HCPT Group 560 - A week to change your life

I was away last week. Regular long term readers of the blog will know that most years, I go as a helper with HCPT group 560 to Hosanna House in Bartres, France for a week. The group enables people with various disabilities to visit the shrine of Lourdes in France. As a helper, I am there to ensure that everyone in the group has the best week possible. It is very hard to describe exactly what the week is like. The setting is absolutely stunning, this is the view that greeted me when I awoke every morning.

The view for breakfast

There is strong emphasis on building a feeling of belonging to the group. On the first full day we have a briefing. Helen, who has cerebral Palsy and uses an electric wheelchair and has come for many years gave us a rousing team talk. Helen is an inspiration, living independently in her own flat despite the issues that confront her. She was pleased to see me, and tell me how she'd visited South Africa for an extended holiday earlier in the year. Several years ago I asked Helen what she enjoyed about out group. She told me that it was because we didn't think adults who had disabilities, but were fully mentally competent were interested in basket weaving as a leisure activity. Within our group, there are some talented musicians (and myself) and music, humour and telling stories is a huge part of the package. The first time I went with our group, back in 2001, I went primarily to "do my bit helping other people". To my surprise, the person who benefitted most was probably me. The reason was that the previous Xmas,my mother had had a major stroke and I was having problems dealing with the reality of her disability. By the end of that trip, I'd realised just how lukcy my mum was. I also realised that there was no reason she couldn't come with us, which she did the next time I went im 2004. She went a further three times. After she passed away in 2008, I took my cousin Theresa, who has Downs Syndrom three times. Sadly Theresa can no longer travel.

Helen briefs the group

The two lessons were that the biggest challenge the disabled have is the attitudes of the rest of us. The second lesson was disability doesn't diminish our humanity. I would urge anyone to volunteer as a helper with a group such as ours. You may wonder about the religious aspect, clearly if  a group is going to Lourdes, having a degree of faith is probably helpful, although not compulsory. Ever since 2006, I've had at least one of my children with me. They are not religious, but volunteer to come as they get a lot out of the experience. On one occasion, my daughter was accompanied by a school friend who was Jewish. After we returned, he told me he thought it was a hugely positive experience. It helped him to understand his own faith and to also get a fresh perspective on life. Of course some of us would be put off by this. I'd say that if this is how youy feel, then why not checkout volunteering with a secular charity that takes disabled people on holiday. It is a really good way of learning to understand teamwork and cooperation. It also makes you value the gifts you have. For me HCPT works. Within our group, the mix is probably 50% Roman Catholic and 50% of other/no denomination. Most return, because it is rare that people don't get anything from the experience. There are no activities that are compulsory, so you are not compelled to do anything (apart from make sure the people you are helping are safe and happy).

Night time activities

As to the type of things you do as a helper. For me I was rooming with a chap who simply needed to be pushed when we went out. Apart from that he was fine. My daughter and a friend also came this time. They roomed with a teenage girl with Downs Syndrome. This was the second time she'd been with this young lady and the friendship they've built is a joy to behold. My son also came. He didn't room with someone who needed helping, but was involved in early morning tea duties, pushing people in wheelchairs, setting tables and assisiting people in the bathroom etc. Our group had two nurses, who were on hand to assist with any medical issues.

As a fit helper, you have to do a lot of pushing people in wheelchairs!

One of the mistakes we make is to make assumptions about people with disablities. One of our group, Katie, who has cerebal palsy, graduated last year. For her, she felt that passing a degree course was vital, as she believes that it is vital to prove that there is no reason why people in her situation should be overlooked from partaking in a full education. She is now far better educationally qualified than I am, so I think she's got nothing to prove.

And we don't tuck people up early and then go to the pub!

One of the best things for me was a week with limited access to social media. I didn't look at Twitter at all for most of the week. I was too busy and where we did have wireless access, I was desperately trying to read important emails. I'd recommend a social media detox for all!

I must also mention the food. As we were in France and the house team are French, the food was absolutely fantastic. As I don't do dairy, sadly I missed out on the cheeses and some amazing looking desserts. Lunch was two courses and dinner three. There was an ample supply of wine to be taken with dinner (sadly as I was on driving duty on occasion, I couldn't always partake as HCPT rules are no alcohol when driving).

