Why I believe that God loves Punk Rock?

 As I understand it, the Universe came into existence about 13.8 billion years ago. There are two main theories how this happened. Th first is that there was a 'Big Bang'. The second is that someone called God was rather bored and lonely and said 'let there be light' and then sat around waiting for something interesting to happen. I can remember when I was little. My Dad showed me to make nitroglycerene, in a rather wise bit of parenting. He told me that it was a useful life skill. We then made and detonated a small bomb. It was a massive buzz, so I can completely get why God would enjoy making a 'big bang'. If I was in Gods shoes and nothing was happening, I'd make a Big Bang myself.

God then sat around for 9.3 billion years watching all of the galaxies, stars, planets and moons forming. I guess that if you've been surrounded by nothing for an infinite period, that''s not verylong really, is it? Around that time, a little planet, about 93 million miles from a fairly non descript star formed. I personally have no idea if that planet is unique or if the Universe is full of such planets. I've always been interested in that question, but sadly God hasn't chosen to share the info with me or anyone else, to the best of my knowledge. Maybe one day we'll find loads of other similar planet, with all the same problems we have, or maybe, like God before the "Big Bang", we are utterly alone. But anyway, that little planet was in what is called the Goldilocks zone. This does not mean that three bears eat your porridge on the planet. It means that it's orbit is not to near to boil off the oceans and not too far to freeze them. It had an ample supply of water, it had a reasonably large moon, that exerted a strong enough tidal force to move oceans and make an intermediate zone between land and sea. This was quite useful when life evolved (or was made by God). It meant that creatures in the sea, where it started, moved on to land. The first life forms are believed to have existed 3.5 million years ago, about a billion years after the Earth came into existence. We don't know anything about the first life forms, as they were simple creatures that left no fossils. We can guess that they flourished, as there were no stronger organisms murdering them. That came later. 

Two main sorts of life forms evolved. Plants that made oxygen from CO2 in sunshine and animals that ate the plants. Sometime later, animals started eating each other as well. Now if, like me, you believe in God, this is where God started having fun. If you were God and you had a planet full of boring plants like ferns and grasses and boring animals like worms and slugs, what would you do? I know what I'd do. I'd have some fun. I'd make some cool monsters like dinosaurs, some amazing looking plants with brilliant flowers. Dinosaurs appeared around 240 million years ago and the first flowering plants appeared about 140 million years ago. After about 75 million years, God got bored with dinosaurs and sent an asteroid to destroy them, according to various theories. I have my own theory. God made some cute, furry animals called mammals, that were small and the dinosaurs couldn't catch. These little bastards ate all the dinosaurs food and they died out. Those little furry cuties, evolved into, rats, mice, horses, wolves, lions and eventually humans. 

Now imagine you're God and you've been sitting around forever and all of a sudden there's all of these humans running around. They form tribes, bash each other up and breed like, well humans. It's all very well but it isn't exactly exciting is it? So what do you do? Well you encourage them to bash things with sticks rythmically. You then encourage them to make alcohol and dance to the sound of the things being bashed. It's only taken the whole of eternity, plus about 13.8 billion years, but hey ho, you've invented fun. After sitting around being bored for ever, all of a sudden there is something worthwhile happening in the Universe. 

So if you are God, what do you think to yourself. I am just speculating, but I think God would look at his work and think "yeh, this pretty cool". The first evidence of people playing music was about 40,000 years ago. Drums and flutes appear to be the first musical instruments. The first stringed instruments appeared around 13,000 years ago. More advanced stringed instruments started to appear around 4,000 years ago. The first musical groups appeared to form around 2nd century BCE, in Mesopotamia and Iran. So imnagine you are God for a second. It's taken all this time, you've seen countless life forms come and go and up until now, all they've done is eat, reproduce and kill each other. Now they are having some fun, doing something creative. You've been waiting an eternity for this, so what would you do? It's obvious really, send one of the kids down to see what it's all about. 

Now the trouble with this is that us lot really weren't ready for a fella to turn up and tell us that it would all be better if we were nice to each other. He gave us a few hints, turned water into wine when the plonk ran out at a wedding. If you believe the book, he made 40 gallons of the best stuff. Sadly we all know what heppened next. I guess we can count ourselves lucky that we didn't go the way of the dinosaurs there and then. This is always something that has puzzled me. I'm a Dad and if anyone hurts my kids, I am not going to be reasonable. There must be some reason that he put up with our savage behaviour. Now it is clear it is not because we are good or nice. What can it be?

Well there is a small clue in the Holy book, where Jesus tells the religious types that the tax collectors and prostitutes will enter heaven before them. There are many interpretations on this, mine is that having fun is OK, in fact it is highly desirable. Sure we've all got to be nice to each other as well. But we should not be scared to have fun. So having established that nothing much happend for a very long time, lets skip the bit of the story up to 1976. A brief summary. Drum kits, Marshall amps, Les Paul and Fender guitars have all been invented. All manner of musical genres have come into existence, classical, folk, jazz, soul, ska, reggae and glam, to name a few. This was all great. Music had become the soundtrack to our lives. Whereas the dinosaurs simply had the wind and the sea to listen to, we had a plethora of amazing music. There was only one small element missing. Musicians seemed a breed apart. The band was the band, the audience was the audience. And then the second big bang happened. Punk Rock burst onto the scene. A chap called Mark P produced a magazine called Sniffin Glue. On the front cover, he put three chords and an invocation to go out and form a band. Now we all had permission to be a part of it. 

And I believe that God saw this and thought it was good. Sure we are as imperfect as we've ever been. Sure we do bad things, we screw up, we hurt each other. But we also make beautiful things, we make beautiful sounds. I've lead a charmed life. Like the Earth in the Goldilocks zone, I was born in the Goldilocks zone of music. I was born in 1962. I was just the right age to be immersed in punk music. God has given me many gifts, but being born in 1962 and having the life I've had is the best. I was pondering on this. An odd thought occurred to me. If the universe was created in a random big bang, it could end in one, at any time. We could all disappear in the way we all appeared. Gone, not a trace. Or this could all go on for a hundred trillion years. Whatever happens though, we are in a special time. We have music all around us. We can listen to almost every piece of music ever made at the touch of a button. I just wanted to thank God for the fact that 13.8 billion years of evolution has put me here, now and able to appreciate it. If you don't believe and buy into the random chance theory, that's fine with me. This isn't a sermon, it is just me trying to explain why, despite rotten politicians, greedy oligarchs, bad priests, malicious forces that we can't control and fools on the internet, there is beauty in the world and we should cherish it. There has been death and destruction for a very long time, art, music and beauty is a relatively new thing in the big scheme of things. Isn't that a cause for hope. I believe there is a God and that God loves punk rock, because it is something that allows us to be creative and express ourselves. And I have to conclude that being creative and expressing ourselves is perhaps, our saving grace. And is we want to be creative and express ourselves, it makes us nicer, which is, as best as I can tell, the message of all the holy books. And I hope if got this all wrong, God doesn't hold it against me. I am doing my best.

Anyway, here's a little tune I made earlier, which sort of sums it up

And as it's St Patricks day, here are some of the finest tunes from the Irish diaspora to celebrate!

Where punk rock went wrong!

 I was chatting to some young musicians a few years ago and one asked me "what was punk rock all about". I said "Well it started with a bunch of hooligans booting down the doors of the record companies and music establishment, then all manner of freaks and weirdo's snuck in, until the industry managed to shut the door and regain control. The industry has spent the 50 years since ensuring that no such thing will ever happen again".  At this time of year, I always think about that period, as in February we celebrate the birthday of my band, The False Dots. 

This year, we are doing something really special and different. As has become our tradition, we are holding the bands birthday party at the Dublin Castle in Camden Town on the 16th Feb, at 2pm. We always try and do something different and I thought it might be a laugh to delve into the back catalogue and play a song from the genesis of the band, that we'd never played live before. It's called Wrong! and we wrote it about the winter of discontent and the crisis in the UK at the time. It was a blast at the misinformation in the press. At the time the band were heavily influenced by Anarcho punks Crass. It's a 51 second blast. co written by Pete Conway and myself. Even better, we are getting the legend that is Tom Hammond, our trumpeteer to sing it. We played it at our first rehearsal of the year, last week for the first time since September 1979, when we dumped it. Oddly, it has aged pretty well and to my ears sounds more Blur than Crass with Tom singing! When I was looking for a song from the beginning to do, I narrowed it down to 2. The other one was a song called "No Confidence" which we wrote when Thatcher was elected and immediately put up VAT. "You all vote in a General Election, for a bit of protection, from the taxman and VAT, but you f@cked it up and voted for Maggie, No Confidence, No Confidence" - Then a guitar riff that was supposed to sound like Police Sirens. There were songs about the Vietnamese Boat people crisis (oddly the lyrics are not entirely irrelevant today - when I realised that irony in song lyrics doesn't always work) , Uncle Charlie's Dead, about the electricity board cutting off pensioners fuel and them freezing to death and The Factory, all about the only jobs being badly paid, boring ones. Funny how times change, or don't.

