I had a bit of a row with Jeni Barnett, the rather useless & patronising stand in for Vanessa Feltz on BBC London 94.9 on Thursday morning. If you click this link and advance it to 2.15.15 you can hear the discussion.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p00gxkjd/Vanessa_Feltz_Drugs_and_bad_advice/
Having been up all night working, I'd actually just dropped off to sleep when BBC London rang at 11.15 and told me I was on air, so my thought process wasn't as sharp as it might have been. Having just listened to it again, I bitterly regret not giving her both barrels for many of the ridiculously crass and ignorant comments she made, possibly the worst being that people should view cancer as a health opportunity. She gave the ridiculous case of "a health centre in america where people with cancer are told they are not allowed to say they are ill and 80% get better". Great. What about the 20%? What about the millions of yanks who can't afford such services? What is the equivalent rate for people who are allowed to say they are ill? Ben Goldacre at the Guardian has made a living exposing such bolloxology. The last thing we need is crass and ignorant BBC radio presenters telling people with cancer they are not ill. I believe it's dangerous and I'd sack her for spouting such cobblers if I was her boss at the BBC, but I digress.
Jeni Barnett set me off, by stating that "dyslexics are sprinkled with stardust" and "it is a gift". When I challenged her to say whether she was dyslexic she said "yes, when I am tired I get numerologically dyslexic". Total bollox, what she means is when she gets tired, she gets tired and makes mistakes. Something we all do. She claimed she once lost a job because of it. This is typical of people like her. It's great to blame mysterious conditions for your own uselessness. Did it occur to her that maybe they sacked her, because she couldn't organise her life in such a way as to be fit to do her job?
For dyslexics, it is not a gift. It is just a pain in the arse. Sure some of us develop methods of coping so that we get by, but it improves nothing. I've been successful in life, but this is because I work hard. I've learned that if I try my best, I can do pretty good things with my life. There are many things I'm really proud of. My family, my band, my studios, my blog, my achievements in my working life to name but a few. How has dyslexia helped these? Jeni Barnett read out an email saying that dyslexics think 2,000 times quicker than "normal people". I've no idea whether this is true. My guess is that it is a generalisation and completely meaningless. I come from a pretty intelligent family. I've never noticed any evidence that I think more quickly than my siblings who are non dyslexic. In fact I'd say there's a pretty good case to be made to say that I don't. The number of people who have told me "your brother is the most intelligent bloke I know" bears witness to this. I doubt too many people say the same thing to him. I know for a fact that a few have told him "your brother is the biggest wind up merchant, I've ever met" but as far as I'm aware, this isn't a measure of intelligence.
Lets have a look at a few things I excel at. Let's see if there is any evidence that dyslexia has helped. Lets start with this blog. When I finish writing this, I'll re read it twice. This is because it will contain all manner of garbled grammar, misspellings and mangled sentences. If I'm still not sure, I'll ask my wife to read it. She has yet to read a blog and not spot a whole host of errors. I doubt anyone would ever use this as a textbook example of good english, in fact I'm sure many readers wince the poor use of english. They tolerate it because they find some of the information here interesting. Does it make me see things "more clearly" than my fellow bloggers. I've no idea if any of them are dyslexic, but I'd say Vickim, Mrs Angry, Mr Reasonable & Mr Mustard see things pretty much the same and often more clearly. They often express their points far more eloquently. What about my band? How has dyslexia helped this? The studios? Most importantly, what about family life. Well my kids know all about my poor academic record and achievements. I can't help them with their homework in many subjects. When they say "how do I spell Wycrundiatoration" or something, I just say ask your mum. Is that great? Is it a gift from God. To me it feels like Gods practical joke.
Would I employ a dyslexic? Well I do, so yes, but there are certain jobs which dyslexics do not excel at. On one occasion, a dyslexic employee took a telephone order from a customer and wrote the name down as "Niger Eateels". A discrete phonecall managed to ascertain that the customer was actually a Mr Nigel Eatwell. I'd already asked him to ensure customers spelled their name. He insisted Mr Eatwell had. Fortunately, I understood. When I was at school and six years old, I got called up to the blackboard and asked to spell the word "train". I wrote T-R-I-A-N. The teacher told me off and wrote the correct spelling below. She then told me to write it again. I wrote T-R-I-A-N. She called me an idiot and hit me on the knuckles with a ruler for my sins. That was the reality of dyslexia as a child. I hated school. It presented endless opportunities to look stupid, get humiliated and feel really crap about myself. I always thought that the saying "school is the best time of your life" is a total fallacy. I actually had a physical aversion for years to visiting my old schools, which I've only recently got over.
