recommendation


Advantages
• The Council secures upfront investment in the technology and transformation required by the services which it is able to pay back over the life of the contract
• The Council achieves, and in many places exceeds the financial and nonfinancial benefits required by the Outline Business Case
• The Council transfers the risk of the quality of service delivery and the achievement of savings to the partner
• The Council benefits from the external expertise, innovation and commercialism of a long-term strategic partnership
• The Council frees itself from day to day delivery of non-core services so that it can focus on strategy,
evaluation and commissioning
• The Council is able to hold the service provider to account pursuant to the contractual arrangement
and incentivise performance through a price/performance mechanism

Disadvantages
• Whilst the risk of delivering these benefits will be substantially transferred to the Partner under the contract, the Council retains risk that may be broadly summarised as:
(i) the partner fails to fulfil its contractual commitments
or
(ii) the Council does not fulfil its own obligations thus preventing the benefits from being achieved.





3. Proceed to contract signature on the Preferred Bidder recommendation but reduce the scope of the contract

Advantages

• The Council can select those services the Council believes would benefit most from outsourcing or carry least risk

Disadvantages
• The Public Contracts Regulations (Regulation 18(29)) limits what an authority can do following close of
dialogue to "clarify and confirm commitments" – reduction in scope would contravene this.
• The size of the contract provided the bidders with scope to offer the Council significant financial and non-financial benefits. Reduction in scope would require recalibration of deal and affect the attractiveness of the business case to both parties, and potentially result in the preferred bidder walking away and initiating
a legal challenge
• Any reduction in scope of service also has to be considered in the context of the European Regulations governing procurement. Removing services from scope widens the field of companies who would have
viewed themselves as having the requisite capability to deliver the contract, and there is a risk that such companies would bring legal action against the Council for denying them opportunity to
provide the reduced scope of services.  This would result in the current contract being suspended or deemed void and the Council would have to undertake a further procurement exercise incurring further costs and time delays



4. Abandon this  procurement and research alternative delivery models

Advantages
• Council would avoid the effort involved in transferring the services and setting up a contract management team
• Council would avoid the risks of poor contractor performance and poor contract management by the Council

Disadvantages
• This has the same disadvantages as option 1
• This would incur more funding from the Council’s transformation reserve than is budgeted for
• This would further delay the timetable for releasing the savings required by the MTFS leading to
immediate pressure on front line services over the next 12-24 months;
• The Council would need to build in substantial provision for the risk of not achieving the planned
benefits.

----

Option two was the one the Cabinet recommended. As you can see the "disadvantages" seemed to be fairly minimal. What isn't mentioned is how the preferred bidder, Capita, have got on when implementing similar projects elsewhere. Surely if we are looking at disadvantages, we should look to see what sort of form our supplier has. If you google "Capita week", you'll soon see that the whole thing is not nearly as cut and dried as the business case makes out. We've identified 18 major public sector outsourcing projects, where significant problems have become public. We can only speculate as to what has been swept under the carpet elsewhere. Here is the list we put together. Tell me, do you really believe that there is only one disadvantage to signing this contract.



1. Capita faces fresh attack over Arch Cru scandal
“Capita has come under further pressure over its role in the Arch Cru scandal after ex-directors of the cell companies that make up the funds alleged it was responsible for flaws in the structure of the investments.”

2. Capita's £1bn Service Birmingham venture falls short
“According to a news report, the review concludes that Service Birmingham, as the JV is called, needs "serious improvement" if it is to meet its targets.”

3. Capita poises axe over 1000 staff – jobs headed to India

4. Capita to axe 84 more jobs at Belfast office

5. Capita loses its lucrative CRB contract after a decade
“Kevin Lapwood, at the brokers Seymour Pierce, said: “There’s a suspicion that Capita has been earning too high a margin on certain central government contracts.”

6. Capita to lose congestion charge

7. Capita blamed in schools' data loss

8. Capita IT staff strike over Indian offshoring plans

9. FSA censures Capita Financial Managers for Arch Cru failings


11. Government urged to ditch Capita after ILA failure http://www.timeshighereducation.co.uk/story.asp?storyCode=170259&sectioncode=26

12. 30 Capita staff in Darwen face axe”
13. Capita and administrator renew Arch Cru blame game
Former Arch Cru administrator Bordeaux Services has filed its defence against allegations that it breached its fiduciary duty in relation to the failed Arch Cru funds, blaming the losses suffered by investors on the “unforseeable actions” of the funds’ authorised corporate director Capita.
14. Top-of-the-range perks enjoyed by Birmingham City Council officers
15. Service Birmingham heads off dispute with city council over bill for new server equipment
16. Probe launched into how Birmingham library contract was won by Capita
17. More trials being disrupted over interpreter failings

-------------------------------------
Updated - as if by magic

After posting this blog, one of my loyal army of readers contacted me and sent me an FOI response detailing what exactly was in the "investment plan" referred to in the Business Case. Would you believe that this plan doesn't actually exist even though it is part of the contract which has been approved. Could you make it up? - Here is the question and the response






 

London Borough of Barnet,
North London Business Park,
Oakleigh Road South,
London
N11 1NP

3 January 2013

 Our ref: 202343






 



Thank you for your request received on 17 December 2012, for the following information:

In the Full Business Case of the NSCSO submitted on the 21/11/12,
table 7.3, it is stated that the bidder will invest £6,973,478 in
Information Systems (IS), as part of larger investment of £17.5M.