Thinking about it, took me back and made me consider the truth and the myths about Punk rock. If you ask anyone who wasn't there in 77/78 about what they think punk was all about, they'll probably talk about tattoo'ed men with mohicans in leather jackets with studs, singing super fast rock songs in gruff voices, whilst being showered in a sea of gob. Oddly, I can remember the first time I saw a such attired man. It was on Thursday 18th May 1978 at the Music Machine. A band called The Depressions from Brighton, were supporting The Vibrators. They had a fan called "Pete The Mohican". He caused quite a stir and within a month, everyone seemed to have one and they all claimed to be the original. That was how things were. Looks and trends moved very quicky!

But sadly, they moved in the wrong direction. It all moved towards fast, loud and aggressive music, which was very male. For me, the best thing about early punk was that it was not like that at all. The girls in UK punk were such a breath of fresh air. The leaders of the pack were Souixsie and Poly Styrene. Of all the punk bands, these were the most interesting in my opinion. They had something interesting and very different to say. Then there were The Slits, who were off the scale in their desire to break taboo's and do things in a different way. I believe with all my heart that if the hooligans hadn't kicked the doors in, none of these artists would have got within a million miles of a record deal and national exposure. Of all the punk icons I loved, Poly Styrene is probably top. She never made any compromises to anyone. Whist most female artists trade on their looks, Poly deliberately made herself look as individual and different as possible. She performed with a brace on her teeth and ill fitting clothing, but had a look you simply couldn't ignore. Any success she had was unarguably because she was a brilliant singer and composer. She wrote songs that were not about the usual subject matter of young female singers. Poly snuck in whilst the door was ajar. Shortly after it was slammed firmly shut. Many brilliant female artists have followed, inspired by Poly, but none have been able to totally refuse to compromise in the same way and acheive mainstream success (and TOTP appearances). 

Another aspect and perhaps a more lasting legacy of those early days was the DIY ethos, where people published their own fanzines if they didn't like the music press, organised their own gigs, if promoters wouldn't have them, set up their own labels and invented guerilla marketing. The sad aspect of this was that most bands simply saw things as a tool to a major deal, rather than finishing the job and completing the music revolution. 

In truth, punk went wrong. The big bands got major deals and they either played the game or got shunted into a siding and forgotten. The best of the fanzine writers got contracts with mainstream press, the independent labels got bought and eaten alive by the majors. The real tragedy was that the network of creativity that was able to flourish between 1977-1980 eroded. Of course aspects of it persisted, but by the mid 1980's the majors were very much back in charge. Of course there are plenty of great independent labels, who do their own thing and give artists a platform that the majors won't, but the last thing the majors wanted was people they couldn't control having too much of the pie. 

The real problem is and always has been that keeping a band on the road is a difficult, expensive and time consuming business. For a band like the False Dots, covering our bar bills when we play is often a major victory. For a band like us to get TV or Radio coverage is like winning the lottery.  The way the industry works is that there are a layer at the top, who make a fortune, the next level who just about get by and the rest of us who have to unblock bogs and stack shelves to make ends meet. 

The real tragedy of punk was that there was the opportuniy to democratise the business and give everyone a fairer slice of the cake. I've no objection to the likes of the Stone and Madonna making Zillions, it is there talent. What I object to is way the streaming companies, major gig promoters, labels, etc get most of the pie and spend most of their time standing in the way of bands trying to survive. Almost every aspect of the industry involves a bunch of totally uncreative bean counters creaming off huge profits, whilst putting nothing back. Punk rock was perhaps the last time that there was a realistic opportunity for artists to re-address the balance and we failed. A whole lot of amazing musicians have not made a whole stack of great music, because the greedy gatekeepers and the companies that are meant to promote music keep just a bit too much of the pie for themselves and there is nothing us poor plebs can do about it. 

If Punk Rock is dead, how come we are all still making a racket?

 I got a phone call from my old mate Noel Martin from the skinhead/punk band Menace yesterday, inviting me to see the band at the 100 club on Friday. I was gutted as I can't go, we are in France for a wedding. If, like me, your idea of a great night out is to watch a band playing loud music that you can jump around wildly to, then you'd like Menace. I've spent my life appreciating such music. When I was about seventeen, an old hippy informed me that "when your taste's mature, you will appreciate having a big spliff and listening to proper music like Dark Side of the Moon (by Pink Floyd). Sadly for me, whilst some of my mates decided that this was a spiffing way to spend the evening, I could only really bear it if I'd drunk ten pints of beer first, so I could fall asleep. I concluded that any music that required a mind altering substance to make you appreciate it was not really my cup of tea. Generally, we'd listen to Dub Reggae, which was a decent compromise. Reggae has never been down beat, kill yourself music, so it was fine with me. Later, my Dad informed me that I should try getting some good, smoochy music, so that I could have something that any young lady who may be unlucky enough to find herself in a compromising situation with me, may at least have something pleasant to ease the awful situation (more or less his words). That was his way of saying "Beat on the Brat with a Baseball Bat by the Ramones will not set the scene for a nice romantic evening. Luckily, I like a bit of Stax and Motown, so that has seemed to surffice, although a few of my girlfriends actually liked a bit of New Rose. 

But here I am aged 62 and when it comes down to it, I'd still always listen to Ska or Punk Rock. I don't really know any hippies anymore, who smoke massive spliffs and insist on complete silence for Floyd. I've been married for 29 years so we rarely have smoochy situations (more's the pity). But we do go to a hell of a lot of gigs and most are either, Ska, Punk or Reggae. It is funny because I hear may snotty commentators who say "Punk was finished by 1977". That was when I got into it. Of course all of the first wave of Punk Bands had either split or changed their sound by 1978, but the whole time was still absolutely buzzing and for me was turbocharged when Two Tone came along. The Specials were probably the only band that I felt were up their with the Ramones as a live act. 

By the time I got it together enough to have a band and start doing gigs, the music industry had moved on from Punk and new wave. We launched on the world doing punk/new wave songs, just as the music industry lost interest. We were full of anger, energy and passion, as the new romantics took over. We'd play gigs to packed audience, who went mad and loved us, despite our lack of technique, but we were totally ignored. We took our demo's to labels such as Chiswick records. For a laugh, I replaced all the guitars on one of our demo's on a song called Fog. I replaced them with synths. Ted Carroll who ran Chiswick loved it and asked us to come back with a demo of electronic music. I was quite annoyed. His feedback was quite reasonable. He said, in effect that punk was dead and if we wanted a deal, we'd have to write a hit and if we wanted a hit, we'd have to write pop music. 

We eventually decided that we'd see if we could get a deal. None of us wanted a job. We got a female singer, and wrote some more pop material. It was a huge mistake, the audiences declined and we didn't get a deal. Certain members of the band blamed me and split off. I regrouped, got in an amazing singer called Venessa Sagoe and decided to have another go. I chucked out all of the crappy pop songs and wrote a set of fairly dark songs, which we then put pop sounding backing to. Songs such as Africa Morning, which was about exploitative sexual tourism became the new set. Venessa found a half finished punk song called Action Shock in my lyrics tin. It is the story a mate told me about shooting an Argentinian conscript on the Falkland Islands during the war. It has been a key part of our set ever since. Vanessa made it sound like a lush pop song. The feedback from the labels was horrific. They said Venessa was too black and too fat to be a pop star and the music was too dark to be a hit. Despite this, the gigs were great and the audiences loved it. I realised that the industry was full of idiots. I also realised that if I couldn't get signed in a band with Venessa, I'd never get signed. I was a fool. I should have set up my own label and sent the records to John Peel. 

Venessa got fed up, and the glory years of the early band faded. I pretty much lost interest in the music scene. If I saw a band I liked playing, I'd go. I've always gone to lots of gigs, but the late eighties were grim. The bands I loved were falling to bits. Teh Ramones were disintegrating, Johnny Thunders was slowly shuffling to oblivion, Two Tone had given up the ghost. There were some great bands and gigs, but they were on the fringes. 

The band downed tools for the duration of the 1990's.  We got back together in the early 2000's for a fundraiser for Ernie Ferebee's family. We played a gig at The Red Lion in Colindale. It was packed and people loved it, much to my surprise. It was all punky stuff. I'd lonmg given up on getting a deal, but it seemed there was an underground punk scene. The music hadn't gone away. In 2008, The False Dots did a charity gig at The Bull Theatre. The main band was a scratch band put together by Lee Thompson of Madness. Lee is a mate and he kindly helped us get it all together. The band played an amazing selection of Ska tracks, Ian Dury covers and 1970's rock (Chris Spedding joined on guitar and they did Motorbiking). With his Madness connections, the gig sold out. It reminded me of my love of Two Tone and Ska. It sowed the seeds of what is now the False Dots set. 

