Rock and Roll Stories #27 - Every bands nightgmare - When your equipment goes bang or you fall off the stage!

 What is the worst nightmare of every musician, when you are doing a gig? The answer has to be "When your equipment goes bang and you can't carry on". In the illustrious history of The False Dots, it has happened a few times. I've also seen a few gigs where equipment has gone wrong and led to the cancellation or curtailment of fun. Luckily, I've never seen a tragic event. However, one of the saddest moments in the history of Mill Hill Music Complex was when one of our studio regulars, Andy McGoldrick, who'd been coming down for years, proudly showed us a lovely vintage amp he'd just bought. His band were having a rehearsal before a gig at Kenton. The amp had just arrived. Andy used one of our studio amps for the rehearsal, as they were in a rush and he didn't want to spend time fiddling with a new amp. He said they had a long soundcheck allocated. The next day, we got a phonecall, which was simply unbeleiveable. Andy had plugged his guitar into the amp and it had electrocuted him. This cast a long shaow over the studios. Some things are simply too horrible to contemplate. Soul legend Curtis Mayfield was left permanently paralysed after a lightiong rig fell on him at a gig. Such tragic events infor us of the risks of dealing with electrical equipment and heavy gear. 

Most musical injuries are more mundane. Dropping amps on toes is a favourite of mine. The most embarrassing moment at a gig for me was at The Cricklewood Hotel in 1985. The venue had a stage made of beer crates. Half way through, it collapsed and I ended up in a heap on the floor, much to the myrth of other bands. Not only did I really hurt my elbow and my knee, but I broke my Fender Coronado guitar. Luckily, I had a spare. I was able to continue, but it was humiliating. I've always been wary of dodgy stages since. I am not alone. Musicians as illustrious as Chris Martin, The Edge and Axl Rose have all fallen off stages! 

Nowhere near as painful, but  still rather embarrassing was when we were playing at Tuba Gymnasium in Sweden in 1982. The venue was a big, rather unatmospheric school dinner hall. Until that point, all of the gigs on the tour had been great. This was a horrible venue and it was sparsely attended. As ever, we went for it, but after the third song, suddenly, the drummer stopped playing. I turned around to ask why. To my surprise, he was still bashing the kit. I was totally bemused. Craig, our other guitarist, pointed over at the PA desk. There was a cloud of smoke emerging and the engineers were running around like lunatics, switching things off. The PA had blown up and caught fire. That was the end of the gig. It was a real anti climax. It was odd, because I knew that the whole thing was going to be a nightmare from the moment I woke up. Mind you, I always feel like that before gigs and I am usually wrong!

Another gig that went horribly wrong was at The Bald Faced Stag in 1984. We had a residency there. Our bassplayer, Paul Hircombe, decided to get pissed before the gig. This was out of character, as Paul was not a drinker. Paul preferred to smoke spliffs, but he hit the cider. During the soundcheck, he knocked a pint of cider over both his Marshall bass amp, blowing it up and over our keyboard players keyboard, shorting it out. Luckily, there was a support band who lent us the gear, but it really cast a shadow over the gig, which was not one of our best. Oddly, the audience loved the show. Paul never got drunk again and was mortified. He was lucky that he didn't kill himself as the amp was soaked in cider. 

Perhaps the most amusing accident I've seen at a gig, was when Generation X supported The Ramones at The Rainbow. Billy Idol was doing what Billy Idol does best. He was being a rock star, when someone at the front of the audience vomited on the stage. Billy saw this and decided that it would be pretty punk to run and do  skid on the vomit, like kids do on ice in a school playground. Unfortunately, it was more slippery than Billy realised and he ended up on his backside in a pool of spew. I suspect it was Gen X's biggest gig at that time and I can only imagine what a berk he felt. 

Another disaster story, which always amused me was told by a mate of mine who was a roadie for a quite well known metal band. He asked me not to say too much, when he told me the story, as he still works in the industry and this was a major embarrassment and was hushed up. One of his jobs was to look after the vans and make sure nothing got nicked from them. The band were doing a pretty major gig at a well known venue in a northern city. The band tour bus and the equipment van arrived. The band unloaded the gear.  When the gear had been set up and the soundcheck finished, he went out to check that everything was in order in the van. To his surprise, when he checked the handle of the equipment van, it was open. Without thinking, he locked the van door and wandered off to get something to eat. About an hour later, someone came and said "Have you seen XXXXX", who was the guitarist. He hadn't. It seemed that the said guitarist had gone walkabout. As the time of the show got ever closer, the band were starting to get frantic. Where was he. About  30 minutes before the show started, someone went to see if he'd gone to the tour bus and fallen asleep. As they went they heard banging and shouting coming from the equipment van. He was quickly summoned. The guitarist had hidden a stash of some illicit substances in a cranny of the equipment van and had gone to retreive it. Whilst doing this "some idiot" had locked him in the van. He'd been stuck in there for hours and was on the warpath. He demanded a review of the CCTV to get to the bottom of what happened. Luckily for my mate, the show was looming and there were other things to do. As he was in charge of such things, he said "I'll go and check once we've got the gig going". Lucklily for him, the gig went well, the band were in a good mood after and he made himself scarce. The next day, the guitarist collared him and demanded that he told him what the CCTV showed. He said "Oh, it was really bad, you couldn't see the van on CCTV as the bus blocked the view". The guitarist fumed, The guitarist decided that it was a member of the crew, who had been "acting weird since" and demanded that they were fired. My mate said he always felt guilty for not owning up, but he reckoned he had bills to pay. He never locked a van door without checking after that. The guitarist decided that it was a member of the crew, who had been "acting weird since" and demanded that they were fired. 

I know quite a few stories from our customers and their crews of such amusing incidents. Many stars are pretty touchy about their mistakes and miss steps. Some are sent into a rage or have a hissy fit over the oddest things. One superstar was playing the Nobel prize show and demanded the Nobel log backdrop was removed, as they did not want any photo's where they were standing onscuring the EL in Nobel, and they were labelled a nob. For some of the musical community, that would be a worse disaster than falling off the stage!

The False Dots next gig is on the 12th April at The Builders Arms in Barnet, from 8pm and admission is free. We hope to have a great night and hope that there are no stories on the night to add to this litany of disasters. We plan as meticulously as we can to try and make sure things run smoothly, but one of the things about live music is that you never know what may happen. 

We hope it all goes rather smoothly, but you never know? 

Is it still the Sex Pistols without Johnny Rotten?

The Polecats at The Pistols lapping it up!

On my Facebook page, there are various Facebook debates raging about whether the recent Sex Pistols shows with Frank Carter on vocals are 'really the Sex Pistols'? I didn't go to the shows. I really couldn't make up my mind whether I fancied it or not. I've seen several shows in recent years where iconic bands have played without their main man. The ones that spring to mind were The Undertones, The Members and The Stranglers. In both cases, I was massively underwhelmed and wished I hadn't bothered. Seeing The Stranglers without Hugh Cornwell was particularly odd. When I saw the Stranglers back in the 1970's and 80's, Hugh had an electric persona, a mix of menace, jokey banter and a strange sort of vulnerability, that seemed to lure you in, so he could murder you. The new bloke, at one point, put his arm up and shouted "Awright London". It was very un Hugh and just seemed wrong. Musically both bands were great. I saw The Stranglers with a few mates who liked the music, but hadn't seen them before. They loved it. All the boxes had been ticked, they'd heard all the great tunes, they'd danced a bit. They'd had fun. Me? I was just miserable, finding fault in every little thing that I felt was wrong and Hugh wouldn't approve of. I was probably even more critical than Hugh would be, had be been standing next to me. The only bit I enjoyed was when JJ sang a few numbers. For a few minutes, I had The Stranglers back. 