This investment by the bidder will be repaid by the Council during
the lifespan of the contract (which makes it a loan rather then
'investment', but this is a different issue).

This IS investment plan has no breakdown for its components, so it
is impossible to validate. But since the investment is specified
down to the pound, I expect its details to be readily available.

Please provide the full detailed IS investment plan. You can use
the detailed questions below as to what is expected to be included
in the answer (but not limited to):

If IS is on co-hosting platforms, please provide the following
details:
Mass storage:
> Total storage size. If storage is tiered, please provide raw
storage size for each tier.
> Cost of 1GB storage per annum, including backup and disaster
recovery. If storage is tiered, please provide those details per
tier.

Computing:
> Type of charging units, number of units, price per unit. If
tiered, please provide a breakdown.

If IS to be hosted on its own dedicated platforms, please provide
the following details:

Per each server in the investment plan please provide:
> Manufacture Model, number of CPU/Cores, RAM size, operating
system

Per each mass storage device:
>Manufacture model, spindle model, number of spindles, any extras
provided with a device (e.g. VFLEX, BCV)
SAN switches (if used): manufacture model and price.

Software:
Per each software (including end user desktop software) please
provide the following details:
> Software name, provider, cost per software, annual support cost.
> Licensing price model:
If charged per users, please provide number of users and cost per
user.
If charged per CPU/Cores, please provide number of charged units
and price per unit.
If charged for unlimited usage please provide global price.

Network:
Network devices (e.g. routers, switches)
> Manufacture model, number of ports (if relevant), price per unit.
For other network devices, e.g. firewall, IDS. Please provide
manufacture and price or usage price if shared.

> WAN charges
If paid for unlimited usage, please provide bandwidth, and price
per annum
If paid per usage, please provide price per 1MB of traffic

For end users computing devices (desktops, laptops etc.) please
provide:
> Manufacture model, price per device, annual maintenance cost.

We have processed this request under the Freedom of Information Act 2000.

Response

I am writing to inform you that the information you request is not held by London Borough of Barnet.

The IS investment plan will be contained within the financial model of the contractual agreement for the provision of the New Support and Customer Services Organisation (NSCSO), which has yet to be finalised. Therefore the detailed IS investment plan is not yet held. The final document will be completed once the contract is signed. This is currently expected to occur between January and March 2013. Following this, it is our intention to publish the contract including details of proposed investment on the council's website having redacted any elements considered to be commercially sensitive.

Your rights

If you are unhappy with the way your request for information has been handled, you can request a review within the next 20 working days by writing to the FOI Officer at: The London Borough of Barnet, North London Business Park, Oakleigh Road South, London, N11 1NP (email xxx@xxxxxx.xxx.xx).

If, having exhausted our review procedure, you remain dissatisfied with the handling of your request or complaint, you will have a right to appeal to the Information Commissioner at: The Information Commissioner's Office, Wycliffe House, Water Lane, Wilmslow, Cheshire, SK9 5AF (telephone: 0303 123 1113; website www.ico.gov.uk).  There is no charge for making an appeal.

Sunday, 6 January 2013

Rog T's Cancer Blog - Surviving an MRI scan

For those of you who are regular readers and have read the previous posts on Cancer, you can skip this first paragraph.This is the latest installment in my occasional series about how I'm adjusting to living with a big C in my life.  For those of you who aren't, here's a quick summary. I'm 50 years old and I last year had a prostate biopsy following two "slightly high" PSA tests - 2.8 & 4.1. The biopsy took ten tissue samples and one of these showed a "low grade cancer" which gives me a 3+3 on the Gleason scale. I'm now on a program of active monitoring.  In early February, I got the results of the latest PSA test - down to 3.5 and an MRI scan which found absolutely nothing. My latest PSA test in August was not quite so promising, back up to 3.9, in other words the downward trend has stopped. I've no symptoms and sadly for a few people, if I'm gonna die soon, it won't be from Prostate cancer. Got the picture?

So first off a little bit of an explanation. I write this series of cancer blogs to try and share what I've learned from the experience. Some of the stuff I write is practical and some is personal. I've noticed that there are quite a few hits on this series of blogs. I sincerely hope someone out there has derived something positive from what I've written. If you disagree or feel I've got something wrong, please share it with me. If you think I've misrepresented something please tell me. If you want to write a guest blog about your own experiences, please email it to me. I believe knowledge is power and the more we share the better our chances of survival become.

Which brings us to todays blog. The title is somewhat misleading, isn't it? I am not aware of anyone dying during an MRI scan, and certainly not through the effects of it (although I am sure there has been the odd freak accident). I am not referring to improving your physical chances of emerging alive from an MRI scan. Please don't think this blog casts doubt on the medical safety of the process. I am talking about dealing with the issue of remaining still and calm during an extremely unpleasant process.

