Last November, The False Dots held our album launch at The Dublin Castle. The support band were The Nice Men, who for a little while in the early 1980's looked set for stardom, with a record deal with Demon records. As with so many dreams, it all dissolved. It was great to hear them again. One of the songs they played, was one I knew from the lead singer Rob Tasker's next band Soldier Bike. The title of the song is "If this is love, how do you treat your enemies?". In my view, it is a classic, possibly the best song you've never heard! I'd completely forgotten it until they played it.
Now you may wonder what got me thinking about a song you've probably never heard, by a band you've probably never heard of, that has been played once in thirty years and as best as I can see, isn't on line anywhere? Well, as regular readers will know, I go to mass most Sundays. Just in case you are worrying that you'll get a sermon, it's the last thing I'd ever do. I am a very unreligious person in most ways, but I do benefit from an hour of peace and quiet in the week. Today the theme was "love your enemies" and a discussion on what is love and how you should do it. Yet all I could do was play that old song through my head. I've recently fallen out with a friend of 30 years. For once, I think I am blameless. It was not his actions towards me that was the problem. His behaviour, towards someone else close to me was simply beyond the pale. Sadly the breach is permanent. But what hurt was not that he was my enemy. It was because he was my friend. For most of us, our enemies are generally people we simply ignore and avoid. Most sensible people don't plan to hurt people they don't like. The people who actually hurt us are those we love. What is love? There are three types as far as I am concerned. The first, is the sexual representation towards a partner. The human brain is designed to become infatuated with people, so we can breed and continue the human race. This infatuation means that we protect and take care of our partners, especially whilst our children are young. The second is familial love. Our parents, kids, our tribe. We make friends, these are honourary members of the tribe and we love them. Humans are social beings and the race is successful because we form tribes and the members of our tribe look after each other. The third type of love is very different. It is what I think of as spiritual love. It's people we love because we love some idea they stand for. It could be a religious leader, it could be a pop start , a TikTok influencer, it may even be the owner of a cat sanctuary. We see someone doing great things that we don't know and we develop a love and a loyalty to them.
The sad truth is that we can be betrayed by any of these. A partner can cheat on us, a friend can be a snake and your favourite footballer can join the team you hate most. The more we love them, the more it hurts. When we are betrayed, that is when we are at our worst. We brim with hatred. Our desire to get even consumes us. We all know people who've run off with their wifes best friend, etc. Family photo albums get the scissors treatment, with the offending party cut off. Expensive divorce battles ensue where greedy lawyers stoke the resentment. Who wins? The lawyers. The awful truth is that often, our worst enemies used to be our friends. As I was sat listening to the sermon, I was thinking "Who are my biggest enemies?". I realised that there really isn't anyone I can be bothered to hate. Certainly there is no one who I'd actively go out of my way to do harm to. In fact the only people I'd ever cause harm to are people who physically threaten me or my tribe. Even then, I'd try and keep it proportional. People can post nasty crap on social media, so what? Sticks and stones. Generally those that do simply flag their own insecurity and mental health problems. There are a few ex work colleagues who I disliked when I worked with them, particularly one bully of a boss, but I left those jobs and the problem went away.
In the world at the moment, we have some leaders who I find it very difficult to have anything but disdain for. Clearly people who start wars that kill hundreds of thousands of people or people who are there apologists are very hard to stomach. As it is unlikely that they read the Barnet Eye or will be inviting me over to dinner, I have the choice. I can either fume with impotent rage or I can choose to ignore them as best I can. Now I believe that we all have a duty to call out injustice and unfairness. That is one of the reasons I write a blog, but getting angry and filling myself with hate for individuals who don't even know I exist is a futile pursuit.
I have come to realise that my efforts are best directed at things I can change. Which brings us back to "It this is love, how do you treat your enemies?". Do I treat the people I love as I should? It is not just enough for my wife, children and friends to know I love them. Do I actually do anything to make them happy? If I do, is it on my terms or theirs? Where do I start? This was bothering me, then I realised it is the easiest thing in the world. If you make someone smile or laugh, you've made their life just a little bit better. If you want to change the world, start by making someone you love smile.
This time last year, my band, The False Dots made this video. We asked our family and friends to our studios, held a party and made this. There is not enough happiness in the world. This was our attempt to spread a little joy! Have a great Sunday
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