Brown sauce or Red sauce on your sausage sarnie

 Today’s discussion is perhaps one of the most fundamental questions of all. What is better on a sausage sarnie, brown or red sauce? In my 20’s, I’d definitely have said Heinz tomato ketchup, but I gave up eating meat for 16 years, and when I started eating it again, I realised HP sauce is far better. It has been suggested that Heinz changed the recipe to their ketchup. I don’t know if this is true, but I have to say I really don’t enjoy the taste or texture any more. Ian I alone in this? I need to know!

Rock and Roll Stories #59 - 47 years ago today, my life changed forever

Is there a pivotal moment in your life, when things changed forever. When the old you faded and the new you, the real you was born? The birth of the new me was a long pregnancy. The eggs were fertilised on the 6th June 1977, when I saw The Ramones, The Talking Heads and The Saints at The Roundhouse. I discovered music. It was a radical change in my life, I found a new group of friends, new interests. But most of all, I wanted to be in a band. There were four problems. The first was that I couldn't play, the second was I didn't have an instrument, the third was I had no mates who could play and the fourth was, we had nowhere to rehearse. 

The first thing was to get a guitar and start learning to play. That was pretty easy. My sister had a black Columbus Les Paul copy. It looked great, but was almost unplayable and didn't stay in tune. But it was a guitar and so I started trying to learn chords. After seeeing The Ramones, I was chatting with a mate of mine (we were both alter servers at The Sacred Heart Church) and he told me he'd got into punk music. We had been mate since we were four and had even written songs together, sending them to glam rock mega stars Sparks, suggesting they needed a few decent songs, when we were 11 or 12. Needless to say, they weren't interested. But we agreed we'd learn to play. Pete didn't have any money or an instrument, but we decided he'd play bass. When he turned 16 in May 1978, he left school and got a job as a butcher at Dewhursts in Mill Hill. The aim was to get the money to buy a bass. Pete was an extremely bright guy and his Dad was horrified. But he was nothing of not strong minded. After a couple of months, Pete bought a bass and started learning it. We would sit in my bedroom every night, practising, writing songs, listening to punk rock and discussing politics. The Labour government of Jim Callaghan was falling apart. 

I was kicked out of Finchley Catholic High School in May after a disagreement with the hedmaster Nick Kelly, flunking my O Levels, as a result of spending every night doing the above. Unlike Pete, I decided that I needed to get some O levels. In Augsut 1978, I turned 16. This meant I had access to my bank account. My Mum had set up an account for me. In the 1960's I'd been a child actor/model and earned a decent amount of money from TV commercials I'd appeared in. On the day I turned 16, I went down to Don Mackrills Music shop in Edgware and bought a Hofner Galaxy guitar and a Fal 50 watt amp. My parents were horrified, but they could do nothing. They concluded it was proof I was an idiot. My parents tried to persuade me to hand over the cash to them 'for safekeeping'. I politely declined. I had a plan! They then informed me that they needed the cash as they were planning to buy Bunns Lane Works, where my Dad had his car repair business. If they didn't raise the cash, someone else could buy the site, as the Landlord was selling and had given Dad first refusal. I reluctantly handed over the cash (and never saw it again! I have no regrets though). I informed my parents I would only do it, if I was given a share of the yard and my mum drew up an agreement, that stated that I had to be consulted on all decisions and had a share. I signed and I never saw that again. Apparently it was lodged with her solicitors, but hey ho. 

In September 1978, I joined Orange Hill School to resit them. It was a pivotal moment. I met Boz Boorer, who was in The Polecats. They were a real band. It made me realise that being in a band wasn't a pie in the sky pipedream. If Boz could do it, so could we. There were two other bands at the school. My mate Joe Malone had a band with a guy called Steve Kutner, who would go on to be a football agent, managing Frank Lampard. Steve's uncle was Lord Levy, who owned Magnet Records. Steve got a job there, and signed Bad Manners and The Damned to the label! But when I joined he was the guitarist. Also in the band was Russell Smith, who was the younger brother of Graham Smith, Editor of The Face magazine. I can't recall what they were called, we always called them The Moje's. There was bad blood between Pete Conway and Joe Malone. Both were hot headed mavericks from solid Irish stock. They had a massive punch up, over who had been the first punk to wear bondage trousers in Mill Hill! I never really got the animosity, but they hated each other. The other band were The Rapids. A rythm and bliues band in the Doctor Feelgood mold. 

By January 1979, my Dad had tired of Pete and me making a racket in my bedroom. He made an offer I couldn't refuse. When he bought the yard, there was a derelict caretakers cottage, I could rent it from him for £2 a week, to rehearse in. I did some maths, If I rented it, I could charge the Mojes and the Rapids £2 each to rehearse every week and make a profit! The only problem was that we only had my amp. Discussions were had. It was agreed that we'd form a collective, all pool our gear and they could rehearse once a week for £2. 

In December 1978, we'd met a couple called Dave and Mandy at The Fall. Dave expressed an interest in drumming and Mandy in singing. Having sorted out the rehearsal space, we decided that we would have the first rehearsal and an opening party. We invited Dave and Mandy down to join the band, We also invited other friends, who had a band. We chose Valentines night, party because there was a girl I liked at school and thought it might lead to a romantic liaison. The only trouble was, we had an audience and had never actually played the songs. The other band came down and played a bunch of songs pretty well. We were absolute chaos. I don't think Dave had actually drummed before. He had two beats, Dave beat 1 and Dave beat 2. He told us that those were the only beats he knew, so Pete simply said "Start playing Dave beat one, and we'd join in. I had made a fuzz box from a design my former physics teacher John Shuttler at FCHS had given me. He'd given me a few bits. to get going. I couldn't afford the volume or attenuation pots, etc. So it was just on or off. It sounded like the devil, but suited the songs. 

Although we were complete rubbish, it was probably the most true punk rock gig ever. No one really knew what to make of it. Pete decided that we'd spend the whole rehearsal with the lights off and standing on chairs. We drank copious tins of beer. It was gloriously bad, everything we did was awful, but somehow, it felt amazing. I realised that if we could be that bad and still be good, there was something there. Dave was highly embarrassed about the whole thing, and insisted we rehearse properly before we let people watch us again. I am not really saw what Pete thought, he was clever enough to maintain the pretence that it was brilliant. I am not sure I ever had that feeling since, but we knew we had to be a million times better before we could gig. But we had done it. Both Mill HilL Music Complex and The False Dots were born today. Both are still going. I am not sure if I'd even be here if that hadn't happened. 

Here is the story of 1979 as I wrote it in my Scrapbook at the time

Today, I am going to Portugal to mix and master our new album. It will be called We don't live in America and will feature a song called Wrong, which was the first song we played at our first rehearsal, albiet a slightly different arrangement. 

Is there a pivotal moment in your life, when things changed forever. When the old you faded and the new you, the real you was born? The birth of the new me was a long pregnancy. The eggs were fertilised on the 6th June 1977, when I saw The Ramones, The Talking Heads and The Saints at The Roundhouse. I discovered music. It was a radical change in my life, I found a new group of friends, new interests. But most of all, I wanted to be in a band. There were four problems. The first was that I couldn't play, the second was I didn't have an instrument, the third was I had no mates who could play and the fourth was, we had nowhere to rehearse. 