But that is just me. As I said, my mates loved it. One of them said it was one of the very best gigs they've ever been to. As a musician, I get why the rest of the band didn't simply retire when Hugh left. Why should they? They put a lot of work into the whole thing. I see no reason why they shouldn't carry on and earn a few quid from their music, even if it's not my cup of tea. As a rule, I don't really like the whole 'tribute' scene. When bands dress up and pretend to be other people is really not my thing at all. We recently went to see a Bowie tribute at The Horn in St Albans. The band were great and I loved hearing all of the numbers. David has gone and it keeps the flame alive, but I hated the dressing up, pretending to be Bowie. If they'd just worn tidy suits in the style of Bowie in the mid 1980's and left it there, I'd have much preferred it. It just reminded me that they were not Bowie. But hey, ho that is me. I was probably in a minority of one and the rest of the audience lapped it up. 

But here we are with the Sex Pistols. The nearest thing I can think to what they are doing is Queen with Paul Rodgers. I am not a Queen fan, I don't like their operatic, theatrical style at all. I have a real aversion to Brian May's style of guitar playing. It sounds very heartless and soulless to me, but people seem to like it. As Freddie died, they could either hang up their boots or do something a bit different. They got Rodgers, an icon in his own right. If the three members of Queen still enjoyed playing together, then there is no reason they shouldn't. Any audience would want to hear the Freddie stuff. As such getting Paul Rodgers was, to me, a masterstroke. He wasn't pretending to be Freddie, he didn't sing the songs the same, but he could sing them pretty damn well. It wasn't a pantomime, it was an evolution of a functional band.

Which brings us to Jones, Cook and Matlock. They had the band before Rotten came along. They seem to enjoy playing together, Jones and Cook grew up together. They were never just Johnny's side men. There is no underestimating Johnny's input, but he doesn't want to play with them. Frank Carter is a recognised singer in his own right. He is not John Lydon, he doesn't pretend to be. Johnny is suitably miffed, I get it, but I think he's wrong. It keeps interest in the music and the legacy alive and I suspect he'll sell more tickets for PIL and his speaking tour than he would otherwise. Rock and Roll is a music of hype. Johnny knows this and he knows that slagging off his old bandmates efforts is good for ticket sales. It is pretty clear there is no love lost, but it is totally in Johnny's financial interests to milk the feud. 

So is it still The Sex Pistols without Johnny? This is a really good question. To me, they will be The Sex Pistols when they record some new music. I happen to think that Matlock, Jones and Cook are great musicians. I vaguely know Paul Cook, as he's mates with one of my best mates, Boz Boorer and I've had a beer with him a few times. He is one of the nicest people you'll meet. His daughter Holly rehearses at our studios. I see no reason why Paul shouldn't pay the bills with music that he made a huge contribution to. One of the biggest myths is that the Sex Pistols couldn't play. Paul Cook worked as session musician with all manner of people, including Edwyn Collins and Johnny Thunders. Glen Matlock has played with a whole host of iconic bands and artists, including The Faces, Blondie and Iggy Pop and was recognised as a talented musician even in the early days of The Sex Pistols. Steve Jones worked with such legends as Johnny Depp and Lisa Marie Presley. The point is that all three are great musicians, have co-written some of the greatest tunes in the pantheon of rock and roll and want to play together. Fans want to hear those songs. Johnny doesn't want to play so good luck to them with Frank Carter. Having made the decision not to go, when I saw all my mates clips from the 100 club, I felt a pang of regret. It looked like a great night. As tickets were like gold dust, I sort of felt it was wrong to deny someone else, who would've just gone along and enjoyed it a ticket, when I am sure I'd have grumbled. 

When the Pistols split, Malcolm Maclaren put out The Great Rock and Roll Swindle, a mish mash of recordings, milking every last penny out of the brand. Some tracks even had Great Train Robber Ronnie Biggs on. all highly dodgy, but I have to say, I've always loved "No one is innocent" with Biggs singing, and have a soft spot for "frigging in the rigging" with Jones on vocals. To me, both are an important part of the Pistols legacy, which means that it isn't entirely necessary for Johnny to be there.

Having said all of that, if they can ever reconcile their differences and bury the hatchet (and not in each others heads), I'd be delighted and have no qualms about seeing them. Many people are highly critical of John Lydon and his apparent lurch to the right. I don't agree with much of what he's said recently, but I do take the view that he's entitled to his opinions. Lydon, PIL, Sex Pistols with Frank Carter, as far as I'm concerned, if you wanna pay your money and see them, great. Never mind the Bollocks was one of the best albums ever made and all those guys deserve their pension. When I first saw the Pistols on the Bill Grundy show, I never guessed that we'd still be talking about them 48 years later. Then again, I never thought I'd be in a band, still playing rock and roll 48 years later. 

I will part with my one Sex Pistols story. When we first started the False Dots in 1979, I wrote Not all She Seems with Pete Conway. We always used to invite mates down to watch. Pete especially liked inviting attractive girls (he was less shy than me back in the day). We met a couple of attractive punk girls and asked them to a rehearsal. Paul Marvin (Hank's son) was drumming. Our best song was "Not all she seems" and we excitedly played it. One of the girls turned around and said "That's a rip of from Submission by The Pistols" (It had the same chord progression on the verse). Pete, who was always far more on the ball than me and a very accomplished liar, shot back "They ripped it off from us. We wrote it in 1975 and my uncle was John Lydon's mate from the building site and he played him a cassette and he stole the idea". This was absolute nonsense, but within a month, we were getting asked by all sorts of people if it was true. We made a pact to swear that it was. Even 20 years later, I still got asked occasionally. When Paul Hircombe joined the band, we went for a rehearsal at Hank Marvin's studio. Hank came in and jammed with us. He suggested a simple, jangly riff to play over the Submission chords. This was in 1980. We modified the story, so that we co-wrote the song with Hank Marvin, before the Pistols ripped it off. The first time Boz Boorer introduced me to Paul Cook (who he knew from playing with Edwyn Collins) I was half expecting Paul to pull me up on Pete's porky! Fortunately, the rumour never got back to him. 

Anyway, what better reason to play it and you can hear it at our next gig at The Builders Arms in Barnet on 12th April!

Rog T's Food blog #8 - Fish and Chips!

 As a citizen of the London Borough of Barnet, there is one culinary delight that I can honestly say we are spoiled for. Even better, it is one which I absolutely love. I am talking about Fish and Chips. When we talk about proper British cuisine, we think of three things. A Sunday Roast, A full English Brekkie and Fish and Chips. In my house, growing up as a Roman Catholic, Friday was fish and chips day. My fish of choice was Plaice. In our bit of London, we didn't have mushy peas, that was a northern thing. We'd have pickled onions and gherkins. Dad would buy it, so he'd always ensure the portions were massive. Mum was always more frugal with her portions, and fish and chips meant it was the weekend, so I loved every aspect of the dish. Back in those days, there were three chippies we'd use. The King Neptune at The Green Man, Salcolme Gardens (Now called Frydays and locally known as Nicks) and the one on Deansbrook parade. Dad would go through spells of each. All were customers of his, but his preferred one was The Neptune, which later became The King Neptune. He liked this as he'd put his order in, nip over the road to the pub, have a beer and then collect dinner. He'd tell them not to rush. Mum would always moan about how long it took, Dad would blame their 'terrible service'. On occasion, he'd have two or three pints and forget, and the food would be cold. Mum would be outraged and insist that he used another one for a few weeks. I always assumed that Mum didn't know what Dad was up to as a kid. Now I realise she knew full well, but it was all part of that game we call marriage. If I was lucky, Dad would take me, he'd buy me a lemonade and we'd sit in the garden of The Railway Tavern. Sometimes, I'd sit there on my own, whilst he chatted inside to a mate. I didn't mind. I was always warned "Don't tell your mother".