If you have not had an MRI scan before, this is what happens. You are stuck into a metal tube which you will just about fit into and told to stay completely still for 30 minutes whilst you are subjected to an aray of extremely loud bangs, whirrs and crashes, whilst being jolted back and forth on a mechanical bed. It is a rather claustrophobic experience and I know of several people who found it too much. It is the fourth time I've had one. I had two on my head many years ago and today I had the second one for the prostate cancer. The last one was in February. If you fidget, this blurs the image and the process takes even longer.

What happens in Barnet for a prostate scan is as follows. You are made to remove your pants (and all metal items) and put on a gown. You then lie on a part of the machine and a plate is placed over your hips. The radiologist gives you some headphones to wear and tells you to stay completely still for 30 minutes. (If you move they have to do that sequence of shots again.)

Once you are safely set up, the machine pulls you in. For want of a better explanation, I felt like a torpedo must when it is loaded into a torpedo tube. Apart from the claustrophobia, the worst problem is you start to itch. I found the urge to have a scratch was overpowering in February. I also have a cold, so the urge to cough also was an ever present problem today, a fact I anticipated.

The issue of how to overcome these urges was my main problem when I had an MRI in February, I moved a couple of times and so the whole process took much longer than I'd hoped. This time I managed to make it through without a single telling off, even though I have had a cold and been coughing all day. The secret is to find a way of distracting your thought process. As you can't take a book in, it has to be something completely within your mind. I was given some helpful advice on dealing with this in August. As I'm sure most of my readers are not of a religious persuasion, consider the process rather than the method I used, as I am sure it can be adapted using a poem, song or great speech.  The idea came from an old Catholic priest who advised me to "say the rosary in your head and try and get to the end before the MRI finishes". He advised that as it is repititious and a form of meditation, it is ideally suited to an environment where you have to sit still for 30 minutes and not move a muscle. For those of you who are not familiar with the custom, Roman Catholics have a set of beads with five sets of ten beads punctuated by a single bead. Each of the ten represents one recitation of a "Hail Mary" and the single bead represents an "Our Father".

When I was a child at Catholic school, we were forced to say the Rosary. I haven't done it since and it has held certain negative connotations for me as a result of these memories. I did consider trying to see how many times I could sing "Living in the USA" by the Steve Miller Band to myself in my head, before the end. the song lasts 4.15 so maybe 9 times?  Maybe I would start bopping? I also considered trying to do a yoga meditation, but I had tried this last time and fell asleep, waking with a jar, requiring a rescan. In the end, I decided to try the saying the rosary mentally as advised. What I found was that I was able to stay awake and focused enough to avert the need to fidget. As I hadn't taken any beads in, the act of keeping count was rather difficult (especially for a dyslexic).

Whilst my main concern was to get through the MRI without moving, I actually found the experience remarkably calming and relaxing, even with the bumps and bangs. I must of course advise that under no circumstances should you take metal rosary beads into the machine. Over the years I've done quite a bit of yoga and repetetive chanting is a big feature of the relaxation exercises. I found that the effects were exactly the same. When I had the last MRI, I found it stressful and tiring, this time I was fine and energised when I emerged.

I think the elements of the exercise have to be

A) Something we know extremely well and we can recite without getting confused or losing our place.
B) A degree of counting
C) Something we associate with calmness and safety
D) Something we can focus on

I have found something that works very well for me. As I drove back, I pondered on the effect. For those of us from religious backgrounds, many of us will fall back on prayer in times of extreme stress. I believe we have programmed ourselves to be calmed by such things. The point as far as I'm concerned is not whether these things are rational or logical, it is whether they help us get through.  

What disturbs me about the health service is just how little help we are given with the psychological side of dealing with life threatening illnesses and the procedures we are subjected to. Given that in this country most patients have to hang around for a while before they actually get the procedure, surely some sort of advice sheet on how to cope with the claustrophobia and the effects of the noise would be a good idea? If it saved 10% of the time spent on rescanning, that would make a huge difference across the whole NHS. 

The problem I had writing this blog is that I wanted to try and give a few pointers as to how to cope with the experience, which anyone could use, yet I suspected the mechanism I used would not work for many people for a whole host of reasons. That is why I'm asking anyone who has developed their own technique for how to suppress fidgets and coughs and how to avoid getting too stressed to leave a comment.

When it comes to my health (and with yours as well), I'd advise anyone to put their primary faith in modern medical science. I must stress that I wasn't praying for a miracle cure (that isn't the point at all), I was using the tools I have to deal with a problem I had. I sincerely hope that if you are having an MRI any time soon and you read this blog, you take something useful from it. Make sure you are mentally prepared.

My 2013 New Years revolution

At the start of every year, I set myself goals. Some years I achieve them, some I fail miserably. Last year, i succeeded spectacularly. I had three goals. They were simple.

1. Ensure that the film I was producing - "A Tale of Two Barnets" was successful - http://www.ataleoftwobarnets.co.uk/

2. My business successfully opened it's new studio complex - http://www.millhillmusiccomplex.co.uk

3. To ensure that I lived as healthy a lifestyle as I possibly could, given my health situation.

So how did I do on these?