The first thing was to get a guitar and start learning to play. That was pretty easy. My sister had a black Columbus Les Paul copy. It looked great, but was almost unplayable and didn't stay in tune. But it was a guitar and so I started trying to learn chords. After seeeing The Ramones, I was chatting with a mate of mine (we were both alter servers at The Sacred Heart Church) and he told me he'd got into punk music. We had been mate since we were four and had even written songs together, sending them to glam rock mega stars Sparks, suggesting they needed a few decent songs, when we were 11 or 12. Needless to say, they weren't interested. But we agreed we'd learn to play. Pete didn't have any money or an instrument, but we decided he'd play bass. When he turned 16 in May 1978, he left school and got a job as a butcher at Dewhursts in Mill Hill. The aim was to get the money to buy a bass. Pete was an extremely bright guy and his Dad was horrified. But he was nothing of not strong minded. After a couple of months, Pete bought a bass and started learning it. We would sit in my bedroom every night, practising, writing songs, listening to punk rock and discussing politics. The Labour government of Jim Callaghan was falling apart. 

I was kicked out of Finchley Catholic High School in May after a disagreement with the hedmaster Nick Kelly, flunking my O Levels, as a result of spending every night doing the above. Unlike Pete, I decided that I needed to get some O levels. In Augsut 1978, I turned 16. This meant I had access to my bank account. My Mum had set up an account for me. In the 1960's I'd been a child actor/model and earned a decent amount of money from TV commercials I'd appeared in. On the day I turned 16, I went down to Don Mackrills Music shop in Edgware and bought a Hofner Galaxy guitar and a Fal 50 watt amp. My parents were horrified, but they could do nothing. They concluded it was proof I was an idiot. My parents tried to persuade me to hand over the cash to them 'for safekeeping'. I politely declined. I had a plan! They then informed me that they needed the cash as they were planning to buy Bunns Lane Works, where my Dad had his car repair business. If they didn't raise the cash, someone else could buy the site, as the Landlord was selling and had given Dad first refusal. I reluctantly handed over the cash (and never saw it again! I have no regrets though). I informed my parents I would only do it, if I was given a share of the yard and my mum drew up an agreement, that stated that I had to be consulted on all decisions and had a share. I signed and I never saw that again. Apparently it was lodged with her solicitors, but hey ho. 

In September 1978, I joined Orange Hill School to resit them. It was a pivotal moment. I met Boz Boorer, who was in The Polecats. They were a real band. It made me realise that being in a band wasn't a pie in the sky pipedream. If Boz could do it, so could we. There were two other bands at the school. My mate Joe Malone had a band with a guy called Steve Kutner, who would go on to be a football agent, managing Frank Lampard. Steve's uncle was Lord Levy, who owned Magnet Records. Steve got a job there, and signed Bad Manners and The Damned to the label! But when I joined he was the guitarist. Also in the band was Russell Smith, who was the younger brother of Graham Smith, Editor of The Face magazine. I can't recall what they were called, we always called them The Moje's. There was bad blood between Pete Conway and Joe Malone. Both were hot headed mavericks from solid Irish stock. They had a massive punch up, over who had been the first punk to wear bondage trousers in Mill Hill! I never really got the animosity, but they hated each other. The other band were The Rapids. A rythm and bliues band in the Doctor Feelgood mold. 

By January 1979, my Dad had tired of Pete and me making a racket in my bedroom. He made an offer I couldn't refuse. When he bought the yard, there was a derelict caretakers cottage, I could rent it from him for £2 a week, to rehearse in. I did some maths, If I rented it, I could charge the Mojes and the Rapids £2 each to rehearse every week and make a profit! The only problem was that we only had my amp. Discussions were had. It was agreed that we'd form a collective, all pool our gear and they could rehearse once a week for £2. 

In December 1978, we'd met a couple called Dave and Mandy at The Fall. Dave expressed an interest in drumming and Mandy in singing. Having sorted out the rehearsal space, we decided that we would have the first rehearsal and an opening party. We invited Dave and Mandy down to join the band, We also invited other friends, who had a band. We chose Valentines night, party because there was a girl I liked at school and thought it might lead to a romantic liaison. The only trouble was, we had an audience and had never actually played the songs. The other band came down and played a bunch of songs pretty well. We were absolute chaos. I don't think Dave had actually drummed before. He had two beats, Dave beat 1 and Dave beat 2. He told us that those were the only beats he knew, so Pete simply said "Start playing Dave beat one, and we'd join in. I had made a fuzz box from a design my former physics teacher John Shuttler at FCHS had given me. He'd given me a few bits. to get going. I couldn't afford the volume or attenuation pots, etc. So it was just on or off. It sounded like the devil, but suited the songs. 

Although we were complete rubbish, it was probably the most true punk rock gig ever. No one really knew what to make of it. Pete decided that we'd spend the whole rehearsal with the lights off and standing on chairs. We drank copious tins of beer. It was gloriously bad, everything we did was awful, but somehow, it felt amazing. I realised that if we could be that bad and still be good, there was something there. Dave was highly embarrassed about the whole thing, and insisted we rehearse properly before we let people watch us again. I am not really saw what Pete thought, he was clever enough to maintain the pretence that it was brilliant. I am not sure I ever had that feeling since, but we knew we had to be a million times better before we could gig. But we had done it. Both Mill HilL Music Complex and The False Dots were born today. Both are still going. I am not sure if I'd even be here if that hadn't happened. 

Here is the story of 1979 as I wrote it in my Scrapbook at the time

Today, I am going to Portugal to mix and master our new album. It will be called We don't live in America and will feature a song called Wrong, which was the first song we played at our first rehearsal, albiet a slightly different arrangement. 

Is there a pivotal moment in your life, when things changed forever. When the old you faded and the new you, the real you was born? The birth of the new me was a long pregnancy. The eggs were fertilised on the 6th June 1977, when I saw The Ramones, The Talking Heads and The Saints at The Roundhouse. I discovered music. It was a radical change in my life, I found a new group of friends, new interests. But most of all, I wanted to be in a band. There were four problems. The first was that I couldn't play, the second was I didn't have an instrument, the third was I had no mates who could play and the fourth was, we had nowhere to rehearse. 

The first thing was to get a guitar and start learning to play. That was pretty easy. My sister had a black Columbus Les Paul copy. It looked great, but was almost unplayable and didn't stay in tune. But it was a guitar and so I started trying to learn chords. After seeeing The Ramones, I was chatting with a mate of mine (we were both alter servers at The Sacred Heart Church) and he told me he'd got into punk music. We had been mate since we were four and had even written songs together, sending them to glam rock mega stars Sparks, suggesting they needed a few decent songs, when we were 11 or 12. Needless to say, they weren't interested. But we agreed we'd learn to play. Pete didn't have any money or an instrument, but we decided he'd play bass. When he turned 16 in May 1978, he left school and got a job as a butcher at Dewhursts in Mill Hill. The aim was to get the money to buy a bass. Pete was an extremely bright guy and his Dad was horrified. But he was nothing of not strong minded. After a couple of months, Pete bought a bass and started learning it. We would sit in my bedroom every night, practising, writing songs, listening to punk rock and discussing politics. The Labour government of Jim Callaghan was falling apart. 