A lot of table tennis was played as well, a lot of guitars were strummed, a lot of songs sung and a lot of fun was had. Our group has a tradition of a talent show on the last night. As ever it was hilarious. My contribution was to lead a group performing the Ewan MacColl. I was lucky enough to have Margaret singing and Fr Pat playing the tin whistle line one the recorder! I was determined that my song wouldn't suffer the same fate as the previous year, when Gordon, who has cerebal palsy, dismissed my rendition of  Perfect Day by Lou Reed as "RUBBISH!".  My son used his slot as a perfect opportunity to wind both myself and my friend Paul up as best he could, much to the amusement of the wider group.

You may wonder what sort of people volunteer? Our group had a fascinating mix of people, a couple of actresses, a former head of light entertainment at ITV (I think that was the role), a retired professional sportsman/commentator, a banker, some teachers and some retired teachers, a few teenagers at school/uni, a policeman, a trainee CofE vicar, a couple of C priests, a retired doctor and me (apologies if I missed anyone). As a group, I think we bonded pretty well. This was the 11th time I've been with the group, but I am still learning things. I always come back feeling recharged. This has been a difficult year for me personally. In January, regular readers will know I had a procedure to treat my Prostate cancer. One of the questions which one of me rather cynical mates asked was whether I was going "to get a miracle". For me, I'm not interested in miraculous cures. The thought never crossed my mind. Of all the disabled peopel I've spoken to, who have ever been with our group, only one ever went seeking a miracle cure. Sadly he was disappointed. For me, the people who really need the miracle are those of us who have got so obsessed with the goodies on offer in our materialistic world, that we miss the great things we get for free. These are love, friendship, the natural beauty in the world and the joy of sharing meals and a drink with friends. We are si obsessed with "stuff" that we overlook these. I consider the biggest blessing I have in life is that I appreciate this and my weeks in Lourdes, remind my of the gifts I do have.

As a little footnote, I got back to find the Olympics in full flow. We had no telly at all for a week, so it had largely passed me by for week one. An interesting thought occurred to me. Elite atheletes are bringing us huge pride and joy with there efforts, honed with years of training. The Olympics really are a truly wonderous celebration of human achievement. I do however think that the challenges some of my disabled friends have to surmount every day pale them into insignificance. Imagine if every single thing did, getting up, going to bed, eating, going to the toilet, washing and even cleaning your teeth, required a helper (or two).  If every person you met assumed you were an idiot, because of the way you look. If every new person you met talked to you in a childish voice and asked you to repeat yourself six times as they didn't understand you. To put up with that and still be cheerful and good fun is perhaps a supreme achievement.

Please note that all comments/views expressed here are personal and in no way reflect the views/ethos of HCPT or anyone else apart from me. Some names have been changed for privacy.

A lesson in life

So what did you spend the last week doing? Watching the Olympics? Enjoying the summer holidays? Maybe you went abroad for a week and were on holiday. Maybe you still are. We ALL need a break from the routine of our life, a change of scenery and the chance to unwind, recharge our batteries and have a break from our normal routine. There is nothing I like more than getting away with family and friends, sinking a few beers and catching up on my sleep. Most of all I like a few days of not blogging, it does get a little bit draining.

So you may wonder, what was I up to last week? Well yes, I was away. I asked for a few guest blogs and I've been inundated. So much so that I've a load for next week as well. I wanted to enjoy the Olympics, so I did ask for some, so I'll be restricting my blogging over the next week (unless something really needs addressing). But that wasn't what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to tell you about my holiday. I went away with someone very special who I love very dearly. She's a beautiful woman and she's not my wife ! You will (hopefully) be pleased to know that Mrs T gave the arrangement her full approval and I took two of my children and adopted another one for the week. Who was the woman? My cousin Theresa. Theresa is a few months younger than me. She lives in Barnet, in the care of Barnet Council and is a very special person. This picture is us enjoying a drink in the Riviera Sol Cafe.

My cousin has Downes syndrome and this is her holiday for the year. We went with HCPT (a charity) and stayed at Hosanna House in Bartres, which is three kilometres outside Lourdes. Our group consisted of 40 people, nine of whom needed some form of help and assistance. I give what talents I possess to the group. My role includes a fair bit of driving (not after I've drunk any alcohol, I hasten to add, as there is a zero tolerance for drink & driving - the picture was on my 'day off') of minibuses. I also use my small talents as a musician to try and entertain the group.