Well I think we succeeded beyond our wildest dreams with "A Tale of Two Barnets". We packed out the Phoenix Cinema, made national TV and radio, had blanket press coverage and even had it shown at the House of Commons. Perhaps more satisfying than all of that was that we were also able to make a follow up,  Barnet the Billion Pound Gamble - http://www.billionpoundgamble.co.uk/ which received critical acclaim and even greater coverage.  Although we failed to prevent the outsourcing to Capita of the first of the major One Barnet contracts, we have caused the council to think again on outsourcing refuse collection, which is a massive victory.

As to the business objectives. We opened the new studio and it has been very well received. In the 4th quarter of 2012, we achieved 40% growth in turnover, which is no mean feat in these challenging economic times. There is still plenty of work to do to build the business to where it should be, but that is a challenge I will relish.

Finally the third challenge. I've managed to stick to all of the rules I set myself when I started the journey of keeping myself healthy. Have they had any effect? Well my PSA levels were lower last time they were tested, than they were when I received my diagnosis, so it is a victory of sorts.

So what are my objectives for 2013?

Well again these are simple.

1. To record an album of my music, with some of the fine musicians I've played with over the years.

2. To successfully launch stage 2 of our business development and to achieve the planned growth for stage 1. 

3. To continue to maintain my health and to get my weight below 14 stone.

For many readers of this blog, I suppose there may be a sigh of disappointment in my lack of goals for the blog and the causes we support. I had hoped to make a film about the successes and failures of Capita in their outsourcing enterprises up and down the country. The title was to be "Capita - The Movie!". I had some discussions with various parties and whilst they were keen for us to make the film, they were not prepared to offer any financial support whatsoever. I have still got a couple of meetings with people from TV companies, and whilst I think there is a good story to tell, I never set a goal for a year, where I could be scuppered after 2 weeks.  If they do give us the thumbs up, it will be a major project, completely unlike the two films we've made so far.

As for the fight against the madness at the Council? What will happen with Friern Barnet Library? Judge Pearl gave Barnet a huge opportunity to undo a massive wrong. There is a meeting on 11th January between the various groups and Barnet Council. I decided to sit this one out. Whilst I care passionately about the issue, I suspect having me there would not facilitate a cordial atmosphere. I intend to seek a private meeting with Richard Cornelius shortly after the meeting, to discuss the issue. There are things I have to say, but these will best be said privately.

Then there is One Barnet. It is clear that the Council will see the two Capita projects through, come hell or high water. There is no point and no reason to engaging them in discussion. If rational argument could persuade them, we'd have seen the project abandoned long ago. We now have to create a situation where Capita recognise the eyes of the world are on them and that if they start pulling stunts that will cost us money.

It is vital that Capita realise that this whole issue will be a running sore with constant media coverage at national level, of every cock up and problem. The Barnet bloggers and local campaigners have no choice but to keep up the pressure.

And finally.... 2013 is a year a bit like a hangover. We had the Jubilee, The Wedding, The Olympics, The Mayoral Elections, The GLA elections. This year, we have to count the cost. I've given up boozing for January as a response. This will allow me to be 100% focussed on the job in hand. In May 2014, we can give our verdict on the administration of Barnet Council.  If the GLA election is anything to go by, the Tories may be in for a torrid time. They are hoping that a zero % increase in Council tax will offest the damage done by the parking fiasco, the closure of Friern Library, the One Barnet project, The Metpro Scandal, The RM Countrysides scandal, the various sins of Brian Coleman and the treatment of all manner of people by Robert Rams.

Let me tell you a little story. A couple of weeks ago I went for a beer in Mill Hill with a couple of friends. One is a single mum, who lives in a council house managed by Barnet Homes in Childs Hill. She worked for the organisation until recently and was treated rather shabbily by them. She is completely apolitical in her views. We've never discussed politics. Out of the blue she said "The only decent councillor in Barnet is Monroe Palmer, if he goes it will be a disaster". She then went on to list half a dozen occasions where his intervention has sorted out major problems on her estate. I pointed out that she didn't know what other councillors did for the residents on their wards. She retorted "Yes I do, when I worked at Barnet Homes, I saw all of that. Monroe does ten times more work than the rest of them".

I had assumed that the Lib Dems would be wiped out in Childs Hill in 2014. My friend assures me that on the ground they have a solid personal support. As an ex member of the party ( I quit in disgust at the tuition fees broken promises) I would be pleased to see the Palmers and Jack Cohen survive, they are definately an asset to the people of Barnet. I really think Labour still need to up their game locally, although getting Andrew Dismore in at the GLA is a massive bonus. He's a hard worker and I suspect will add 10-15% to their vote by 2014. As for the Conservatives, enjoy it while you still can boys and girls. The chickens are coming home to roost. It smells to me as if revolution is in the air - Barnet Style.

Saturday, 5 January 2013

The Saturday List #29 - Women of note in Barnet

Just for a change I thought I'd make a list of the most influential women in Barnet (In no particular order). Please note that I've deliberately excluded all femal bloggers from this list, because I'd rather hope you know who they are and there are links to their blogs in the sidebar).