I was kicked out of Finchley Catholic High School in May after a disagreement with the hedmaster Nick Kelly, flunking my O Levels, as a result of spending every night doing the above. Unlike Pete, I decided that I needed to get some O levels. In Augsut 1978, I turned 16. This meant I had access to my bank account. My Mum had set up an account for me. In the 1960's I'd been a child actor/model and earned a decent amount of money from TV commercials I'd appeared in. On the day I turned 16, I went down to Don Mackrills Music shop in Edgware and bought a Hofner Galaxy guitar and a Fal 50 watt amp. My parents were horrified, but they could do nothing. They concluded it was proof I was an idiot. My parents tried to persuade me to hand over the cash to them 'for safekeeping'. I politely declined. I had a plan! They then informed me that they needed the cash as they were planning to buy Bunns Lane Works, where my Dad had his car repair business. If they didn't raise the cash, someone else could buy the site, as the Landlord was selling and had given Dad first refusal. I reluctantly handed over the cash (and never saw it again! I have no regrets though). I informed my parents I would only do it, if I was given a share of the yard and my mum drew up an agreement, that stated that I had to be consulted on all decisions and had a share. I signed and I never saw that again. Apparently it was lodged with her solicitors, but hey ho. 

In September 1978, I joined Orange Hill School to resit them. It was a pivotal moment. I met Boz Boorer, who was in The Polecats. They were a real band. It made me realise that being in a band wasn't a pie in the sky pipedream. If Boz could do it, so could we. There were two other bands at the school. My mate Joe Malone had a band with a guy called Steve Kutner, who would go on to be a football agent, managing Frank Lampard. Steve's uncle was Lord Levy, who owned Magnet Records. Steve got a job there, and signed Bad Manners and The Damned to the label! But when I joined he was the guitarist. Also in the band was Russell Smith, who was the younger brother of Graham Smith, Editor of The Face magazine. I can't recall what they were called, we always called them The Moje's. There was bad blood between Pete Conway and Joe Malone. Both were hot headed mavericks from solid Irish stock. They had a massive punch up, over who had been the first punk to wear bondage trousers in Mill Hill! I never really got the animosity, but they hated each other. The other band were The Rapids. A rythm and bliues band in the Doctor Feelgood mold. 

By January 1979, my Dad had tired of Pete and me making a racket in my bedroom. He made an offer I couldn't refuse. When he bought the yard, there was a derelict caretakers cottage, I could rent it from him for £2 a week, to rehearse in. I did some maths, If I rented it, I could charge the Mojes and the Rapids £2 each to rehearse every week and make a profit! The only problem was that we only had my amp. Discussions were had. It was agreed that we'd form a collective, all pool our gear and they could rehearse once a week for £2. 

In December 1978, we'd met a couple called Dave and Mandy at The Fall. Dave expressed an interest in drumming and Mandy in singing. Having sorted out the rehearsal space, we decided that we would have the first rehearsal and an opening party. We invited Dave and Mandy down to join the band, We also invited other friends, who had a band. We chose Valentines night, party because there was a girl I liked at school and thought it might lead to a romantic liaison. The only trouble was, we had an audience and had never actually played the songs. The other band came down and played a bunch of songs pretty well. We were absolute chaos. I don't think Dave had actually drummed before. He had two beats, Dave beat 1 and Dave beat 2. He told us that those were the only beats he knew, so Pete simply said "Start playing Dave beat one, and we'd join in. I had made a fuzz box from a design my former physics teacher John Shuttler at FCHS had given me. He'd given me a few bits. to get going. I couldn't afford the volume or attenuation pots, etc. So it was just on or off. It sounded like the devil, but suited the songs. 

Although we were complete rubbish, it was probably the most true punk rock gig ever. No one really knew what to make of it. Pete decided that we'd spend the whole rehearsal with the lights off and standing on chairs. We drank copious tins of beer. It was gloriously bad, everything we did was awful, but somehow, it felt amazing. I realised that if we could be that bad and still be good, there was something there. Dave was highly embarrassed about the whole thing, and insisted we rehearse properly before we let people watch us again. I am not really saw what Pete thought, he was clever enough to maintain the pretence that it was brilliant. I am not sure I ever had that feeling since, but we knew we had to be a million times better before we could gig. But we had done it. Both Mill HilL Music Complex and The False Dots were born today. Both are still going. I am not sure if I'd even be here if that hadn't happened. 

Here is the story of 1979 as I wrote it in my Scrapbook at the time

Today, I am going to Portugal to mix and master our new album. It will be called We don't live in America and will feature a song called Wrong, which was the first song we played at our first rehearsal, albiet a slightly different arrangement. 

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My worst nightmare, Reform win the next election

 I had a terrible nightmare last night. Sir Keir Starmer had called a snap general election and Reform UK had won with 450 seats. The Labour Party was reduced to 9 seats. The Lib Dems were the second biggest Party with 130 seats. The Tories had also done rather badly. I was watching the coverage of Nigel Farage at the plinth outside number ten, doing all of the things that Farage does that makes me dislike him intensely. As I was watching, my whatsapp was pinging with gloating messages from my Reform supporting friends and acquaintances.

Now the thing about democracy is that it does mean that you spend much of your life with people running the country who you can't stand, but at least they get booted out occasionally. We have seen what happens to people in China this week, who disagree with unelected despots. People like Farage are the downside (for me), but whoever replaces Starmer, whenever they come in and whatever party they represent, they will just be transient residents of No 10. The saving grace of my  nightmare is that Farage would be just as transient as Boris, Keir, May and Truss. 

The real horror of the dream though wasn't Farage himself. If Reform win, whatever you may or may not think of Farage, it will be a personal mandate, in a way that no other British Prime Minister  has had. No one voted for Keir for his charisma or personality. They voted Labour, for the party, Starmer was always just the bloke at the top. If Reform win, then we have to acknowledge that Farage has a mandate. However the problem is that Reform has no one in its ranks with experience of government. The only people who have real political experience of doing top jobs are Tory defectors, who by and large were mostly booted out for being either useless or a bit dodgy. Farage has got very sparse cupboard to choose from, when it comes to appointments. There is an argument that a new broom is needed, but anyone who has ever dealt with civil servants, knows they will run rings about inexperienced ministers. 

There is a bit of me that is curious as to how Farage would get on with Trump if he became tomorrow. If, as is more likely, the election is 2029, Farage may find himself having to deal with a Democrat, who would be none to impressed with Farage and his links to Trump. 

In my nightmare, I was thinking about what to say in a blog. The absolute bottom line is that both Labour and The Tories deserve to be decimated at the polls. Starmer's judgement has been appalling. He came out yesterday saying "I've won every fight I've been in". I've watched a lot of boxers make similar claims. Then they get their head knocked off, because they've not really been in a proper fight. I cannot see any scenario where Starmer can regain his credibility. Usually the Captain goes down with the sinking ship, but it is rare for the Captain to ram an Iceberg first. Any sane person would have known how the Mandelson appointment would play out. Starmer lost his chief of staff, but if he couldn't see the advice was flawed, he's an idiot. 

