Friday Fun - 17th January 2025

 Let's start with the Friday Joke

From a real maths exam.

Q: Billy starts with three records by Black Lace, his sister Sue steals one and he swaps one for a Jimmy Mallet record. Billy then buys two Barry Manilow records and a Mr Blobby record. What has Jimmy got now?

A: Awful taste and a rotten record collection!

Local Music Roundup

Firstly a little reminder for the upcoming False Dots 46th Birthday party. Please come along, we'd love to see you (click on image for tickets)

And here are the best local gigs etc. It's a bit of a quiet time of the year for gigs, so please come along as the pubs and bands will really appreciate it!

Forthcoming Gigs

~JANUARY~

Friday 17th

Barrington 8.30-midnight Karaoke with Neil

Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30pm - late DJ Robert Storey (Soul funk)

The Haven 8pm – 11pm Denis Cook – Musician/DJ)

Saturday 18th

Sat

Jan

18

The Bear Pit Band (Pop / Rock Covers, 4 piece) at Butchers Arms, Barnet

East Barnet Royal British Legion 9pm – 11pm Redriffe (Classic rock)

The Arkley Club 8.30pm – 11pm Chris Kraken (Acoustic Covers)

Maddens 9pm – midnight The Looters 60s/70s covers

The Cavalier 8pm – late DJ Sammie Vee

Sunday 19th

Butchers 8.30pm – 11.30pm Pauls Jam

Monday 20th

Ye Olde Mitre Inn, High Street 8pm – 11pm (stables room)  Barnet Acoustics Sessions

Wednesday 22nd

Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30pm – 11pm  Open Mic Night

Thursday 23rd

Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30pm – 10.30pm  Traditional Irish Session (Irish Folk)

Rock and Roll Stories #22 - The most bonkers rock and roll weekend ever!

 Cast your mind back to 1985, specifically Saturday November 23rd 1985? What were you doing? A few memory joggers. Feargal Sharkey was number one in the charts with A Good Heart. The TV shows of the day were Terry & June, Noel Edmonds Late Late Breakfast show and Bobs full house. Ring any bells? Well it wouldn't have with me, because I was in Belgium doing a gig with The False Dots, supporting our mates band Soldier Bike at the Tiki Club. I have no idea where this actually was. All I know is that it was the most bonkers weekend of my life. 

At the time my day job was working for a software company called System Designers who had an office on the Buckingham Palace Road. Due to my poor health earlier in the year and a complete rebuild of the band, we'd only done one gig that year, which was performed as duo, with myself and Allen Ashley. We'd recently recruited Graham Ramsey on drums. Various attempts to recruit a bass player had failed,  our regular bassist Paul Hircombe was abroad and so we asked the Dots old keyboard player, Chris Potts to stand in. I also roped in another mate,  mad Captain Ubungus on lead guitar. We had a gig at the Cricklewood Hotel and a gig at the Bull Arts centre pencilled in for late November/early December, but it had been a quiet year. During 1983/4 the band had been on a high, with Venessa Sagoe on vocals. We'd done some amazing gigs and great recordings, but the whole thing imploded in September 1984. By December 1984, I was seriously unwell. I had six months off drink and worked very hard to learn to play guitar properly and even did a songwriting course, as well as getting stuck into my day job. I'd had the job since October 1983, but I realised if I wanted to do anything in music, the clock was ticking and I needed to do things a bit differently.

I got together with Allen, who was a bit older than me and not from the usual Falsedots mold. At the time he was working under the name Allen Lucas. He wasn't a party animal, he was very serious poet and was most businesslike around the band. Whereas Venessa could sing anything and be amazing, Allen had a very indie, Smiths style of singing. It was a complete change of direction, but I was seriously excited as we put together some excellent songs, which I believe stand the test of time, and it seemed right for the time. In the second week of November, Graham asked us if we'd like to do a gig in Belgium with his mates in a band called Soldier Bike. I immediately said yes. A period of frantic rehearsal started. We recruited my great mate, Ernie Ferebee to handle the transport logistics. Ernie was always happy to drop everything for some fun.

I thought it would be a good test for the band and a great crack to do a gig in Belgium. We weren't really ready for such a gig, but The False Dots never duck a challenge. The plan was simple. We'd meet up on Friday 22nd November at The Three Hammers pub in Mill Hill, then drive in convoy to Dover, take the ferry to Zebrugge, and drive to the Tiki club, do the gig on Saturday night, have a beer and come home. The club said they were happy for us to bring sleeping bags and crash at the venue.

The idea was to meet at 7.30pm and drive down when everyone arrived. I was working, so I went back to my flat, got changed, got my guitar and gig bag and got the 240 bus up to the Hammers. By 8pm, the False Dots were all there and having a beer. No sign of Soldier Bike. By 9.30pm, we were getting worried, but also having a pleasant chat. At 10pm, Rick Collins, Soldier Bike's bassplayer arrived. He explained "They were running late", this set the pattern for the weekend. By 11pm, they arrived and we set off. We'd missed the Ferry we wanted, but no problem, we had loads of time. 

We got down to Dover in a couple of hours and by about 2.30am were on the ferry. A bar was open so we had a quick drink. Then the captain announced that due to an incident at Zebrugge Harbour, we were diverting to Dunkirk. This was a problem for Soldier Bike. Their tour manager, a chap called Amon (not his real name), was a deserter from the French Foreign legion. The French immigration officials would be on the lookout. He was facing a ten year prison stretch if caught.

Frolicks on the way to the gig on the Belgium Autobahn

A plan was devised to hide him in the van. We arrived in France and to our amazement, they didn't search the van. We were through and now we simply had to find an unmanned border crossing (the was pre Shengen). Happily there were plenty, and the drive passed without too many incident, but a few roadside shenanigans. We got to the Tiki club in good time. Both bands did a soundcheck, which went well. We'd hired a Simmonds Electronic kit for the gig, that both bands shared. It sounded great. 