1. Councillor Helena Hart -  The leading female Barnet Council cabinet member (portfolio Public Health).

2. Mary McConnell - News Editor at the Press Newspaper group.

3. Alison Moore - Leader of the Barnet Council Labour Group.

4. Tracey Lees - CEO of The Barnet Group which runs Barnet Homes and Your Choice Barnet.

5. Theresa Villiers - MP for Chipping Barnet and Northern Ireland Secretary.

6. Marina Yannaloudakis - MEP for Barnet.

7. Amanda Jackson  - Director of Operations for Your Choice Barnet.

8. Alison Blair - Borough Director, NHS Barnet.

Now of course there may be a whole stack of women in highly influential roles which I've missed. It intrigues me that only two of eleven members of Barnet Council cabinet are female. Of the twelve members of the Barnet Partnership board, only four are female (and three have health related portfolios).

Are there any conclusions to be drawn? I suppose I could point out that there are more or less equal numbers of male and female bloggers in Barnet, who all do equally sterling work. In organisations such as BAPS there is also strong female representation. The interesting thing is that a successful blogger succeeds on merit. A successful activist succeeds on hard work. From what I know of the Barnet Conservatives, usually the women do all the work and the blokes divvy up the best jobs between them. All the women seem to get is a "thank you very much love".

Just out of interest, how many of the above list had you heard of?

Friday, 4 January 2013

Time for Councillor Robert Rams to wake up and smell the coffee

There is a rather odd report on the Barnet Times website

http://www.times-series.co.uk/news/topstories/10142531.Council__disappointed__by_squatters__plans_to_appeal/

According to the report "Libraries portfolio holder Councillor Robert Rams said he was “disappointed” in the group’s decision to appeal given the council’s “generosity” in agreeing to hold talks."

Sadly, the reporter Chris Hewitt, who attended the full court hearing, didn't report that this offer was one of the considerations made by Judge Pearl in the "balancing act" when she made the possession order. I do wonder if the Council had stated they would enforce the order immediately, whether she would have granted the order?

What especially irritates me about this report is the continual referral to the campaign to keep the library open as squatters. Judge Pearl acknowledged that the occupation was a legitimate protest. This is quite different to an illegal squat. As Chris Hewitt was at the court for the entire proceedings, he will know this.

As I read the report, I mused about the circumstances of the closure of my blog on the Barnet Times website. The then editor Phil Crowther mentioned on several occasions that the Council had threatened to take their advertising spend elsewhere. He made it quite clear to me that such considerations were important in local newspapers. Of course I'm sure the Times these days displays complete editorial independence and would tell Councillors Rams and Cornelius where to get off should such pressure be brought again.

By the way, for readers not familiar with the story. At the time, Councillor Robert Rams was Brian Colemans press officer at the GLA (before Coleman got booted out). He reportedly told other Conservative Councillors, when my blog was shut down at the Barnet Times website that he'd "ended my blogging career". That went well didn't it Robert. At the time I was far and away the most popular blogger on the Barnet Times getting 100-200 hits a day. I now get ten times that on the Barnet Eye. 

Robert Rams really ought to wake up and smell the coffee. If he thinks that the people of Barnet will have forgotten what he's done in 15 months time, he is happily deluded.

The Friday Joke 4/1/13

Christmas has just gone. Now we have to turn our attention to the next big event of the year. This year I've planned well ahead.  Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife.
Bound to end in tears though; she's crap at snooker.

Thursday, 3 January 2013

Barnet Eye official Xmas Poll - results

The people of Barnet have spoken. Our end of year poll has closed and of those people that participated, 5% believe in the Tooth Fairy, another five percent believe in Father Christmas, even more amazingly five percent believe that Barnet will save £120 million by outsourcing council run services to Capita.

Back in 2009, Councillor Brian Coleman gave testimony to the Standards Committeee where he claimed "all of the Barnet councillors" read the Barnet Eye. Assuming Brian Coleman was telling the truth, that means that less than half the eleven mebers of the cabinet actually believe the savings will materialise.

What was clear was that 83% of the people who responded think "Barnet Council is run by a bunch of schmucks who will be taken to the cleaners" which is a pretty resounding result.

One of Councillor Robert Rams mates tweeted that only a few people had taken part in the survey. Well 92 people more took part than took part in any official Barnet Council consultation. The questions were clear and unambiguous. Twio years ago we ran a more serious poll on this website. 33% of readers claimed they would vote Conservative. They were the second largest group of respondents. At the time I was surprised, but it has become clear that many local Tories are disenchanted with the local party. Many trust this blog for information more than official sources.

I am constantly surprised when the most unlikely people stop me and tell me they read the blog. It is clear that One Barnet is divisive. Many people of all parties think the council are naive and haven't done their homework properly. One elderly local Conservative, who reads the blog gave me a good telling off. They said the wording of the poll was too inflammatory. I should have asked questions which would elicit a more serious response as he felt local Tories would not want to give legitimacy to a poll which was merely poking fun at the local party.  I had intended the poll to be "a bit of fun", but he is right. We should have a proper poll which gives people an  opportunity to express opinions in a proper manner. His view was that such a poll would have got a far greater response. I do take the views of the readers of this blog seriously and so I am considering a way to do this.