In 2021, when Allen Ashley departed the band, we put together a set that reflected our true roots, punk, ska,  2-tone and Ian Dury inspired songs. Not only was it fun, but audiences love it. We've secured a residency at The Dublin Castle, Camdens most iconic small venue.

On November 17th, we launch the album we've been working on for the last 45 years at The Dublin Castle. It took me a long time to stop listening to the naysayers and have the courage of my convictions to make the sort of music I love. Bands like Menace, 999 and Wire keep the punk/new wave flag flying. Great new bands like Voodoo Radio will carry it forward. 

The industry hates us all, but we don't care! If Punk Rock is dead, how come we are all still making a racket?

How did we end up back in the 1970's but without punk rock?

 What has happened. A couple of weeks ago we were living in 2022, with 2022 problems, such as covid pandemic variants, Brexit chaos and  internet trolls to exercise our minds. Then Boris Johnson announced the end of the pandemic and in one fell swoop, we are back in the 1970's. This weeks words are cold war, , strikes, cost of living crisis and energy crisis. I'm mildly surprised that Boris hasn't announced a three day week. I often find myself feeling nostaligic for the 70's, I loved the music, the cars, the TV, the football and the trains of the era. However all Boris has managed to bring back is the very worst. It has been a long time since I heard the phrase mutually assurred destruction and heard counts of Russian tanks on the news. Of course, Boris Johnson can do little about much of what Putin does or says, but clearly he is important enough to warrant huge donations from Russian Oligarchs to the Tory Party. I do wonder whether we've misread these. They must have known that Putin was going slowly off his rocker and I do wonder whether the cash was more about ensuring they had a Western bolthole when Russia implodes rather than trying to say "Knock it off Boris, we've paid your wages, do as your told". Sadly for Boris, there really is no excuse that cuts the mustard for allowing rich foreigners to buy influence over the government. I suspect that the relative acqueisence of Labour on the subject is as much to keep the skeletons in their own cupboards firmly locked in, but that is just a wild guess really. 

What was interesting was that much of the chaos in the UK was not down to the USSR. the cost of living crisis was down to the ineptitude of both Labour and Tory governments under Wilson and Heath to manage the economy. Although many Tories think that the prospertity of the 90's was down to Thatcher, it was as much down to the economic stability of EU membership. When Boris enacted Brexit, he put us back to a position that was worse than pre membership in 1973. Prior to joining the EU, we had trade deals with all manner of nations and were also members of EFTA. We also had significantly stronger armed forces, something that have virtually been dismantled as the EU seemingly guaranteed peace in Europe. 

My biggest fear about Brexit was never about trade with the EU, although this was significant. It was that the UK would bot be at the table when the EU discussed existencial threats to Europe, of which we will always be a geographical part, regardless of what Brexiteers believe. We have no control over what happens across the channel now. It is well accepted that Russia and Putin covertly supported Brexit. This was clearly because they feared a united Europe on their doorstep. However much Boris calls leders of EU and Nato countries and pops in for visits, that is not the same as having UK diplomats at the table as an EU response is coordinated. it is noticeable that EU sanctions against Oligarchs are far more stringent and rigorous than those in the UK. The EU is a very different beast to the Common Market that we joined. Many former Soviet satellite nations are members and all would have preferred us in the club, as we've traditionally supported them.  Not only are we in the pre 1973 1970's politcally in Europe, we are there with ur hands tied behind our back.

There are other almost amusing parallel's. Our Railways have reverted to diesel haulage of freight trains as electricity is to expensive for electric locomotives. There are some fine locomotives built in the early 1960's still playing an important role some 60 years later. Visa's and passport stamps are back in lovely blue passports. In football Chelsea have once again started to worry about their financial future (remember save the shed protests). 

In fact the only thing that seemingly isn't coming back is 70's music. The era spawned punk rock, my favourite musical genre. It's interesting to note that there was so little reference to the Cold War in the music. Of that era, only Bowie's heroes really comes to mind. It always amused me that this anthem was about Bowie watching his producer Tony Visconti snogging his girlfriend in Berlin. I'm sure there are others, but the only punk track I can recall that referenced Russia was 'Disco in Moscow' by the Vibrators. I gave my copy to my Russian brother in law when he first came over as a birthday present. 

A wise man once said "Everything changes but nothing really changes" It seems to be quite true today. 

The Saturday List #300 - My Top Twenty Punk Playlist & a celebration of lists!

 When I started this list, I never imagined that I'd get to three hundred different lists. I thought I'd make a very special one for the occasion. But first a few words. Back for list #100 I made a complete list of the lists. The series started on the 9th June with a list of things that fail to live up to their promise. I must say that item no 2, every Rolling Stones record since Start me up, is no longer true. I think Ghost Town is an excellent record. Just in case you were wondering, the most read of all is the Top Ten restaurants in Mill Hill, as voted for by Barneteye readers. This received 3989 votes (I daresay that this will top 4,000 after this mention). It is sad to see that the entries 7-10 have disappeared. Another oddity is that I did my favourite Glam Rock tunes twice, once in the previous blog in this series and once in list #216. Interestingly the list is different. Steve Harley replaced Wizzard and David Essex replaced Alice Cooper. I'd forgotten I'd done the previous list. I now do music lists as Spotify Playlists, as they are easier to listen to as a playlist. Generally historical lists and lists about amenities are the most popular. The more personal lists are the least favourite, with list 81 being the least viewed - My impossible bucket list. I've never written blogs to chase views, so I think the balance is about right. 

Anyway, enough of that, on to my special list. As you know, Punk Rock music is the thing that shaped me and gave me a purpose in life as a depressed, shy, nervous teenager with anxiety issues. This list started as a top ten, but I released I couldn't do the genre justice in ten songs (yes I know that is true of the other genre's I've done lists for, but I couldn't in good conscience narrow it down). 

I thought the logical place to start was with New Rose by The Damned. It kicked off the British Punk explosion, being the first punk single. It was released by Dave Robinsons innovative Stiff Records. I love the Damned, not least because they rehearse at our studios. When they first started using us, I was made up to hear this track blasting out of studio 7.  I felt that my life's mission was complete. 

Next up, I chose EMI by the Sex Pistols. The band wrote some great music. The notion that they couldn't play their instruments is a convenient myth. Paul Cook has worked as a session muscian, playing with amazing artists such as Edwin Collins. Glen Matlock is also a talented bass player and song writer. As for Lydon, his lyrics drip with bile and his presentation is unique. Public Image Ltd proved that there was far more to Lydon than an angry yob. This song drips with bile, aimed at their former label EMI, which dropped the Pistols fearing reputational damage. It was released on Branson's Virgin label, as Branson sought to establish himself as a bit of a rebel.

Janie Jones opens the first album by the Clash. A rant at the hypocrisy aimed at Janie Jones, a minor pop star exposed as a prostitute by the tabloids. Initially Janie Jones was horrified to find that a punk band were mocking her. Joe Strummer made contact and explained that it was the opposite, they were supporting her. The two became firm friends. It is a great track, simple and raw. The Clash at their punk best. I would agree that songs like London Calling and Should I stay or Should I go are better songs, but to me they are post punk.

X-Ray Spex were to me what punk was all about. I don't think that with all the rife sexism in the music industry, Poly could have succeeded in any other era. The day the world turned Day-Glo is a fantastic piece of music. The bands songs were always a bit different, a bit prophetic. Poly was obsessed with worries of consumerism and materialism. I love the band and their first album is a classic, must have. 

Chinese Rocks by The Heartbreakers is a monumental track. A cover of a Ramones track, one the Ramones didn't really like as it glorified hard drug use. The Heartbreakers play the song how such a horrible song should be played. I think anyone who thinks that it's depiction of a heroin user is glamourous is off their rocker. It is a monumental piece of rock and roll. I love the way Thunders makes a guitar sound. He plays with such snarl, attitude and attack. It is a shame in many ways that we never really saw the best of Johnny due to his drug addled excesses. When you went to see the band, you never knew what you'd get. Sometimes the ultimate rock guitar icon, other times a mumbling bum, passing out on the stage, picking fights and not being able to play a note. When Thunders died of a drug overdose, no one was surprised. The last of the Heartbreakers, Walter Lure passed away last year. 

And on to the Ramones. The reason I got into punk rock, with their amazing gig on June 6th 1977 at The Roundhouse in Camden Town. Havana Affair is one of my favourite tracks from their second album Leave Home. I agonised long and hard selecting a Ramones song. I chose this because it sums them up. Fast, irreverent, funny and a damn good song.

