The Barnet Eye has learned from usually reliable sources (down at the Bridge Pub in Mill Hill) that as part of his campiagn to secure human rights for dogs, Former Hendon Conservative MP Matthew Offord has got his Jack Russell terrier Max to take his place as Conservative Candidate for Hendon. It appears that Boris Johnson (Pictured with Max) was so impressed with Max's ability to woo the crowds that he has persuaded Matthew to step aside and let Max run as candidate.
Mike Freer's explanation of how Non Jews can represent Jews in Parliament far better than Jewish people. After a long chat with Boris, Mike and Matthew, Max was won over.
His spokesperson said "After listening to Mike Freer's impeccable logic, Max realised that it was best for the people of Hendon if they were represented by a non human. As everyone knows, people trust dogs far more than politicians and they are recognised for the qualities of loyalty, faithfulness and doggedness". Max was also able to explain that he has massively improved Matthew's fitness, ensuring that rather than sit around drinking and eating cakes, he gets Matthew off his ever growing posterior and out for some walkies.
Max also explained that dogs exemplify "true Tory values". Unlike Socialists who are driven by the rather bizarre concept of "communal good", dogs will do anything for a nice treat. Max is on the liberal wing of the Conservative party, believing that if he wants to lick his testicles in public, why should anyone have the right to stop him.
Max explained that wheras Socialists believe in equality and fairness, dogs follow the Conservative mantra of following the pack leader and the biggest doggie gets the biggest dinner! Like his owner Matthew, Max is not a supporter of Same Sex Marriage, explaining "why should I want to get married when there are so many nice chair legs out there?"
The Barnet Eye approached Mike Freer for a quote about whether his logic applied to dogs representing humans in Parliament, but he seemed a tad unwilling to respond. A spokesperson who may be close to Mike replied "whilst at first Mike was sceptical about Max's abilities to represent the people of Hendon, on balance he felt that he'd be a more sensible candidate than Matthew".
The Barnet Eye was able to speak to Max in Mill Hill Broadway today and asked how the campaign has been going. Max replied "Rough".
The Barnet Eye has spoken to contacts within the Labour Campaign about the sudden change of Tory Candidate. An unofficial spokesperson for Andrew Dismore stated that it was worrying because unlike his owner, Max had charm and charisma and people like dogs.
UKIP were unable to confirm whether their latest candidate in Hendon has been replaced by this rather nice moggie, pictured with the UKIP national director of operations (left).