Dyslexia Blog - It's no surprise to me that Jihadi John was bullied at school

For those of you who haven't read my dyslexia blogs before, here is a little preamble and introduction, so you know who I am and what I do and why I write this stuff. For those of you who know the story, skip to the end of the paragraph for todays installment. Let me give you a bit of Background so you know who I am and what I do. I was born in 1962. I didn't start talking until I was 4 years old (at all, not a single word). My parents thought I was deaf. My reading age at eleven was 5. When I was fifteen I started a rock and roll band called the False Dots, the band is still going strong.
 When I was 16 I started a business called Mill Hill Music Complex (although then it was simply called the studio), a rehearsal studio, as we had nowhere to rehearse. The business has grown into a very successful enterprise, one of Londons biggest and most well respected independent studios. We now have 16 studios and a music shop and also have a photography/video studio and a dance studio. I also have done IT work, mostly on a freelance basis since 1983. In 2012 I also moved into film production, producing two highly acclaimed documentary films, both of which had screenings at the House of Commons. When I was 31, a friend suggested I had a dyslexia test. To my surprise I was told I was moderately dyslexic. This made me interested in the subject. To my amazement, what I have learned over the years is that my lack of educational aptitude, my feelings of anger and injustice and the core of my personality have been formed by the fact I cannot read words in a linear fashion. In 2013, I have set one of my objectives to use this blog to let dyslexics know they are not alone, to suggest that people who think they may be dyslexic to get an assessment and toget people who have dyslexic children or siblings to understand the issues that they face.

So this morning, Jo Shooter, Head of Quenten Kynaston School, former headmistress of Jihdai John, tells us he had issues with bullying at school. Why does this not surprise me? Previously I have wondered what in Islam could possibly persuade a man to murder innocent people? Now it all makes sense.  I believe it is nothing to do with Islam. It is nothing to do with anything other than the fact that the Jihadi John is following the classic behaviour of bullies the world over. Bullying destroys your self esteem. It fills you with feelings of hopelessness. Bullying is all about  power. It is about the use of power. Bullying profoundly upsets the way we think. We are bullied because we feel powerless to fight back. We accept whatever torments that the bullies give, because we are scared. I personally believe that victims of serious bullying suffer a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Sadly for some, the way they deal with this is to become bullies themselves.

In the case of Jihadi John, it wasn't stated by Ms Shooter what the form of bullying Jihadi John had to suffer. Just suppose he was bullied because of his faith? Just suppose that he suffered years of torment? All of a sudden, maybe we can see that a man could be scarred. A man could hate. Ms Shooter said the school dealt with the bullying. Again we have to ask, how was this dealt with? For many schools, the cessation of bullying is the sum of the bullying being dealt with. I believe that this is nowhere near a solution. It is a a sticking plaster on a wound. Does it stop the poison from within from festering?  Ms Shooter states that Jihadi Johns bullying was "not a huge concern" to her as Headmistress. Having made this statement, she fails to justify how she reached this conclusion. I would say that any child being bullied is a massive concern. As Jihadi John has demonstrated, it can be the seed of terrible behaviour patterns that can sometimes manifest themselves many years later.

A friend of mine at FCHS was bullied at school in the 1970's. He wasn't just called names. He was put into hospital following a vicious beating. His father went up to the school to ask for redress. The then Headmaster, Neil Kelly, told his father "You have to accept that Nigel is simply a very unpopular boy". His father did not accept this and he followed in my footsteps, transferring to Orange Hill Senior High School. By the time Nigel was 18, he was an alcoholic. In his 30's he took a massive overdose of paracetamol, miraculously surviving. Sadly he died last year, eventually the years of abuse caught up with him. Like most victims of bullies, Nigel turned his anger on himself.

I believe that all victims of bullying have some sort of issues with anger. This anger comes out in all manner of unfortunate and highly destructive ways. If we have had to endure submission to unreasonable behaviour of others, it upsets our abilities to interact with others. It is a part of human nature that if someone wrongs us, we want to get even. If we have been subjected to violence and humiliation, it is a normal human reaction to want to pay the perpetrator back. For some, the anger subsides and for some it doesn't. If the bullying stops, but there is nothing to give us a feeling of personal justice, then that can fester.