Fish and chips was the one food that I always associated with takeaways. It also was a food I assciated with fun. We'd go to the seaside and have fish and chips. Sitting on the beach, with  fish and chips and a bag of pop was one of my best childhood memories. It didn't really ever occur to me that you'd eat fish and chips in a restaurant. Of course, fish and chips became a staple of pub food, but it wasn't 'proper'. The fish was always a bit dry, the chips not properly cooked and some don't even have malt vinegar. How hard is it. In the 1980's a wonderful fish and chip restaurant opened in Mill Hill Broadway. It was called La Carp D'ora. It immediately became my mum's favourite restaurant, where we'd eat out when she wanted 'dinner out'. They even got a supply of Guinness in for her. It was the best fish and chips I'd ever had. One of my best mate's girlfriends worked there, which was even better. We got star treatment. 

It closed around twenty years ago. Several restaurants have come and gone. It is currently a Pizza place. It is a shame. I've rarely eaten fish and chips out since. Last Saturday, we were going to a gig in Barnet, so we went for fish and chips at Fresh Fry in Barnet, by the Everyman cinema. It was wonderful. Excellent fish and chips, massive portions and reasonably priced drinks. I'd highly recommend it. We usually have a fish and chips takeaway once or twice a month. Frydays (Nicks) are currently our choice, although this is as much because I pass it on the way back from the gym at Mill Hill East (yes I know....). We also regulalrly use Booba's and The King Neptune, when it is convenient. Both are good. I will be visiting the Neptune soon, but this is to try their new range of pie and mash!

On our visit to Fresh Fry, I actually realised that it is nice to eat fish and chips in a restaurant. Not only that, but at £25 for dinner inc a glass or two of wine, it is great value. I think it needs to be done far more regularly. Any suggestions......

Adolescence, Samantha Cameron, growing up and getting it wrong

Have you watched Adolescene? As a parent, it is probably the most horrible thing I've ever watched. I've always said that the worst thing I can imagine is one of my children losing their life. I may have had to re-evaluate this. Would my child senselessly taking the life of another child actually be worse? I genuinely don't know. As I occasionally do, I was reviewing old blogs. The one from fifteen yers ago today was perhaps more interesting in light of this TV series than I may have imagined. The subject? It had been announced, fifteen years ago yesterday, that Samantha Cameron was pregnant. David Cameron was still the leader of the opposition. Oddly, at the time I vaguely knew Samantha Cameron. We both volunteered at The Passage, a Homeless day centre in Victoria. I knew who she was, but we were both there to try and do good things for Homeless people, so I never engaged her in conversation about David. In truth, I think all I ever did was smile and exchange pleasantries, as I did with most volunteers I met passingly. My assumption was and is that if someone was volunteering there, they were an OK person. Samantha had lost a son the year before. I felt incredibly sorry for her. In truth, I had no idea what to say.

When the news emerged that she volunteered, various tabloids offered volunteers to talk about her. I was doorstepped as I arrived at 6.30am. I told the journalist to do one. I'd almot forgotten about the whole thing until I re-read the blog. It occurred to me that the daughter Samantha was pregnant with would be around the same age as the kids in adolescence. When I read the blog, it made me think about what must be going on in the Camerons house. I assume their kids are all pretty normal kids. Her daughter will have a mobile phone and may well be on Instagram etc? This is the world she has grown up in. I wondered whether Samantha watched adolescence? My kids are all in their twenties, her daughter is in the eye of the storm. I think its a horrible age. I hated being 13. I was on anti anxiety medication and we didn't even have social media or cyber bullying to worry about. A nother thought occurred to me. As her daughter was born after Ivan passed away, she will have no real idea about her brother. It is strange growing up when you are the only family member who didn't know a key family member. My Mums mum died two years before I was born. I spent my early years hearing my siblings talking of 'Nana'. All I really had was a sense that I'd missed out. Such family dynamics can be difficult.

I always felt cheated about never knowing Nana.  A few yearsago, I was discussing this with my elder sister Valerie. She told me I was lucky. Nana died in 1960 after a botched medical procedure at Edgware General hospital. My Uncle George was sent to collect her. When he arrived, he was told she was dead. He returned to my Mums house, where everyone was having tea. He entered and announced "They've butchered Mum, she's dead". Valerie said it was the single most horrible moment of her life. I was spared that moment.  I got to thinking whether Samantha's daughter feels she missed out on not knowing her brother Ivan and whether she understands the pain his passing caused the family?

Such things are a sadly part of growing up. Sooner or later, you lose someone you love. Shortly before my Mum passed away, she started talking about her mother. I reminded her that I never met her and said of my sense of missing out. My mother also recalled how her brother announced the news. She told me she'd been furious with him for years for blurting it out in front of my siblings in such an insensitive way. She realised that it has utterly traumaised all of them. She said it had been the worst day of her life, but the way the news was broken made it far worse. My mum had to pacify a bunch of hysterical children, as well as handle her own grief. 

Which brings us back to where we started. Adolescence shone a light on just how difficult being a parent can be. I doubt any parent emerges from the process completely unscathed. We all have things we think we could have done better. There are moments when we realise that we don't know our kids as well as we thought. Sometimes, their behaviour can be shocking. We can't believe that we are in a situation. But sometimes, we are reminded how bloody brilliant they are. We have to see things like Adolescence in perspective.We can only do our best. What do you do when your kids don't meet your hopes and expectations? Well I'd say you should do exactly what you do when they exceed them. Tell them that you love them and you will always be their for them. You might miss out the bit about bein g proud of them, but when they are at their lowest is when they need you most.

But I then thought about my Mum and her mums death. Who is there for us when we are in the eye of the storm? I'm pretty lucky in as much as I have a partner who is supportive and friends who make an effort. But in such an extreme situation, I guess we'd learn who our friends really are. The one thing I can vividly recall about Samantha Cameron was feeling extremely sorry for her. Being such a public figure, she couldnt really let her guard down. If she had deciced to have a cuppa with me and share her thoughts, she might find them splashed on the front page of The Sun (I wouldn't do that but she wouldn 't know). It must be a lonely old life.

So I guess what I am saying, in a very long winded fashion, is that in every tragedy, there are people who are blameless but deeply affected and often they can't talk to anyone about their feelings. We are not a kind and loving society. Perhaps the worst aspect is that you get a lot of very right wing people bemoaning the 'death of Christian society in the West', but the same people have completely forgotten the first principle of Christianity, which is forgiveness and reconciliation. The one thing I learned from the clients of The Passage, who were largely using the service because something in their lives had gone horribly wrong, was that we are all human beings. Just chatting to the clients over a cup of tea made me realise we are a  harsh and uncaring society and there is no forgiveness and little real compassion. What we want when things go wrong is to demonise people, lock them up and throw away the key. I have no problem with locking people up when they are a risk to other people. I know that there are bad people who don't change. But when people make a bad decision, an error that they come to bitterly regret, we really should do more to support them in making amends. I am not sure that I'd forgive anyone who murdered a child of mine. I have no idea how I'd deal with it if my child was the perpetrator. But I do know one thing, without doubt. If I didn't have the support of people who love me, I'd fall apart. That is my take away. 

The Sunday Reflection #46 - What's so funny about Peace, Love and Understanding?