My cousin loves visiting Lourdes with the group. The group is inclusive, with everyone doing all activities together. It is impossible to describe what the experience we had was like. Although a pilgrimage to Lourdes has a strong religious theme, with our group this is based on practical help of every member of the team and reflection on ways we can be better people within our own system of belief, whatever that is. My 'adopted' son for the week is Jewish. He came because he wanted to help with the group (strapping lads who can lift and push wheelchairs are at a premium). He confessed to me that before travelling he had minor worries that people in the group would not necessarily accept him because of his faith. By the end of the first day, his worries were dispelled. It wouldn't surprise me if one day, he would make a very able rabbi (although I don't think that's on his plan right now).  He was rather relieved to find that we didn't say the rosary once during the week (although in the past we've had one or two who have felt their wasn't a big enough 'Catholic' element within our particular group). The overwhelming view in our group is that our expression of faith is more based on the practical and the sense of brother and sisterhood we develop during the week.

The reason that most of the helpers come is because they get a huge amount out of helping people, who otherwise wouldn't get a holiday to get out and about. Hosanna House is specially equipped for dealing with handicapped people. This means that there are hoists to lift people, nurses and doctors within the group and everywhere is wheelchair accessable.

One of our group, Helen, who has spent her life in a wheelchair spent an hour with the CEO of the HCPT trust explaining why the rooms are not fit for purpose. It amazes me that resources such as Helen are never usually consulted. The practical things such as ample room for helpers to get someone on  a toilet, push button door openers, rooms laid out to allow hoist access. I asked Helen why she likes this group as she's not particularly religious and she explained that most activities for the handicapped involve activities like basket weaving and being patronised. That doesn't happen with our group.

I have been going with the group most years since 2001. I used to take my disabled mum. When she passed away in 2008, I started taking Theresa. One thing which has become clear is that for many of the people within the group, the cuts imposed by the coalition are starting to bite. It also appears that less people generally are going away due to precious money being needed for day to day living. As I said, we all need a break. For people with disabilities, living in hostels or care homes, this is especially necessary. It is easier for disabled members of society who belong to faith groups to go on holiday. The Catholic church, for all it's faults, does look after people and most churches have appeals to send people to Lourdes, which are well sponsored. It disturbs me greatly that people of different or no faith, who don't have such a support network, are in effect financially excluded, because they don't have a machine to raise money for their holiday. HCPT do not discriminate against people who are not Catholic in who goes and who gets financial assistance. Having said that there are many people who our trip would not be their cup of tea, so many will completely miss out.

I go to Lourdes with our group for many reasons. The sheer joy which I saw on Theresa's face for much of the week was reason enough. We are the same age and were born six months apart in the same bit of Barnet. Probably 99.999% of our gene's (being cousins) are the same. Sadly the .0001% which gave her Downes syndrome, has meant we have had very different lives. We as we walked down the road or sat in bars that .0001% defined how we are treated and regarded.

Perhaps the saddest irony of our week in Lourdes is that in 1944, Lourdes was under Nazi occupation. This shrine where millions of sick and disabled people have visited was controlled by a monstrous regime who's policy towards people such as my cousin was one of instant death. They would have considered Theresa to be a worthless life, one with no purpose and they would have executed her. All of the joy she brings to the world would be lost.

As far as I'm concerned, anyone who discriminates against my cousin, because of that .0001% genetic difference is as much a Nazi as those evil bastards who sponsored a state execution of her ilk. Once you  start walking down the road to saying "These people" and reducing their status as human beings you are on the rocky road back to gas chambers. The disabled were the first victims of the Nazi repression.

I look at the arrogant, smug policies of the rotund politicians, some of whom in Barnet live in flats provided by charities and I despair. I  often wonder just how you can get through to people who really don't give a shit about their fellow man.  What especially disturbs me is how David Cameron, who had a disabled son, can preside over cuts which so disadvantage my friends who I travelled with? I genuinely thought that his experiences would make him a different kind of Tory. The stories I've heard of the effects of cuts in the last week have convinced me that Cameron is perhaps even more callous and heartless than those who have not had such a lesson in life. It had never really occurred to me before, but it is rather clear that some of us can attend a lesson in life and totally ignore it.

One final thing I must say. When I get back, a few people usually say to me 'Oh, you are so marvellous taking your cousin away'. Not a bit of it. I had a complete blast all week. It was great.

Have a great Sunday. I'm now off to open a beer and watch the Olympics !