The club was really nice. A proper backstage area with free food and drink and even an in house hairdresser. They believed in looking after bands. We had our hair crimped for a laugh and even got Ernie, who was ten years older than us and former Rocker to do the same. Waiting around for gigs to start is always the worst bit of touring (that and sleeping).  

Rog, Graham & Ubungus at the Tiki Club

Amon was in charge of the 'medical supplies' to keep Soldier Bike on the road. He had a huge lump of the finest hashish resin that was liberally to be distributed. Unfortunately, before he had a chance to distribute said items, the clubs guard dog, a huge, fierce mastiff, with cropped ears, ate it. Amon, was really upset and worried about the effects of the dope on the dog, however, the club owner dismissed it saying "bastard dog is always doing that, cannabis is not poisonous but keep out of his way". Ernie was a rather good player of the Jaws harp and as each new calamity happend, he'd play the theme tune of Laurel and Hardy to us and we'd burst out laughing. He played the tune rather too many times

As we'd had nearly no sleep and a fair amount of alcohol, we all slumped into the armchairs and the sofas provided and had a doze. The dog was clearly getting rather stoned and curled up on the floor next to Captain Ubungus, who was lying on a sofa. Ubungus started stroking the dog with his bare foot, to sooth it. I was quietly chatting to Ernie, as we watched, the dog rolled over and Ubungus's foot was now rubbing it's privates, without him realising. We started to chuckle as the dog started to get excited. Ubungus then rolled over onto his front and so his foot was not on the dog anymore. The dog was not happy that his new found friend was no longer exciting him and jumped off the floor, onto his back, paws around his neck and started violently humping him. It was a hilarious scene. Ubungus went to struggle, but the enormous dog growled aggressively and carried on, Ubungus had no choice but to lie there and think of England. At this Ernie pulled out his Jaws harp and went to play the Laurel and Hardy theme tune. The dog, which was very stoned, heard this strange noise and leaped off Ubungus and straight at Ernie. Now Ernie was 6'7 and 24 stones. He'd worked as Johnny Cash's personal security on his UK tour and was knew how to defend himself (thank God). He managed to grab the flying hound mid air and just stop it before it ripped his head off. Ernie grabbed the dog and said "Go and sit in the corner, be a good boy". The dog meekly obeyed, realising it was dealing with an even more dangerous beast. There was a small nick on the end of Ernies nose, where the teeth had come down. He washed it with vodka to avoid Sepsis. We all kept very clear of the dog after that.

Onstage at The Tiki

At around 8pm, the False Dots took to the stage. The audience was a mixed bag of punks, skinheads and bikers, liberally mixed with some extremely pretty young ladies. A few of our songs were fairly up beat punky ditties which they rather enjoyed, but they reacted rather less well to the more romantic ballads that Allen had introduced. One of the songs was a punky diatribe about fascists that I'd written called Nazi Boys. Allen was quite perturbed when he realised that some of more skinhead members of the crowd seemed to think it was not a song that was critical of such things. They were dancing along and making rather uncool salutes, but seemed to be enjoying themselves.  I could see it was upsetting Allen, so I said "It's five people mate, look the rest think they are idiots". It was a bit of baptism of fire for Allen. Graham and I hod done a fair few boystrous gigs and were just soaked it up. Allen had less experience of such places and for a first full band gig, it was pretty daunting but he did OK. Ubungus just sailed through life and enjoyed the moment. We finished our set and then enjoyed the rest of the evening. Soldier Bike were amazing. After they finished, there was a new wave disco, which I thoroughly enjoyed, until 5am. I didn't get any sleep, we were clowning about, chatting to the local girls, as best we could and generally soaking up the atmosphere. There was a rather amusing moment, when one of the girls asked if I was the guitarist of The False Dots brother. She said "You look a lot like him, but he's much better looking". I'd changed out of my stage wear, and she hadn't realised.

At around 9am on Sunday morning, we rounded up our gear, loaded the van and set off. We stopped at a service station for Brunch, got the ferry and were back at the Three Hammers for the drop off for 7.30pm. Myself, Ernie, Graham and Ubungus stayed until closing time. We were going to leave earlier, but when I was down to my last 20p, I put it in the one armed bandit and won a tenner, so we carried on drinking. At around 9,45pm, the surreal nature of what had happend in the last 48 hours hit me. I turned to Graham and said "Did all of that really happen, or did I just imagine it?". Graham replied "You couldn't make up when the dog humped Pete". It was a great experience and I realised what we had to do to make the band work for such gigs. My advice to all bands is to grab such opportunities with both hands. If nothing else, 40 years later, you'll have some great stories!

At 9.30am on Monday morning, I wandered into the System Designers office, clutching a much needed bacon roll and a cup of tea and within ten minutes, it was as if none of it had happened.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The False Dots are still going. Please come along to our 46th Birthday party at the Dublin Castle, in Camden in Sunday 16th February CLICK HERE FOR MORE DETAILS

 

Where punk rock went wrong!

 I was chatting to some young musicians a few years ago and one asked me "what was punk rock all about". I said "Well it started with a bunch of hooligans booting down the doors of the record companies and music establishment, then all manner of freaks and weirdo's snuck in, until the industry managed to shut the door and regain control. The industry has spent the 50 years since ensuring that no such thing will ever happen again".  At this time of year, I always think about that period, as in February we celebrate the birthday of my band, The False Dots. 