Then there are the Tories. Kemi Badenoch has had a good two weeks, but she has been given a massive open goal. No one could miss from where she was at PMQ's last week. The sad truth is that one good PMQ in nearly two years is an appalling record. What really shocks me is that Badenoch has no strategy to counter Farage.  She seems to be pushing the party into the right wing fringes. This is suicide. Farage has already claimed that space. He's nicked most of the high profile hard right big hitters already. The Tories tend to win when they are percieved as a sane, centre right party. It is the sensible centre right voters who are moving to the Lib Dems who she needs, but she seems intent on alienating them.

In my dream, Sir Ed Davey and the Lib Dems became the official opposition. With Starmer being useless, Badenoch fighting a war for the hard right with Reform, no one has asked the question "could the Lib Dems actually win?", which puzzles me. They have experience in government, with the coalition. Davey has played a blinder on the Mandelson issue. He is criticised for being a lightweight clown, but he is a decent man. The Lib Dems showed they could function as a party of government in the coalition. It is really not to my taste, but I could see a scenario where the Lib Dems and either Labour or the Tories have enough seats to form a government. If the Tories had the choice between a coalition with Reform or the Lib Dems, which way would they jump? It is clear to me that Labour would happily ditch Starmer and hook up with the Lib Dems. 

Westminster Voting Intention:

RFM: 30% (=)
LAB: 23% (+2)
CON: 21% (+1)
LDM: 12% (-2)
GRN: 10% (=)
SNP: 2% (-1)

Via @Moreincommon_, 6-10 Feb.
Changes w/ 31 Jan - 2 Feb.

— Election Maps UK (@ElectionMapsUK) February 11, 2026

....

The polls tell a very interesting story. The latest poll today shows Reform with a 7% lead over Labour. I cannot imagine that there would be a worse time to be the Labour Party or possibly a better time to be Reform. But they are only on 30%. There is an argument that the right wing voters make up over 50% of the electors, but I suspect that the 21% who are still Tories are not going to switch to Reform. As for Reform's 30%, I also suspect that 10% of them are disgruntled Labour supporters. 

What this poll doesn't say is how any of these voters would vote tactically. The Lib Dems are masters of getting people to lend them votes. Both Tory and Labour voters can stomach a Lib Dem vote if they percieve it will keep a party they don't like out. My prediction is that the election will be in 2029 and the result will be a hung parliament. I genuinely have no idea how that will break down or whether it will end up with a Tory/DUP/Reform government ( I suspect that would be Badenoch's choice), a Tory/Lib Dem alliance (likely if Badenoch goes and someone like Jeremy Hunt takes over), or a Labour/Lib Dem alliance (Wes Streeting might go for this). I genuionely believe that Reform will not be 7 points ahead by 2029, despite the best efforts of Starme and Badenoch to make them look like a feasable choice. 

Anyway, I must say that I was glad to wake up. I know there are a few people in Barnet who wished I hadn't but hey ho..

Perspective

Mu Cephei. Never heard of it? Well maybe you should have. It is the largest object that any human can see without a telescope. If you took a picture, you would see the star as it appeared 2,400 years ago, because the light has travelled 2,400 light years to reach us. It's radius is 1,000 times that of the Sun. But in London, most of the time you'd need binoculars to pick this giant out. There are thousands of stars in the sky which are brighter. The Brightest start in the night sky is Sirius, which is only about 2 times more massive than the Sun. It is a mere 7.5 light years away so it appears brighter. 

Now the Barnet Eye does not normally concern itself with Astronomy. There are many great things in London, but with all of the light pollution, it is not a great place for stargazing. However the night sky has always held a strong fascination for me. When I was a kid, before I discovered punk rock, I quite fancied becoming an Astronomer. I liked the idea of getting paid to stay up all night looking at stars. My Dad once explained that it was not a well paid job and I'd be better off becoming a plumber, especially as I was far too thick to be an astronomer. Dad knew the stars. He had trained as an RAF pilot and could use them to navigate his Wellington bomber. I was fascinated when Dad explained that you could tell exactly where you were at night if you had a good watch, a compass and could see the stars. He then confessed that pilots preferred it when it was a bit cloudy and there was no moon, as there was less chance of a fighter seeing you.

Dad explained how the RAF in North Africa made fake runways and airfields with with model planes lined up to fool the German bombers. These were smaller than real planes, but it was impossible for the Germans to tell as the perspective fooled them. He explained that the bigger an object was, the further away you had to be to properly appreciate it. For instance, the Earth is massive and has all manner of regions and areas, but we only see the tiny little bit we are stood on. It seems incongruous that someone in Australia, Thailand, the USA or the North pole is on the same planet and breathing the same air, but they are. 

Some time in the next couple of months, a crew of Astronauts will fly around the moon. They will be the first humans since before I was a teenager to see the Earth from the other side of the moon. When Neil Armstrong landed on the moon 1969, I assumed that by now, we'd have bases on the Moon and Mars, but when Apollo 17 completed its mission, that was that. Can you imagine what it will be like to see the Earth as a small disc, that you can blot out if you hold a 2p at arms length? I would love to see the view, but it is a very long journey to the far side of the moon and I actually think it would be rather boring for most of the time. When  I was about 14, I realised that going to see The Ramones was far more exciting that looking at the moon with my telescope. The moon we see today is the same one that Jesus and the prophets looked up at millenia ago. However, if the likes of Elon Musk and his friends have their way, within our lifetime, it will look different. When we see the crescent moon, we will see faint lights twinkling, as humans build outposts and then cities. Can you imagine that we will be the first human generation to be able to see the artefacts of our fellow human beings on another world?

Mr Musk believes there is serious money to be made by developing the moon and building factories there. The appeal (rather sadly) seems to be that you can engage in mining and other dirty industries with no planning restrictions. My Dad had a mate from his air force days, who was involved in the British Space projects of the 1950's and 1960's. He had a novel view. He said that the British should not bother with exploring other planets. We should concentrate on getting satellites to the asteroid belt, as there was most like huge resources of almost pure precious metals there. Very little mining would be needed. Sadly, the British government cancelled the whole thing. It seems that these days, the British Government could not organise a brewery trip for a bunch of drunks, let alone a ground breaking space project.

Perspective. We have come full circle. I started by explaining how the biggest thing you will ever see is only just visible and unless you are an astronomy nut, you've probably never heard of it. I also explained how you can only see things properly with some distance, which is why we have no real appreciation of the Earth. Likewise, the British government of the 1960's couldn't see that they had world beating technology in the 1960's that could have made us the richest nation on the planet, if exploited properly. Satellite launches are a massively lucrative building and there is a massive shortage of rare metals. We could have been ahead of the game, but we chose to throw it all away. 