In the case of Jihadi John, could it be that his bravado and hatred towards his victims is simply a manifestation of him getting some sort of payback against those who wronged him. There is nothing more dangerous than an armed adult man, with a massive grudge, in a position of power. I do not excuse the actions of Jihadi John, but I do think as a society, we have to learn and we have to learn fast, that bullying in all its manifestations arethe cause of many of societies ills.

You may wonder why I chose to write this blog under the Dyslexia blog series? The answer is quite simple. I believe that dyslexics suffer a completely disproportionate level of bullying in the classroom and the playground. No one would ever accept a one legged pupil being ridiculed for their inability to run a 100 Metre race. No one would ever accept a blind pupil for being unable to paint a fine picture in the classroom. But it is perfectly fine for teaachers to ridicule dyslexics for their inability to read and write. Perhaps the worst aspect is that often teachers, will not recognise the dyslexia, and simply treat dyslexic children as if they are stupid. When I was at school, I used to feel physically sick before certain lessons, as I knew that the teacher taking it would pick on me, humiliate me and get my classmates to laugh at me. I used to feel helpless and angry. I also felt hopelessly inadequate. Sometimes I'd simply bunk off lessons, feign illness or just go walkabout. This was my way of coping. I learned to deal with it, but for a while at school, I was not only deeply unhappy, I had a period of petty vandalism at school. This made me feel able to get even and feel better. Whilst I feel no sense of pride at the bad things I did, I am pleased that my own personal anger did not end up with people getting hurt. What I find shocking is talking to parents of dyslexic, school age children, is that it seems that bullying still happens to dyslexics. Even worse, that this is from both teachers and pupils.

What we need is proper recognition of the effects of bullying. I personally suspect that in many instances, the bullies are simply indulging in payback for bullying they have suffered. Thankfully, it is rare for this to be as extreme as Jihadi John style payback, but that doesn't mean it isn't corrosive. I believe that in all cases where schools identify instances of bullying, simply getting it to stop is not enough. The issues of the bullies must be addressed. Why are they doing it. Do they understand the consequences of their actions and are they prepared to make amends.

I also believe that pupils should be able to report teachers who indulge in bullying. My starting point is that anyone who teaches at  school should have the intellectual capability to win arguments with children by logic and reason and without belittling and upsetting them. If a teacher can't do this, then they can't teach. I believe that we need to ask ourselves what we want our schools should be doing. I expect a school to not simply be an "exam factory". I expect it to be an establishment that turns out happy, intelligent and well adjusted young people, prepared to take their place in society. To succeed in this mission, schools should not only have "anti bullying policies" but should have positive programs in place to ensure that bullying is recognised as abhorrant behaviour and the perpetrators are given help to see the error of their ways.

I am an enginee by trade. I believe that every problem is fixable. You simply need to analyse the cause and devise a fix. In the case of Jihadi John, I suspect that the cause was the bullying. He is just a sad victim who is unable to take his place in society due to his mental scars. I suspect in his case, the fix will be a missile fired by a US drone. My sincere hope is that we can devise a better fix for the net generation of children, one which will address the issues which caused the anger at root and before they come so deep rooted that they result in violence.

2012 - The year of the Bully

I was sickened and disgusted to read a post by one of my blogging friends Scarlett the Heavenly Healer- http://heavenlyhealer.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/the-year-of-bully.html - She muses on whether 2012 is the year of the bully. Maybe she has a point.

We've seen a fair bit of this in Barnet

* Helen Michael investigated by Scotland Yard's SO15 Anti  Terrorist officers for putting up an election poster without her name on.

* Elderly residents of Barnet deprived of toilet facilities during a sit in at Friern barnet Library

* Shop keepers in High Barnet visited by Councillor Brian Coleman threatening to call the police over posters complaining about his parking policy

* Councillor Brian Coleman insulted the disabled members of the community duringa council debate describing them as "these people" and saying he didn't believe they should be provided with transport by the council.