This year, we are doing something really special and different. As has become our tradition, we are holding the bands birthday party at the Dublin Castle in Camden Town on the 16th Feb, at 2pm. We always try and do something different and I thought it might be a laugh to delve into the back catalogue and play a song from the genesis of the band, that we'd never played live before. It's called Wrong! and we wrote it about the winter of discontent and the crisis in the UK at the time. It was a blast at the misinformation in the press. At the time the band were heavily influenced by Anarcho punks Crass. It's a 51 second blast. co written by Pete Conway and myself. Even better, we are getting the legend that is Tom Hammond, our trumpeteer to sing it. We played it at our first rehearsal of the year, last week for the first time since September 1979, when we dumped it. Oddly, it has aged pretty well and to my ears sounds more Blur than Crass with Tom singing! When I was looking for a song from the beginning to do, I narrowed it down to 2. The other one was a song called "No Confidence" which we wrote when Thatcher was elected and immediately put up VAT. "You all vote in a General Election, for a bit of protection, from the taxman and VAT, but you f@cked it up and voted for Maggie, No Confidence, No Confidence" - Then a guitar riff that was supposed to sound like Police Sirens. There were songs about the Vietnamese Boat people crisis (oddly the lyrics are not entirely irrelevant today - when I realised that irony in song lyrics doesn't always work) , Uncle Charlie's Dead, about the electricity board cutting off pensioners fuel and them freezing to death and The Factory, all about the only jobs being badly paid, boring ones. Funny how times change, or don't.

Thinking about it, took me back and made me consider the truth and the myths about Punk rock. If you ask anyone who wasn't there in 77/78 about what they think punk was all about, they'll probably talk about tattoo'ed men with mohicans in leather jackets with studs, singing super fast rock songs in gruff voices, whilst being showered in a sea of gob. Oddly, I can remember the first time I saw a such attired man. It was on Thursday 18th May 1978 at the Music Machine. A band called The Depressions from Brighton, were supporting The Vibrators. They had a fan called "Pete The Mohican". He caused quite a stir and within a month, everyone seemed to have one and they all claimed to be the original. That was how things were. Looks and trends moved very quicky!

But sadly, they moved in the wrong direction. It all moved towards fast, loud and aggressive music, which was very male. For me, the best thing about early punk was that it was not like that at all. The girls in UK punk were such a breath of fresh air. The leaders of the pack were Souixsie and Poly Styrene. Of all the punk bands, these were the most interesting in my opinion. They had something interesting and very different to say. Then there were The Slits, who were off the scale in their desire to break taboo's and do things in a different way. I believe with all my heart that if the hooligans hadn't kicked the doors in, none of these artists would have got within a million miles of a record deal and national exposure. Of all the punk icons I loved, Poly Styrene is probably top. She never made any compromises to anyone. Whist most female artists trade on their looks, Poly deliberately made herself look as individual and different as possible. She performed with a brace on her teeth and ill fitting clothing, but had a look you simply couldn't ignore. Any success she had was unarguably because she was a brilliant singer and composer. She wrote songs that were not about the usual subject matter of young female singers. Poly snuck in whilst the door was ajar. Shortly after it was slammed firmly shut. Many brilliant female artists have followed, inspired by Poly, but none have been able to totally refuse to compromise in the same way and acheive mainstream success (and TOTP appearances). 

Another aspect and perhaps a more lasting legacy of those early days was the DIY ethos, where people published their own fanzines if they didn't like the music press, organised their own gigs, if promoters wouldn't have them, set up their own labels and invented guerilla marketing. The sad aspect of this was that most bands simply saw things as a tool to a major deal, rather than finishing the job and completing the music revolution. 

In truth, punk went wrong. The big bands got major deals and they either played the game or got shunted into a siding and forgotten. The best of the fanzine writers got contracts with mainstream press, the independent labels got bought and eaten alive by the majors. The real tragedy was that the network of creativity that was able to flourish between 1977-1980 eroded. Of course aspects of it persisted, but by the mid 1980's the majors were very much back in charge. Of course there are plenty of great independent labels, who do their own thing and give artists a platform that the majors won't, but the last thing the majors wanted was people they couldn't control having too much of the pie. 

The real problem is and always has been that keeping a band on the road is a difficult, expensive and time consuming business. For a band like the False Dots, covering our bar bills when we play is often a major victory. For a band like us to get TV or Radio coverage is like winning the lottery.  The way the industry works is that there are a layer at the top, who make a fortune, the next level who just about get by and the rest of us who have to unblock bogs and stack shelves to make ends meet. 

The real tragedy of punk was that there was the opportuniy to democratise the business and give everyone a fairer slice of the cake. I've no objection to the likes of the Stone and Madonna making Zillions, it is there talent. What I object to is way the streaming companies, major gig promoters, labels, etc get most of the pie and spend most of their time standing in the way of bands trying to survive. Almost every aspect of the industry involves a bunch of totally uncreative bean counters creaming off huge profits, whilst putting nothing back. Punk rock was perhaps the last time that there was a realistic opportunity for artists to re-address the balance and we failed. A whole lot of amazing musicians have not made a whole stack of great music, because the greedy gatekeepers and the companies that are meant to promote music keep just a bit too much of the pie for themselves and there is nothing us poor plebs can do about it. 

The Sunday Reflection #37 - Mirror Mirror on the wall

Do me a favour please, next time you have a few moments when there is no one around and no distractions, Turn off the telly, radio, Alexa.Turn the light on, empty your mind and look at yourself in the mirror. Stare deep into your own eyes and count to 20. Then close your eyes and count to 20, try and think of nothing, then open them again and stare into your eyes for a count of 20. 

What did you see? What did you think? Did you like what you saw? Did you feel comfortable? Did you notice anything? If anyone ever asks you what is the most important thing in your life, what is your answer? The answer should be "Me!". Not in a narcissistic, I am wonderful way though. Taking care of yourself, making time for yourself and staying healthy is the only way that any of the other things that matter to you will happen. Most parents I know will say "the wellbeing of my kids", but if you are not healthy and well, you are in no position to help them and ultimately you will be a burden on them. Some people I know will say music, football or Chinese vases from the Ming dynasty. But to appreciate any of these things you need to have the capacity to do this. 