47 lessons for life

As I've recently entered my 48th year, I thought I'd share with all of you the 47 lessons I've learned in my previous 47 years

(Picture left - This is why I'm still semi sane - daughter & wife)

1962 - Jehovahs Witnesses is a bad, dangerous religion. This was the first lesson I learned on the day I was born. I was dragged kicking and screaming into this world nearly 7 weeks early, as a result of something called "blue baby" syndrome (caused by the Rhesus factor). These days it's cured by a simple injection but in 1962, I needed 4 blood transfusions to keep me alive. As such I can't join the JW's - they won't have me, even though I had no say in the matter. Tainted blood !

1963 - Pissing on the bluebells is the secret to success in life. I may not have spoken till I was 4, but I was potty trained by 1 years old. I saw my brother pissing on the bluebells at the bottom of the garden and though "I can do that"

1964 - When in doubt, say nothing. As I said, I was a very late talker. I spent 1964 just watching.

1965 - Spiders scare girls ! We used to have a decrepid old shed. In the shed, there lived a monstrous spider we used to call the crab. My sisters were mightily scared of the crab. Me, I was fascinated.

1966 - It's great to win the world cup. Not many people had a telly at that time. We did so we had loads of people round to watch the final. Not yet being 4 years old, I have memories of a great party because England won the world cup. I didn't really watch the football though, but I remember the fun we had. I thought to myself - football is fun, we'll do this every year.

1967 - If you want your cake, you have to demand it. Not having spoken at all, having been taken to clinics to test for deafness (& just been diagnosed as very stupid) I finally decided to talk. My first words were at the dinner table - "I wanna piece of cake" -as ever no manners and no please or thank you.

1968 - If you have to eat cold baked beans, eat cold baked beans. I was a child model/actor. My biggest success was a Heinz baked beans advert. "We can't go on holiday without the beans mum". I got the part because at the screen test, all the other kids refused to eat the plate of cold baked beans they were presented with. I heard them scream and wail and knew what had to be done. The director asked me "Do you like cold baked beans?" I replied "No, I'm acting"

1969 - Adverts are all lies. I did an advert for Lucozade. For those of you who only know modern styles of Lucozade, the original stuff was sold as a drink for people who were dying. Their slogan was "Lucozade AIDS recovery". They abandoned that when HIV appeared. Whilst I could stomach cold beans, Lucozade was a bridge too far. Never mind though, they just gave me a glass of Tizer instead.

1970 - England don't always win the world cup. Much to my surprise and horror, the Germans beat us in the quarter finals. The Germans ! How could this be? We'd beaten them in two world wars and a world cup final. We were clearly nobbled. Then I found out about Gordon Banks being ill. My fears were confirmed.

1971 - Never trust technology - I'd been fascinated by the space race, NASA and other such things. I can remember reading with excitement that NASA was sending a probe - Mariner 8 to Mars. It blew up on the Launch pad.

1972 - You won't rule - 1972 was the year I got music. Children of the Revolution by T Rex. The message (to me at least) was one of nihilism. As I was bottom of the class at everything I got it big time.

1973 - No matter how bad things are, they can always get worse. I'd hated Primary School. I begged for release. I went to secondary school. Things got worse.

1974 - Hard work doesn't always get you anything at all. I'd decided that I'd try at school. We had a biology project. I worked really hard, went to the library, did my research. I still got a "D".

1975 - Beer is great. I went on my own to my first football match. West Ham Vs Manchester City. I hooked up with a group of City fans who took me to the pub and got me completely pissed. It was great.

1976 - Girls can make you behave completely out of character. This was the year in which I found that in the right circumstances, you could become extremely attracted to girls you didn't really fancy at all. This resulted in some extremely bizarre behaviour.

1977 - Punk Rock Rules - June 6th 1977 - I went to see the Ramones, The Talking Heads and the Saints at the Roundhouse. It changed my life. After that moment, nothing was ever quite the same again.

1978 - Take nothing for granted. I had a masterplan. I had been accepted for a Gas engineering scholarship. This meant that I'd go to college in Salford to do A-Levels then to University to do gas engineering. I'd be out of home, out of school, have money and a fresh start.I'd get paid a salary as well. I needed to pass 4 O-Levels including Maths. I'd got 96% in the maths mock. I did no more work and failed it. I got rejected.

1979 - Get a band. On moving to Orange Hill School, a plan came together. I'd wanted to form a band since seeing the Ramones. I didn't know how and couldn't play guitar. Pete Conway and I bought guitars in 1978. on 14th Feb 1979, we had the first rehearsal of the False Dots. It was truly shambolic. It was awesome. (Footnote: My folks had put all of the money I'd earned doing commercials and adverts into a bank account. I was allowed access at age 16. I'd immediately gone and bought a guitar and an amp. They were none too pleased.)