* Barnet blogger Mr Mustard abused by a Brian Coleman yesterday for no better reason than Coleman cc'd him into a polite email to the leader of the council.

These are just a few of the examples of bnullying in Barnet.The Barnet Eye believes that it is necessary to stand up to bullies and to support your friends and those who can't stand up for themselves. If you are a victim of bullying, don't take it. Do something about it. Bullies only ever pick on the weak, when they think they can get away with it.  Councillor Brian Coleman has been a bully for years. This year the electorate of Barnet and Camden wised up to his behaviour and sacked him. His 20,000 GLA majority became a 20,000 majority for the Labour candidate. Why? because people like Helen Michael refused to be bullied and stood up to be counted. A lesson for us all.

Let's make 2012, the year of standing up to bullies. As a community joined together.

Gordon Brown and bullying

The allegations of bullying by Gordon Brown are the top news story this morning. Whether or not there is any substance in the allegations, sadly I doubt that Gordon Brown is the only boss in the land who has staff who may feel that they are bullied. One of the most popular shows on TV is "the apprentice". This involves a group of staff being monstered on a weekly basis by Sir Alan Sugar. Then there are the shows where Gordon Ramsey goes into other peoples restaurants, F's and Blinds at them and lo and behold, the place which previously served hogswill suddenly is transformed into a Michelin starred restaurant.

Many years ago, there was a series called "Troubleshooter". It started Sir John Harvey Jones, former chairman of ICI. He'd go into failing companies and use his wealth of experience to turn the companies around. Did he swear at the staff? No, although he probably felt like it. He'd politely explain why their company was failing and what they needed to do to turn it around. Did Sir John become a megastar in the Sugar/Ramsey mould? No, but he probably saved a few companies and a few hundred jobs. The trouble is that these days people love to watch people being bullied. Why else is Simon Cowell such a prime time star? Do we watch X factor so we can see Simon discover a new talent and tell them they are marvellous? Of course we don't we want to watch him monster a poor hapless wannabee who is dazzled by the bright lights.

Have you ever worked for a bully? I have. I'm a fairly robust sort of person, I always have been. I wouldn't have thought anyone would bully me, but I was wrong. Lets call my ex boss "Jane". She did her best to bully everyone. My turn came when my father suddenly had a heart attack and died. I rang in to say that my father had passed away and I wouldn't be in for a few days. She instantly retorted "The Company rules state that you are allowed one days compassionate leave, I expect you to come in tomorrow". I responded that I would be in when I felt up to coming in. I waited a week, to be honest I still wasn't right, but thought that I had to get back to normal life sometime. As I walked into the office, a colleague approached me and said "Oh, so you've decided to turn up". I responded "Did Jane tell you why I was off". He replied "She said you couldn't be bothered to come in". Suppressing my anger, I replied "So she didn't tell you that my father had a heart attack and had died then?". My colleague looked shocked and replied "er, No". He then suggested that I follow him. he took me over the road, to a cafe, bought me a cup of tea and a bacon sandwich and said "Stay here, I need to tell everyone else. I don't want anyone else putting their foot in it". About half an hour later he came back and said "We're all really sorry. we'd have sent some flowers if we'd known. Everyone is really upset with Jane." I explained what she'd said. My friend then said "She was lying, the rules state that you are allowed 5 days compassionate leave". I was too emotionally low to tell her what I thought of her. My colleague did. She responded that she only took half a day for the funeral when her father died. She never apologised for lying. I left the company shortly after.

I don't think that systematic bullying of staff is ever tolerable. I employ nine people and I sincerely hope that I have the respect and trust of my staff without needing to terrorise them. I work in the music industry and I feel that the Cowell approach to talent is awful. I wonder how Morrissey, John Lydon, Bob Marley, Bob Dylan, Meatloaf, Marc Almond to name a few would have fared on X-Factor? I suspect that all you end up with if you are completely stifling, overbearing and aggressive, that all you end up with is clones and yes men. This is as true in politics as in music.I have n doubt that if Gordon Brown actually engaged with colleagues, respected their opinions and listened to their views, that  he'd be a far more successful Prime Minister.