Back in 1986, I worked for BT on the Prestel Team, running the computer network from Baynard House in Blackfriars. One of the ops shift leaders was a guy called Israel Watts, who was an elderly (so I thought at the time, he was probably younger than I am now!) West Indian chap of great knowledge and wisdom. Israel's shift ran in a totally different way to all of the other shifts.  In the operations control centre, there was a telly, which the ops team could watch when things were quiet. Working in computer operations at the time involved a lot of sitting around, waiting for things to go wrong. When they did, it was mayhem. The rest of the time was mindnumbingly boring. There was about an hours work a day, taking backups and doing checks, in a 12.5 hour shift. A lot of telly was watched. 

When Israel was on shift, he was the King of the telly. He was the boss, so he'd choose the channel. His favourite programme was Coronation Street. I hated the programme. My mum used to watch it and it seemed to simply be old people talking about nothing. The only time I had any interest at all, was when Suzy Birchall was in it, played by Cheryl Murray. I fancied the pants off her, so it almost made it watchable. Her character was a bubbly with a bit of sauce. Apart from that, I thought it dull as dishwater. However, when I worked with Israel, I was given a masterclass in why it was the best programme on TV. The first thing Israel taught me was that it was not a normal soap opera, it was more of a comedy. I'd just never seen the comedic elements. Characters like Hilda and Stan Ogden, Eddie Yeats and Annie Walker were pure comedy gold. Hilda's wonky flying ducks, the berating of Stan for his 'bit on the side in Inkerman St' and Eddie's laziness. The writing was far sharper than I'd ever appreciated. But the real thing that Israel appreciated was that they transformed a mundane situation, where nothing much happened into compelling TV. The characters were believeable, like the people we knew. Israel hated Easteneders, as people were nasty and the plots ridiculous. By and large, in Coronation St they were nice (apart from when Suzy Birchall tried to seduce her mate Gail's husband Brian!). They were just normal people. Israel's view of life was that you go to work, do your job and try and enjoy yourself. You make work work for you. He liked working at Prestel as he got paid handsomely to watch Coronation St most of the time. He was kind and decent, but made sure all of the jobs got done. His shift was a lot more laid back than the others. 

When I first met Israel, I underestimated him. He was always happy to impart some life experience. This wasn't always wanted, but in hindsight it was hugely insightful. I wasn't on his shift, I was brought in to set up a new system for BT, running the Link ATM network. I had to work with the ops team to set up the procedures. I asked Israel to run an eye over the checklists and operational task rotas I'd set up. He tore them to shreds. I was looking at the job from a geeky, computer nerd perspective. Israel was looking at it from the point of view of an experienced computer operations professional. He demanded everything was simplified and made fool proof. To Israel, every task should be binary. Has it worked? If it has tick a box, if it hasn't call support. Make all of the tasks as simple as possible, that way there is less to go wrong. It changed the way I viewed life. Israel was right. The simpler you make things, the less there is to go wrong and the more time you can spend watching Coronation St. His input meant that the ops team ran the system without a glitch for the time I worked there. 

Israel also imparted the importance of buying the right brand of tea, the right brand of biscuits and why certain newspapers should not be entertained. I came to realise that if I needed advice, I'd ask him first. Why? Because he'd tell me the truth. He had a very West Indian humour, that I was the butt of, as often as he could find a good reason to wind me up. Coming from a large family, I was used to this. Not everyone was. But I realised that he was not being cruel, he was keeping us all on our toes. Whilst I was working at BT, my father died unexpectedly. I was completely devastated. Israel took time to speak to me. He was one of the only people there who did. He asked me all about my Dad, as a fellow citizen of the Commonwealth, he was intrigued about my Dad's early life in Australia. He gave me some very sound advice. He said that I had to count myself lucky that I had a father who I would miss. He cautioned that not everyone has the same feelings for their parents and that I should thank God for the time we had. This was a barbed reference to our boss, who had chastised me for taking time off to grieve. She had told me "when my father died, I took half a day off for the funeral". This was said in front of the team. Many were none too impressed with the statement. Israel didn't say anything at the time, but made his views known privately to me. 

I left BT shortly after that comment. A conversation with Israel made my mind up for me. He advised me that work wasn't worth it if you were not happy. He said that he'd made BT work for him, but he was at a different stage in life. He gave me some excellent advice for dealing with difficult bosses. He said that there is no point arguing or confronting bad bosses as you won't win. He said that all you can do is make sure that you've got yourself in order, so that if they try and screw you, you have your story straight. He said that if you are unhappy, life is too short to put up with it, unless you have no choice. I had a choice, I bided my time and got a better job. 

Once I had handed my notice in, I felt liberated. The last chat I had with Israel was about music. He had similar tastes to many older West Indian people. He liked cheerful happy music of the caribbean and also a bit of country and western. He told me that the sort of punk rock I liked wasn't really his cup of tea "Can't be doin all that shoutin' and complainin'". Then he said "But I do like that song by Elvis Costello, What so funny bout Peace Love and Understanding". We had a great conversation about the links between Ireland and the Carribean. Many of the earliest slaves were actually Irish, as were many slave owners. When slaves started to be imported from Africa, they were seen as harder working, easier to control and easier to keep an eye on than the Irish, but for a period there were both and many of the Irish traditions were passed on. One of the traditions was the musical one, with Irish music combining with African ones, to form a new type of music that eventually evolved into Calyspso, Ska and Reggae. I hadn't realised that some of the protest music that the likes of Marley wrote had it's early roots in Irish ballads. Israel explained that what he especially liked about Whats so funny is that it's message is so simple yet so true. He said the lyrics really chimed with him. 

He said "Imagine a reggae beat, forget the tune and imagine Bob Marley or John Holt singing the first verse"

… As I walk through this wicked world
Searchin' for light in the darkness of insanity
I ask myself, is all hope lost?
Is there only pain and hatred, and misery?

Whenever I hear the song, I always think of Israel. The song was actually written by Nick Lowe and Nick ended up marrying Carlene Carter, the step daughter of Johnny Cash. In later years Nick has drifted more towards country music. I think Israel would approve! He taught me a really important lesson, where some people see a fence, he saw the gaps between the panels, where you could see the promised land beyond. Throughout my life I learned that the more you listen and the less you speak, the more you learn. I am glad that I spent some time listening to Israel Watts. Have a listen, it's a great song!

 

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The Saturday List #478 - My top ten male role models

 This list never occurred to me until I heard Gareth Southgate talking about male role models and how boys need them. I am a big admirer of Gareth Southgate as a man. He seems intelligent, decent and honest. He is also clearly a driven individual, being a retired professional footballer and England player and manager. You do not reach these levels if you've not got something about you. Southgate was speaking in response to the rise of toxic masculinity and influencers such as the Tate brothers. Their attitudes are abhorrant to Southgate, who sees things such as being respectful to women as a critical part of being a man. I agree with Gareth. It made me realise that this was a long overdue list.

1. My Dad. I cannot overstate the influence my father had on me. He wasn't perfect, he had faults, but if I could be a tenth the man he was, I'd die happy. He was a decent, honourable man. He was an Austrailian who'd volunteered to fly with the RAF to defeat Fascism, because he believed it to be evil. He escaped from a POW camp. But it was his personal values that really impressed me. He ran a business and was always brutally honest and fair with his staff. They all turned out for his funeral. He'd retired from the business three years before. His attitude to women was the opposite of the toxic sexual aggression of the Tate's. Dad always taught me that you respect women, you don't swear in front of them, you never use violence. If you fancy a girl, you schmooz and flatter them and with their heart by being nice. If your partner is happy, you will be happy. He also taught me that you should be loyal to females in your life and that you should put their safety as a paramount, be this your wife, daughters and female friends and relatives. If you see a woman in distress, you assist her, assuming she wants your help. Very old fashioned? Yes but truly honourable.

