Today, we had my sister in laws around for lunch with their kids. We also had my kids around. It is a sad anniversary, 15 years since my beloved mother in law passed away. Mother in laws were often the butt of jokes in the 60's and 70's, usually being portrayed as interfering harridans, out to make trouble for their inherited in laws. It is not a sterotype I recognised. My mother in law was nothing if not lovely. She was always a willing baby sitter and always made me welcome. When we learned she had terminal, stage 4 lung cancer, we were devastated. She was put on steriods, told she had a couple of months to live and told to get her affairs in order and enjoy what time she had. We arranged a special Sunday lunch for her. The steriods gave her a massive boost and she ate like a horse (relatively speaking) and we had a wonderful day. Two weeks later, she was gone.
At the time, my wife and her sisters were devastated, my mother in law had been fourteen years younger than her husband, who had passed away the previous year (my mum also passed away in 2008, so it was a rotten time). He had been suffering and had required constant care towards the end. We imagined that she might be able to have some fun once he went, not because we were not devastated to lose my father in law, but because she was full of life. It was not to be. Unlike my mum and my father in law, she wasn't really ready to go and we felt that her passing was premature.
I am lucky in as much as I have a supportive relationship with my partner. We've always seen it as important to get each other through hard times. I often think we only really appreciate each other when things are bad, as I like to think we both step up. I hadn't actually realised it was my Mother in Laws anniversary until my sister in law came around and mentioned it, The Sunday lunch was not especially planned, but clearly the stars were aligned. My sister in law had assumed that was the reason for the invite.
We raised a glass to her and the other 'missing friends', before we started lunch. Earlier I had been contemplating why we are actually here on the planet. As is my want, I went to mass at 11.30pm. For me, it is a time of quiet contemplation. A chance to turn off the mobile phone and reset. I am not actually a very religious person. I do not really get a huge amount out of the ceremonial side, but it does give me a chance to think and to be quiet. For me, that is very beneficial. I was rather taken with one of the African families who attended today. They were all dressed to the nines. They looked wonderful. I almost felt jealous as you could see that they all loved to enjoy themselves and spent the mass beaming. Just before the end, the Priest announced the the it was one of the Ladies in the party's birthday. He got everyone to sing happy birthday to her. She beamed. For me it was a lovely moment. It gave me a sense of happiness that the reading about God giving Moses the ten commandments never would.
A simple gesture, that made the 300 or so people in the Church feel happy for a few moments. It wasn't religious or spiritual, but it was highly uplifting. As I walked home, a thought coalesced that had been forming through mass. Why are we here? What is our purpose? As is my want, I prayed for a bit of enlightenment. Sometimes it comes, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes, I will share it, sometimes the enlightenment is personal, so I don't.
Today, in a blinding flash, that enlightenment came. What is our purpose on the planet? We have the things that we have to do, everyone has to pay bills etc, but we have the opportunity to do little things that make other people happy. Today, when the priest got us to sing happy birthday, we did something that cost us nothing but made us all happy. When I got home, I cooked lunch. It was lovely having family around, the first time since Christmas. I think I cooked a pretty damn good lunch. It won't change any of our lives but for a few hours, we were all happy. Maybe, just maybe, if we all deciced to be a little bit nicer and do a few things, that maybe cost little or nothing, but makes someone smile, then the day has had a purpose.
We all have bad days, we all have reasons why we can't always have a smile on our faces and we can't always make time to make others happy, but if we all just maybe tried 5% harder to make someone, somewhere, a bit happier, maybe we could all find life just a bit better.
You don't need to go to church, believe in anything or be part of anything to feel better when you make someone smile. For me, perhaps my mission in life has been my band. It has always been important to me to play music and put on a good show. We are a most irreverant band, but I realise we glory in the little things that make life worth living. Not in a po-faced, Holy Joe way. For us, we do it with Ska and Punk rhythms, lyrics with innuendo's and naughty stories, but they do put a smile on people's faces.
When I see much of what is on social media, there is anger, frustration and bitterness. People see only the bad, the things to rant about. Before Facebook was invented, who knew so many people got annoyed about helicopters and flooded footpaths? I try and block people who have nothing happy to say these days. It makes a difference, but I've realised that we need to do a bit more. Not massive things, but just try and make a few people we meet every day a little happier. If we all did that, maybe the small things might be a very big thing indeed.
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