There is a huge difference between taking care of yourself and being narcissistic and selfish. I've always said that I'd throw myself under a bus to save my wife and kids. I believe it to be true. Most parents would say such a thing, however often we don't look after ourselves, which means when the bus comes, we won't be there. We had a family get together yesterday and I had a proper chinwag with a few cousins I rarely see. One of my cousins, who I've always got on very well with, has been having serious heart issues of late. He has always been the life and soul of the party and he was in good form. He was telling me that when he had a recent heart attack, he was on the cardiac ward and a younger guy in his 30's was in the bed next to him. The guy was having real difficulty coming to terms with the reality of his situation and was very down. My cousin told him not to be too downhearted, as they were having Karaoke on the ward later. He then started to sing. A few of the other patients joined in and they all burst out laughing. There is an old saying that laughter is the best medicine, but often we stifle it and are embarrassed. We need to embrace the moments in our life where we smile. 

On Thursday, The False Dots had our first rehearsal of the year. It felt good to be making music again. When we play music, things like my age and ailments seem to disappear, I am transported to a very different place. There are times with the band that things just click. It is like all the power in the universe, all of the positive energy flows through you for a few minutes. It is a wonderful feeling. Nothing else has ever given me the same feeling. Sure there are wonderful things, amazing sensations, beautiful sights, exhillarating moments, but when you play music, you are in unison with other people and you create vibrations that will resonate for ever. That may sound a strange thing to say but the sound causes vibrations, which excite molecules. The energy may have started as a bacon sandwich, a KFC or a Cappucinno, but you digest that energy and turn it into a sound, which causes vibrations and energy. Energy does not dissipate, it just spreads out, like ripples in a pond, diminishing all the time, but the energy is still there, blending. It is a strange thought, but I believe that when we listen to music, the energy heals our soul. You don't need to play to appreciate music, but for me, the process of writings songs, arrangeing songs, rehearsing them and then playing them to an audience gives me a huge insight into more than just the process of creating music. 

Our band has four different souces of sounds. There are voices, the sound is made by air from your lungs vibrating the vocal chords in your throat. Just think, four billion years of evolution (or God being a good bloke depending on your view) have conspired to make me able to sing ska and punk rock tunes. Not impressed? Well it also enabled Elvis Presley, Otis Redding, Amy Winehouse and Aretha Franklin to do the same thing, but infinitely better. Then there is Tom Hammonds trumpet. He blows into this, presses the valves and great sounds come out that compliment and are in tune and in harmonic resonance with my voice. Then there is my guitar and Fil Ross's bass guitar. Metal strings are plucked. These generate an electric current in a magnetic guitar pickup, that is amplified by an electronc device. Again, these frequencies need to resonate perfectly with my voice and Toms's trumpet. And finally, there are Graham Ramseys drums. Wood shells, with plastic skins, tightened to an exact pitch and beaten in perfect time with the rest of us. Each at it's own pitch. If we get it right, it sounds pretty good. There are zillions of combinations that we could do that would sound like a monstrous tuneless cacophony (you may think we still do), but when we get it right, magic happens. 

But it can only happen if I stay healthy. If I don't look after myself, don't practice, don't stay physically capable of jumping around for an hour, it is all for nothing. The better I look after myself, the happier I am and the more I can do both for myself and my family and friends. This week, I went to two funerals. Both were for gentlemen who had lead full and fullfilled lives, in very different ways. One lived to a very old and ripe age, the other reached a very respectable age, but had battled cancer for twenty years. The battle hadn't dimmed his fire until the very end. During the eulogy, the celebrant said that his consultant had told him that he'd lived longer than anyone else on the planet with his condition. Why? He was bloody minded about the whole thing, but more than that because he loved life and had things he still wanted to do.

Back at the start of this blog, I asked you to do a little exercise. There is one little thing to add. Before you start, think of something you really want to do in your life. It can be anything. when you finish the above exercise, close your eyes for a couple of seconds, then open them again and tell yourself that you are going to do it, whatever it is.  There is only one person that can stop you, that is the person you were looking at in the mirror. So JFDI!

---

And me, what am I going to do? Well for me at the moment, it is this....

The Saturday List #469 - My top ten things I won't write blogs about

Regular readers will know I've blogged about my cancer in detail, my experience with dyslexia, my childhood. Yesterday I was chatting to a mate and they said "Is there anything you won't blog about"? I was quite shocked to be asked. Yes, there are plenty of things. I promised him I'd give him a (non exhaustive) list.

1. The details of my sexual relationships past and present etc. It's no one elses business.

2. My sexual fantasies. Again, they're no one elses business.

3. My non sexual fantasies, what I daydream about when I'm bored. They are far too embarrasssing, you'd think I was a lunatic!

4. The details of our family business.

5. The details of my IT career, where I signed NDA's forbidding me from disclosing the details of the work I did.

6. Family politics with my kids.

7. Things that people have told me in confidence. The number of times people, especially Barnet Council workers have told me things and then said "Please don't write about this as it will be clear where it has come from". In these cases, I've usually done a bit of sleuthing and got the information from other sources. There used to be a couple of Tory councillors who'd tell me such things. I'd use teh information to prize the information out with FoI's etc. It was frustrating at times. You'd be quite surprised who some of the leakers were. A certain other well known Barnet blogger got a reputation for spilling the beans and dropping people in it. Sadly for them, much of their network of informants dried up. I was often told "Don't share this with ******" for that reason. 

8. My mates business, which is none of your business.

9. What happened in Vegas! It stays in Vegas

10. Where the Cuban troop formations are (you had to be there!).

I must add that in some cases, I use some of this as source information, but I redact the bits that may compromise confidences. My friends often recall some of the events I mention and say "You didn't mention ......" The reason is that in this online world, such things can bite you. The most difficult one for me is knowing where to draw the line when discussing the history of the band. Given that the membership of the band is public domain it can be difficult. The rule there is that I write about the things relevant to the band, things in public domain and things that are relevant to why we did certain things at certain times. There are plenty of things that I won't write because they are private. If you have a massive fallout with someone who was in the band, it is difficult to be obkective, but it is also part of the story. Anyway, I hope that this clears up a few things. 

Having listed all of these things, here is what seems an appropriate tune from the annals of the False Dots to finish with! A little ditties that had it's roots in both my sexual and non sexual fantasies, which I don't blog about!