2. My brother Laurie. Laurie is my eldest brother. When I was growing up, he had a massive influence. Laurie is someone who reads, was a superb guitarist and spent a lot of time travelling around the country and Europe as a teenager. He went to school in Rossindale in Holland, as he was training to be a Roman Catholic Priest. He wasn't ordained, decided he wanted to have a family. But I was highly influenced by his intellectual approach to life. He had a subscription to Scientific American and New Scientist. His view was that you should be well informed if you want to succeed. That was a massive lesson.

3. My brother Frank. Laurie's younger twin, by 20 minutes. Very different to Laurie. Frank is also a great musician. Hearing the jam as a kid was a massive influence. Unlike Laurie, Frank loves football, sadly he's Man Utd, but no one is perfect. Frank went to University and got a job in electronics. His example gave me a blueprint I aspired to follow. Sadly, I was too thick to go to Uni, but he also gave me a great road map for life. Frank was also very kind to me growing up. Laurie spent his life winding me up. These three all contributed to my view of how you should live your life and conduct your business.

4. Joe Mercer. Joe Mercer was the manager of Manchester City in their most successful period, before the Arab spring takeover transformed the club. He was my hero, because he was the boss! To my great delight, my Dad arranged for myself and my sister Valerie to have tea with him. He asked me what position I played. I said 'goalie'. Usually the most useless footballer became the goalie, which was probably true, but I idolised England goalie Gordon Banks and City keeper Joe Corrigan. I excitedly told Joe this. He said "Being a keeper is the hardest job, if you want to be a keeper, you have to work ten times harder in training than any other position, as one mistake and the team might lose". Even though I was eight, Joe was really great with me. I was devastated when he left City. A mistake City spent four decades paying for. 

5. Colin Bell. As a City fan, Colin, the King of The Kippax was my absolute hero. I told Joe Mercer this and Joe told me that, in his opinion, Colin Bell was the best player on the planet. He told me that Colin understood the game better than any of the other City players. He always seemed to be in the right place, make the right pass and when he ran with the ball, he was glorious, being nicknamed Nijinsky, after the Grand National winner. Joe Mercer told me that Bell was brilliant in training and also an inspiration to younger players. There were never any scandals with Colin Bell. His wikipedia entry doesn't even mention his family. I suspect that he's the only City player of that era who'd get into the current City team.

6. Ian Dury. I doubt anyone could be more different to Colin Bell than Ian Dury. In many ways, Ian Dury was not a wonderful role model. But if it wasn't for Dury, my life would be very different. I met him in the late 1970's, a chance encounter in a cafe in Camden. He was grumpy, but in a nice way. I told him I was getting a band together and asked for some advice. He said "Have you got any gigs?" I said "No not yet, we're just getting it together". He then said "Have you actually got a guitar?". I said "No, I'm borrowing my sisters". He shook his head and said "My advice, stop f***ing around, get yourself a guitar, then get yourself some gigs, then come back and ask me again". I felt chastised and started to slope off. The great man took mercy on me and said "Don't forget, always give it big, but get your band together before you start bothering people about it" and almost cracked a smile. Dury was a man who lived with a disability, it didn't stop him. I always loved the honesty in his lyrics, and the observational style. He didn't sing with a mock American accent. I wrote a song about it as I felt it was only fair to acknowledge his role. 

The False Dots · Channelling Ian Dury

7. John Shuttler. My old physics teacher at FCHS. Undoubtedly the best teacher I ever had. A decent, fair man, who wasn't afraid to tell you it as it was, but also did it with kindness and in a way you understood. He was also a brilliant physics teacher. I got an O level and an A level in physics, which is remarkable. It was the least I could do to thank him. He was also a man who loved music, guitars and amplifiers. I think every teacher should be like John. Sadly, they are not. 

8. Fr Perry Gildea. The former parish priest at The Sacred Heart. I am a person with a strong faith, but a huge dislike and distrust of structures of formal religion. Perry encouraged me to go to Lourdes in 2001, as a volunteer with HCPT, a charity that takes people living with disabilities away for a week there. I've been most years since. I took my mum four times, she was disabled and housebound and it gave me some wonderful time with her towards the end of her life. I also took my cousin Tessie, who was my age and lived with Downs syndrome four times. Just for that I owe Perry a huge debt of gratitude. However he is also one of the few priests I've met who I can talk sensibly about religion with. When he speaks, it is always interesting. I have come to a far better understanding of my relationship with the Universe as a result. I don't want to preach in this column, but it is a really important lesson, that you can still find mentors when you are in your later life.

9. Ernie Ferebee. My former business partner at Mill Hill Music Complex. Ernie was ten years older than me, a man who'd lived a bonkers life. His Dad was an East End bareknuckle boxer. He'd driven coaches overland to India, which is when I first met him, he'd regale us with stories from trips, I was about 12. He'd also worked as a road manager for me, before joining as studio manager. Ernie helped me transform the studio from a hobby to a thriving business. He had a different approach to business to most people I'd dealt with. Ernie had two criteria. You must make money and you must have fun. It is a lesson I've tried to continue with.

10. Pat Daley. Pat Daley was a stonemason who worked at Bunns Lane Works. I did some summer work with him. Pat had been an officer in the army in WWII. He was the hardest man you'd ever meet. He always had a cigar in his mouth. His unit had been the first British Army unit into Belsen. What he saw caused him to have a breakdown and commit a warcrime against SS officers held at the camp. This was hushed up. Pat was so disgusted that he nicked a tank and robbed a bank. Pat told me what happens when you have fascists in charge. He said "I saw Belsen first hand. You cannot imagine it. One day you will hear someone deny it happened. If they do, please smack them in the mouth from me". Pat taught me that when people are evil, no quarter can be given. Some of the things Pat told me, haunt me to this day. He said "You need to know these things son, one day this knowledge will ensure you make the right decision, as you know the truth". Pat had been an army boxing champion, he wasn't what might be called Woke now, but I know what he'd make of the likes of the Tates.

God bless all of them, alive and dead. Not an Andrew Tate style idiot to be seen anywhere. 

ULEZ, NI hikes, Brexit, Business Rates hikes, etc - God help you if you are trying to run a post Covid small business!

Pic Courtesy of Daily Telegraph, click for article

Over the past couple of weeks, I've found myself, rather unexpectedly, as a minor star of the anti ULEZ movement. I've done TV interviews with ITV, BBC, had an article in the Daily Telegraph and even had a request from GB News to have a chat with Andrew Pierce today about the issue. Unlike most ULEZ opponents, I am not rabidly anti Sadiq Khan. I do not like the way he runs City Hall, but it is not a personal thing and nothing to do with his racial origins. He is just pretty useless as a Mayor and doesn't listen. His only real talent is being very astute at assembling an electoral majority in London. He's been helped by the complete inability of the Tories to pick a candidate who has a Scooby Doo!

But Sadiq Khan and ULEZ is just one element of a very hostile environment for anyone trying to run a small business. My business is facong multiple existensial threats. After 46 years of successfully running a music studio business, April could well see the end. We will not go down without a fight, but at what stage does a man who is 62 say "Sod this for a game of soldiers". So lets look at each of these threats and how they affect us.