The bottom line is that as far as I'm concerned there is no place for bullying. This is true whether it's in the playground, on X-Factor, in the workplace or in the Prime Ministers office. Sadly I think that our culture actually promotes it.

Brian Coleman - two sides to every story

Christmas is coming. It's a time of charity and goodwill.I thought I'd do a little feature on Mayor of Barnet, Brian Coleman and try and give a bit of balance. Brian is a unique character. He fell out with his then boss, Council Leader Mike Freer for describing him as "The Marmite Mayor" - you love him or you hate him.

If you love him, you'd probably describe him LIKE THIS (From The Hendon Conservatives website)



If you hate him, you'd describe him LIKE THIS (Mr Toads WEBSITE)

I suppose that if you are being impartial, you'd describe him LIKE THIS (WIKIPEDIA)

He has his own video, made by specially for him by a former Barnet Tory Bigwig

In his own words, he believes in the concept of public service

But  he has an appetite unsurpassed at the GLA  and he also gets around a bit 

I used to have a strong dislike of Mayor Coleman, then I got a letter telling me of how he was mercilessly teased and bullied at school.Now I just see him as a classic example of why schools should have a zero tolerance policy to bullying. I now see his outbursts as him lashing out at the schoolyard bullies who he was too scared to hit back at in the playground.It's all a bit sad really
.

Brian Coleman, homophobia, bullying and emotional dyslexia

Following on from my post last week about the spat between Brian Coleman and John Biggs at the GLA, I've had a few emails which have cast a very interesting light on the personality of Brian Coleman and why he reacts in the way he does. This post isn't really about Mr Coleman at all, but in light of what I've read, I have to say my perception of him has changed somewhat. Scarlett did  a great blog about rejecting hate. This got me thinking. Brian Coleman is the same age as me - 47 - and he went to school a couple of miles from where I went. He was at QE Boys. Back in the 1970's when we both attended school, the environment was rather less benign for gays than it is today. I don't know what the atmosphere was like at QE boys, but at Finchley Catholic High School, it would have been virtually impossible to have been openly gay and not been on the end of sustained, vicious and extremely violent bullying. In the first year at school, one guy in our class got an erection in the changing rooms at PE. The result? He was beaten up and departed to St Ignatious. Our view of the situation as boys? We were pleased to be rid of him. In the fourth year, the school embarked on a sex education program. In one of the other classes in our year, the teacher told the boys that it was time to have a mature discussion about sex. He asked all the boys who regularly masterbate to put their hands up. One guy's hand shot straight up. To his horror, every other hand stayed down. He realised he'd made a terrible mistake. Within a couple of hours the word had gone round "Did you know that ***** ****** is a W**ker. He admitted it". Years later I discussed it with an old schoolmate and we both agreed that at the time our thought was "Why was he so stupid as to put his hand up" and that he deserved the hell he received on that basis alone. One of my best mates at Finchley and the guy who formed the band with me, Pete Conway, suffered 3 years of torment, as another guy had alleged that he sexually propositioned him. Pete was a very bright guy, but he had a terrible time. He was virtually shunned and he was seen as fair game for anyone who needed a punchbag. A couple of years after I left the school, I bumped into the guy who'd spread the rumour, in a pub. I asked him if what he'd said was true. As Pete had been his best mate at the time, it had been widely believed. He admitted he'd made the story up and said that he was ashamed of himself. He said that he'd said it as a joke and then felt he couldn't tell the truth. So if there are any ex Finchley boys out there who heard that story, now you know the truth.