Goodbye to John Sullivan

 Normally on a Friday, I do the Friday fun section. As I attended the funeral of our no 1 guest blogger today, Mr John Sullivan, I didn't feel it appropriate to do this feature. Having already written my eulogy to John previously, I just wanted to report back that his funeral was packed. The chapel at Hendon Crematorium was so full that we had to stand in the overspill annexe. It was futting to see so many people there. I bumped into at least five people who I've not seen for a while, who I didn't know were friends of John. He certainly got around. I had a lovely chat with his wife Ida, and his son Cliff to pass on my personal condolensces. The eulogy was fascinating. At such times you learn a lot of things about the person that you never knew. I knew all about Johns work as a disabled campaigner, but far less about his early life and his working career. I've known John since about 2009. we were introduced by local Barnet Unison rep John Burgess, who suggested that John may be a good guest blogger. Fittingly John was at the service today. 

For about the first five years I knew John, he'd always start any email regarding matters Barnet, guest blogs etc with the message "I know nothing about blogging but....". I was out for a drink with him in 2014, and yet again he said it. I said "John, you've published over 30 guest blogs, over a million people have seen them, all this talk of 'knowing nothing about blogging' is wearing a bit thin". He laughed and said "Have I really publisghed that many?". I said "Yes, I made a point of counting them as I knew you'd say that". He laughed and said "Well I never". About two weeks later, he phoned me. He was so angry, he could hardly talk. I wasn't sure what was going on. I said "Sorry John, you've lost me here, bring me up to speed". He gathered his thoughts and said "Sorry, when you told me I'd posted 30 Guest Blogs I thought you were pulling my leg. I had some time on my hands today so I read them all back". I was a bit worried when he said this. Had I edited one in a way he was unhappy with? He then said "I can't believe it. It's all there. Everything we said was right and the ******** never listened, the ******** didn't care". He then said, "You know that Blog I did, The Definition of Evil - I'd completely forgotten that. There is so many evil ******** running Barnet Council and in the Tory government that you get overwhelmed. How can you forget writing something like that. It was true wasn't it?". As I listened to the Celebrant play Hey Jude, those words repeated themselves in my mind. 

The celebrant rightly concentrated more on John's love of family and the people he helped. Without his beloved Downs daughter Susan, our paths may never have crossed, but she was his Little Chief and the apple of his eye. I had a bit of a bond with John as my cousin Tessie was a peer and friend of Susans and I saw the same things John saw happening, although with the detachment of not being Tessie's Dad. Whenever John went to war, he'd always remind me that it wasn't just for Susan, it was for Tessie and everyone else. Over a beer he told me that Susan had made him a better person. He had no choice but to love, care and fight for her. The sad truth is that he did have a choice, some parents sadly walk away. If you don't believe me, watch Otto Baxter in "Not a F@cking Horror Story". 

It is always easier to look the other way, to take the easy path, to give in, to not pick up the phone, write a blog or march when there is something that needs to be done. John Sullivan never chose the easy option. That was why the chapel was full. That was why there was so much love. Johns was the second funeral I've been to this week. Such events make you reflect on your own life and contribution. There have been plenty of times when I have wondered whether it is time to knock the blog on the head, to stop saying the things that need to be said. Maybe I should have done it a year or two ago. Trouble is, I can't now because I know John will bloody well come back and haunt me if I do. God bless you John and give Susan a big hug from me, up in the big party in the sky. 

I'll leave this here. Without John Sullivan, this film would never have been made

Rock and Roll Stories #21 - Personality crisis! The pleasure and peril of song writing partnerships

There have been 38 members of the False Dots (if I counted them correctly). The first two members were myself and Pete Conway, we were schoolmates from the age of four. We'd been talking about starting a band from the age of about eleven, but it was only when we discovered Punk Rock in 1976/7 that we had the inspiration to actually do something about it. We spent most of 1978 talking about it, saving up to buy instruments, learning to play some basic chords, writing a few rather rubbish songs. The first rehearsal was on 14th February 1979 (The band are celebrating our 46th birthday on Sunday 16th February at 2pm at the Dublin Castle - Please come, CLICK HERE FOR CHEAP ADVANCED TICKETS)

I last spoke to Pete in the early 1980's. Sadly our friendship did not survive the band. It ended the day he failed to turn up for our first gig, in December 1980. I couldn't believe it at the time. His excuse? He'd gone to the pub with his work mates and got pissed and forget to come. About ten years ago, we agreed to meet for lunch, but it never happened. My biggest regret about it? I actually thought Pete was a genius and would've been a great front man. The lyrics we wrote together and the songs he wrote for the band were amazing (once we'd got our act together). What was more difficult was the fact that we had a completely toxic relationship. I've not done too many things in life I truly regret, but most of them were when I was hanging around with Pete. I don't blame him, but we'd egg each other on to do behave badly. When Pete was in the band, everyone else was an outsider. We'd just order them what to play and go mad when they got it wrong.

The lyrics to some early songs

One of the biggest strengths of our song writing partnership was the totally ruthless criticism of each others work. Every single word of every single line was scrutinised. It all had to make sense. When one of us presented a song to the other, the other one would relentlessly critique it. We'd sing the song in a Pinky and Perky voice to annoy the writer. By the time we'd finished, the songs were robust and interesting. An enduring feature of the songs was that they had to tell a story. There could be no fat. Once we'd finished the lyrics, we'd start work on the music. As we were total novices and new nothing of music theory, structure of songs, etc, this was more problematic. The early band songs didn't have middle eights. We didn't know the rules for chord progressions so we'd do odd things. None of the songs were the usual 12 bar rock and roll riffs.  The verses often had clunky and disjointed musical bridges between verses and choruses. The good thing was this meant they didn't really sound like anyone else. When we listened to songs like Not All She Seems, we'd bung in extra guitar riffs to fill it out. When we first recorded Not All She Seems, we had a count in of eight on the drum sticks. Most bands have four and they chop it off when they edit the recording. We liked it. Where the whole thing rather broke down, was when Dav Davies and Paul Hircombe joined the band. They were better musicians than Pete & I. If we'd been a bit more savvy, we'd have listened to them. We did the opposite. We just expected them to play the songs how we told them to. 