Peaches by The Stranglers was the summer punk anthem of 1977. A great bassline. This song probably wouldn't get played on the radio these days, but it is a cracking track and it was all over the radio back then. The Stranglers were more musical and better musicians than many in the punk movement. They divided opinions. Many of their fans were not punks and hard core punks viewed them with suspicion at the time. No More Heroes was a monster hit, but this was the song that broke them.

Siouxsie and the Banshees were the centre of a big campaign to get them signed. Whereas the boy punk bands were picked up left right and centre, the Banshees were ignored by the big labels. It was clear to everyone why. Siouxsie was not one to compromise. When I heard she'd done a cover of a Beatles song Helter Skelter on the album, I was disgusted at the betrayal of her punk principles. Then I heard it. The song is awesome, taking it to a new level. When I hear the Beatles version, it sounds so tame and dull. A classic.

Puremania by The Vibrators was the first punk album I bought and Into The Future is the first track. It is a great song. I really felt that punk music was reshaping the world and Into The Future seemed to be a clarion call. The explosion of independent labels, fanzines, etc launched a generation of new artists and writers. Punk gave a lot of people permission to break out of the chains of their boring existence and to kick down doors and smash glass ceilings. It seems a long time ago now, but the ripples are still felt. I would not have built a studio if it wasn't for this music.

I'm Alive by 999 is  a stonking track. I first saw 999 as a 15 year old supporting The Vibrators at The Roundhouse. They were absolutely amazing live. Their first album is a classic, they should have been massive, but somehow never really cracked the charts. Many dismissed I'm Alive as the weakest song on the album, it was a single before the album came out. To me it is the best track. So full of energy.

Penetration were another band that never realised their promise. Pauline Murray was a great singer and Don't Dictate is fantastic tune. The band had the misfortune of appearing at the Roundhouse with Sham69 and a bunch of fascist skinheads ran riot. The band seemed to fall off the radar after that. Pauline is still around and worth checking out.

The Buzzcocks were a hit machine in 1977 and 1978. More poppy than many, Pete Shelley knew how to write a song. Their first two albums were classics. I chose What do I get? which is one of their punkier numbers. Most people know the band name more for the quiz show "Never mind the Buzzcocks" these days which is tragic.  I was very upset when Pete Shelley passed away last year. He recorded an interview at our studios a few years ago and was a very nice chap.

Richard Hell was credited with inventing the punk rock look, as a member of Television and The Heartbreakers. His own band, The Voidoids, released a pretty good album and the title track "Blank Generation" is a minor classic. It was a toss up between this and Betrayal Takes Two for the list, if you get a chance, check that out.

Wire are another of my favourites. Clare can't stand them and always moans when I play their music, which massively irritates me. Too Late is a great piece of '77 punk from one of the more arty and influential bands of the era. 

Mark E.Smith and The Fall were a massive influence on me. Their first album, live at the witch trials is full of funny, oddball observations on life. Psycho mafia was a single. The band were still finding their feet. This was one of the first songs I learned to play on the guitar. I wanted the False Dots to sound like The Fall. Pete Conway wanted us to sound like the Birthday Party. We failed miserably on both counts.

The Saints are an Aussie band, from Brisbane. They were the first punk band I saw, at The Roundhouse, supporting Talking Heads and The Ramones. As my Dad was an Aussie and Queenslander, I felt an affinity with them. Stranded is a superb track. They made a stir on Top of The Pops, when they played Perfect Day, with Chris Bailey, the singer, making a point of not miming properly.

The Boys have the distinction of being the last punk band I saw, last year at the 100 Club punk festival. Brickfield Nights is a great pop song. Very evocative of the era. I was never quite sure why the Boys didn't get more exposure, although with songs like USI I suppose there might be a clue.

Menace were a band that everyone loved. I still do as they rehearse at the studios. GLC was their rant at the Conservative run Greater London Council, which was busy closing down punk venues in 1977. When the single was played at gigs between bands, everyone would join in. I guess that when Maggie Thatcher abolished the GLC, the song became a bit of a curiosity.

Alternative Television were the brainchild of Mark Perry, author and publisher of seminal punk fanzine Sniffin Glue. He formed the band and lost interest in the magazine, but his efforts launched dozens of copycat self published fanzines and many well know writers cut their teeth on them. His influence on our culture cannot be overstated. Action, Time and Vision is their best known track. Quite typical of many c list punk bands output at the time, but quite quirky and catchy. 

I finish with The Dickies. Of all the bands of the era, The Dickies were the least cool and considered by most hardcore punks as a joke. I saw them at The Marquee and had an argument with Steve Ignorant, lead singer of Anarchist punk band Crass, who told me they were a total joke. The truth was that they are probably the best live band I've seen. Their gigs are always a joyous celebration of life. They are fun, they are stupid, but they have no pretentions. Many of the younger punks loved the Dickies, as 'our band'. They weren't scary or political, but they were a damn good rock and roll band. Their second album Dawn of The Dickies is a classic. I want the track "I'm stuck in a pagoda with Trisha Toyota" to be played at my funeral. There is a reason. When I was doing A Level biology at Orange Hill School, we went on a field trip to Millport, a University of London research station in Scotland. I had a walkman and a stack of tapes. As the train journey was five hours, I fell asleep. I dreamed that I was at my own funeral, hovering above. Everyone was weeping and wailing. As the coffin went through the hatch to be cremated, they started playing I'm Stuck in Pagoda with Trisha Toyota and everyone started to laugh. I decided then that if I had any say in the matter, that is exactly what would happen.

Have a great Saturday

.

I'm a Cliche - Looking forward to the Poly Styrene documentary

I had a completely different blog on the go. Maybe I'll finish it next week, but I was spurred to write this because sometimes you have to say something important. I was listening to The Robert Elms show on BBC Radio London this morning, as I was undertaking studio reception duties. I was keen to listen, as Robert was interviewing punk icon Poly Styrene RIP's daughter Celeste, about a forthcoming documentary about Poly. Prior to the Interview, Robert played Germ Free Adolescents. I was almost moved to tears. The song is beautiful, but also prophetic. It was recorded in a time when there was no autotune. The rawness sounded amazing. X-Ray Spex were a very accomplished band and were one of the more musically talented of the first generation Punks. I saw them a few times in the early days and at a reunion gig at the Roundhouse in 2008 which I mentioned in an article I wrote at the time for The Barnet Times, a few short years before Poly's untimely death in 2011.

I felt very nostalgic as the interview progressed and I will definitely be watching the documentary, which is entitled "I'm a Cliche". I was jarred out of my nostalgia when one of Roberts  listeners called in with a memory of Poly facing down a bunch of racist skinhead thugs at a gig. I was at that gig. I daresay anyone under the age of 57 wouldn't remember, but going to gigs in 1977 was a precarious business. There was a Skinhead revival and the Skinhead movement had pretty much been hijacked by the racist National Front. They would hunt in violent packs and attack punks, Asians, Black people etc. They would attend punk gigs to cause trouble and were a constant worry. Whereas the original 1969 Skinheads loved Ska music and the black artists that made it, the new lot followed Nazi bands like Skrewdriver, who played bad punk with racist lyrics. I well remember the scene. We were there to see a band we loved and these thugs turned up en masse and were randomly attacking punks in a large pack. The punks were not there for a fight. Although I wouldn't let on, I was a terrified 15 year old kid. These guys were older and rather scary. And then a wonderous thing happened. Poly saw what was going on and verbally destroyed the baying mob. She was tiny, a bi racial English/Asian woman. In a fair fight she wouldn't have stood a chance against a baying Nazi horde. But it wasn't a fair fight. Poly had a microphone, a PA system, wit, intelligence and was utterly fearless. She was a pop star, they were a rabble. When the spotlight was turned on them, they couldn't respond. All they had was hate and violence. Poly had something far stronger. They seemed to shrink and slink off. At that moment, I redefined what I believed courage and intellect were. I realised that with courage and intellect, you would always win and ignorance and hatred would always lose. I cannot possibly convey how empowering that was. In my head, it was like the key piece of the jigsaw had been found. 

It would have been easier, comfier, safer, more sensible for Poly to run  away or ignore the scene before her. But she didn't. Tomorrow night, I will get a nice Takeaway from the Mill Hill Tandoori, a good bottle of wine from Mill Hill Wines and I'll download and watch the film, probably shedding a tear or two.