I was also asked whether I was considering running for Council. If I am to do this, I believe I will need to decide by March this year. I am still undecided.

2012 - The unfinished business - RIP Gerry Anderson, Paul Hircombe and Bill Kelly

2012 has finished and good riddance to it. Although many good things happened - Olympics, Manchester City winning the premiership to name but a couple, it has been a sad and miserable year for me. Sadly I will remember the year for the people we lost as much as for the games we played.

In the early years of my life, perhaps the person outside my family who was most important was Gerry Anderson. As a young boy, I was obsessed with Thunderbirds. Can you possibly imagine anything better than living in a Tropical paradise island, with a fleet of high tech machines with which your family regulalry saved the world. Thunderbirds was the ultimate feelgood kids series. There has been nothing like it since. Each episode was an epic. In the days before Jeremy Clarkson took over on Top Gear, it was the only show with a proper nod to boys toys. Who wouldn't want a swimming pool which rolled back to become a rocket launch pad? It was also light years ahead of the field in the area of equality. Lady Penelope, her mansion, her butler and her pink Rolls Royce were surely what every girl aspired to. Especially a butler who could crack the safe of the Bank of England with a hairpin in 30 seconds. When Thunderbirds finished, we had Captain Scarlett. Although I enjoyed it, it never lived up to Thunderbirds. Joe 90 was again not a series which ever really appealed to me. I will never forget my excitement when my sister, who lived in Northampton told me that there was a new Gerry Anderson series on telly. For some strange reason, this was not being shown in London. The series was UFO. As I would stay with my sister in the summer for a couple of weeks, I eventually got to see a few episodes. I was obsessed with the series. As it wasn't shown in London, none of my friends had a clue what I was on about. UFO exemplified all of what Gerry Anderson did well. It was an image of the future which was glamorous and exciting. Eventually the series was shown in London and I was enthralled. sadly only 19 episodes were made. It was replaced by Space 1999, which I never really got in the same way. In UFO there were clear storylines, Space 1999 was never something I got. And sadly that was it. I got into music and Gerry Anderson stopped making TV shows. Sci Fi moved to the big screen. many of Andersons special effects people worked on various blockbusters, such as Star Wars.

I have no doubt that Gerry Anderson defined the way Sci Fi looks. Many of my more bizarre attitudes and opinions are probably routed in episodes of Thunderbirds. I believe technology should be used as a force for good and rich megabillionaires should do their bit and not tax dodge. I've long believed that if we spent one tenth of the money we spend on our armies on having a truly "international rescue" organisation, which could house populations made homeless by earthquakes, feed populations laid to waste by famine and rebuild communities shattered by Tsunami's, we'd have a world where maybe people weren't quite so keen to blow themselves up to further causes fuelled by inequality and injustice. Perhaps the best example of what this country can do if we want, was the Falkland war. If we can do that to rescue a few hundred people from a fascist dictatorship, surely we could do so much more for a famine ravaged country where no one would fire back at us? I believe that view is the product of the work of Gerry Anderson and for that I will be eternally grateful.

The second sad loss this year was my dear friend Paul Hircombe. Paul played bass in my band, The False Dots for 27 years. He died in April of cancer of the Oesophagus. It has been extraordinarily hard for me to come to terms with his death. Paul joined the False Dots when he was 14 years old. I was sixteen when he turned up. He was introduced to the band by our then drummer, Paul Marvin (son of Shadows legend Hank). His mum used to ferry him down in her orange mini. He initially joined as lead guitarist. Paul was the coolest dude you could ever meet. He didn't say much. I knew him for three months before I realised his name was Paul. We simply called him "Urkum". I didn't even know if it was a nickname to start with. Paul was the best musician in the band when he joined. He could play, whilst the rest of us were useless. At the time, the singer/bassplayer was Pete Conway. Pete was a hugely domineering character, who terrified many people. I believe he was also a genuis and we developed a highly interesting set of music, far more mature than the sum of the parts. Paul added a degree of musicality to the proceedings. When Pete Conway left the band in 1980, I simply told Paul that he was now the bassplayer. He bought a bass and that was that. The band deveoped and we played all around London, the South East and did a tour of Scandinavia. In 1983 the band seemed to be on the verge of something. The other guitarist and the lead singer hatched a cunning plan and booted me out. In fairness, I was easily the worst musician in the band. There was a big "meeting" in the pub. They announced their plans and asked who was going along with them. To their amazement, Paul opted to stay with me. At the time I was amazed. I determined to repay his faith and immediately recruited a new drummer, guitarist and singer. With Vanessa Sagoe on vocals, we had perhaps our best ever line up (certainly until Connie Abbe joined). A couple of years ago, I asked Paul why he stuck with me. He replied "There's no way I'd have gone with that lot, you wrote decent songs, they were idiots and it was always a laugh".

