Friday, 22 February 2013

Dr Who is alive and well and living in Hendon and enjoying the Thameslink service

No those of you who know me quite well will know I'm a Sci Fi buff. As such it gives me great pleasure to announce that I've uncovered an amazing fact. The most famous Timelord on the planet is alive and well and representing the people of Hendon in Parliament.

Yesterday I was in Marks and Spencers and a person who I've talked to over the years a few times whilst out campaigning on various local issues collared me. The gentlemen in question is a pugnatious character who has a low opinion of everyone involved in Politics and is more than happy to explain why at great length. He also has strong views on all manner of local issues. Like many people in Mill Hill he has become extremely disillusioned with the awful train service in Mill Hill, provided by First Capital Connect. Yesterday he was at his wits end about it and knowing I have taken an interest, he collard me. The conversation went as follows. Let's call him Adam (I've skipped the pleasantaries at the start).

Adam: "I am bloody well sick of this train service, First are an absolute joke. I thought the previous mob were bad, but this lot take the biscuit. Did you see that they've been voted the worst train company in the country".

Me: "Yes"

Adam: "What is that lazy git of an MP, Andrew Dismore doing about it? You never hear from him apart from when he wants your vote at the election, then you can't get away from him"

Me: "Erm, Andrew Dismore isn't the MP for Hendon. He lost in 2010"

Adam: "I thought he won the election last year?"

Me: "No, that was for the GLA, they don't run the trains, they just keep an eye on Boris"

Adam: "Oh, so who is our local MP then?"

Me: "It's Dr Matthew Offord"

Adam: "Doctor Who?"

At this I sniggered. I think the title quite suits Matthew. Given his activities to rescue the bumble bees of Barnet and his action man training with the Royal Marines he clearly sees himself as bit of a Time Lord on the sly.

As with all good Time Lords, he has a trusted companion in the shape of Max the Jack Russell. He is fearless when faced with challenges such as diving on old wrecks and it must be said that not a single Dalek has been spotted in Mill Hill since Dr Who took over from Andrew Dismore.

Just like the TV Timelord, Matthew has that special telepathic power which means you forget all about him after you've met him. Like the TV timelord he also has special telepathic paper for his campaign leaflets, so you see just what you want to see. A great example of this was his campaign leaflet which said he was going to stop Kentish Town Football club building a pavillion for 50 people at Copthall Stadium. Locals thought this would spare them from traffic Chaos. What he concealed was the plans for a 15,000 seat Rugby stadium on the site. Of course locals realise that 15,000 Rugby fans will cause far less disturbance to Mill Hill than the 50 people turning up to see Non League Kentish Town play. The matchday CPZ has seen to that.

So having had his true identity rumbled. My conversation with Adam continued.

Me: Doctor Matthew Offord

Adam: Are you sure it's not Andrew Dismore? Is Offord Labour? They are a bunch of lazy sods.

Me: Yes, absolutely. And no he's a Tory.

Adam: Do you know what he's doing about this bloody rail service?

Me: Well he says on his website that he's pleased that the Improvements are on track (

Adam: What, is he an idiot? Does he actually use the service? Who is he again?

At that we parted company. It seems that Dr Who really has learned to swim like a fish in the sea of people without troubling them with recognition. It is telling that nearly three years after the election, Andrew Dismore still has far higher local recognition that Dr Who.

On the good Doctors site, there is a section called local issues

Interestingly, this has only one topic. The One Barnet project which the good Doctor has no power over as it is a local council issue and out of his jurisdiction. There is nothing about the following issues, which he could have a big say in

The NHS and local health provision
Transport issues, roads, Underground and Rail (such as Thameslink)
Overdevelopment and Green Belt policy
Education, Acadamies and Free Schools

Do any of these matter to you? Well they certainly don't seem to matter to Dr Who? do they. One other interesting fact. Adam voted for Dr Who last time. He said he wanted to see the back of Gordon Brown. I asked if he would vote for him again? His verdict? "If I bother to vote, yes I'll vote Conservative as I always do, but if what your saying is true about his attitude to Thameslink, I don't think I'll bother"

Matthew Offord has a wafer thin majority of 105 and the Tories do not have Gordon Brown to act as a Millstone around the Labour vote. If Dr Who is to survive, I suspect he needs to build up a strong personal vote. He has made a big pitch for the anti gay marriage vote in Hendon, but apart from that, it is hard to see where this support can be rustled up from.

1 comment:

Dave-ros said...

Leaving aside the fact that it's the Silence who make you forget about them when you look away (because I'm sure that's what you meant!)...

Is Mr. Dr. Offord like the Second and Fourth Doctors -- acts like a complete buffoon, but he's actually got you exactly where he wants you? Or is he, in fact, to paraphrase the villain from City of Death, as stupid as he seems?