Last night, we had a complete mare! The False Dots had a gig at Fabwick in Hackney Wick. We had a very simple plan. Gray Rambo, our drummer would pick us up at 6.30pm. We'd arrive at the gig at 7.30pm and play at 8,30pm. What could possibly go wrong? Well when we were driving down Kenton Road, about 1.5 miles away, Graham's oil light came on and the car said "Stop when safe". The traffic had been heavy and we were already late! We quickly bundled our gear out and got on a bus. That took us half way. As we disembarked, a cab went past. We hailed it. We got to the the gig at 8.15. Fortunately, the show was running late and we eventually played at aroun d 9,20. The actual show was amazing, but poor old Graham was very stressed out and had to wait until 3am with his car for the RAC. It was bad, but not our worst disaster at a gig. Here are the worst ten.
1 - 13th December 1980 - The Harwood Hall. Our first ever gig! We staged it ourselves and invited all of our mates. Then Pete Conway, our singer failed to show. We had ten minutes to decide what to do. We decided to play anyway. Fortunately, we knew the songs and so between Craig, the other guitarist and me, we managed, but it was stressfull.
2 - 13 March 1981 -Hendon Rugby Club. Following the departure of Pete Conway, we'd rehearsed really hard and got the set into good shape. We had a new drummer, Mark Barnett and felt ready to take on the world. We were offered a 'Friends of the earth" benefit gig, supporting a pretty well known locally band called "The Chevrons". The organiser told us that they were a tip top band and we were lucky to be given a support slot with them. We were quite excited. Sadly when we turned up, they took an instant dislike to us. They had a sound check that seemed to go on forever, meaning we didn't as there wasn't time. A bunch of local bikers had turned up to watch the gig and drink cheap, Rugby club priced beer. We started to play, without a soundcheck. We were actually pretty good, but all of a sudden, we found there was no foldback sounds in the monitors, meaning we couldn't hear what we were doing. We could sense that the audience also felt the sound wasn't right. We asked for the monitors to be turned up, but just saw the soundman smirking. Such things hadn't happened to us before. We soldiered on for a couple of numbers, but I eventually lost my rag and gave the soundman a piece of my mind. I noticed a couple of the biker dudes walk over to him. He stopped smirking and the sound improved. We ended up getting an encore, but I was furious. One of the bikers told me after that he was in a band and he'd realised the soundman had been asked by the other band to nobble us. When he realised, he'd told the soundman in no uncertain terms to pull his finger out. He bought us a few beers as well, and it was the start of a good relationship between the band and the local bikers that endures to this day. It worked out alright, but at the time was horrible.
3 - 18th July 1981 - The Harwood Hall. This was the third gig at the venue. We had a new singer and lead guitarist, Captain Ubungus. Only he didn't bother learning the songs. We were useless. I was sang one song, Fog and a skinhead came up and spat in my face. I unstrapped my guitar and hit him on the head with it, knocking him clean out. His mates exacted revenge by smashing up the toilets (they were brave) a thoroughly miserable night.
4 - 19th January 1982 - Tumba Gymnasium, Sweden. This was a gig in a big school hall. We were told that it would be a packed night, but no one turned up and the PA blew up during the third song. We just went home. It was a miserable night all round.
5 - 28th October 1983 - Prowlers MCC Rally, Kings Langley. This was a big gig in a large tent. We'd done a bunch of bikers club gigs, which were always brilliant, but this night was terrible. It was freezing cold, so our instruments wouldn't stay in tune and our fingers were too cold to play the notes. The audience were quite appreciative of the set and we just got on with it, but it wasn't fun for us. The headliners refused to play as it was too cold.
6 - 25th May 1984 - Bald Faced Stag, Burnt Oak. We had a residency there. All of the gigs had been great, but for this one, our bassplayer, Paul Hircombe got pissed and spilled a pit of beer on his bass amp, blowing it up half way through. A miserable night all round.
7 - 3rd September 1984 - Watling Festival. The band was falling apart and we weren't getting on. We'd already agreed before the gig that this would be "the last one" with this line up. We'd committed to doing it. We played really well, but it was a thoroughly miserable experience. After the gig, I just sat on my own and felt miserable. Six months before, I thought we had the world at our feet, but it ended in tears
8 - 30th November 1985 -Cricklewood hotel. We had a new band and were on a roll. The venue was a hot venue at the time and we were thrilled to play it. Half way through the set, the stage that was made of mile crates collapsed and I was left on my backside on the floor. Worse still, I smashed my 1968 Fender Coronado II guitar. I felt like an idiot and all of my mates took the Mickey out of me for years about it. These days I could have sued the promoters and made a million. I simply ended up looking like a complete knob!
9 - 13th December 2019 - Midland Hotel, Hendon. I've always loved our Xmas gig. It's a tradition that dates back to 1990. But this gig was on a Friday, the day after the 2019 election, where Boris Johnson was elected Prime Minister. Half of our fans had been up all night watching the election. The audience was thin and most were knackered and morose. It seemed that there was a strange, downbeat vibe. It wasn't a bad gig, we played well, nothing went wrong, but we all felt like we'd have rather been sitting at home watching the telly than out, pretending to enjoy ourselves.
10 - Last night, although in truth the gig was great, it was just the runup that was stressful, as per the start of this blog
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It is a long tradition of the False Dots that going back to 1980, we always love to do an Xmas Gig in December! For the last two years, we have had a right old knees up at The Dublin Castle, so we decided to keep the tradition going! As it's a great chance to catch up with all our mates, we asked Tony the promoter to give us an amazing support slot so we could have a proper chat after the show. He didn't disappoint! We are on at 8pm and there are two amazing bands with us.
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