1980 - Don't trust your friends. We did our first gig this year. My very best friend, songwriting partner and co-founder of the False Dots, Pete Conway bottled out and didn't turn up for the gig. We got through it. We never looked back.

1981 - Follow that Girl to the ends of the Earth. The very best thing I ever did was to go with my mates Brian, Steve and Paul to Dingwalls in the summer of 1981. I saw a couple of Swedish girls there. One was my idea of the perfect woman. We ended up all going back to their hotel and drinking all night. I invited myself over to Stockholm to see her. I spent the last 3 months of 1981 over there and it was awesome.

1982 - Touring with your band is the best fun known to man. Whilst in Stockholm, I booked a tour for the False Dots, with a local band "The Gagget band". It was the best fun I've ever had.

1983 - Never owe a bad man a penny. Following our Swedish romp, I ended up with huge debts. We'd drunk the profits (and the money I'd borrowed to finance the tour). My Dad bailed me out. He made a simpel deal "You're my bitch until you've paid back every penny". I had to wash cars in the freezing cold and every week I had to pay him. He told me he was teaching me a harsh lesson. Still it was better than broken legs, which was the other alternative. In October 1983, I got a job in IT following a TOPS course, as I had to be free of debt. I gave the old man every penny of my first months salary in cash. He gave it back to me and said "I didn't want the money, I wanted you to learn". I didn't get it for a few years but I do now.


1984 - All your dreams can turn to dust. I started 1984 as positive as I could be. We had a fantastic singer - Venessa Sagoe. I had money, I had a stable relationship with someone I loved dearly. I ended the year single, with no band and in hospital having nearly died of a stomach bleed. I felt let down by everyone. I'd sold my soul for the band and they'd just walked when we were on the verge of great things. I found a few things out later which changed my view of the break up, but at the time I was bitter as hell. I still think they should have stuck it out though. As to the break up of my relationship. That was totally my fault. As to the failure of my health. That was down to my doctor prescribing a dodgy drug for an ear infection, which burned a hole in my stomach. Later, when I applied for health insurance and was denied, I got a copy of the report. It said it was down to excessive drinking. I've never trusted a Doctor since.

1985 - Never give up. Following the end of the Venessa Sagoe line up of the Dots, I was distraught. I spent a good six months just sitting at home practising the guitar. To be honest, that was when I really learned to play properly (one of the bugbears of my old bandmates). I got a new band together with Allen Lucas (now known as Allen Ashley a successful author) and bonkers drummer Graham Ramsey. In some ways this was the best line up of all, as we were truly unique.

1986 - Don't sell out. Following the departure of Allen Lucas who wanted to persue his teaching career and couldn't commit to a life of Rock and Roll debauchery, a rather unpleasant character known as Mark the Fascist turned up. He was a great singer, but a truly repugnant person. He was a devious scheming conniving toad. He engineered the sacking of my great friend, bonkers drummer Graham Ramsey, changed the name of the band to "Urban Dance" and we expanded to being a 9 piece, with a brass section. I despised the whole thing and never recorded the gigs in my scrapbook. I just kept going because I felt I had to. I should have never agreed to his joining in the first place. I believe he added nothing at all. Sadly I found myself lumbered in a business partnership with him, through the studios till 1994. I fell out permenantly with my best friend as a result of his connivings. When Graham Ramsey got diagnosed as bonkers, he asked me where Mark lived as he wanted to murder him. He said "I'm certified now so it doesn't matter." I never condone violence, but for a moment I seriously thought of telling Graham.

1987 - Cherish the people you love. My dad died in January 1987. I thought he was indestructable. He had a heart attack and was gone. We had massive rows, but there was huge love between us. I just wish I'd spent a bit more time with him. In 1986 he had his gall bladder removed and when I saw him he looked like death. I prayed "please lord, let him get better so can take him out for a curry, just once". He made a great recovery, I took him for the curry, then he flew out to Florida. That was the last time I saw him.

1988 - Keep having parties - My mum was devastated by my Dad dying. I didn't know how to cheer her up, so I had a barbeque for the family. She smiled for the first time in a year when everyone turned up. We got horribly drunk and the world was sort of OK for a short while. After that I always tried to have another party to look forward to.