First of all, our business has not fully recovered from the pandemic. Looking  at the year so far, our turnover is 16% down on what it was for the equivalent period in 2019, which was the last full pre covid year. In 2020, as the pandemic hit, we were 6% down, In 2021, when lockdowns were in place for some, we were 70% down, in 2022 it was 30% down, in 2023, it was 20% down, in 2024 it was 8% down and this year, it has dipped again. The first quarter is always a strange one. The day of the week the year starts on affects the turnover in January and also the day of the week that Valentines day falls on (musicians don't rehearse, so you lose a days turnover. Also, we tend to do maintenance in the 1st quarter, as we did this year, which closes studios etc and affects turnover. But even so, we are nowhere near back to pre pandemic levels. There is simply less work for musicians and this has a knock on effect with a lack of need for rehearsals. The only real saving grace is that most of our competetors, who were around in 2020 have ceased trading. 

So what are the challenges. 

Business rates. The chancellor announced that Business Rates relief for leisure and retail busnesses will reduce from 75% to 40%. With the rates increases to these, that means that our rates bill will double from 2024. Barnet council only collect rates for ten months, we get some respite in February and March, but we will have huge bills in April. If we trade at the same level as last year, this will gobble up all of our profit.

NI hikes. The government has changed the thresholds for NI. It is unclear to me at this point how this will affect us. It may be that we can partially mitigate this, but it is a tax on employing people. We have changed our staffing patterns, we may have to rejig things further, amend our opening hours, so we are not paying people at quieter times. We've always opened, even if there is only one band rehearsing and it doesn't pay wages. As these wages and NI costs have spiralled, we need to review this. 

Minimum wages. Historically, the studio has always paid above minimum wage. We did this as we wanted the best staff. As the government realised they can cut benefit bills for people in work by raising this, they've massively hiked employment costs. Up until 2019, this wasnt' so much of a problem. Now with the business on life support, it puts a huge strain on our budget. We've cut two members of staff and run single man shifts at quiet times. Cutting staff costs is just about the only tool a business such as ours has. The government makes these changes, businesses like us cut staff costs and the government gets less tax. It means that they can't balance the books. It is basic econmics.

Brexit. This has affected our business in three ways. The first way is that tier 4/5 bands (bands playing small venues, working professionally) used to survive by touring Europe. Brexit has made this almost unfeasable for small bands. The tax rules around selling merchandise and getting paid make it impractical. Less work means less rehearsals. The second way is that less musicians are coming to London to work from EU countries. That also means less work. The third way is that our music equipment company has stopped selling in Europe. It is just too much hassle for the rewards.

ULEZ - We are on the edge of the ULEZ zone. For bands and musicians living in Hertfordshire, rehearsing, or buying strings, etc, if they have a non compliant vehicle it adds £12.50 to the bill. If you are a guitarist and you want to buy a new E string  for £1.50, as you have a gig tonight, will you pay that money or will you drive to Hatfield/Watford and buy them there, even if it's three times as far and it costs a couple of quid in petrol and parking (parking is free at our place). There is also the hassle of paying the charge. Around 40% of our customers are based outside of London. Of these 25/30% have non compliant vehicles. Our tracking of booking data indicates that we are seeing 10-15% less bookings due to ULEZ at a conservative estimate. Being on the edge of the zone, it effects us disproportionately. The same is true of pubs, restaurants and other businesses on the boundary.

Energy costs. Like everyone, we've been clobbered by rising utility costs. UK businesses pay the highest energy costs in Europe. We have largely moved to energy efficient bulbs, etc and are looking at other savings, but I suspect we've drank this well dry. 

So what can we do to survive?

Staff - As mentioned above, we are looking at our staffing patterns and opening hours. Should we trim these? Do our opening hours really suite our customers and our business model? Is there scope for reorganising things.

Advertising -  We've done very little advertising in the last two years. We've recently run some rather innovative campaigns, that have delivered a great response. For years we sinply relied on Google adwords to bring in new customers. We've moved away from this. It has saved money and we are using far more targetted advertising. We've also realised that targetting Hertfordshire is pretty much a waste of time.

New income streams - Attracting different types of business, which have not traditionally used the studio. We've done OK at this historically. Adding dance and photography studios has paid dividends. We are also used for things such as casting. The tuition side of the business has also brought in a reasonable amount of income, as well as building a strong base of future customers.

Add ons - this is making sure our customers spend more money when they are in the studios.  We recently installed a better coffee machine. We hope this will increase our drinks turnover by £1-2,000. Not a huge amount in the scheme of things, but such small margins make can be the difference some months, between paying the bills or not.

Raising studio costs - We did this in January in anticipation of the cost hikes in April. It is a double edged sword. Price rises always make customers review their arrangements. There seems to be a movement towards shorter sessions. Bands book 3 hours where they previously booked four, etc. As they use less electricity etc, you make a bit more per session in profit, and it frees space at busy times, but it takes a year before you really appreciate the effects.

Other cost savings -  There are always savings to be made. It is a question of seeing the wood for the trees. Energy contracts, insurance costs etc are always worth looking at.

So where are we? The rest of this month, I will be spending my time looking at all of this. When you've run a business for 46 years, you don't just throw the towel in. In 2020, my expectation would be that by 2025, we'd either have shut or we'd be making a fortune. In truth, we are doing neither. We are just about breaking even and I suspect that this is what we will continue to do. I wouldn't advise anyone to start a music business now. The Mayor won't support you, the government won't support you, your utility suppliers will shaft you and everyone is out to screw you. 

Here's a song that sort of sums up how I feel about it all right now, as we crunch the numbers. I am sure that by the end of the month, I'll feel better!

Why I believe that God loves Punk Rock?

 As I understand it, the Universe came into existence about 13.8 billion years ago. There are two main theories how this happened. Th first is that there was a 'Big Bang'. The second is that someone called God was rather bored and lonely and said 'let there be light' and then sat around waiting for something interesting to happen. I can remember when I was little. My Dad showed me to make nitroglycerene, in a rather wise bit of parenting. He told me that it was a useful life skill. We then made and detonated a small bomb. It was a massive buzz, so I can completely get why God would enjoy making a 'big bang'. If I was in Gods shoes and nothing was happening, I'd make a Big Bang myself.

God then sat around for 9.3 billion years watching all of the galaxies, stars, planets and moons forming. I guess that if you've been surrounded by nothing for an infinite period, that''s not verylong really, is it? Around that time, a little planet, about 93 million miles from a fairly non descript star formed. I personally have no idea if that planet is unique or if the Universe is full of such planets. I've always been interested in that question, but sadly God hasn't chosen to share the info with me or anyone else, to the best of my knowledge. Maybe one day we'll find loads of other similar planet, with all the same problems we have, or maybe, like God before the "Big Bang", we are utterly alone. But anyway, that little planet was in what is called the Goldilocks zone. This does not mean that three bears eat your porridge on the planet. It means that it's orbit is not to near to boil off the oceans and not too far to freeze them. It had an ample supply of water, it had a reasonably large moon, that exerted a strong enough tidal force to move oceans and make an intermediate zone between land and sea. This was quite useful when life evolved (or was made by God). It meant that creatures in the sea, where it started, moved on to land. The first life forms are believed to have existed 3.5 million years ago, about a billion years after the Earth came into existence. We don't know anything about the first life forms, as they were simple creatures that left no fossils. We can guess that they flourished, as there were no stronger organisms murdering them. That came later. 

Two main sorts of life forms evolved. Plants that made oxygen from CO2 in sunshine and animals that ate the plants. Sometime later, animals started eating each other as well. Now if, like me, you believe in God, this is where God started having fun. If you were God and you had a planet full of boring plants like ferns and grasses and boring animals like worms and slugs, what would you do? I know what I'd do. I'd have some fun. I'd make some cool monsters like dinosaurs, some amazing looking plants with brilliant flowers. Dinosaurs appeared around 240 million years ago and the first flowering plants appeared about 140 million years ago. After about 75 million years, God got bored with dinosaurs and sent an asteroid to destroy them, according to various theories. I have my own theory. God made some cute, furry animals called mammals, that were small and the dinosaurs couldn't catch. These little bastards ate all the dinosaurs food and they died out. Those little furry cuties, evolved into, rats, mice, horses, wolves, lions and eventually humans. 