But with distance and perspective, come perhaps the most dangerous thing of all. Enlightenment. If we all realised just how small and fragile our planet is in the scheme of things that is the Universe, could we really cope. I can recall once travelling by train from Washington to New York. As you approached New York, the first thing you saw was the two buildings that were the World Trade Centre. This was followed by the Empire State building, then the other skyscrapers. It seemed that for almost an hour the picture grew ever bigger, but by the time you arrived you couldn't see any of them. What seemed so calm and impressive on the Horizon became a bustling concrete jungle as you stepped off the train, I found it almost disturbing to contemplate how you could see the same thing from two different places and it could seem so different. 

Which brings me to the point. We, the UK are in crisis. For years, most of us saw our government and our leaders as I saw New York on the skyline. Distant and incomprehensible. The modern age of social media and instant news has laid it bare, Nothing is as it seems. A horrible thought occurred to me. Just suppose that our leaders are actually the best of a bad bunch? If you look at the UK, it is not that bad. Find yourself a globe and stick a pin in a country you'd rather live in. Then do a quick google to see the scandals and the tittle tattle there. As I explained, I put down the telescope and stopped staring at the Moon, when I discovered The Ramones. Over the last couple of years, I have done the same thing with the news. I suspect if it wasn't for The Ramones and the other music I love, it really might just be too much. I am by nature an optimist, but it is reaching the point where all I can do is despair and pretend it isn't happening. I have no idea whether Mu Cephei has a habitable planet circling it, with people like you and me living on it. Just for a second imagine they are, they are seeing the light arriving from Earth 2,400 years ago. They are seeing light from a time when Greek and Babylonian civilisation was at its peak. Maybe, they have the problems we have. Maybe they see that little blue planet in their telescope and like me, when I saw New York, think what a lovely place, it looks so serene and peaceful, as it emerged over the horizon. 

To sum up - Perspective - Too close and you see nothing, too far away and everything looks wonderful - Where does the truth lie? Maybe you don't want to know

Time to scrap VAR - Football is being ruined by it

 Two weeks ago, I went to see QPR vs Wrexham at Loftus Road. The ground was packed and raucous. I was with the Welsh boys, I've been a part time Wrexham fan since the mid 1980's, when I worked with a mate from North Wales, who suggested I tag along to watch a match with him and his mates, and a few bevvies and a curry afterwards. Other commitments allowing, I've been to see them once or twice a season most years since. Since they became a Hollywood sensation, I've not been able to get tickets. However one of the Wales boys dropped out, so I got a ticket. 

Going to a packed stadium for a game with no VAR was so refreshing. The game had one of the best second halves of football I've seen, with Wrexham taking off two defenders and throwing the kitchen sink at QPR for the last few minutes, turning a 2-1 defecit into a 3-2 victory. The Rangers fans were devastated, the Welsh boys elated. For me, it was an object lesson in why I love football.

Yesterday, I watched Liverpool vs Manchester City from the luxury of my sofa. The game was a Premier League classic. City turned around a 1-0 defecit to win 2-1. There were worldies, great saves, some amazing skill and until the last seconds no one knew who would win. All manner of teams were affected by the outcome. A Liverpool win would almost certainly, hand Arsenal an all but unassailable lead in the title race. It would also put Liverpool right back in the race for a Champions League place. A City win would put them back on Arsenal's tails. They are six points behind, but have to play the Gunners at home.

Liverpool (as always seems to be the case) came out clearly feeling they'd been robbed. Their manager Arne Slot felt City defender Mark Guehi should have been sent off for a foul outside the box. He felt VAR had not been fair, as "anyone who had watched Salah would know he would score". Salah rather undermined this claim, ballooning the resulting free kick over the bar. The truth is that Salah has been out of sorts and spent rather too long throwing himself on the floor and waving his arms around when he didn't get what he wanted. The VAR panel correctly (IMHO) decided that it was not a clear and obvious Red Card. The trouble is that such decisions will always be subjective. I think that if Slot encouraged Salah to stay on his feet rather than diving every time he felt a slight brush from another player, he may get more lucky. But that is by the by. The bottom line is that we all had to wait for a minute or two before VAR decided that the Ref was right and that Ruben Diaz would probably have made a tackle.

However that was not the worst example of VAR madness. That happened at the end of the game. City were 2-1 up. The Liverpool keep Allison had gone forward in a desperate attempt to help Liverpool score an equaliser. The ball broke, City's Cherkie hit the ball towards the goal. Erling Haaland and Dominic Szoboszlai, who had both scored, got in a race. The Liverpool player tried to pull Haaland back, then Haaland did the same. Neither reached the ball, so it crossed the line. There were seconds left. City celebrated the third. Then the dreaded VAR stepped in. The goal was chalked off, and the Liverpool player was sent off. The reason being that because Haaland had fouled Szoboszlai, they had to pull the game back and give City a free kick from outside the box, which meant the Liverpool player went. Both teams were punished. There was no room for common sense at all. Liverpool now have a key player suspended and City have one less goal in a tight title race. As ever, we hear "the rules are the rules".

Football is meant to be a form of entertainment. However these sort of decision destroy all of the drama and excitement. Unlike the Wrexham game, I suspect that despite the game being a classic, both sets of fans would be highly frustrated with VAR. Manchester City have a goal difference of five less than Arsenal. In the event that all other results are the same and CIty win 2 games 1-0 and Arsenal lose two games 1-0, then that goal will send the title to the Emirates. As for Liverpool,  Szoboszlai was their best player. If they drop points during his ban, then that could also have a massive effect on the shake up for European places, for what was an incident that didn't change the outcome of what should have happened.

Sticklers for rules and the law will say that VAR got it right. Every football fan on the planet will disagree. Football is a massive business and the customers (the fans) are probably the worst treated customers around. Our views are never listened to. We are just cash cows, our tribal loyalties make us ripe for ripping off. As a Manchester City fan, I've seen us be on the receiving end of both bad and good decisions. I am sure that it balances out eventually.If it was instant, I'd probably tolerate it. What bothers me is the fact that it takes so long. I am sure more players are getting muscle tears etc, as the hanging around means their muscles tighten. In the stadium, you rarely know what has actually happened. We now have referee's explaining the VAR decision, but I wonder if anyone could actually hear through the noise of Anfield.

For the number of times VAR makes a positively good decision, it just isn't worth the disruption to the game. I am sure anyone at the QPR vs Wrexham game with me would agree. As would most people at Anfield yesterday. But we are just the mugs who fund the whole thing. Before VAR came in, there were warnings that it would disrupt the flow of the game. It's beena round a few years now and if anything it is getting worse.

The Sunday Reflection #76 - Sex and Money - the root of all evil (and all the best stories)

One question that people keep asking me, not that I am an more clued up than anyone else, is why on Earth Sir Keir Starmer was so stupid as to not dismiss out of hand the suggestion that Peter Mandelson become US ambassador, given his record of dodgy financial dealings and his close association with Paedophile Peter Mandelson. Whilst I cannot really throw any light on such matters, I do recall some advice my Dad gave me, when I was in my early teens. He said "Son, the most important lesson you can ever learn, is that if someone is behaving in a way that you cannot fathom, then there is either sex or money involved". The current scandal has both and in the most unsavoury of ways. 