And the note I added when I re-read them in 1980

After rehearsals, Pete and I would often go to the pub. We'd not invite Paul or Dav. Paul was only fourteen when he joined, so I guess he couldn't have come anyway. Dav was 22 and drove, so he probably wouldn't have come, but we never asked him. It wasn't a deliberate snub, it just never occurred to us to ask him. Sometimes we'd sit around after rehearsals and just chat, but not about the music. We'd wait until the rest of the band had gone home, then we'd rip into a song by song analysis of rehearsal. Often we'd ask mates down to listen. If they stayed after Paul and Dav had gone, we'd grill them on what they thought of the songs. Woe betide them, if they compared a song to a band we had disdain for. In hindsight, for some visitors, it must've been like going for dinner with a bunch of psychopathic serial killers. We were so intense about the band and the music that it was actually quite uncomfortable.

Then Pete lost interest. I booked the gig to try and pull him back, but it had the opposite effect. It caused a permanent breach. When Pete finally left the band, I felt a huge feeling of relief. We could be a band. The extent to which we'd not engaged with Paul and Dav was graphically demonstrated, when Craig Withecombe joined to replace Pete. We'd called Paul "Urcum" since he'd joined. Paul Marvin (HAnk Marvin's son, who had been the drummer before Dav) had introduced him. He'd called him "Urcum" and we'd stuck with that. I introduced Craig to Dav and "Urcum". Craig said "What's your name". Paul replied "Paul". Craig said "Would you rather be called Paul or Urcum"? Paul replied "Paul". I was horrified. He'd been in the band for six months. After that, he was Paul. About two years after Pete left, I bumped into him. We spent an evening in the pub (where he explained the reason for his no show). He enquired as to what was happening with the band. I said "Paul's doing great on bass". Pete replied "Who's Paul?". I replied "Urcum". Pete said "Oh, is that his name?".

When Craig joined, who was an excellent musician, he introduced us to the idea of structure in songs, chord progressions, harmonies and melodies. Pete and I had played lip service to the Velvet Underground ethos that none of that mattered and the perfect song was as simple as possible, no more than three chords. Craig, rather helpfully, pointed out that the Velvet Undergrounds best song (in his opinion) was Sweet Jane and it had four chords! He also pointed out that nearly all of the songs had four or more chords. Craig did concede that the songs worked and were interesting. Having better musicians really made a difference.

 Everyone could make a contribution. It took me a long time to find my feet writing songs on my own. I have all of my old lyrics and in truth, when Pete left, the quality of lyrics I was writing initially became awful for a while. When Pete had been in the band, the songs had to tell a story. I lost that. I was trying to impress people with my intellect. Oddly, the best song I wrote in the aftermath of Pete leaving was a song called Action Shock, based on the story of a mate, who was in the Royal Marines and had served in the invasion of the Falklands. I started work on it, put together a two chord progression that persists throughout the song and gave up, thinking it was rubbish. It would never had seen the light of day, had Venessa Sagoe not joined the band in 1983. I gave Venessa the lyric folder and asked if there was any she liked when she joined. She immediately picked Action Shock. She asked me to play it. I was embarrassed. It plodded along with an A minor - E minor progression. Venessa sang it and I realised it was a masterpiece. In fairness, if Venessa sung it, the phone book would be. But she added drama and substance and discovered a vibe that hadn't been there before. We still play it as the finale of the set. 

That was the moment that I felt the band recovered from the Personality Crisis that we'd been in since we formed. The healthiest thing both Pete and I could do was not be in a band together. One of the best things about The False Dots in 2025 is that Fil, Graham and Tom all fully contribute and work together to realise the full potential of the songs. Of course Pete and I were not Lennon & McCartney or Jagger and Richards, but the split in 1980 and the difficulty I had adjusting to write songs when our song writing partnership dissolved gave me a good insight into why their post Beatles work and the Stones solo projects are a pale reflection of their heyday in a partnership. When you don't have a totally belligerent, aggressive, sarcastic co writer saying "No, that's utter crap, go away and start again" is the best thing you can possibly have. Sadly, most people who work with the likes of the aforementioned artists simply said "Oh,that's brilliant Darling". It is only when the general public hear it, that the awful truth dawns on the artist. The horrible truth is that a band with a personality crisis is a band that is creative. It is also intolerable for any length of time and I salute Lennon/McCartney and Jagger/Richards for sticking it out as long as they did/have.

I thought I'd finish with the two songs I mentioned from the era.  This is Not All She Seems, as we play it now. The lyrics are the same. The musical structure has changed a bit.  We wrote it when we were sixteen in 1979. 

And this is Action Shock as we perform it now. It is pretty much identical to how we used to play it with Venessa. The song us utterly resistant to any form of re-arrangement! 

 

Winter in your heart? It certainly is in my bank account

 It is bloody freezing out there this morning. What have I been doing? Changing my energy tariff! It will save me around £100 this year. By my reckoning, that's two curries more that I can afford, although I'm on a new year diet, so it may have to wait a few months to benefit. January is the worst month for me financially. It is, like the weather, a perfect storm. In January, we have to pay a VAT quarter payment, that happens to be for September-December, which is the best quarter of the year. Then we have to find the money for self assessment. On top of that, we have two of the worst months of the year for our business, December and January are always months which have a significantly reduced turnover for our studio. This used to be offset by good sales in the music retail business, but the shift to online retailing has clobbered this. It is almost impossible to predict how good or bad the busines will peform. We used to be able to predict, almost to the penny, how much we'd turn over. Now it is impossible. Last year some weeks were 40% up on the previous year, others were 30% down. Over the year, our turnover was up by about 10%, which meant we made a tiny profit. WIth the changes, courtesy of the Chancellors budget, we've had to put our prices up. I've calculated that we need around 15% more revenue to stay still. The difficult part of the equation is calculating whether raising prices will cost us business. Having put the prices up on the 1st January, we really won't know until maybe mid March. 