It is only since I recognised my dyslexia and started to understand the condition, that I have really been able to understand many of the odd things that have happened to me in my life as a result of it. A recent example was when I attended a church service. During this there was a part of the service, where a long section of text was read by all of the congregation. After about three sentences, I was completely lost. I couldn't keep up. Everyone else could read the text three times more quicky than I could. It was peppered with all manner of strange words, which I stumbled over. In the end, I just ended up staring at my feet. I suddenly recalled that as a child, I used to be an alter server. The same thing used to happen. I'd zone out and get completely lost. As a result, I'd not do the various things an alter server is meant to do at the correct time. A priest once told my Dad that I was one of the most useless alter servers he'd ever seen. I stopped being an alter server when I was 13. By this time, I'd reached the point where all I ever did during mass was stare at the girls in the congregation and think impure thoughts. Being a good Catholic, I came to the conclusion that being an alter server was transforming me into a sinner, so I gave up. When all of my friends gave up, the priests tried to persuade them to stay, but they were quite pleased to see the back of me. To be honest I wasn't surprised and I wasn't offended.
Shortly after I finally quit alter serving, I discovered punk rock. Mark Perry of sniffin glue magazine told everyone to learn three chords and form a band. My favourite Punk Rock band, The Ramones wrote songs with lyrics like this :-
I Dont wanna walk around with you
I Dont wanna walk around with you
I Dont wanna walk around with you
So why do you wanna walk around with me?
That was it. I got minimalism. All of a sudden there was something I could relate to. All of a sudden there was something I could belong to. And that my friend, is what all of us, dyslexic or not really want. We don't want to be told we're "dusted with stardust" we just need to feel like we belong, that someone understands us, that we are not totally alone and that we can do something. Punk rock gave me that. What worries me most is all of the people out there who have never found anything. That is why I write blogs about the subject, just so maybe someone, somewhere will get a bit more understanding of what it's like, be they a dyslexic or a friend/family member of a dyslexic. I've no idea whether I succeed, but I will do my best to try.
Oh and one final thing. Nothing irritates me more than people like Jeni Barnett, who use an affected spellings of their name. Why can't she just spell it like everyone else, it's bad enough having to learn one spelling. I'm sure patronising old bags like her, just do it so they can trip up dyslexics like me and make us feel even more stupid.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p00gxkjd/Vanessa_Feltz_Drugs_and_bad_advice/
Having been up all night working, I'd actually just dropped off to sleep when BBC London rang at 11.15 and told me I was on air, so my thought process wasn't as sharp as it might have been. Having just listened to it again, I bitterly regret not giving her both barrels for many of the ridiculously crass and ignorant comments she made, possibly the worst being that people should view cancer as a health opportunity. She gave the ridiculous case of "a health centre in america where people with cancer are told they are not allowed to say they are ill and 80% get better". Great. What about the 20%? What about the millions of yanks who can't afford such services? What is the equivalent rate for people who are allowed to say they are ill? Ben Goldacre at the Guardian has made a living exposing such bolloxology. The last thing we need is crass and ignorant BBC radio presenters telling people with cancer they are not ill. I believe it's dangerous and I'd sack her for spouting such cobblers if I was her boss at the BBC, but I digress.
Jeni Barnett set me off, by stating that "dyslexics are sprinkled with stardust" and "it is a gift". When I challenged her to say whether she was dyslexic she said "yes, when I am tired I get numerologically dyslexic". Total bollox, what she means is when she gets tired, she gets tired and makes mistakes. Something we all do. She claimed she once lost a job because of it. This is typical of people like her. It's great to blame mysterious conditions for your own uselessness. Did it occur to her that maybe they sacked her, because she couldn't organise her life in such a way as to be fit to do her job?
For dyslexics, it is not a gift. It is just a pain in the arse. Sure some of us develop methods of coping so that we get by, but it improves nothing. I've been successful in life, but this is because I work hard. I've learned that if I try my best, I can do pretty good things with my life. There are many things I'm really proud of. My family, my band, my studios, my blog, my achievements in my working life to name but a few. How has dyslexia helped these? Jeni Barnett read out an email saying that dyslexics think 2,000 times quicker than "normal people". I've no idea whether this is true. My guess is that it is a generalisation and completely meaningless. I come from a pretty intelligent family. I've never noticed any evidence that I think more quickly than my siblings who are non dyslexic. In fact I'd say there's a pretty good case to be made to say that I don't. The number of people who have told me "your brother is the most intelligent bloke I know" bears witness to this. I doubt too many people say the same thing to him. I know for a fact that a few have told him "your brother is the biggest wind up merchant, I've ever met" but as far as I'm aware, this isn't a measure of intelligence.