One of the more interesting things that you learn when you dig into politics is how much richer people seem to become when they hold public office. It also seems to do wonder for their libido's. There are many lessons to learn from the whole sorry Epstein business and most of them are very disturbing. It is clear that you can make a huge amount of money operating a peadophile procurement business for rich and powerful men. It is also clear that when you become a liability to the men who you've been supplying with children, you are disposed of. It is also abundently clear that many of the worlds most powerful men think that money gives them the right to become sex abusers. One of the darkest elements of the whole tawdry affair is that it also shows that no one in power gives a stuff about the victims of rich and powerful sex abusers. 

I am in many ways what we might call quite old fashioned in my views. I have only ever really been interested in sex in a consensual relationship, where both parties like each other. The idea of giving a woman who doesn't like me cash to have sex with me is something I find most unappealing. When I was a teenager, I worked as a painter and decorator. I worked repainting the home that a local Madame used as brothel. I spent about four weeks tarting it up (forgive the pun). I got to know several of the girls who worked there. None did it because they liked the work. None of them had any respect for the punters, except for one guy. He was disabled and in a wheelchair. His brother used tp bring him once a month for a treat. The brother would bring biscuits and chat to the girls over a cup of tea, whilst his brother was being entertained. One of the girls told me that they were the only customers they had any respect for. They would make a special effort for him. The customers were all respectable men, policemen, bankers, GP's and JP's. When you work on a place, you almost become part of the furniture. The lady who ran the place was keen on a safe environment, no pimps, diserespectful customers were chucked out. But ultimately it was all a bit dehumanising and sad. 

When I read about Epstein Island and the likes of Prince Andrew, I can't help but feel sick. Epstein clearly thought he had the perfect setup. He thought his rich and powerful clients would protect him. He was wrong. I suspect that in a few years, there will be a film about the whole sorry mess, rather like the film about the Profumo affair. There are millions of documents being released. The whole thing has already brought down a Prince and an ambassador. It is likely to bring down a Prime Minister and possibly a President. The more I read about Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell, the more I am convinced that for them, it was all just a rather grubby money making scheme. Epstein ended up knowing too much and having too many names and dates in his little black book. I doubt anyone really believes he committed suicide. The web is full of theories, but I suspect the number of people who had an interest in seeing him gone was a rather long one. Will the truth ever come out? I suspect that it will be like the assassination of JFK. The problem is that there are so many players who it suited to see them gone that the truth will only ever really come out when we are all dead and gone.

The one question I have been pondering is this. How many other Jeffrey Epsteins are there out there. He had a lucrative little set up and presumably there is a vacancy for someone to do that sort of thing for the rich, powerful paedophiles who seem to run the world. The sad truth is that such people are all around us. Just because Epstein is dead, the men who he procured young girls for are still around, still with bulging wallets and sick desires. They will have learned the lessons of Epstein. The lesson I suspect they've learned is to be a lot more careful with the noncemasters they employ. My worry is that all that has happened is that it will be harder to catch them next time.

The sad truth is that  Sex and Money - the root of all evil. It is also at the core of all the best stories. In about 10-15 years, I suspect an "Epstein Island" film will come out and rather like the JFK film, will raise a lot of speculation about the various players. What it won't do is tell us anything about the next Jeffrey Epstein and his clients.  The only thing I can say I am really sure about is that the next Epstein is out there and doing rather well procuruing young girls and selling them to rich men. That is a very sad truth. 

The Saturday List #375 - My top ten most incongruous moments with The False Dots

Our next gig - click image for tickets

I have been playing with The False Dots since the 14th February 1979. The band has had many people in the band, we've played almost every genre of music in that time. Punk, Reggae, Ska, Funk, Hard Rock and even Country and Western! Last time I counted we've had 38 members and I've no idea how many guests joining us on stage and on recordings. We have always been musical outliers, which I suspect explains our success as a live band and our lack of success commercially. One element that has been a constant since the very early days is our love of indulging in silliness. This often earned us the derision of the other bands on the bill, until they realised that the audience loved it and found them a bit boring. Not all of the band members got this. In fact very few have. But it has made the journey a lot of fun. I realised early on that if we just did what everyone else did, we'd get nowhere and be 'just another band'. Some of the ideas paid off. Some didn't. There is a full list of all the gigs we've done on our website. Here though, are the top ten silly things we did at gigs. I don't know whether it helped and hindered our career, but here they are!

 1 -  At our 4th Gig - 13 March - Hendon Rugby Club (supporting The Chevrons) we decided top celebrate the fact that our bassplayer Paul Hircombe had started going out with a French girl, by dressing up in stripey t-shirts, berets and with strings of onions around our necks. I think everyone was a bit bemused. As documented elsewhere, The Chevrons were rather unpleasant to us. The onions came in very useful when we trashed their van!

2. At our 11th Gig - 16th January1982, Pub Bastun, Aland, Finland We had to play three sets. AS we didn't have enough songs, we did some covers, including Space Cowboy by The Steve Miller Band. Mark Barnett did a drum solo in it and we used a strobe for this which was incredible. We also agreed that we'd jump up on audience tables when he did it and point at him. When we did this, the audience joined. Beer and glasses went everywhere. After we played, the pub owner came up and said we'd made a real mess. We thought he was cross, but he thought it was brilliant. 

3 - At our 14th Gig - 7th March, The Moonlight Club, West Hampstead,We decided that it would be a good idea to have Pauls dope dealer of choice sitting on a chair in his motorcycle helmet on the stage smoking a joint when we came on. He would open the visor, take a lug and then shut the visor. The idea was that Gwyn would sit there for a couple of minutes and then casually walk off once we were into the first number. I can't recall why, but I do remember people coming up to us after we'd played and saying "Who was that strange bloke on the stage". The promoter was none too happy. We deemed it a success, but a stern telling off.

4 - At our 16th gig - 26th November 1982, Gooners Club, The Copper, Tower Bridge Road our roadie Dermot Fanning asked if he could do a "Dukes of Hazzard Rap" over a country and western backing track. A female singer had just joined and she was really pissed off with the idea. The compromise was that he could do it if we got an encore. We didn't do C&W music, so it was a radical departure. Derm was brilliant and the guvnor offered to double our money and give us a weekly slot of we did C&W music with Derm singing, In hindsight, we should have.

5 - At our 24th  gig - 20th August 1984, Mill Hill Music Complex (Rog's Birthday Party) My then girfriends sisters boyfriend offered to cater for the party. He made a large stew and laced it with opium. He put far too much in. AS we were playing, it became like a scene from Shawn of the Dead. People wandering around like zombies, falling asleep in the yard, vomiting everywhere. We had to rescue my big brother Laurie from the Police on the M1, where he was wandering around. We told them he was special needs and had escaped. As he was incoherent and dribbling, they were happy for us to have him. His wife collected him and was none too happy. 

6 - At our 48th gig - 19th May 1990, St Josephs CollegeTony Robotham was our singer. St Jospehs college in Mill Hill was a training college for Roman Catholic Priests. The gig was attended by the Princess of Tonga. Although it was not organised silliness, watching a member of royalty boogey with a bunch of elderly priests was utterly hilarious. It was one of the few gigs my Mum went to and she told me she loved it. 