Moving away from the pulsebeat - Buzzcocks at Brixton Academy

Last night I went down to Brixton Academy to see the Buzzcocks. I suspect that these days most people know the bind purely by their name and the TV show. Then there are a whole other lot of people who know the band by the various cover versions of "Ever Fallen in Love". And then there are people like me who think "Another music in a different kitchen" is one of the finest albums ever made. For some reason I always thought of the Buzzcocks as a bit of a strange band. They never quite fitted into any genre. They were not quite a punk band, although they were an integral part of the scene. They seemed in some ways "poppier" than the rest of the bands on the scene, yet their first single was lovingly entitled Orgasm Addict and for some strange reason I found the cover of the single deeply disturbing at the time (probably my Catholic upbringing).



The Buzzcocks performing "Moving away from the Pulsebeat".

The last time I'd seen the Buzzcocks was probably in 1979. They effectively did two sets, the first was the current line up doing later material, then the second half of the show was the "classic" line up. Thy kicked off with "Fast Cars". This was one of my favourite songs, so I knew I'd enjoy the gig. Half way through someone decided to shower Steve Diggle with beer. Bad mistake. Clearly they have forgotten that punk bands are a bit more feisty than some of the newer arrivals on the scene. "If you want to do that, fuckin come up here and i'll knock you out, dickhead, fucking coward hiding behind a crowd" or words to that effect. No more beer was thrown.

There are many great tracks performed by the Buzzcocks. The whole crowd joined in for "aah aah's" as the set warmed up. There are many tracks by the Buzzcocks which I love, but right now "Sixteen again" seems to be the most poignant. Whilst it is merely a song, there is some very relevent philosophy present in Pete Shelley's wise words

Feeling like I'm almost sixteen again Layin' 'round doing nothing like all my friends Play it cool don't get angry count up to ten Just like I was sixteen again
No one gets the lowdown right from the start Everybody gets the showdown right from the heart But that's all that's on the menu and life's a la carte I don't know
Things in life are not played for keeps And it makes you happy, it'll make you weep And if you want some more practical advice If you can't think once then don't think twice 'Cos things won't seem so nice You'll wish you were sixteen again, oh no
Feeling rather strange when you're sixteen again Things don't seem the same, the past is so plain This future is our future, this time's not a game This time you're sixteen again
Always on your own when there's nobody else Asking myself would I be someone else? But after all life's only death's recompense I don't know
Things in life are not played for keeps If it makes you happy it'll make you weep And if you want some more practical advice If you can't think once then don't think twice 'Cos things won't seem so nice You'll wish you were sixteen again, oh no
Look at me here I am for your eyes Mirrored proof of what you recognize I know I never will feel quite like you And I know you won't treat me right till I do But at least we'll know it's true That I'm sixteen again, oh no
Feeling like I'm almost sixteen again Layin' 'round doing nothing like all my friends Play it cool don't get angry count up to ten Just like I was sixteen again
Always on your own when there's nobody else Asking myself would I be someone else? But after all life's only death's recompense I don't know
Look at me here I am for your eyes Mirrored proof of love's suicide I know I never will feel quite like you And I know you won't treat me right till I do But at least we'll know it's true That I'm sixteen again, oh no
Sixteen again Sixteen again

For the encore we got a real treat. Original vocalist, Howard Devoto arrived on stage. Devoto went bald early. Much of the audience now has caught him up. It was rather interesting how someone who seemed prematurely old and strange and a bit arty  has morphed into the ageing rock star with grace and humour and now looks young for his age. His advice "turn up your hearing aids" was then blasted by a great rendition of "breakdown", "Times up" and "Boredom" from Spiral Scratch. I'd never seen Devoto with the band, so it was a real treat. I doubt it will be another 33 years before I see the band.

Dyslexia - Gods practical joke

I had a bit of a row with Jeni Barnett, the rather useless & patronising stand in for Vanessa Feltz on BBC London 94.9 on Thursday morning. If you click this link and advance it to 2.15.15 you can hear the discussion.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p00gxkjd/Vanessa_Feltz_Drugs_and_bad_advice/

Having been up all night working, I'd actually just dropped off to sleep when BBC London rang at 11.15 and told me I was on air, so my thought process wasn't as sharp as it might have been. Having just listened to it again, I bitterly regret not giving her both barrels for many of the ridiculously crass and ignorant comments she made, possibly the worst being that people should view cancer as a health opportunity. She gave the ridiculous case of "a health centre in america where people with cancer are told they are not allowed to say they are ill and 80% get better". Great. What about the 20%? What about the millions of yanks who can't afford such services? What is the equivalent rate for people who are allowed to say they are ill? Ben Goldacre at the Guardian has made a living exposing such bolloxology. The last thing we need is crass and ignorant BBC radio  presenters telling people with cancer they are not ill. I believe it's dangerous and I'd sack her for spouting such cobblers if I was her boss at the BBC, but I digress.

Jeni Barnett set me off, by stating that "dyslexics are sprinkled with stardust" and "it is a gift". When I challenged her to say whether she was dyslexic she said "yes, when I am tired I get numerologically dyslexic". Total bollox, what she means is when she gets tired, she gets tired and makes mistakes. Something we all do. She claimed she once lost a job because of it. This is typical of people like her. It's great to blame mysterious conditions for your own uselessness. Did it occur to her that maybe they sacked her, because she couldn't organise her life in such a way as to be fit to do her job?

For dyslexics, it is not a gift. It is just a pain in the arse. Sure some of us develop methods of coping so that we get by, but it improves nothing. I've been successful in life, but this is because I work hard. I've learned that if I try my best, I can do pretty good things with my life. There are many things I'm really proud of. My family, my band, my studios, my blog, my  achievements in my working life to name but a few. How has dyslexia helped these? Jeni Barnett read out an email saying that dyslexics think 2,000 times quicker than "normal people". I've no idea whether this is true. My guess is that it is a generalisation and completely meaningless. I come from a pretty intelligent family. I've never noticed any evidence that I think more quickly than my siblings who are non dyslexic. In fact I'd say there's a pretty good case to be made to say that I don't. The number of people who have told me "your brother is the most intelligent bloke I know" bears witness to this. I doubt too many people say the same thing to him. I know for a fact that a few have told him "your brother is the biggest wind up merchant, I've ever met" but as far as I'm aware, this isn't a measure of intelligence.

Lets have a look at  a few things I excel at. Let's see if there is any evidence that dyslexia has helped. Lets start with this blog. When I finish writing this, I'll re read it twice. This is because it will contain all manner of garbled grammar, misspellings and mangled sentences. If I'm still not sure, I'll ask my wife to read it. She has yet to read a blog and not spot a whole host of errors. I doubt anyone would ever use this as a textbook example of good english, in fact I'm sure many readers wince the poor use of english. They tolerate it because they find some of the information here interesting. Does it make me see things "more clearly" than my fellow bloggers. I've no idea if any of them are dyslexic, but I'd say Vickim, Mrs Angry, Mr Reasonable & Mr Mustard see things pretty much the same and often more clearly. They often express their points far more eloquently. What about my band? How has dyslexia helped this? The studios? Most importantly, what about family life. Well my kids know all about my poor academic record and achievements. I can't help them with their homework in many subjects. When they say "how do I spell Wycrundiatoration" or something, I just say ask your mum. Is that great? Is it a gift from God. To me it feels like Gods practical joke.

Would I employ a dyslexic? Well I do, so yes, but there are certain jobs which dyslexics do not excel at. On one occasion, a dyslexic employee took a telephone order from a customer and wrote the name down as "Niger Eateels". A discrete phonecall managed to ascertain that the customer was actually a Mr Nigel Eatwell. I'd already asked him to ensure customers spelled their name. He insisted Mr Eatwell had. Fortunately, I understood. When I was at school and six years old, I got called up to the blackboard and asked to spell the word "train". I wrote T-R-I-A-N. The teacher told me off and wrote the correct spelling below. She then told me to write it again. I wrote T-R-I-A-N. She called me an idiot and hit me on the knuckles with a ruler for my sins. That was the reality of dyslexia as a child. I hated school. It presented endless opportunities to look stupid, get humiliated and feel really crap about myself. I always thought that the saying "school is the best time of your life" is a total fallacy. I actually had a physical aversion for years to visiting my old schools, which I've only recently got over.

It is only since I recognised my dyslexia and started to understand the condition, that I have really been able to understand many of the odd things that have happened to me in my life as a result of it. A recent example was when I attended a church service. During this there was a part of the service, where a long section of text was read by all of the congregation. After about three sentences, I was completely lost. I couldn't keep up. Everyone else could read the text three times more quicky than I could. It was peppered with all manner of strange words, which I stumbled over. In the end, I just ended up staring at my feet. I suddenly recalled that as a child, I used to be an alter server.  The same thing used to happen. I'd zone out and get completely lost. As a result, I'd not do the various things an alter server is meant to do at the correct time. A priest once told my Dad that I was one of the most useless alter servers he'd ever seen. I stopped being an alter server when I was 13. By this time, I'd reached the point where all I ever did during mass was stare at the girls in the congregation and think impure thoughts. Being a good Catholic, I came to the conclusion that being an alter server was transforming me into a sinner, so I gave up. When all of  my friends gave up, the priests tried to persuade them to stay, but they were quite pleased to see the back of me. To be honest I wasn't surprised and I wasn't offended.