Lets have a look at a few things I excel at. Let's see if there is any evidence that dyslexia has helped. Lets start with this blog. When I finish writing this, I'll re read it twice. This is because it will contain all manner of garbled grammar, misspellings and mangled sentences. If I'm still not sure, I'll ask my wife to read it. She has yet to read a blog and not spot a whole host of errors. I doubt anyone would ever use this as a textbook example of good english, in fact I'm sure many readers wince the poor use of english. They tolerate it because they find some of the information here interesting. Does it make me see things "more clearly" than my fellow bloggers. I've no idea if any of them are dyslexic, but I'd say Vickim, Mrs Angry, Mr Reasonable & Mr Mustard see things pretty much the same and often more clearly. They often express their points far more eloquently. What about my band? How has dyslexia helped this? The studios? Most importantly, what about family life. Well my kids know all about my poor academic record and achievements. I can't help them with their homework in many subjects. When they say "how do I spell Wycrundiatoration" or something, I just say ask your mum. Is that great? Is it a gift from God. To me it feels like Gods practical joke.
Would I employ a dyslexic? Well I do, so yes, but there are certain jobs which dyslexics do not excel at. On one occasion, a dyslexic employee took a telephone order from a customer and wrote the name down as "Niger Eateels". A discrete phonecall managed to ascertain that the customer was actually a Mr Nigel Eatwell. I'd already asked him to ensure customers spelled their name. He insisted Mr Eatwell had. Fortunately, I understood. When I was at school and six years old, I got called up to the blackboard and asked to spell the word "train". I wrote T-R-I-A-N. The teacher told me off and wrote the correct spelling below. She then told me to write it again. I wrote T-R-I-A-N. She called me an idiot and hit me on the knuckles with a ruler for my sins. That was the reality of dyslexia as a child. I hated school. It presented endless opportunities to look stupid, get humiliated and feel really crap about myself. I always thought that the saying "school is the best time of your life" is a total fallacy. I actually had a physical aversion for years to visiting my old schools, which I've only recently got over.
It is only since I recognised my dyslexia and started to understand the condition, that I have really been able to understand many of the odd things that have happened to me in my life as a result of it. A recent example was when I attended a church service. During this there was a part of the service, where a long section of text was read by all of the congregation. After about three sentences, I was completely lost. I couldn't keep up. Everyone else could read the text three times more quicky than I could. It was peppered with all manner of strange words, which I stumbled over. In the end, I just ended up staring at my feet. I suddenly recalled that as a child, I used to be an alter server. The same thing used to happen. I'd zone out and get completely lost. As a result, I'd not do the various things an alter server is meant to do at the correct time. A priest once told my Dad that I was one of the most useless alter servers he'd ever seen. I stopped being an alter server when I was 13. By this time, I'd reached the point where all I ever did during mass was stare at the girls in the congregation and think impure thoughts. Being a good Catholic, I came to the conclusion that being an alter server was transforming me into a sinner, so I gave up. When all of my friends gave up, the priests tried to persuade them to stay, but they were quite pleased to see the back of me. To be honest I wasn't surprised and I wasn't offended.
Shortly after I finally quit alter serving, I discovered punk rock. Mark Perry of sniffin glue magazine told everyone to learn three chords and form a band. My favourite Punk Rock band, The Ramones wrote songs with lyrics like this :-
I Dont wanna walk around with you
I Dont wanna walk around with you
I Dont wanna walk around with you
So why do you wanna walk around with me?
That was it. I got minimalism. All of a sudden there was something I could relate to. All of a sudden there was something I could belong to. And that my friend, is what all of us, dyslexic or not really want. We don't want to be told we're "dusted with stardust" we just need to feel like we belong, that someone understands us, that we are not totally alone and that we can do something. Punk rock gave me that. What worries me most is all of the people out there who have never found anything. That is why I write blogs about the subject, just so maybe someone, somewhere will get a bit more understanding of what it's like, be they a dyslexic or a friend/family member of a dyslexic. I've no idea whether I succeed, but I will do my best to try.
Oh and one final thing. Nothing irritates me more than people like Jeni Barnett, who use an affected spellings of their name. Why can't she just spell it like everyone else, it's bad enough having to learn one spelling. I'm sure patronising old bags like her, just do it so they can trip up dyslexics like me and make us feel even more stupid.