Now imagine you're God and you've been sitting around forever and all of a sudden there's all of these humans running around. They form tribes, bash each other up and breed like, well humans. It's all very well but it isn't exactly exciting is it? So what do you do? Well you encourage them to bash things with sticks rythmically. You then encourage them to make alcohol and dance to the sound of the things being bashed. It's only taken the whole of eternity, plus about 13.8 billion years, but hey ho, you've invented fun. After sitting around being bored for ever, all of a sudden there is something worthwhile happening in the Universe. 

So if you are God, what do you think to yourself. I am just speculating, but I think God would look at his work and think "yeh, this pretty cool". The first evidence of people playing music was about 40,000 years ago. Drums and flutes appear to be the first musical instruments. The first stringed instruments appeared around 13,000 years ago. More advanced stringed instruments started to appear around 4,000 years ago. The first musical groups appeared to form around 2nd century BCE, in Mesopotamia and Iran. So imnagine you are God for a second. It's taken all this time, you've seen countless life forms come and go and up until now, all they've done is eat, reproduce and kill each other. Now they are having some fun, doing something creative. You've been waiting an eternity for this, so what would you do? It's obvious really, send one of the kids down to see what it's all about. 

Now the trouble with this is that us lot really weren't ready for a fella to turn up and tell us that it would all be better if we were nice to each other. He gave us a few hints, turned water into wine when the plonk ran out at a wedding. If you believe the book, he made 40 gallons of the best stuff. Sadly we all know what heppened next. I guess we can count ourselves lucky that we didn't go the way of the dinosaurs there and then. This is always something that has puzzled me. I'm a Dad and if anyone hurts my kids, I am not going to be reasonable. There must be some reason that he put up with our savage behaviour. Now it is clear it is not because we are good or nice. What can it be?

Well there is a small clue in the Holy book, where Jesus tells the religious types that the tax collectors and prostitutes will enter heaven before them. There are many interpretations on this, mine is that having fun is OK, in fact it is highly desirable. Sure we've all got to be nice to each other as well. But we should not be scared to have fun. So having established that nothing much happend for a very long time, lets skip the bit of the story up to 1976. A brief summary. Drum kits, Marshall amps, Les Paul and Fender guitars have all been invented. All manner of musical genres have come into existence, classical, folk, jazz, soul, ska, reggae and glam, to name a few. This was all great. Music had become the soundtrack to our lives. Whereas the dinosaurs simply had the wind and the sea to listen to, we had a plethora of amazing music. There was only one small element missing. Musicians seemed a breed apart. The band was the band, the audience was the audience. And then the second big bang happened. Punk Rock burst onto the scene. A chap called Mark P produced a magazine called Sniffin Glue. On the front cover, he put three chords and an invocation to go out and form a band. Now we all had permission to be a part of it. 

And I believe that God saw this and thought it was good. Sure we are as imperfect as we've ever been. Sure we do bad things, we screw up, we hurt each other. But we also make beautiful things, we make beautiful sounds. I've lead a charmed life. Like the Earth in the Goldilocks zone, I was born in the Goldilocks zone of music. I was born in 1962. I was just the right age to be immersed in punk music. God has given me many gifts, but being born in 1962 and having the life I've had is the best. I was pondering on this. An odd thought occurred to me. If the universe was created in a random big bang, it could end in one, at any time. We could all disappear in the way we all appeared. Gone, not a trace. Or this could all go on for a hundred trillion years. Whatever happens though, we are in a special time. We have music all around us. We can listen to almost every piece of music ever made at the touch of a button. I just wanted to thank God for the fact that 13.8 billion years of evolution has put me here, now and able to appreciate it. If you don't believe and buy into the random chance theory, that's fine with me. This isn't a sermon, it is just me trying to explain why, despite rotten politicians, greedy oligarchs, bad priests, malicious forces that we can't control and fools on the internet, there is beauty in the world and we should cherish it. There has been death and destruction for a very long time, art, music and beauty is a relatively new thing in the big scheme of things. Isn't that a cause for hope. I believe there is a God and that God loves punk rock, because it is something that allows us to be creative and express ourselves. And I have to conclude that being creative and expressing ourselves is perhaps, our saving grace. And is we want to be creative and express ourselves, it makes us nicer, which is, as best as I can tell, the message of all the holy books. And I hope if got this all wrong, God doesn't hold it against me. I am doing my best.

Anyway, here's a little tune I made earlier, which sort of sums it up

And as it's St Patricks day, here are some of the finest tunes from the Irish diaspora to celebrate!

The Sunday Reflection #45 - It's never too late to get your $h1t together

Regrets, I've had a few... The opening line to My Way by Frank Sinatra.  What is the Sunday Reflection and what's that got to do with Frank Sinatra? Do you know why you can't see Vampires in a mirror? Because they can't reflect. They have no conscience. Relfection on life, is how we learn and how we get better. We all know a few people in our lives, who act like vampires, sucking out our energy. We all have situations that drain us. One of the things I wanted to do with this feature is to reflect on how I got to the point where I feel I can honestly say "yeah, I am in a pretty good place to deal with lifes challeges" (Please Lord do not use this rash statement as an excuse to test me!). Anyway back to Frank!

The next line, "But then again, too few to mention".Yeah, I've had a few. If I am honest, I was a truly horrible person from the age of 14 to 24. Many of us are awful as teenagers, I don't hold that against anyone. I didn't murder anyone, but I was incredibly selfish and self centred. Perhaps the worst thing was that I got away with it. Why? I can only guess it was because I was quite a good laugh to be around. The only real focus in my life at the time was my band and the hedonism around it. I skillfully assembled (that's a lie!) an amazing team of people equally dedicated to such hedonism and we had an amazing craic. 

When I was 21, it all caught up with me. My health took a massive hit, resulting in an extended spell in hospital, the repercussions of which still live with me. Worse still, I learned the hard way that if you are in a relationship with someone you like, you should be nice to them, or you lose them. It took another three years for the lesson to truly sink in. From 21 to 24, as I tried to get my health and my head back together, I started a journey. I started doing Yoga, which was brilliant. I owe a lot to Joyce who used to teach in Mill Hill and I think reset my direction in life. To me she was an 'old lady', but she had a calmness around her and was kind. After we exercised, she'd do a guided meditation. During one of these a very large penny dropped. I didn't suddenly stop being a complete twat, but I realised I had been one, which was the start of a very long journey.  As we were leaving the class one day, Joyce grabbed me and said "Something seems to be troubling you". I was very defensive, I didn't like receiving unwanted advice. I repled "I'm fine". She said "Roger, you are not, what is up". I'd had a bad day at work. My then boss, who I got on with, had been replaced by a new guy. We didn't get on and he'd told me to find another job. I said "Oh, just work problems". She said "If it is making you unhappy, find something else. You don't need negativity in your life". The next day, I saw another job advertised, perfect for me and within a month I'd left. I sometimes have a problem letting go of things. I felt huge loyaty to the company and my ex boss, but the company had been taken over, he'd gone and I was unhappy. It seemed to me as if the stars had aligned for me. The new job, with a salary almost double, enabled me to buy a property. Life lesson one, if something isn't working, change it. From that moment, I made it a strict principle that jobs had to work for me, not the other way around. I alway worked hard, but I never stuck around if I was unhappy and it wasn't working.