7. Our 113th gig - 29th June 20 East Barnet Festival As we do a song about football, we thought it would be good to throw some beach balls into the audience. One of the festival goers volley'd it back and it hit the microphone stand. The mic smashed into my face, nearly knockling my teeth out.

8. Recording our 1984 single, Action Shock. We recorded at a studio in Reading, the studio was small and there was only broom cupboard for us to chill out when we weren't doing takes. The studio session was eight hours. Most of the time was spent on vocal takes. Myself, Paul and Bill spent nearly the whole time sitting in the broom cupboard. Paul smoked spliffs constantly. Bill abhorred drugs and smoking, but by the time we finished, he was stoned on 2nd hand smoke. I have never seen anything so funny. The singer Venessa was his girlfriend and she couldnt figure out why, She didn't have to sit in the cupboard.

9. Shortly after the bands first rehearsal, Pete Conway, Dave Edwards (our first drummer) and myself decided that it would be a good idea to parade around Mill Hill Broadway in drag with me strumming an acoustic guitar, Dave bashing a tambourine and Pete Conway singing "Joshua the second" at the top of his voice. I can't remember why or what we were trying to achieve, but someone told my Dad, who asked if I'd turned gay. I told him that this is what Rock bands did.. To say he was not impressed was an understatement. He told me if we did anything like that in Mill Hill again, he'd smack me in the gob

10. And finally. Perhaps the most surreal moment of the whole period dated back to the earliest days of the band. After Dave Edwards left as drummer, Paul Marvin joined. Paul was the son of guitar legend Hank Marvin. Paul arranged for us to have a rehearsal at Hanks private studio, in his mansion in Radlett. As we were a bunch of young, rebellious punks, we didn't let on that it was much of a big deal. However, when Hank asked if he could jam with us on one of our numbers, we said yes. So there we were, in Hank Marvin's studio, with perhaps the first British guitar hero, jamming to Not all She Seems. Hank came up with the jingly riff, which we still play today! Sadly, Pete upset Hank, so we were not asked back. 

World Exclusive! The Barnet Eye publishes transcript of Sir Keir Starmer discussing Mandelson appointment with Morgan McSweeney

 One of our customers, who buys guitar strings, works in the Cabinet Office. They kindly shared an official secret transcript of the conversation between Sir Keir Starmer and his cabinet secretary Morgan McSweeney, discussing the proposed appointment of Peter Mandelson as US Ambassador in an act of supreme public interest. I have transcribed this and burned the original copy, so PC Plod can't work out who the leaky source is. 

Sir Keir: Morgan, I have some reservations about Peter and this appointment. He is associated with convicted paedophile Jeffrey Epstein and the Democrats are seeking full disclosure of all of the documents. This could blow up in our faces. Surely we should choose a solid career diplomat.

MM: I have spoken to Peter and he has categorically assured me that there is nothing in the allegations. As you know, he has no interest in young girls and any contacts with Epstein were simply part of larger groups, where Peter was seeking to advance the UK's national interests.

SKS: But, how can I put this, Peter has a bit of form for not being entirely frank with people, in regards to his activities. Can we really trust him?

MM: Peter is someone who moves in the circles Trump moves in. We need someone on the inside who has a direct line to the president. 

SKS: But he was sacked for financial irregularities? 

MM: Oh don't be such a hypocrite. You have been sanctioned eight times for breaching the Parliamentary code. We all make minor indescretions. You know that the Tory press blows everything out of all proportion. If you are to succeed as PM, you need to have a backbone

SKS: But he has form for not being entirely honest, he has been sacked numerous times, can we trust his assurances. This is our most important ambassadoral role

MM: Has your wife ever asked you if her bum looks big in an  outfit? Did you tell the truth? Peter has told the odd white lie, but only in the interests of the UK. Peter knows what to say to schmooz the likes of Trump. Surely that is more important than a few minor indescretions in the past. We will have access to the White House that other nations can only dream of. 

SKS: Well I guess you are right. I mean just because he maintained a relationship with a convicted Paedophile, has been sacked for all manner of financial shenanigans and seems to tell porkies whenever he opens his mouth, we need to look at the national interest and you are right, he will fit in over in Washington. A fine choice.

**** Of course I made all of this up. But it is 100% clear that this conversation must have taken place in some similar form. Starmer's position is totally untenable. He is either gullible as hell or a blithering idiot, or worse still, someone who is quite happy to surround himself with dishonest, dodgy people, who think it is cool to hang around with paedophiles. I am sorry, but that is not someone who is fit to be PM. If he had any honour, he'd already have resigned. The Labour Party have made a monumental mistake blocking Andy Burnham, who for all his faults is outside of the cricle of doom. God Help us all in the UK. However there is one aspect of this that gives me hope. Starmer will go over this. We do not think that indulging paedophiles is OK. Look at America. Trump is President and he is not even one step removed from Epstein as Starmer was. Thank God WE DONT LIVE IN AMERICA

Friday Fun and the local gigs round up 6th February 2026

 It's grim out there, so in the long standing tradition of The Barnet Eye we will start with a joke to cheer you up. Today's joke was told to me by Simon Le Bon, back stage at the Underground Club in Stockholm on November 8th 1981. I'd seen them two nights before at The Ritz club and one of the roadies invited my girlfriend and me backstage for a bee with the band after we got chatting at the Bar. Simon and I hit it off, both being North London boys. He gave us free merch and the band signed it all. He also put us on the guest list for the show at The Underground two nights later, where we again went backstage and had a right laugh. 

Simon had lived in Hendon and we discussed the local pubs, he also confessed an addiction to TV cop shows. Like me, Simon loved The Sweeney. He then said "By the way, do you know why the Americans never made a version of Z cars, even though it was ground breaking and there was a lot of interest in the format from US channels". I replied "No?". Simon replied "Well you couldn't call a TV show Cop Car Zee could you".

It made me laugh. I've always had a soft spot for the band, even though they are not really what I normally listen to. Simon is a good bloke.

Anyway enough of that. I'll start with a date for your diary, the False Dots next gig

It is our drummer Gray "Rambo" Ramsey's birthday and it would be great to have as many people as possible down to show their love for Rambo.

The Dublin Castle is a really iconic London grassroots venue. It is worth a trip just to see the memorabilia on the walls, posters signed by Madness, Amy etc. Whenever you go, you are immersing yourself in London's Rock and Roll history.  The Venue was recently the subject of a brilliant piece on BBC Radio. Listen to it here. 

And on to the local gig round up. Follow the Barnet Music Facebook page for full details.