Shortly after I finally quit alter serving, I discovered punk rock. Mark Perry of sniffin glue magazine told everyone to learn three chords and form a band. My favourite Punk Rock band, The Ramones wrote songs with lyrics like this :-

I Dont wanna walk around with you

I Dont wanna walk around with you

I Dont wanna walk around with you

So why do you wanna walk around with me?


That was it. I got minimalism. All of a sudden there was something I could relate to. All of a sudden there was something I could belong to. And that my friend, is what all of us, dyslexic or not really want. We don't want to be told we're "dusted with stardust" we just need to feel like we belong,  that someone understands us, that we are not totally alone and that we can do something. Punk rock gave me that. What worries me most is all of the people out there who have never found anything. That is why I write blogs about the subject, just so maybe someone, somewhere will get a bit more understanding of what it's like, be they a dyslexic or a friend/family member of a dyslexic. I've no idea whether I succeed, but I will do my best to try.

Oh and one final thing. Nothing irritates me more than people like Jeni Barnett, who use an affected spellings of their name. Why can't she just spell it like everyone else, it's bad enough having to learn one spelling. I'm sure patronising old bags like her, just do it so they can trip up dyslexics like me and make us feel even more stupid.

Babylons Burning - Happy Birthday Foxy, wherever you are !

Last Sunday would have been Paul Fox, guitarist of The Ruts 59th Birthday



Paul was a mate of mine in the late 1970's / early 1980's and we went to the Ruts first gig. Babylons Burning sounds as fresh today as it did when it was released in 1979. Sadly Malcolm Owen died in 1980 of a heroin overdose and the band never reached the heights to which they seemed destined to reach.

Paul is one of many friends and family who have died of Cancer. I'm organising a gig for the Teenage Cancer Trust and MacMillan Cancer relief on 14th May at The Mill Hill Sports club. The headliners will be Alan Warner from the Foundations. Like Paul, my mother in law died of Lung Cancer. Heather Scott, who was the school welfare officer at my sons school also died of this terrible disease just before Easter. The gig will be dedicated to the memory of all of them. More details to follow

Wherever you are, happy birthday mate !

Has Guido lost his Mojo?????

Was just having a peek at the Guido Fawkes Blog. In amongst all the ads for Pizza's and betfair, I started reading, but got distracted by an advert on the radio for Stannah chair lifts or something. It suddenly hit me that maybe it's becoming rather formulaic, corporate and dull? It's rather like Punk rock, when it became successful, it became part of the establishment. I rather like blogs when they are edgy  & saying something a bit different. Bet's on how long before he's writing the Telegraph diary -Heh, Heh, Heh.

I always quite liked the blog (don't agree with it, but found it funny) as I have some sort of affinity with Guy Fawkes as one of my ancestors - Chidiok Tichborne - was part of the Babington Plot and got Hung drawn and quartered for his trouble - us Tichbornes have got a long history of being troublemakers.

I just hope I give up before I lose my Mojo (and I'm sure many Barnet Councillors will hope that is some time soon) !!!!

The Public image is a bitter PIL to swallow

It's been a great day for me, I'm really really pleased with a little piece of news in the papers today. John Lydon has reformed PIL and is doing a short tour. He'll be playing the Brixton Academy on the 21st December and I'll move heaven and earth to be there. There is a great interview in the Guardian.

I have my own band, the False Dots. There are only two other bands that I'd really have ever wanted to be in. One is T Rex and the other is PIL. As Bolan is dead, I guess I'll just have to wait for the call from Johnny. The thing I really liked about PIL was the fact that when Johnny set it up PIL, he had the world at his feet. He could have gone any route he chose, but he chose the hard way. He didn't do Pistols songs. He recruited one of his best mates - Jah Wobble on bass, and recruited Keith Levine on guitar. The sound they made was a bit of a shock for Pistols fans.

The thing I really liked was the fact that Johnny didn't feel the need to hog the limelight. He didn't feel the need to live off past glories. He sought to find new avenues and new sounds. He sought to collaborate with people who "weren't punk". He sought new ways of putting the music over. I've no idea what it was really like for the other musicians in PIL, but I got the feeling that Johnny didn't come over all superstar on them. I always got a sense that they really enjoyed the music they were making. I get that. I love making music. I also get why they had a break, I did the same for 10 years.



I know Public Image Ltd aren't everyones cup of tea. All I can say is that they are a hugely influential band, who inspired me to take chances with my own band. If you go the the Myspace link above and listen to a few of our tunes, you may or you may not hear a bit of PIL influence in there. I doubt I'd write songs like Angel if it wasn't for John Lydon. It's a very, very dark song.

Anyway, December is looking good. Pogues on the 17th December and Pil on the 21st December.

47 lessons for life

As I've recently entered my 48th year, I thought I'd share with all of you the 47 lessons I've learned in my previous 47 years

(Picture left - This is why I'm still semi sane - daughter & wife)

1962 - Jehovahs Witnesses is a bad, dangerous religion. This was the first lesson I learned on the day I was born. I was dragged kicking and screaming into this world nearly 7 weeks early, as a result of something called "blue baby" syndrome (caused by the Rhesus factor). These days it's cured by a simple injection but in 1962, I needed 4 blood transfusions to keep me alive. As such I can't join the JW's - they won't have me, even though I had no say in the matter. Tainted blood !

1963 - Pissing on the bluebells is the secret to success in life. I may not have spoken till I was 4, but I was potty trained by 1 years old. I saw my brother pissing on the bluebells at the bottom of the garden and though "I can do that"

1964 - When in doubt, say nothing. As I said, I was a very late talker. I spent 1964 just watching.

1965 - Spiders scare girls ! We used to have a decrepid old shed. In the shed, there lived a monstrous spider we used to call the crab. My sisters were mightily scared of the crab. Me, I was fascinated.

1966 - It's great to win the world cup. Not many people had a telly at that time. We did so we had loads of people round to watch the final. Not yet being 4 years old, I have memories of a great party because England won the world cup. I didn't really watch the football though, but I remember the fun we had. I thought to myself - football is fun, we'll do this every year.

1967 - If you want your cake, you have to demand it. Not having spoken at all, having been taken to clinics to test for deafness (& just been diagnosed as very stupid) I finally decided to talk. My first words were at the dinner table - "I wanna piece of cake" -as ever no manners and no please or thank you.

1968 - If you have to eat cold baked beans, eat cold baked beans. I was a child model/actor. My biggest success was a Heinz baked beans advert. "We can't go on holiday without the beans mum". I got the part because at the screen test, all the other kids refused to eat the plate of cold baked beans they were presented with. I heard them scream and wail and knew what had to be done. The director asked me "Do you like cold baked beans?" I replied "No, I'm acting"

1969 - Adverts are all lies. I did an advert for Lucozade. For those of you who only know modern styles of Lucozade, the original stuff was sold as a drink for people who were dying. Their slogan was "Lucozade AIDS recovery". They abandoned that when HIV appeared. Whilst I could stomach cold beans, Lucozade was a bridge too far. Never mind though, they just gave me a glass of Tizer instead.

1970 - England don't always win the world cup. Much to my surprise and horror, the Germans beat us in the quarter finals. The Germans ! How could this be? We'd beaten them in two world wars and a world cup final. We were clearly nobbled. Then I found out about Gordon Banks being ill. My fears were confirmed.

1971 - Never trust technology - I'd been fascinated by the space race, NASA and other such things. I can remember reading with excitement that NASA was sending a probe - Mariner 8 to Mars. It blew up on the Launch pad.

1972 - You won't rule - 1972 was the year I got music. Children of the Revolution by T Rex. The message (to me at least) was one of nihilism. As I was bottom of the class at everything I got it big time.

1973 - No matter how bad things are, they can always get worse. I'd hated Primary School. I begged for release. I went to secondary school. Things got worse.

1974 - Hard work doesn't always get you anything at all. I'd decided that I'd try at school. We had a biology project. I worked really hard, went to the library, did my research. I still got a "D".

1975 - Beer is great. I went on my own to my first football match. West Ham Vs Manchester City. I hooked up with a group of City fans who took me to the pub and got me completely pissed. It was great.

1976 - Girls can make you behave completely out of character. This was the year in which I found that in the right circumstances, you could become extremely attracted to girls you didn't really fancy at all. This resulted in some extremely bizarre behaviour.