The way the government structures it's taxation system, we are clobbered in January and then Feb and March are good months, as local councils only collect business rates for ten months. On top of that, business always picks up. as more people start rehearsing for gigs. Rachel Reeve, the chancellor, made it very clear that helping small businesses recover from the pandemic is the last thing  that she's worried about. There are many things that she could do to help firms like mine, but none are being done. It pains me to say it, but despite all of their faults, the the last Tory government did offer a degree of help to businesses struggling to recover from the pandemic. The live music sector is one of the most affected. It is a miracle that our studio business survived. This was only because we had cash in the bank and the covid grants were reasonably generous. Now we have no cash and no grants and we are still trading 20% lower than we were in 2019. Not only that, but energy prices and labour costs have shot through the roof. Making huge hikes in minimum wage costs and National Insurance is completely anti growth in the current economy. I am a firm believer in paying staff a fair wage, but you need a healthy balance sheet to do that. The complete failure of Reeve to recognise that companies such as mine are desperately struggling at the moment, shows a complete lack of economic competence. If my business was to shut, not only would 11 people potetially be claiming benefits, there are at least 30 other customers of ours that would be impacted and have problems. 

For me, my music business is a lifelong passion. It is not just a source of cash. If it was, I'd have taken the grants and liquidated the company and retired in 2020. At 57 years old, I could have easily have retired. Why didn't I? Because I love music, I love musicians and I believe that God blessed me with the talents to run a business that is universally good for the local community, the music community and my own love of music. On Sunday, I wrote a blog about superstitions. I have a strong superstition that if I don't fulfill my mission in this world as best I can, bad things will happen. You may laugh, but I have had the most extraordinary luck in my life. As a dyslexic who was deemed educationally subnormal aged eight and had remedial reading lessons, I've done OK. When I was at FCHS school, my then Headmaster Nick Kelly told me that I'd never have a decent job, a nice wife or decent children. He told me I was a waster and a loser. For some people, such a statement would be a crushing put down. To his fury, I laughed and replied "We'll see Sir". What Kelly failed to see in me and many of the other boys I was at school with, was that the world was changing. Being adaptable is perhaps the greatest of all survival skills. Whilst he was lecturing me on how useless a human being I was, I was planning to start a band. My plan was to get a band together, and make a career in music. I didn't see Maths, Geography and History as part of the plan. The best teacher at FCHS was our physics teacher, John Shuttler, who was also into music. He counselled me and asked what I want to do with my life. I told him that I wanted to start a punk rock band and spend my life making music. John didn't laugh. He said "If you want to write great songs, you need competent music and English skills. If you run a band, you'll need maths to keep on top of the finances, if you are planning a tour, geography will help you work out where you are going next, and if you understand history, there is a rich source of inspiration for stories for songs. Look at the Irish music scene. Even the bands like the Sex Pistols reference history in songs, and if you get it wrong, you'll look like a fool". He then added "And if you study physics and electronics, it will make working out how to get great sounds out of your electric guitar easier". I found out later that John made amplifiers at Uni to suppliment his income. 

That intervention, over a cup of tea in his office was a key moment in my life. Why was I there? I'd been being disruptive in class. He'd told me to see him after the lesson. I expected a lecture. I got a cup of tea and a pep talk. We then talked about the music of Joni Mitchell for ten minutes. I realised that John would have been successful in whatever career he wanted. He was intelligent and insightful. He saw things in people that even they weren't aware of. He chose teaching because he could make a difference. I am sure at times, people like me would infuriate him, but he stuck with us. To my shame, I repaid his faith rather badly at the time, but did he lose it? No, he tried again. Eventually the message got through, long after I left FCHS. I saw him at a retirement dinner and failed miserably to thank him properly. But we had a great chat about music, so I guess he got what he wanted from me. 

The thing is, the example of people like John Shuttler made me realise that you stick with your mission and you keep the faith. You keep going and you look for new ways. You believe. You find a way. Then you get there. If I'd retired and crashed the business in 2020, when financial sense would have dictated it as a wise move, The False Dots would have folded. In 2021, our drummer Graham Ramsey lost his son to suicide and it gave me a massive reason to continue and reinvent the band. (Please donate to Graham's appeal to help pay for a headstone) The four years since have been a blast. The best ever. I'd rather be gigging at The Dublin Castle, where we are regulars, with a residency than sipping G&T's in Barbados (although Mrs T would disagree). So what I am saying is that if you have a dream, stick with it. The point I am making is that January is grim financially, but there is more to life than money. Don't let it get you down.

In 2021, the False Dots completely changed our sound and our style. Poet Allen Ashley left the band and I took over on vocals. Allen is still a mate and I believe that this number was his finest moment with The Dots, so here it is, from 2015. We sound a bit different now (Click here to listen)

 

The real reason that grooming gangs are running riot in the UK

 We've seen Elon Musk sticking the boot into Keir Starmer about the governments woeful response to the scandal around paedophile gangs running grooming rings and raping children in the UK over the past few days. Whilst I 100% agree with Mr Musk that the situation is totally wrong and that the Police and CPS should have been on this from the first moment that it reared it's ugly head, I find it somewhat odd that he seems to be stacking all of the blame on Keir Starmer, who was head of the CPS from 2008-2013 and has been Prime Miniter for six months. Even if you subscribe to the idea that for that period Starmer was 100% to blame for what went on, we've had Seven different Prime Minister since Blair appointed Starmer and five of them, over an eleven year period were from the Conservative Party. We've had three different Directors of Public Prosecutions in that period. It is a Civil Service role, not political, which is why Starmer served most of his term under under Tory Prime Minister David Camerons. Since Starmer left, we've had  Alison Saunders (2013–2018), Max Hill (2018–2023) and Stephen Parkinson (2023–present). All are culpable.