Friday 6th

Goodwin House East Barnet 2pm – 3pm Leon Knight (Solo artist)
Butchers Arms 9pm – 11.30pm Groove Rats (Rock/blues)
East Barnet RB Legion 8.30pm – £15 on door members £10 TB/DC (AC/DC Tribute night)
Queens Arms 8pm Karaoke

Saturday 7th
Edgware, The Three Wishes from 8pm (free) - 3d (Covers) 
Butchers Arms 9pm – midnight New Colours Soul funk/disco (4 piece)
Ye Olde Monken Holt 9.30pm – 11.30pm James Or (Acoustic covers)
Toolans 9pm –11.30pm Dylan
Lord Kitchener 8.30 pm - late Karaoke with Johnno
The Arkley Club 8.30pm - £5 cash on door Dream Circle (Covers 60s – present)

Sunday 8th
Bohemia Finchley - From 7pm £12 - 52nd Street (Jazz quartet) 
Kings Head 2pm – 4pm Nic Bennett
Ye Olde Monken Holt 7pm – 9pm Smokin Whiskers (Acoustic Covers)
Butchers 8.30 – 11.30pm Butchers Arms Jam Electric/Blues/Rock (Full backline available)
Toolans 8.30pm – 11pm Shane & Mervyn Owens
Bohemia3 Cellar Bar 7.30 -10.30 £10 Alex Webb and Tony Kofi
Monday 9th
Ye Olde Mitre Inn, High Street 8pm – 11pm (stables room) Barnet Acoustics Session
Edgware, The Three Wishes from 8pm (free) Jans Jam night
Tuesday 10th
Edgware, The Three Wishes from 8pm (free) - 3d (Covers) 
The Builders Arms 8pm – 11pm Jamboree Jam Open Mic/Music Night (2nd Tuesday of month)
Wednesday 11th
Toolans 5pm – 8pm Two in Accord ft Mary O Rourke
Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30 – 11pm Open Mic Night
Barrington 7.30pm – Johns Open Mic Night
Thursday 12th
Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30 – 10.30pm Irish Session
Sebright Arms Barnet 7.30pm Open Mic 
Maddens 8.30pm – 11pm Ronnie Gordon Legacy (ska, reggae, blue, soul, latin)
Friday 13th
Butchers Arms 9pm – midnight Dukes Of Öl (Covers)

Have a great weekend!

Rock and Roll Stories #58 - Man in a suit, girl in a car......

The 13th March (two days before our next gig) is the 40th anniversary of when The False Dots played the Hendon Rugby club supporting The Chevrons, a then well regarded local band. It was our fourth gig and it is fair to say it was a difficult night. The headliners were unpleasant towards us. They were older and patronising in their attitudes. When we started to play and get a good reaction, they got their sound man to nobble our sound. Luckily, we had a mate, who was a sound man and a member of the local bike club, who stepped in and normal service was resumed. The promoter, under pressure from the other band, then announced that he was not going to pay us (presumably with them getting all of the cash). As we'd brought most of the audience, this was clearly not a good idea. I informed him that if this happened, there would be a riot. The biker, who was an intimidating presence, had seen the vibe and came over. At this, the promoter handed over the cash. 

I was fuming. Paul Hircombe, our bassist suggested we go outside for a smoke to cool down. As I didn't want to watch the band, this was a good idea. They had really got my goat. Paul said "Why don't we go up the Hammers". I agreed. He then said "Before we do, lets trash their van". This also seemed like a good idea. So we did. As I recall, the computer arcade game Defender had just been released and so we decided to go up and spend the evening playing that. The band and about fifteen of our mates came with us. We had got a decent fee, so after paying the other band members, I had a bit of cash in my pocket. It was one of those nights, where there was an elephant in the room. None of us wanted to talk about the gig. We'd played ok and got a decent reception, but they all knew I had the hump and was hot headed at such times. They didn't want me to get any more irritated than I already was. So we talked about everything else.

There was a girl from Orange Hill School, a classmate, who I fancied and who had come with us. I had decided to make a move, but whilst I was at the bar, she'd gone to the little girls room and on the way back, a guy in a suit, maybe 25, started chatting her up. There was no reason why he shouldn't, we were not going out. He was what you may describe as a bit flash. He was also a bit of "W" anchor (IMHO). To my relief, she was not impressed with his chit chat and when I returned to the table, she came back. We started talking, when the guy turned up at our tabl and said to her "Why are you hanging around with this loser, come with me and I'll take you in my BMW down to a brilliant night club in the West End and we'll have a great time". 

I am not a violent person, I am not a nasty person. But this was simply rude, unpleasant and boorish.  stood up. I am 6'1 and so towered over him. Much as I wanted to thump him, what I really wanted to do was far more cruel. I said "You do realise God gave people like you money, because he short changed you in the looks, wit, intellect and humour department. If she wants to have the worst evening of her life, I don't mind, it's her choice, she can go with you. But what you don't understand is that I've got an electric guitar and I make rock and roll music and all the flashy cars in the world, that I am guessing your rich Daddy bought you, will never make up for the fact that you have no style and are as dull as dishwater and you will never be rock and roll". I looked at the young lady and all my friends. They all burst out laughing and he stormed off. The young lady in question then said to me "What a creep, that was the funniest thing I've ever seen". It was quite cathartic for me. My malice dissipated and the rest of the evening was quite pleasant. Like many such evenings, I can't really recall much of the rest of it and even if I could I wouldn't tell you!

About a week later, I was with Paul in our studio. We'd been listening to some Ska and Reggae. We had a recording session coming up with Ray Randall at his studio in Colindale. Paul was keen to write a Ska/Reggae song for the demo. We got talking about the incident and Paul came up with the lyric "Man in a suit, girl in a car, where you gonna drive to not to far". We started jamming a riff and soon had the basis of a song. We collaborated to finish the lyrics off. It was about young men, who have a few quid and buy a flash suit and car to impress girls. The word Yuppie wasn't invented then, but Thatcher was in power. It foretold what we'd see at the end of the decade. 

Like many of our songs, it started with an incident. I am not sure that anyone other than me and Paul really had a clue or cared what it was about. About a week before the demo, a mate of ours, a local Jamaican who dealt a bit of weed was down transacting some business with Paul. He turned up mid rehearsal. Paul was excited by our new reggae song and asked him if we could play it to him. He was a chilled out dude and said yeah. As we bashed it out, his head was nodding, large spliff in mouth and he was clearly enjoying the vibe. At the end, Paul excitedly said "What do you think?". He replied "White boys can't play reggae music. You should call the number False Dub".  He then said "It's got a nice groove man, but it isn't reggae music". 

I was a bit deflated, but when I discussed it with Paul, he correctly pointed out that Madness were not really reggae but they had done just fine. We are the False Dots and we do False Dub! When we came to record it, we got Paul to sing it. Paul had a great voice, in the slightly whimsical Syd Barratt style. Sadly, the demo wasn't great and the tape sat in a draw for thirty nine and a bit years, never played. 

Recently Boz Boorer told me that he had a bloke who could transfer old master tapes to digital. I gave him a stack of tapes and for the first time in a very long time, I heard Paul's voice. He had passed away in 2012, so it was a bit meotional. Out of curiosity, I ran the track through some AI Mastering software at the studio. It sounded amazing. After some discussions with Boz, I am now planning to release a retrospective album of old tracks by The False Dots later in the year, remastered and tarted up. I am not sure if the world is waiting for this, but there are some very decent tunes in there. As to the "Man in a suit", never saw him again....

The False Dots are still going and play the Dublin Castle in Camden Town in a matinee show on Sunday 15th March from 1.45pm.

Although we won't be performing False Dub, we do have a fine selection of Ska/Pop/Punk tunes for your delectation and you can be guaranteed a party.

In fact it will be a very big party, because it is our drummer, Mr Graham James Ramsey's birthday. So we want to make it extra special for him!