1989 - Sometimes it's the mad people who are right. We were having a rehearsal. By this time, I had no energy for the band. I was exhausted and could see no point to any of it. We were just doing it out of habit. Graham Ramsey, our drummer had a mate called Buddah. Buddah used to come down, watch us play, and get really stoned. He never said anything. Rehearsals were often just long, free form jam sessions. At one rehearsal, Buddah brought down his pet tarantuala. He sat in the corner smoking joint after joint, with a tarantual on top of his head. At this point I was at a real low. Afterwards, Graham said to me that it was our best reheasal ever. His words "What could be better than better than rehearsing with a bloke in the corner with a poisonous spider on his head"

1990 - Sometimes, enough is enough. In 1990 I put the guitar down for ever. I'd had enough. I wanted to concentrate on the studio and having a life. We'd found a great singer called Tony, who I really liked, but we just couldn't make it work. I realised that if that wouldn't work, nothing would. Time for a change.

1991 - Follow the cash. I formulated my masterplan. The studio had been tottering along, going nowhere for too long. We had a great a facility but as we had a gang of four running it, we could decide nothing. On top of that , one of the four was a very destructive influence, who added nothing, yet sought a veto on everything. I'd been working at a large company in IT for a while and they offered me redundancy and a payoff. I took it, then got a juicy contract. I worked out a plan to buy my partners out. I figured that if I did 2 years of contracting, I'd be in a position to sort it out. That gave me the opportunity to get experience of running a company properly.

1992 - If you see an opportunity, grab it. In 1991 a band called "The Sway" started to rehearse at the studio. I thought they were great and as I had plenty of cash & contacts at the time, thought it was a great opportunity to get into management. I managed them for 2 1/2 years. I spent over £100,000 on promoting them. I didn't get a penny back. They had 2 national tours, were BBC WM band of the week. They did 2 singles, which got substantial airplay. Do I regret it? Not at all. You have to pay for your education and I think the lessons I learned there were quite cheap. The main one? If you have a good accountant, a loss isn't what you thought it was.

1993 - Right time, right place isn't always enough. The main reason I'd got involved with The Sway was because I felt the time was right for a guitar based indie band. I was right. The trouble was, that band was Oasis.

1994. Bad people have no place in your life. This was the year I bought my ex partners out of the studio and I was finally rid of Mark the Fascist. Ernie Ferebee came in as my new partner in the studio. I put to him my business plan. Within 5 years, we'd take the studios from 2 rooms to 5 rooms and a shop. We spent the next 3 years rummaging through skips, working till 3 in the morning (often whilst doing a 9-5 IT contract) but we hit our target 2 years early. Buying out my partners and getting in Ernie was the 2nd best decision of my life.

1995 - Treat those you love properly. I've had a few great relationships in my life. They've all ended badly because I can be a complete dickhead. All apart from one and even that had a serious gap between 1992 and 1994 (down to me being a bad person). In Feb 1994, my good lady showed me a little piece of plastic and said "is that line blue". We married a couple of months later. My daughter Madeleine was born in October. Of all the decisions I've made, being with Clare is the best (hope she feels the same).

1996 - You've got to work on your dreams. Small baby, struggling business. What do you do? You work your nuts off. This was the make or break year for the studio. We went from 2 to 4 studios. Studio 3 was a massive project and 90% of the materials we used were recovered from skips. Only nails, plaster cement and sand was bought in. I learned to lay bricks & decorate at school. Ernie was a plasterer. I had no social life at all in 1996. I was laying bricks on Xmas day.

1997 - You have to take a chance to get anywhere. We decided to open the shop. As neither of us had any retail background, we didn't know where to start. Many mistakes were made. As we fitted out the shop ourself, we fitted it out and stocked it on a budget of £8,000. Half of the stock was my own guitars and amps, just put in to make it look like we had some stock. It worked.

1998 - Give people a chance. This was the year we launched our recording studio. Caroline Stratten had just finished at Leeds Uni and wanted to get into music. I offered her bad wages, lots of hassle and mad customers. I just asked for a commitment to stay a year and said I'd pay for her to do a course. She did a fine job, stayed 18 months and got us off the ground. She's now a VT editor and does live football for Sky.

1999 - Never say never. In 1990, I'd hung up the guitar for good. I'd said "That's it". In 1999, a couple of the guys who worked for me at the studios, Tony and Fil persuaded me to have a jam. I really enjoyed it. I decided that as we had a studi, I'd get Paul our old bassplayer and record some of our old songs. That was it, The False Dots were alive again.