It seems rather odd to me that Mr Musk has not apportioned blame amongst all of them, although I suspect that has more to do about his personal agenda than who he actually thinks is to blame. All of them would be fully briefed on the situation and presumably could have acted if so minded (or directed to by any of the five Prime Ministers who have ultimately been their bosses. It has been noted on Mr Musk's own X platform that he has had far less to say about paedo rings run by rich and powerful white people in America, such as Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell (who there are photo's doing the rounds of with Mr Musk). It is something that Mr Musk has not chosen to address in his deluge of tweets on the subject. I really think some sort of explanation would be a very good thing.

What I find really odd about the current ire against 'Asian grooming gangs' running paedo rings, is that it completely ignores the fact that the vast majority of victims of paedophiles in the UK are the victims of the white, indiginous population. That in no way excuses the gangs, but what we need to do is see a strategy that addresses Paedophiles of all colours and creeds. I suspect the reason that the gangs that we currently see highlighted are seemingly acting with such impunity is as much to do with the law being totally deficient in dealing with paedophiles in general, as it is about ignoring people from ethnic minorities to be woke. 

One of the most disturbing conversations I had on the subject was with a friend of mine, Duncan McLaughlan, who was the governor of the Maze Prison in Northern Ireland for 17 years, through the troubles. Duncan was a friend of mine and I recall a conversation about whether paedophiles can be reformed. Although the Maze had political prisoners, it also had run of the mill criminals incarcerated, including paedophiles. I asked Duncan if he thought paedophile men could be rehabilitated. His view was that they only stopped offending when they were physically incapable of doing it and all convicted paedophiles were a permanent risk to children whilst they were able bodied. Furthermore, he told me that they would exchange information and tips on how to procure children and evade detection whilst in prison. When they were released, they were far more effective and dangerous as child abusers than when they first went in. The most disturbing thing of all, is many consider themselves to be superior to non child abusers as they see the non abusing population as idiots who are missing out. Duncans view was that every time an offending paedophile is released, children are put at risk. His comment was that most criminals get fed up with being locked up eventually and try and get back on the straight and narrow. Paedophiles simply see jail as an unfortunate break in their activities, but also a chance to learn new ways to carry on their business. He would have been quite happy to lock them up permanently, as he felt child safety was more important than their human rights. I have to say that I agreed with him, having heard his logic. He was a man with relatively liberal views on most things, but it was clear that experience of offenders had taught him that there are some things where being lenient simply does not work.

Another comment was also rather disturbing. He said that when Judges, of whom he knew a fair few, sentenced such people, they knew that they would invariably start offending at the end of their term, but had to follow "sentencing guidelines". You may wonder what these are? They are the reason that Huw Edwards did not go to prison for being part of a child porn sharing ring. What you can be absolutely sure of is that every other paedophile who does a similar thing to Edwards will avoid prison, as he's set a very unfortunate precedent, supported by the guidelines. UK lawmakers set terms for what they think is an appropriate sentence for the crime. 

Then there are the offenders who commit more serious abuse. Sadly I saw at first hand how indadequate the law is in the respect. A teacher in Mill Hill, who abused his position to molest a 14 year old girl and her 7 year old sister was given eight years. He served just under three years, as he 'behaved himself' in prison. At the end of their sentence, they returned to Mill Hill and even got a role in a local community group, videoing events featuring young children, until their conviction was revealed and they refused to undertake a DBS check. Rather sadly, the Police showed no interest at all in the matter, when local residents raised the issue. Sadly, I can say no more for legal reasons, but the response of the Police left me horrified and I realised that the safety of children is not a policing priority in Barnet. 

It is clear to me that prison service, the parole service, the police and the lawmakers in the UK fully understand the nature of child molesters. They know that the law if wholly inadequate and has been for years. New online platforms have been a huge enabler of child molesters, allowing networking opportunities that they could never have dreamed of 30 years ago. In France recently, we've seen how a very sick minded man used such tools to allow dozens of strangers to abuse his drugged wife. She is clearly a strong and intelligent woman. Just think how like minded men may use the same tools to exploit vulnerable children?

Anyone who understands they way the internet has developed over the last quarter century will know that the process of legislation of the internet and keeping it safe for everyone almost needs to be done in real time to keep up with all of the developments. I've seen first hand how a relatively IT savvy dodgy individual was able to exploit the complete lack of regulation to do all manner of dodgy things and the Police were either unwilling or unable to lift a finger. It is clear to me that abusers target weak, vulnerable people. What concerns me most, are the more well connected and powerful people who are able to exert power and influence to abuse. A good example of such people is former MP Cyril Smith, who used his stature as a local MP to abuse boys at a childrens home in Rochdale. What is truly disturbing is that in 1988, Margaret Thatcher was made aware of the allegations before he was given a Knighthood, but chose not to act. Thatcher was also on good terms with the likes of Jimmy Savile. The more you lift the carpet, the more you wonder whether the reason that all of these people, from the gangs that Musk is ranting about, to Cyril Smith, Jimmy Savile and Huw Edwards can get away with it because the people who run the Country and make the laws want them to. And when we talk about Islamic paedo gangs, what about the Christian gangs in the Church of England and the Roman Catholic Church. It really is time for both organisations to turn their files over to the police and compensate victims.

It couldn't be clearer to me, that if the Government properly legislated, followed Duncan McLoughlan's advice and locked up child molesters until they could no longer offend and made the Police properly investigate claims, then the number of children being molested by dirty old men would fade into insignificance. One other thing that should be considered is that many offenders, were themselves victims and the behaviour they were subjected to was normalised. Of course most victims don't go on to offend, but I believe that if we took serious action to lock up offenders and protect children, then we would see a lot less children being taught that such behaviour is OK. So in short, the awful truth is that the reason we have grooming gangs and other forms of paedophile activity on such a large scale is because both Labour and Conservative governments think it absolutely fine. And until you see the UK and other Western countries building new, purpose built prisons to lock up such people, and more police resources dedicated to catching paedophiles, nothing at all will change.