And yes, what a laugh it was. We were like the wild bunch. Paul loved to live life on the edge. When he arrived aged 14, he'd already started smoking hashish. I doubt there was anything he didn't try and try to excess at some point. He would drive like a maniac at all times and spend his money as soon as it landed in his hand. As a teenager, women would throw themselves at him. He started a relationship with Christine, a voluptuous French girl, who to some extent kept him on the straight and narrow. Despite his obvious intelligence and capacity for hard work, a conventional career never interested Paul. He worked for many years for his brother at Chalk Farm tyres. This paid his wages and he bought a flat with Christine. They had a mad Jack Russell dog called "Reg". Paul drove a mini. He was the master of one line put down. One time, a friend with a large BMW and a German Sheppard started winding him up about the car and the dog. Paul simply said "Big car, small dick, Big dog small dick". End of conversation. Paul played his last gig with The False Dots in June 2008. We organised a gig for MacMillan Cancer relief and the Teenage Cancer Trust. Lee Thompson from Madness put together a band with iconic guitar legend Chris Spedding to headline. We raised £5,000. Paul was on great form, but sadly his fondness for cocaine had started to take over his life. He'd lost his job at Chalk Farm tyres, lost his flat and lost his way. Although I had an inkling that all was not right, I didn't realise quite how wrong it was. I arranged a job for him at Finchley Nurseries, working with Pond Life, the pond maintenance arm. For a while, Paul did a fine job, but his demons got the better of him.

We didn't realise it, but he'd joined a gang robbing motorway gaming machines. Easy cash. Shortly after the gig, Paul announced he was moving to Portsmouth "for work". I didn't see him again for a while. One day I was checking the blog statistics and I noticed a few hits from people googling "Paul Hircombe". I was intriguied. I did the same thing and found that the serious crime squad were after Paul and his gang. They'd been on crimewatch. I was horrified. Shortly after a member of the Oxfordshire constabulary rang and started to interigate me. They had his phone. I was horrified. I told them I didn't know where he was and hadn't spoken to him for a year or so. They told me that he should get in touch, because if the people who run the gaming machines got hold of him, it would be far worse. As they had his phone, I couldn't if I wanted to. The next I heard was when I received a letter from HMP Bellhaven. Paul had been arrested. He was on remand. What I heard next shocked me. He'd left Christine and had a new girlfriend, Jana. He realised he'd made a big mistake in his life and he was determined to sort it out. He then asked if I could give Jana some money. I reacted badly to this. I've always been honest, so I wrote back and explained why I had no intention at all of giving him or his girlfriend anything, until it was 100% clear he'd turned the corner. I didn't know he'd split with Christine. I felt loyalty to her and outrage at what he'd done. Paul wrote back and apologised. He explained at length how he'd treated Christine appallingly, but he felt the new relationship was "a second chance". He said that he understood if I wouldn't help Jana, but she had nothing. I detected a change. I told Paul I'd give Jana a lift up to his court hearing. I did this on several occasions. I wrote a character reference for Paul. I detailed how he had been a decent guy who'd taken a wrong turn. I listed all the charities he'd helped me organise gigs for, for no payment at all.

Paul got two years. He came out of prison in December 2010. We exchanged a few telephone calls. In April 2011, he rang with some shocking news. He had cancer. He hadn't gone back on the cocaine, he'd been trying to find a job, trying to sort himself out. He'd just secured a job with Wandsworth Council on the parks department, when he found out. The happy ending was not to be. Jana stood by Paul to the end. She cared 24 X 7 for him as he deteriorate into a slobbering incoherent husk. She was there till the end.

Due to his circumstances, Pauls funeral was organised and payed for by his friends. We all chipped in and had the wake at my house. Christine turned up from France, with new boyfriend. It was a difficult and emotional day. Many people who hadn't seen each other for 20 years were there. Some who hadn't talked for 20 years. Girlfriends, wives, ex girlfriends of various people were all brought together. We gave Paul the send off he deserved. Although his musical talent was never properly recognised by the wider world, his friendship was by the people who loved him. For all of us, he made a huge difference.

Which brings us to Bill Kelly, who also passed away. Bill was the father of Sean Kelly, drummer of  "The Sway", a band I managed in the mid 1990's. I first got to know Bill when I started managing the band. He was a very supportive Dad to Sean and the rest of his children. Bill had been a swimming coach before he retired. He loved his children and they loved him to bits. He was a fiercely protective Dad and would quiz me about plans for the band and what I was doing to ensure their success. Of all the band, Sean was perhaps the most driven and the most opinionated. He is the one who has posted all of their videos and keeps the bands name alive. I believe he got that tenacity from Bill. When I ceased managing the band, I assumed my relationship (apart from the odd nod of the head in the street) had ended. I was wrong. When Barnet Council started the process of abolishing Sheltered Housing, I attended a rally. I made a short speech to the assembled crowd, when up walked Bill. He'd sold the family house to his son and was now living in sheltered housing. He'd designed a set of posters for the campaign. I hadn't realised he had a creative streak, but his posters were to the point and eye catching. He was a rallying point within his estate for the campaign. He would email me updates and details and would often send me info for the blog. Bill was old school no bullshit. When I heard he'd passed away I was truly upset. Sean now has kids of his own and I'm sure Bill was a proud and loving grandad. With all of the stupid and crass things Barnet Council have done, the sheltered housing fight has almost been forgotten. The last time I saw Bill, we had a conversation about Barnet Council. He told me that he'd never forgive them for what they were trying to do. He also told me he had great faith in me and what I was doing with the blog. He said that he knew I'd stick at it and he said that himself and his friends took great comfort from the way I lay into the council. In his own way, just like Gerry Anderson, Bill was a bit of a hero.