2000 - Life can bite your arse really hard. At the start of 2000, life was great. My mum had found happiness with a new partner and was going away on 4 cruises a year, the studio's and the shop were flourishing. My son was born to add to daughters Madeleine and Lizzie. We'd taken to going on holidays with my mum, sometimes taking Clare's folks. Ernie was doing a fantastic job at the studios. He'd married his partner Michelle and had three great kids. In August 2000, Ernie was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, with a prognosis of 3 months. He lasted till February 2001. To make matters worse, my mum had a stroke in December. She went from being a lively, attractive, articulate woman, enjoying he life, to an unhappy invalid. She lost the ability to speak and all self confidence. We'd had a big party to celebrate the millenium. There was no party at all for new year 2001.

2001 - Life is precious. In September 2000, I'd decided to go to Lourdes in France as a helper with a group of handicapped adults, the following year. There was no real reason for this, other than my continual need to challenge myself. I go to church, but I'm really not a deeply religious or spiritual person. As I went, I was rather angry with God. he'd stolen my best friend, he'd robbed my mum of her faculties. I found myself with a group of strangers, in a situation I wasn't even sure I wanted to be in. I will share a terrible secret. When I wentto Lourdes, I went wishing my mum had died when she had her stroke. I thought that her life had been degraded to a point where it was worthless. Spending a week with some terribly disabled people, changed my opinion. I cam back realising that I had a personal responsibility to help her enjoy her twighlight. Many people see care as a physical thing. I disagree, I see it as a spiritual thing. I promised that I would never leave her house without making her smile. Many people who are carers think "I've wiped their arse, that's enough". It isn't. You have to make the people you care for be glad to be alive. I love life, I've made terrible mistakes, but it's so precious.

2003 - Second time around can be better. We did a few gigs in 2003. We asked my old mate Boz Boorer who plays with Morrissey to join us for a couple. I actually realised that I was enjoying the band. Even more strangely, I realised that there was no pressure. We didn't want a record deal, so we could just enjoy the music and express ourselves. Friends who saw us first time round all said we're better now. I started recording that long awaited album. It's still in process and it's getting better all the time.

2004 - Enjoy your children when they are young. I took a decision to take my foot off the gas with work and spend a bit more time with the kids. For a year, I walked them up to school and walked them home. We collected conkers, we goofed in the park. Most guys never do it. If it was a nice day, I'd drop them at school at the Ridgeway, then go for a walk around the fields between Mill Hill and Totteridge. Most working men miss all of this. Fools.

2005 - Miracles can happen. What is a miracle? The type that impress me are the ones, not where someone is suddenly cured of cancer (well that would, but you know what I mean). They are things which you though wouldn't happen. In 2001 I went to Lourdes and prayed for my mum. I went wishing she'd died when she had her stroke. I came home, determined to make her twighlight years as happy as I could. In 2005, my mum accompanied me back to Lourdes. At an evening service, she stood up and lit a candle and said a prayer for my dad. If you had seen her on December 17th 2000 when she had the stroke, you'd realise how much of a miracle that was. That was the best she was following her stroke. For a short while, I thought she might get back completely. I was wrong but that was a pretty good time.

2006 - Age changes nothing. My Missus turned 40. She's just as great as she was when she was 19, when we first met. It's not age that changes you, it's illness and bad things. I see somne people I know having a mid life crisis. They buy the Porshe, they get the young girlfriend. Now that's their business, but if Mrs T kicked me out (which heaven knows she should have years ago), I'd want someone who had lived, someone with experience, someone who got what I was talking about. On the plane home from Florida, I read John Lydon's book No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs. His partner (for the last 30 years) is 19 years older than him. I get that.

2007 - If you fall down, you've got to pick yourself up and keep going. Just as I thought my mum was getting over her stroke, she had a fall and broke her hip. She nearly died. She had to have an emegency op. She then was transferred to Finchley Memorial hospital for rehab. There she caught C-Diff. She nearly died again. She was so out of it at one stage that she thought my daughter Madeleine was her brother Jimmy (which rather upset Maddie). She had wierd and vivid hallucinations, which she told me about months after. She was never the same after that, but boy did she fight. I wish I had half the fight in me that my mum had. She didn't moan about it, she just got on with it.

