Elton John is having a baby !!!!

I must confess that the news Elton John is going to become a father took me rather by surprise. The phone in shows were awash with callers giving their views on the subject. I was quite surprised how attitudes seem to have changed towards gay men adopting. Whilst there were callers who were rather upset, they were clearly a minority (assuming the stations put on a representative mix). I thought I'd chip in with my tuppence worth.

Lets have a look at some of the arguments against Elton. He's a sinner seems to be the recurrent theme. Sadly there is no restriction on sinners having children. In fact if sinners were banned from having kids, we'd have died out long ago. Then there's the fact that his wife is a bloke (or he's another blokes wife?). Well it isn't a living arrangement it would suit me, but then there are quite a few living arrangements that wouldn't suit me. The question is, will it suit the baby? Unlike many of the babies born on Xmas day, I doubt that Baby John will want for anything. Elton is noted for his "extravagent lifestyle". Then again quite a few people I know do all sorts of things when the kids are tucked up in bed. If Elton was still strung out permanently on cocaine, I'd say that would be an issue, but he isn't. He's grown up.

One caller to a show said that he wouldn't be exposed to the things "normal dads would do with their kids". Well nope, he probably won't. As his Dad is the lifelong chairman of Watford FC, he'll probably think that everyone sits in the directors box at football matches and that everyone can have a kickabout with the first team. I suppose he'll be forced to watch all those terrible shows, such as Billy Elliott which Elton helped put together. His old man might even teach him to play a bit of piano. Perhaps (horror of horrors) his upbringing will make him grow up to be a homosexual. That seems to be the fear of most callers. Strangely enough, all of the homosexuals I know were raised in rampantly heterosexual environments, being brainwashed from the day they were born. No amount of social pressure made them see the light and my guess is that Junior John will be whatever he's going to be. What I can never quite get my head around is the view which the most rabid callers have, that homosexuality is so marvellous that one whiff and you are converted for life.  I suspect that reflects what lies behind the door of their own closet.

I suspect that Junior John will have a pretty cossetted lifestyle, he'll have nannies galore and get the bets tickets for all of the best show and best football games. I suspect his Dads will be pretty relaxed about whatever lifestyle choices he makes. I suspect that in 20 years, he'll become a successful musician.

To be honest I worry more about the effect it will have on Elton. He's in his sixties. Junior John will be a teenager as Elton is in his late 70's and early 80's. It's bad enough dealing with stroppy kids when you are in your forties. I rather hope they have a brother or sister pretty soon, for the sake of the baby. It would do him some good to have a peer to play with.

So if you want to know whether I think it's a good thing that the Johns are having a baby? Well I always think that news of a baby is a joyous event. If I was a perfect parent, I'd feel entitled to criticise everyone else, but I'm not. It may interest you to know that when the missus was preggers with my eldest, Tanya Byron, who hosted "The House of Tiny Tearaways" was in our NCT group. Her eldest is the same age as mine. As I sat sniggering through some of her shows, I reflected on one thing. I believe that most people are massively ill prepared for parenthood. We were exceptionally lucky in that both my mum and my missus mum were local and gave all the support and help they could. Whether it was my mum sending a tray of dinner down or her mum watching the kids to give us a break, we were blessed. I'd urge the Johns to learn as much as they can about parenting and enjoy as much time as they can with their kids.

My wife and my children really are the best thing in my life. I wouldn't wish anyone to have a sad and lonely old age and that's why I really hope it works out for the John family. Good luck to them, and for all of the Bible bashers going off on one, remember what Jesus advised "don't point out the splinter in your brothers eye, when you have a plank in your own".

5 Songs that make me miserable

In this horrible week, I've been bombarded with songs I really don't enjoy listening to. Some of these songs are great songs, some are not. I turn the radio off when any of these come on because they make me feel miserable and generally I prefer to feel happy.

1. Days - Kirsty MacColl - I don't really enjoy listening to any Kirsty MacColl tracks anymore. Her death was just such a tragic loss. Of all of them, this one is probably the one which makes me feel most miserable. The only song she appears on that I can listen to is "Fairytale of New York" That is such a joyous celebration of life that it transcends everything.




2. "I want to know what love is" - Foreigner. I never liked what I call pompous rock as performed by Foreigner. To make matters worse, I once split up with a long term girlfriend and was feeling rather miserable. She told me she had been to see Foreigner with her new boyfriend, that they were better than all the rubbishy punk bands I used to drag her to and that "I want to know what love is" was her favourite song. Since then I've loathed and detested it. Mind you it made me realise that I was lucky to have split up with someone with such awful taste.

3. "Tears in Heaven" - Eric Clapton. This is probably the saddest song ever written. Having kids, I can't listen to it as it summons images that I really don't want. Clapton wrote it about his 4 year old son, Connor, falling out of a window to his death. I've never really liked Clapton since he made comments that lead to the formation of Rock Against Racism. Having said that as a father and a musician I "get" this song. Can't listen to it though.

4. "Candle in the wind" - Elton John. This song makes me miserable on lots of levels. It used to make me miserable because it was about the death of Marylin Monroe and she was an Icon. She had a few films left in her when she tragically died. Then it became the anthem for Princess Diana. I'm not a big fan of the monarchy, but her death was a tragic loss of a young mother. The thing that it reminds me of most though is Tony Blair and his speech about Diana. That always reminds me of the death of my own hopes for the Labour Government and what it would do with it's massive majority. Don't get me wrong, I think they have done far better than the Tories would have, but they didn't do what I voted Labour for.


5. "Woman" - John Lennon. Now in the Beatles vs Stones argument, I'm firmly in the Stones camp. I also prefer Paul McCartney's compositions to John Lennon's. Having said that, you have to say the man was a musical genius and he was pivotal in the development of modern music. This song was his last hit while he was alive and became the anthem of his death. In my opinion, it is probably his worst song. I think it is quite cruel that such a horrible song is the one we associate with John Lennon's death. I wish he'd bowed out on a higher note. If I had to pick my favourite John Lennon solo song, I'd probably pick "How do you sleep?" written at the height of his argument with Paul McCartney it's sharp, incisive and to the point.


I suppose it's only fair to say that being a punk rocker, I don't really like downbeat music at all. I like fast, furious thrashes. My Missus is under firm instructions that at my funeral, they will play "I'm stuck in a Pagoda, with Trisha Toyota" by the Dickies. I love the idea of my coffin disappearing through the curtains during the solo. I think it would be impossible to listen to this song and feel miserable, which is just how I want it to be.
See what you think?