Sadly the passing of Bill, Paul and Gerry has left the world a worse place. I found Paul and Bills obituaries particularly difficult to write, putting it off for several months. Paul's because it is so raw and so personal. In Bills case, because despite all my efforts, I don't necessarily feel I've repaid his faith in me by stopping the idiocy and cruelty of Barnet Council and it's policies. I guess that is a work in progress. I thought long and hard about this and all I can say to Bill, wherever he is, is this "I'll try buddy".

Wednesday, 2 January 2013

Back to work with a bang - A few random thoughts about One Barnet

I've been away for three days in Centre Parcs in Sherwood Forest. We met Robin Hood on our travels. He was a bloke who used to rob from the rich to give to the poor. He is a big inspiration to Barnet Council. Sadly they've got it a a bit wrong. Seems to me that these days it is fashionable to rob from the poor and give to multinational corporations.

In "Barnet - The Billion Pound Gamble" we heard John Sullivan tell how his daughter gets charged £1.20 for a cup of coffee in a Church Hall by the councils provider of choice. This is the same council which is spending £1 billion of our money with Capita. Capita aim to make a 17.5% return on investment. In otherwords. In a simplistic world, we could say this means we'll give Capita shareholders approx £175 million pounds to do what the the council used to do. The leaders of Barnet Council believe that this will work out cheaper than doing it themselves. When I say they believe, this is a belief rather like my belief as a Roman Catholic in the Virgin Mary, The Holy Trinity and the Communion of Saints. The difference between my belief and that of the Leaders of Barnet Council, we will all know long before we die who was right. In fact anyone who followed the Capita Week blogs will have a pretty good idea now, how all of this will go.

Shortly before Christmas a Jehovas Witness knocked on my door. He seemed like a perfectly pleasant chap. He asked if I believed in God. I replied "Yes, I'm a Roman Catholic". I won't bore you with all of the details, but he informed me that I am destined for Hell as a result of my beliefs. Whilst he may well be correct  in his idea of my final destination, he was sadly unable to provide any tangible evidence to convince me.

I then said to him "I've listened to your sales pitch for five minutes, will you do me the courtesy of listening to mine?" He looked a little worried. I replied "Don't worry I'm happy for you to continue in your system of belief. I want to discuss the "One Barnet program". I asked if he was a Barnet resident and he said he was. I asked if he had heard about the One Barnet program and he said "No". I then explained to him what it was all about and asked if he thought it sounded like a  good idea. He was a little perplexed. He said "Well, I don't think it sounds as if they have thought it through". I agreed to take one of his leaflets and read it if he took one of mine and promised to read it. As the witnesses have a huge operation in Mill Hill and presumably many members, I suggested that they should at least familiarise themselves with what is going on. I suggested that if it all goes wrong (as I suspect it will), they will end up paying more Council tax and so have less money to pay in tithes to the religion. They are likley to have to spend more time dealing with the chaos caused  by the council and have far less time for knocking on peoples doors. This concerned him.

He then told me a very strange thing. Did you know that many large corporations and multinational firms are controlled by Satanists and are deliberately stirring up trouble on behalf of the devil? At that point the penny dropped. I had been totally unable to figure out why any sane person would sign up to One Barnet. but as reasons for signing a ten year contract, having done no public sector comparator, it is about as a good a reason as I've heard yet.

And the devils work must be done. As I sit in my office, preparing a VAT return for my business, with heavy cold, I considered all of the faith communities in Barnet. Jews, Muslims, Cristians, Jehovas Witnesses, SiKhs, Buddhists, Athiests, Hindus, Zoriastrians, to name but a few. The effects of One Barnet will affect all of us. There are people of many religions, no religion and some of us who just aren't sure. We could spend hours trying to convince each other that our own flavour of faith was the best, and I doubt any of us could stratch the surface of another persons belief. This only happens at times of great trauma.

What I do know is that in just five minutes I convinced an articulate young man, who is used to dealing with all manner of arguments, that he really should be worried about the changes Barnet council is making to the way it runs our services.

It has been suggested to me that the One Barnet Contract was finally signed sealed and delivered on the day of the Mayan apocalypse. Is it a sign ?

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

New Years Day playlist

1. Golden Years - David Bowie
2. Silent Night - The Dickies
3. Bad Hangover - Boz Boorer
4. The Sounds Of Silence - Simon and Garfunkel
5. Beat on the Brat - The Ramones
6. I feel like I'm fixing to die - Country Joe and the Fish
7. Bodies - The Sex Pistols
8.  They're putting me away - The Fall
9. Stretcher case - The Damned
10. Leave Me Alone - The Heartbreakers

Have a happy hangover.