A few years ago, I was having a sort out of the junk I've acquired over a lifetime. I found a bunch old school books from my time at St Vincents. My kids were appalled at how inept I was at writing. I wrote about it and gave an example in one of my dyslexia blog series. In one of the other books, our teacher asked us what we wanted to bewhen we grew up. I think my answer may shock you. I said "I want to have a shed and a pond in my garden". Interestingly. I have 2 sheds and 2 ponds these days, so I can confidently say I have succeded. You may think that this shows an extraordinary lack of ambition. I think it shows a maturity far beyond my age. I wanted something achievable, which would bring me great joy. What I really wanted was a shed with a workbench and lots of tools that I could sit in all day making and mending things, then a very large pond I could go fishing in after a day in the shed. Sadly, I've not acheived that level of shed/pond ownership and in truth my interests have changed. But there is a small part of me that would love that.
I recall being humiliated by the teacher who set the problem. They felt that this was not something to aspire to. They wanted me to say I wanted to be a bank manager, an estate agent or a motor mechanic. Some of the class came up with some wonderful dreams of jobs. A few wanted to be builders like their Dad's, others wanted to be racing car drivers and footballers. The teacher treated such unachieveable dreams as far more sensible than mine. They were complimented on their ambition. When I was fourteen, I had a career counselling session at Finchley Catholic High School. I recall it well. The teacher asked what I wanted to be. I said "An astronaut". I had learned from my previous experience. Once more I was berated. This time for being stupid and selecting something that was completely unrealistic. I still have the sheet of paper. Suggested options? Mowing lawns for Barnet Council or working as a motor mechanic. Shortly after, I discovered Punk Rock and I knew exactly what I wanted to be.
I wanted to be in a punk rock band, with a beautiful wife and a great gan of mates. I wasn't bothered about being rich, I just wanted to play gigs in small clubs and have fun. Like the pond, I have achieved it. There are downsides, though. When you get to sixty three, you still love doing gigs, as I did yesterday, but you suffer for your art. My back, knees and ankles hurt like hell, after all the jumping around and lugging gear. We had a blast though, and that is why I will do it until I can't (or no one will play music with me).
As for having a beautiful wife, that has it's downside. It's bad enough when people say "what on earth is she doing with you?" it's even worse when you are having a drink with a drunken mate and they tell you of their undying lust for your missus. I used to take such comments as a compliment, but I've always kept a beady eye on them after! And having a great bunch of mates. Well you have to work on that and often, I end up drinking far too much as I feel I have to be part of the gang and I don't want FOMO. It will probably be the death of me. But in truth I am lucky.
I have mates who's biggest dream was to have a well paid job. They liked the idea of the cash, but the downside is that it takes over your life. They missed the best bits of their kids growing up. For some, it lead to the breakdown of relationships and abject misery. It also lead to the neglecting of friendship groups, leading to isolation. I bumped into an old school mate on the tube. Successful, well off and totally miserable. He was telling me how it all went wrong in his life. I felt quite sad. Then he started boasting about his cars and his money. I felt even sadder, he'd become a crashing bore. He was very sniffy about me playing in a band. I think he assumed that I actually lived in a shed and my toilet was a bucket.
A female colleague I used to work with had a different dream. She wanted a fancy wedding. She was obsessed with the idea. She chose a man who was photgenic. She forced him to go to a local church that was pretty for a year, so they could marry there, even though he was an atheist. The wedding and the reception were the most fancy I've been to. When it was done, she realised that what she wanted was a big day, where she was the centre of attention. The drudgery of married life and kids was not for her. She decided it was all her husbands fault. He was a steady bloke, great job, generous, pleasant, committed father, etc. She decided he was too boring for her and left him and the kids. I bumped into her a couple of years after the divorce. She confessed that she'd only married him for the fun of the big day. She'd not thought about what comes next.
And ther elies the rub. If you want a shed and a pond, apart from the odd bit of maintenance, you know what you are getting yourself into. If you want a fancy wedding, you then have a spouse to live with. If you get a well paid, important job, you get a load of brain damage and stress with it. My Mum once gave me a very sound bit of advice. She said "When you are making important life decisions, always think about where they will leave you in ten years time". Now in ten years time, I'll be 73. For me, right now, the financial decisions I make in the next couple of years will decide whether I'll be living in the shed then. Will I still be in a band. I hope so. I hope my wife, kids and friends are all still fit, fun and healthy. I hope we look back on the current period as a bit of a blip on the road of life, and the idiots and conflicts that dominate our news channels have become items for the history books.
Nothing lasts forever. The last decade for me has been a mixture of terrible and absolutely fantastic. I think that is the way of life. I've had personal challenges, business challenges, the world has seen pandemics, bad politics and financial pressures. But the times with famaily, friends and band have been fantastic. For me, it is our best ever recordings. Ten years ago, when the Brexit vote was the big news, I couldn't have predicted the good or the bad things that have dominated the last few years. At the time, I wrote a blog, in the aftermath of Brexit, where I posted a message of hope. Although my optimism has had a battering since then and I am more cynical, I think it is still basically true. The loudmouths will always be heard and the quiet, reasoned people drowned out, but that doesn't mean they are the majority. It has long been said "Careful what you wish for". In truth, these days, I wish for little, health and happiness. If the Good Lord is listening, which I am sure they are, I hope that they hear my wish. I hope that if it is granted, it is in a way that makes everyone on the planet just a little happer and healthier as well. I cannot sign off without mentioning England and the World Cup. Come on England, put in a good performance. Mexico are one of the teams I prefer. It is a country I hope to spend some more time in. I hope our fans make us proud, whatever happens.
Keep the faith.
Yesterday saw a real pinnacle on the journey, with the launch of The False Dots new album "We don't live in America". We are reaping the fruits of involving our Trumpet player Tom Hammond in the songwriting process. I've been previewing the album on the blog recently. I'd really appreciate a listen and a like. Please check it out
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