That was an important life lesson, but the harshest one was delivered when I was 24. My Dad died unexpectedly, aged 69. Dad had smoked like a chimney for most of his adult life. He'd not taken care of himself. He seemed indestructable. God had other ideas. For me though, the biggest shock was to realise just how much I loved him, and that he was irreplaceable. I also had a degree of guilt for not making more effort to spend time with him. A couple of months before he died, we had what would now be called a 'boys night out'. A curry, snooker and a bottle of scotch until 3am in the front room. Big hangover the next day, but a cracking night. We'd agreed to do it more often. That was the last time I saw him alive. Life lesson #2. The people you really love won't be there forever, so make sure you appreciate them. It also made me reflect on why I'd not engaged more with my Dad. In truth, the main reason was his awful temper. I believe he suffered PTSD in WW2 and this was a manifestation of that. He could lose the plot, especially when we were young. I got well and truly clobbered a few times, as did my brothers. Times were different and it was socially acceptable. I don't have a problem with it, but it did put distance between us.  The more I thought about it, the more I realised that it was a big problem. He never clobbered the women in our house, but if we stepped out of line, we soon knew it. My trouble has always been that I speak my mind and hold my ground. This was not wise with Dad when he was losing the plot. When we had our night out, I pulled him on it. By now, I was 24 and bigger than him. His temper had to some degree abated, and I suspect that retirement and lack of stress did him good. He explained "Listen son, if you never get clobbered when are gobby, one day you'll walk into a pub in Glasgow, say the wrong thing and get a smack in the gob and you won't have a clue why. You know what happens if you pull a lions tail". It was very old school.

When I was thirty three, I learned I was going to be a father. I thought deeply about my relationship with my Dad. My regrets about the distance between us. I also realised I was carrying some of his anger and temper. I realised this caused distance. I decided to take positive action. I went to see an anger management counsellor. I thought this would mean I didn't lose the plot and would be Mr Calm at all times. I learned that I carry too much baggage. The counsellor teaches you to manage anger, not erase it. One of the unexpected benefits of the sessions was I learned I was dyslexic. Talking about my schooling, it became clear I had a learning difficulty. Once I realised this, many things fell into place. The sessions did not make me into a calm, placid person. What it did do was make me a better person, which is the best result. So life lesson #3 - try and become a better person, it is worth it.

Back in 2008, I was forty six. I wanted to promote local music, so I suggested to the editor of the Barnet Times a music column. To shut me up, he offered me a spot as a 'guest local blogger'. I'd hardly written anything in my life, apart from a few songs. I didn't even know what a blogger was. So I googled it. The advice. 1. Post regularly. 2. Be honest. 3. Be Interesting. 4. If something interests you, it will probably interest other people. To my surprise, the blog quickly became the most read item on the Times website (they used to have a display of most read stories on the front page). I posted every day. Then I upset the powers that be and got sacked. I was gutted. I set this blog up, expecting no interest. The Blogspot hit counter tells me I've had five million views. I had no real plan or identity I wanted to portray. I just wanted to speak my truth. For some reason it chimed. At first blogs were largely about politics, with the odd one about football and a few about funny incidents. Then in 2011, I was diagnosed with Prostate cancer. This changed the blog. I wanted to get the message out to other guys to get tested, so I started the cancer blog. As I wrote this, I realised it was theraputic documenting my journey and putting my thoughts and fears down. It inspired me to also talk about my dyslexia. I found that this helped me sort my head out. Writing down and rationalising my thoughts and feelings really helped me through. Life lesson #4 - Ananlysing your problems helps you find solutuons.

In 2021, the drummer in my bands son tragically took his own life. We were in lockdown. How do you help someone in that position? Well the only thing I could think of was to organise a band rehearsal ASAP. Sadly, our then singer was unwilling to rehearse for personal reasons, related to the pandemic. So I suggested that we rehearse a few ideas, for when he was able to come back. One of the songs I wanted to rehease, I wanted Lee Thompson of Madness to sing. I thought Lee's style would suit it. We rehearsed it, did a rough recording and I played it to Lee. He said "It's great, why don't you sing it?". I'd not sang with the band since 1982 and I hadn't enjoyed it then, but Lee's comments inspired me. When we did it, I realised that I'd changed. I loved it. We wrote a whole new set and to my amazement, we got a fantastic reaction, The False Dots got a completely new lease of life. We'd been chugging along doing a couple of local gigs a year, enjoying it, but not setting the world alight.  The change made it a completely different prospect. I realised that I'd made a very stupid mistake not being the singer all along! It is probably the only aspect of my life I'd change! Life lesson #5 - It's never too late to undo a mistake. The band will never be headliners at Wembley Stadium or bother the charts, but we have an absolute blast. It is now the vehicle I always wanted it to be.

Yesterday, I went to Manchester for the day with my son, to watch Manchester City, have a curry and a couple of beers. Matt is 24. He's the age I was when my Dad died. If I dropped dead tomorrow, I am sure he'd have his own regrets about our relationship when he reaches 62, but we have spent time together and had a good laugh. In truth, I think I am, in many ways, an awful parent and it is my wife does most of the heavy lifting, but I think my kids love me, respect what I've done and I have given them the time I should have. Having said that, it really is important to realise that however old you are, whatever you are doing, you are still a work in progress and there is always scope to get your act together. In the Roman Catholic tradition, we often submit a deathbed confession to a priest, to clear the decks, so we can go to heaven. Surely it is far more sensible to sort things out, when you realise that you've made a mistake.

And finally, here's a ditty for you! Enjoy your Sunday!

The Saturday list #476 - My to ten personal weaknesses

 Some people pay a therapist, I write a blog! I don’t know which works better, but I do know which is cheaper. If you want to become better, you need to understand the problem. So here are my weaknesses, in black and white, as I see them. Well my top ten.

1. I hang on to things and people that I should let go. I think I’m too loyal to people who don’t deserve loyalty, and too attached to things that are passed their use by dates. I will always find a reason or a justification to keep going, but events of this year have forced me to confront the fact that some people don’t deserve your friendship or loyalty. The realisation of this made me review my general outlook on life. I realise I have a stubbornness to let go of things.

2. I am overly fond of alcohol. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t drink all the time, I have more alcohol free days yhsn drinking days, but I associate alcohol with fun, so I see these days as Catholic penance to be endured. I look forward to my drinking days in a rather unhealthy way.

3. I take people who love me for granted. i suspect my mentality towards relationships is based on being in public football teams. You join the team, you do your all for the team, but you get no thanks for your efforts, the payback is being part of the team. I should be more appreciate.

4. I am personally reckless. I have no regard for my own personal safety and take stupid risks, always believing ‘it will be fine’. It always has.

5. I regard spare cash as ‘beer tokens’. I am not bad with money, in fact I’ve done well financially, but this is because I organise myself. However, the spare cash I have, I just see as money to be frittered away. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I always feel that spare cash is burning a hole in my pocket. The trouble is, I can’t think of a sound reason to be more sensible with it.

6. I judge people too quickly. It takes me one second to make my mind up about someone and ten years to change it. I’m usually a pretty good judge of character but I do get it wrong. 

7. I can dislike people for irrational reasons.  The number of times I’ve thought ‘if he likes that band, he’s an idiot’ or ‘if he supports that team he must be a twat’ only to end up best mates with them are numerous and I should’ve learned.

8. I find it difficult to respect people who form opinions about serious matters without doing their homework on the subject. I have friends who I actively avoid because they spout uninformed bollox. I should be more tolerant.

9. I harbour grudges. I should let things go, but I have a passionate desire to get even, if I believe someone has done me wrong. The only brake on this destructive behaviour is that I know a revenge is only worth having if you get away with it. I should move on.

10. I make too many lists!

Have a great weekend