I never, ever discussed the story with Pete. Our friendship effectively ended when he left the band in 1980. It's fair to say that he had a fair number of problems and issues. I attribute them all to the bullying he suffered. Having been raised in such a homophobic environment, it's fair to say that those attitudes were fairly deeply embedded in my personality when I left Finchley Catholic High School in 1978. I went to Orange Hill Senior High School to finish my education. That had a fair more liberal atmosphere. I was amazed to find that in our year, there was an openly gay guy who was accepted and not bullied at all (as far as I could see). At first, I couldn't understand how he was tolerated. I soon realised that maybe I was the one who had issues. Through music I soon met quite a few other openly gay people (which was a brave thing to be in the late 70's early 80's). One day, after a few beers, I asked about it. The answer shocked me "We'll you know how you look at attractive girls and get aroused? I don't, that happens with blokes instead". He went on to explain - "How would you feel if society insisted that you had sex with people you didn't find attractive and you were beaten up for just mentioning that you did find someone attractive. Would you feel that that was OK?". He went on to explain that most gays lead double lives, are hellishly miserable, try and suppress their feelings, take macho jobs where they can take their sexual frustrations out in other ways, often violently. He explained "Just suppose you were in constant fear that you'd get beaten up, because of the way you walk, talk, look at people, react to people. You soon learn to hide your emotions, suppress your feelings and erase all signs of your true nature to the outside world". He then explained (I don't know if this is true) that "Gay Rage" is an accepted defense in the courts of law. Basically, if you are a straight man and another man propositions you, you are allowed to beat them up, because you've suffered "Gay Rage".

What I hadn't really given any thought at all to, until I read a certain email I received recently, is what the long term effects of all this may be on the kids who were gay and were bullied at school. Brian Coleman is to be commended for the fact that he came out and is honest about his sexuality. What none of us can no for certain though, is how the repressive environment of the 70's would affect people. I was discussing this earlier in the week with a friend who is gay and they say that many gays develop a sort of "emotional dyslexia". In other words, they subconsciously misinterpret other people's actions and intentions as a form of defence mechanism. If you were worried about violence and bullying from people who may perceive you in a certain way, you automatically react in a very defensive/aggresive manner. You get your retaliation in first, be it verbally or physically.

Having thought very long and hard about this blog, and talked to a fair few people to sound out their opinions, the conclusions I have drawn are these. We can never allow schools to become places of violence, intolerance and bullying.  We have to, as a society, insist on the complete eradication of such behaviour. Playground insults for the bully pass as soon as they've left the lips. For the victim, they can last a lifetime. Next time I hear Brian Coleman sounding off at the British Olympic team, Lynne Featherstone or John Biggs, I'm afraid to say all I'll see is a small, vulnerable boy in a big school playground, desperately trying to fight off a bigger, nastier, scarier boy who has been tormenting the life out of him. I think that this is where the seeds of his behaviour were sown. What I had taken for so long to be arrogance, I actually now see as vulnerability. What I saw as rudeness I now see as defensiveness. Sadly in the case of Brian Coleman, I think that old axiom that "the biggest bullies were bullied themselves" is true.

I just hope we can move towards a society where we allow people to live their lives away from fear, hatred and persecution, whatever it's nature. I hope Brian Coleman reads this and the penny drops. He's a man of power and influence. The best way he could strike back at those playground bullies, is to work towards a fair and just society, where that little boy in the playground is happy and carefree.

Is there a dark secret at the heart of Brian Coleman's Odious Toad comments?

I was intrigued to see Mr John Biggs comments about Brian Colemans description of him as an odious Toad. These were published in the Barnet Times today

However Mr Biggs, who is 51 and grew up in Barnet, did not understand another comment which Cllr Coleman, 48, made where he said Mr Biggs had a chip on his shoulder because he had never got over his grammar school education. He said he and Cllr Coleman had both attended Q E Boys School in Queen's Road, Barnet. The school had turned from being a grammar school to being a comprehensive by the time Cllr Coleman joined.

It lead me to wonder, do you think that possibly Mr Biggs had it in for the younger Coleman at school. It has been suggested to me that maybe Coleman was a bit of  a figure of fun whilst at school. It is not unknown for older boys to be a little bit beastly. As the schools status had changed from Grammar to Comprehensive, could it be that Mr Biggs used to tease Coleman about the "lowly comprehensive boys". I went to Finchley Catholic and that underwent a similar change. The older boys definitely thought themselves a cut above us "yobbo's". It never really bothered me, but I've never been obsessed with my status.

It wouldn't surprise me if Biggs was totally unaware of the effect these comments may have made. Could it be that all of Mr Coleman's, at time rather strange behaviour, was caused by the trauma of schoolyard bullying? A sobering thought.