1977 - Punk Rock Rules - June 6th 1977 - I went to see the Ramones, The Talking Heads and the Saints at the Roundhouse. It changed my life. After that moment, nothing was ever quite the same again.

1978 - Take nothing for granted. I had a masterplan. I had been accepted for a Gas engineering scholarship. This meant that I'd go to college in Salford to do A-Levels then to University to do gas engineering. I'd be out of home, out of school, have money and a fresh start.I'd get paid a salary as well. I needed to pass 4 O-Levels including Maths. I'd got 96% in the maths mock. I did no more work and failed it. I got rejected.

1979 - Get a band. On moving to Orange Hill School, a plan came together. I'd wanted to form a band since seeing the Ramones. I didn't know how and couldn't play guitar. Pete Conway and I bought guitars in 1978. on 14th Feb 1979, we had the first rehearsal of the False Dots. It was truly shambolic. It was awesome. (Footnote: My folks had put all of the money I'd earned doing commercials and adverts into a bank account. I was allowed access at age 16. I'd immediately gone and bought a guitar and an amp. They were none too pleased.)

1980 - Don't trust your friends. We did our first gig this year. My very best friend, songwriting partner and co-founder of the False Dots, Pete Conway bottled out and didn't turn up for the gig. We got through it. We never looked back.

1981 - Follow that Girl to the ends of the Earth. The very best thing I ever did was to go with my mates Brian, Steve and Paul to Dingwalls in the summer of 1981. I saw a couple of Swedish girls there. One was my idea of the perfect woman. We ended up all going back to their hotel and drinking all night. I invited myself over to Stockholm to see her. I spent the last 3 months of 1981 over there and it was awesome.

1982 - Touring with your band is the best fun known to man. Whilst in Stockholm, I booked a tour for the False Dots, with a local band "The Gagget band". It was the best fun I've ever had.

1983 - Never owe a bad man a penny. Following our Swedish romp, I ended up with huge debts. We'd drunk the profits (and the money I'd borrowed to finance the tour). My Dad bailed me out. He made a simpel deal "You're my bitch until you've paid back every penny". I had to wash cars in the freezing cold and every week I had to pay him. He told me he was teaching me a harsh lesson. Still it was better than broken legs, which was the other alternative. In October 1983, I got a job in IT following a TOPS course, as I had to be free of debt. I gave the old man every penny of my first months salary in cash. He gave it back to me and said "I didn't want the money, I wanted you to learn". I didn't get it for a few years but I do now.


1984 - All your dreams can turn to dust. I started 1984 as positive as I could be. We had a fantastic singer - Venessa Sagoe. I had money, I had a stable relationship with someone I loved dearly. I ended the year single, with no band and in hospital having nearly died of a stomach bleed. I felt let down by everyone. I'd sold my soul for the band and they'd just walked when we were on the verge of great things. I found a few things out later which changed my view of the break up, but at the time I was bitter as hell. I still think they should have stuck it out though. As to the break up of my relationship. That was totally my fault. As to the failure of my health. That was down to my doctor prescribing a dodgy drug for an ear infection, which burned a hole in my stomach. Later, when I applied for health insurance and was denied, I got a copy of the report. It said it was down to excessive drinking. I've never trusted a Doctor since.

1985 - Never give up. Following the end of the Venessa Sagoe line up of the Dots, I was distraught. I spent a good six months just sitting at home practising the guitar. To be honest, that was when I really learned to play properly (one of the bugbears of my old bandmates). I got a new band together with Allen Lucas (now known as Allen Ashley a successful author) and bonkers drummer Graham Ramsey. In some ways this was the best line up of all, as we were truly unique.

1986 - Don't sell out. Following the departure of Allen Lucas who wanted to persue his teaching career and couldn't commit to a life of Rock and Roll debauchery, a rather unpleasant character known as Mark the Fascist turned up. He was a great singer, but a truly repugnant person. He was a devious scheming conniving toad. He engineered the sacking of my great friend, bonkers drummer Graham Ramsey, changed the name of the band to "Urban Dance" and we expanded to being a 9 piece, with a brass section. I despised the whole thing and never recorded the gigs in my scrapbook. I just kept going because I felt I had to. I should have never agreed to his joining in the first place. I believe he added nothing at all. Sadly I found myself lumbered in a business partnership with him, through the studios till 1994. I fell out permenantly with my best friend as a result of his connivings. When Graham Ramsey got diagnosed as bonkers, he asked me where Mark lived as he wanted to murder him. He said "I'm certified now so it doesn't matter." I never condone violence, but for a moment I seriously thought of telling Graham.

1987 - Cherish the people you love. My dad died in January 1987. I thought he was indestructable. He had a heart attack and was gone. We had massive rows, but there was huge love between us. I just wish I'd spent a bit more time with him. In 1986 he had his gall bladder removed and when I saw him he looked like death. I prayed "please lord, let him get better so can take him out for a curry, just once". He made a great recovery, I took him for the curry, then he flew out to Florida. That was the last time I saw him.

1988 - Keep having parties - My mum was devastated by my Dad dying. I didn't know how to cheer her up, so I had a barbeque for the family. She smiled for the first time in a year when everyone turned up. We got horribly drunk and the world was sort of OK for a short while. After that I always tried to have another party to look forward to.

1989 - Sometimes it's the mad people who are right. We were having a rehearsal. By this time, I had no energy for the band. I was exhausted and could see no point to any of it. We were just doing it out of habit. Graham Ramsey, our drummer had a mate called Buddah. Buddah used to come down, watch us play, and get really stoned. He never said anything. Rehearsals were often just long, free form jam sessions. At one rehearsal, Buddah brought down his pet tarantuala. He sat in the corner smoking joint after joint, with a tarantual on top of his head. At this point I was at a real low. Afterwards, Graham said to me that it was our best reheasal ever. His words "What could be better than better than rehearsing with a bloke in the corner with a poisonous spider on his head"

1990 - Sometimes, enough is enough. In 1990 I put the guitar down for ever. I'd had enough. I wanted to concentrate on the studio and having a life. We'd found a great singer called Tony, who I really liked, but we just couldn't make it work. I realised that if that wouldn't work, nothing would. Time for a change.

1991 - Follow the cash. I formulated my masterplan. The studio had been tottering along, going nowhere for too long. We had a great a facility but as we had a gang of four running it, we could decide nothing. On top of that , one of the four was a very destructive influence, who added nothing, yet sought a veto on everything. I'd been working at a large company in IT for a while and they offered me redundancy and a payoff. I took it, then got a juicy contract. I worked out a plan to buy my partners out. I figured that if I did 2 years of contracting, I'd be in a position to sort it out. That gave me the opportunity to get experience of running a company properly.

1992 - If you see an opportunity, grab it. In 1991 a band called "The Sway" started to rehearse at the studio. I thought they were great and as I had plenty of cash & contacts at the time, thought it was a great opportunity to get into management. I managed them for 2 1/2 years. I spent over £100,000 on promoting them. I didn't get a penny back. They had 2 national tours, were BBC WM band of the week. They did 2 singles, which got substantial airplay. Do I regret it? Not at all. You have to pay for your education and I think the lessons I learned there were quite cheap. The main one? If you have a good accountant, a loss isn't what you thought it was.

1993 - Right time, right place isn't always enough. The main reason I'd got involved with The Sway was because I felt the time was right for a guitar based indie band. I was right. The trouble was, that band was Oasis.

1994. Bad people have no place in your life. This was the year I bought my ex partners out of the studio and I was finally rid of Mark the Fascist. Ernie Ferebee came in as my new partner in the studio. I put to him my business plan. Within 5 years, we'd take the studios from 2 rooms to 5 rooms and a shop. We spent the next 3 years rummaging through skips, working till 3 in the morning (often whilst doing a 9-5 IT contract) but we hit our target 2 years early. Buying out my partners and getting in Ernie was the 2nd best decision of my life.

1995 - Treat those you love properly. I've had a few great relationships in my life. They've all ended badly because I can be a complete dickhead. All apart from one and even that had a serious gap between 1992 and 1994 (down to me being a bad person). In Feb 1994, my good lady showed me a little piece of plastic and said "is that line blue". We married a couple of months later. My daughter Madeleine was born in October. Of all the decisions I've made, being with Clare is the best (hope she feels the same).

1996 - You've got to work on your dreams. Small baby, struggling business. What do you do? You work your nuts off. This was the make or break year for the studio. We went from 2 to 4 studios. Studio 3 was a massive project and 90% of the materials we used were recovered from skips. Only nails, plaster cement and sand was bought in. I learned to lay bricks & decorate at school. Ernie was a plasterer. I had no social life at all in 1996. I was laying bricks on Xmas day.