2008 - You have to fight. This was the year that I realised that the people running the NHS, the Council & the Government are a bunch of self serving leeches. Not the people on the ground doing the work, but the people at the top. I had first started to realise this at easter 2007, when Barnet Council outsourced the Meals on Wheels contract, but hadn't realised just how bad it was. The full horror became apparent when I started writing a blog on the Hendon Times. Just because I had the temerity to criticise the Council, they pulled out every trick in the book to shut me down. Eventually they succeeded, but not before they'd totally convinced me that all of the shenanigans they get up to need to be exposed.

2009 - There is never enough time. Last year, in May my wifes Dad died. He was quite old and had become very infirm. He died at home, but for the last couple of year he was attended every day by carers. One of these was a Nigerian guy called Olu. Whatever people tell you about Nigerians, I'd say Olu is an outstanding human being. I feel honoured to call him a friend. In August 2008 my Mum died. I was in LA at the time. She'd lost her eyesight and was deeply unhappy. I didn't want her to die. I was really sad, but her time had come. In January this year, Clare's mum, who was a young 75 year old was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She lasted till March. Wheras her dad and my mum had reached their time, she hadn't. It seemed rather cruel. We're now both orphans. Cherish those you love. There's never enough time.

I hope that something in this blog helps you. There's 47 lessons for life here. I really don't have the answers though, I wish I did. One thing I have learned and I never, ever swear in this blog but I FUCKING HATE CANCER.

Do you think like a Nazi?

Just a note to say a few names in this blog have been changed.

I've just got back from a week in France. I went with two of my children, my cousin and a group of other disabled people and helpers to Lourdes in France. We didn't actually go to Lourdes, we went to Bartres where HCPT have a house set up for people with special needs. My cousin Tess, who accompanied me, is exactly the same age as I am and has Downs syndrome. In our group there were several other people with the same condition, as well as a few people with other challenges. With Downs Syndrome there is a wide spectrum of how it effects people. One of our party who is affected by this condition is a successful actress. She has appeared in Eastenders, Casualty and Hellboy to name but a few. On the final night we had a talent show and she danced for us. It is fair to say that she's far more accomplished a dancer than I could even dream of being. Last night I was discussing with my wife and children how the trip went (my wife was at the National Swimming championships with my eldest daughter whilst |I was away). My two youngest children were amazed to hear that Jo had a condition, having spent a week in her company. They had assumed she was a helper (for want of a better label). They asked "what is wrong with her?" I replied "Nothing is wrong with her, she's just a bit different". However you may or may not perceive people suffering with Downs syndrome, she breaks the mold completely. her parents never accepted the concept that she was different and enabled her to follow her dreams and aspirations. She's an intelligent and accomplished young woman, who I feel privelidged to have spent some time with.

Having said all of that, just to base our views on the fact that someone is a high achiever rather misses the point. At the other end of the scale we had Max. He suffers from a range of conditions as well as Downs. His vocabulary is rather limited. Food is "Om" and there are a range of other noises which tell us when he's happy, sad, irritated or otherwise. He's confined to wheel chair for virtually the whole time and due to other problems, even moving him has issues. If you saw him and didn't know him, you may form all sorts of opinions. Once you get to know him, you realise that he's intelligent, a bit of a comedian and a bit of a troublemaker (rather like most of my friends). It is fair to say that he's probably the star of our group and if he couldn't go, I think we'd all desperately miss him.

We all go as helpers for our own reasons. I find it helps me to stay grounded and realise how lucky I am with the hand I've been dealt. You may think that such a week is for pious do gooders. You'd be wrong. Our group has people from all walks of life. As well as the doctors, nurses and teachers, we've got actresses, a TV producer, a holistic therapist, a shop manager, a Michelin starred chef (to name but a few). At a guess, at least 50% of the group aren't Roman Catholics and some are not of any faith. Bartres is up in the foothills of the Pyranees. It is a beautiful, peaceful place and is one of my favourite places in the world. HCPT run a fantastic operation. For many people it is the only holiday they get and it provides respite for families, who know that their loved ones are in a safe, happy environment.

One thought always chills me. During the second world war, that part of France was under Nazi occupation. Had our group visited in 1944, then at least 8 of us would have been taken away and gassed for being disabled under the Nazi policy of Eugenics. There are some of us today who still have such views. One of the reasons I take my children is so they can learn that we all have worth and value. From our conversations since returning, I think they've learned.

I would say this to anyone who dismisses the worth and value of the disabled. Go with a group as a helper. You might learn something