1997 - You have to take a chance to get anywhere. We decided to open the shop. As neither of us had any retail background, we didn't know where to start. Many mistakes were made. As we fitted out the shop ourself, we fitted it out and stocked it on a budget of £8,000. Half of the stock was my own guitars and amps, just put in to make it look like we had some stock. It worked.

1998 - Give people a chance. This was the year we launched our recording studio. Caroline Stratten had just finished at Leeds Uni and wanted to get into music. I offered her bad wages, lots of hassle and mad customers. I just asked for a commitment to stay a year and said I'd pay for her to do a course. She did a fine job, stayed 18 months and got us off the ground. She's now a VT editor and does live football for Sky.

1999 - Never say never. In 1990, I'd hung up the guitar for good. I'd said "That's it". In 1999, a couple of the guys who worked for me at the studios, Tony and Fil persuaded me to have a jam. I really enjoyed it. I decided that as we had a studi, I'd get Paul our old bassplayer and record some of our old songs. That was it, The False Dots were alive again.

2000 - Life can bite your arse really hard. At the start of 2000, life was great. My mum had found happiness with a new partner and was going away on 4 cruises a year, the studio's and the shop were flourishing. My son was born to add to daughters Madeleine and Lizzie. We'd taken to going on holidays with my mum, sometimes taking Clare's folks. Ernie was doing a fantastic job at the studios. He'd married his partner Michelle and had three great kids. In August 2000, Ernie was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, with a prognosis of 3 months. He lasted till February 2001. To make matters worse, my mum had a stroke in December. She went from being a lively, attractive, articulate woman, enjoying he life, to an unhappy invalid. She lost the ability to speak and all self confidence. We'd had a big party to celebrate the millenium. There was no party at all for new year 2001.

2001 - Life is precious. In September 2000, I'd decided to go to Lourdes in France as a helper with a group of handicapped adults, the following year. There was no real reason for this, other than my continual need to challenge myself. I go to church, but I'm really not a deeply religious or spiritual person. As I went, I was rather angry with God. he'd stolen my best friend, he'd robbed my mum of her faculties. I found myself with a group of strangers, in a situation I wasn't even sure I wanted to be in. I will share a terrible secret. When I wentto Lourdes, I went wishing my mum had died when she had her stroke. I thought that her life had been degraded to a point where it was worthless. Spending a week with some terribly disabled people, changed my opinion. I cam back realising that I had a personal responsibility to help her enjoy her twighlight. Many people see care as a physical thing. I disagree, I see it as a spiritual thing. I promised that I would never leave her house without making her smile. Many people who are carers think "I've wiped their arse, that's enough". It isn't. You have to make the people you care for be glad to be alive. I love life, I've made terrible mistakes, but it's so precious.

2003 - Second time around can be better. We did a few gigs in 2003. We asked my old mate Boz Boorer who plays with Morrissey to join us for a couple. I actually realised that I was enjoying the band. Even more strangely, I realised that there was no pressure. We didn't want a record deal, so we could just enjoy the music and express ourselves. Friends who saw us first time round all said we're better now. I started recording that long awaited album. It's still in process and it's getting better all the time.

2004 - Enjoy your children when they are young. I took a decision to take my foot off the gas with work and spend a bit more time with the kids. For a year, I walked them up to school and walked them home. We collected conkers, we goofed in the park. Most guys never do it. If it was a nice day, I'd drop them at school at the Ridgeway, then go for a walk around the fields between Mill Hill and Totteridge. Most working men miss all of this. Fools.

2005 - Miracles can happen. What is a miracle? The type that impress me are the ones, not where someone is suddenly cured of cancer (well that would, but you know what I mean). They are things which you though wouldn't happen. In 2001 I went to Lourdes and prayed for my mum. I went wishing she'd died when she had her stroke. I came home, determined to make her twighlight years as happy as I could. In 2005, my mum accompanied me back to Lourdes. At an evening service, she stood up and lit a candle and said a prayer for my dad. If you had seen her on December 17th 2000 when she had the stroke, you'd realise how much of a miracle that was. That was the best she was following her stroke. For a short while, I thought she might get back completely. I was wrong but that was a pretty good time.

2006 - Age changes nothing. My Missus turned 40. She's just as great as she was when she was 19, when we first met. It's not age that changes you, it's illness and bad things. I see somne people I know having a mid life crisis. They buy the Porshe, they get the young girlfriend. Now that's their business, but if Mrs T kicked me out (which heaven knows she should have years ago), I'd want someone who had lived, someone with experience, someone who got what I was talking about. On the plane home from Florida, I read John Lydon's book No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs. His partner (for the last 30 years) is 19 years older than him. I get that.

2007 - If you fall down, you've got to pick yourself up and keep going. Just as I thought my mum was getting over her stroke, she had a fall and broke her hip. She nearly died. She had to have an emegency op. She then was transferred to Finchley Memorial hospital for rehab. There she caught C-Diff. She nearly died again. She was so out of it at one stage that she thought my daughter Madeleine was her brother Jimmy (which rather upset Maddie). She had wierd and vivid hallucinations, which she told me about months after. She was never the same after that, but boy did she fight. I wish I had half the fight in me that my mum had. She didn't moan about it, she just got on with it.

2008 - You have to fight. This was the year that I realised that the people running the NHS, the Council & the Government are a bunch of self serving leeches. Not the people on the ground doing the work, but the people at the top. I had first started to realise this at easter 2007, when Barnet Council outsourced the Meals on Wheels contract, but hadn't realised just how bad it was. The full horror became apparent when I started writing a blog on the Hendon Times. Just because I had the temerity to criticise the Council, they pulled out every trick in the book to shut me down. Eventually they succeeded, but not before they'd totally convinced me that all of the shenanigans they get up to need to be exposed.

2009 - There is never enough time. Last year, in May my wifes Dad died. He was quite old and had become very infirm. He died at home, but for the last couple of year he was attended every day by carers. One of these was a Nigerian guy called Olu. Whatever people tell you about Nigerians, I'd say Olu is an outstanding human being. I feel honoured to call him a friend. In August 2008 my Mum died. I was in LA at the time. She'd lost her eyesight and was deeply unhappy. I didn't want her to die. I was really sad, but her time had come. In January this year, Clare's mum, who was a young 75 year old was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She lasted till March. Wheras her dad and my mum had reached their time, she hadn't. It seemed rather cruel. We're now both orphans. Cherish those you love. There's never enough time.

I hope that something in this blog helps you. There's 47 lessons for life here. I really don't have the answers though, I wish I did. One thing I have learned and I never, ever swear in this blog but I FUCKING HATE CANCER.

Carbona Not Glue

It's Caroline's fault I am this way
Mom and Dad want to put me away
From the early, early morning to the late, late show
When it's over there's nowhere to go

June 6th 1977, I saw the Ramones, Talking Heads and the Saints at the Roundhouse in Chalk Farm. My life changed & I suddenly got music. More than that, I got a life! I got a guitar and I got a band. My sister Caroline had a spare ticket and dragged me along. My mum warned her that if I turned into a wrong 'un, it would all be her fault. This clip was made less than a month later. It sent shivers down my spine to see it. They really were the world's greatest live band and I guess I saw them 20 or 30 times.

Shortly after I bought Leave Home by the Ramones. Carbona Not Glue was my favourite track and I used to sing the above lyrics to my Dad to annoy him (and stay out of thumping distance). I turned my best mate Dermot on to the Ramones as well. He asked me to get him the album which I did. When we played his new copy, guess what? Carbona had gone, to be replaced by the drippy track "Babysitter". I asked big sis what was going on. She replied that a Tory MP had kicked up a fuss so it had been banned. To this day I've never forgiven the Conservative Party. Dee Dee Ramone said in one interview that he couldn't believe an elected politician would be so stupid to see that it wasn't satirical. He said that anyone stupid enough to sniff cockroach spray, wouldn't be influenced by the Ramones. I agreed with his view that Ramones fans are the highest, not the lowest form of human life !

Anyway, as my music career has gone from strength to strength and the studios see the likes of Amy Winehouse, Kate Nash, The Damned, The Beautiful South etc pass through, she reckons that by my mum's reckoning, I owe her my fortune as it's all her fault.

Anyway, the moral of this story? Beware of Tories pretending to like the Ramones. They banned Carbona ! I've loved this track for 32 years and I've not turned to the gluepot or the roachspray yet.

Just for the record, here's the real lyrics.

Carbona Not Glue

Wondering what I'm doing tonight I've been in the closet and feel all right

Ran out of Carbona Mom threw out the glue
Ran out of paint and roach spray too It's TV's fault why I am this way

Mom and pop wanna put me away
From the early morning movie to the late late show
After it's over nowhere to go And I'm not sorry for the things I do

My brain is stuck from shooting glue I'm not sorry for the things I do

Carbona not glue