The Sunday Reflection #48 - My favourite day of the year!

 What were you doing at 7.30pm on Friday? I can tell you exactly what I was doing. We were just about to jump in the car, to drive to the Builders Arms, to watch my mate Andy and The Peace and Love Reggae band at The Builders Arms. Andy has been a studio customer for almost as long as I can remember, at least 20 years, if not longer. Andy is my favourite sort of musician. He does it because he loves it. He keeps going. I've no idea how many musicians he's played with over the years, but he keeps doing what he's doing. He is the embodiment of what a grassroots musician should be.

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But anyway, that's not the point I was really discussing here. At 7.30 on Friday, it was a beautiful evening. Our road, Millway runs North to South and as we got in the car and looked northwards, I commented to Clare that the sky in the north still had some daylight in it. Above our heads, we had the Plough constellation. It was quite beautiful. My observation was that spring is here and things are getting better. Today is the day the clocks go forward. Much as I hate getting up an hour earlier, I love the fact that there will still be some light in the sky at 8,30pm. As I write this, the sun is shining. The cherry blossoms are out on the cherry trees in Millway. On days like this, all seems right with the world. I know that if I switch on the news, I will be rudely awakened, but it is nice to be in my little bubble, pretending that all is good. 

I bumped into one of the readers of the blog yesterday, who had a bit of a moan at me. He was saying that I don't spend enough time slagging off Barnet Council anymore. He suggested that since the Tories were booted out, I've gone easy on the Labour administration, who are probably worse than the Tories. He is right on this account. Yes, I spend far less time writing about Barnet Council and yes, Barnet Labour are probably worse than the Tories in some ways. They are as incompetent and they are far less willing to engage than even the Tories were. The reason why I am less inclined to moan is nothing to do with the politics. The events in my life over the last five years have changed me. I am no longer motivated to spend hours trawling obscure committee papers to write blogs showing how mean spirited and useless the council are.  If there is a specific issue that concerns me I will, but right now, the things in my life that I want to spend the time on are my family, my band and my business. I enjoy writing blogs and I think it is time well spent, but given the choice in local politics is between a weak, useless and incompetent Labour party or a mean spirited and bumbling Conservative party, I can see little point simply ranting in the wind like a looney. 

I realised, around the time that I was recovering from cancer surgery, that whilst it is almost pointless trying to pursuade the council to be competent, there are plenty of things that interest me enough to blog about and if I am interested, surely other people will be? So, if the fact that there was a bit of light in the sky and a beautiful constellation above our heads on Friday makes me happy, maybe it will make you happy as well. So yes, the fact that today is my favourite day of the year interests me, maybe it will interest you. So if you were wondering why this blog is about a bit of light in the sky, rather than why Barry Rawlings, Leader of Barnet Council wants to bulldoze Edgware and transform it into a new Moscow, this is why.

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I'm officially a fat B@st@rd - Time to celebrate!

My first Saturday list of the year was a list of my aspirations for 2025. Two of these concerned weight and fitness

6. Sort out my weight. Until now, all of the plans have been for music and business. Now we are on to personal goals and objectives. My weight is the biggest problem in my life right now. I weighed myself yesterday and following the Xmas and New Year excesses, I am 17 stone and 2 pounds. This is too heavy. I was also showing as pre-diabetic in a blood test in November. I rather stupidly decided to  put off the surgeries request to go to the diabetic clinic. In November I was actually 17st 13lbs. I started doing a 20+4 diet three days a week and it dropped a stone. Sadly Xmas derailed it, but I am back on track now. I will go in the second week of January and we'll see what happens then,. My target is 14st 7lbs in April. I believe this is achievable

7. Meet my gym targets. My weight has caused problems with my ankles and knees. I believe that if I can get down to 14st 7lbs, I'll be able to run again without pain. If this works, I might even start playing five a side football again. A pipedream maybe, but I am pretty convinced that I can at least get back to running. Last year, I set a gym target of doing more than 1,000km in the gym. I beat this by 80km, with a mixture of exercise bike and rowing. This was almost derailed when I damaged my shoulder in July last year, I couldn't row for nearly two months. This year my target is 1,500km. That will be 400km rowing, 1000km cycling and 100km running. The running will most likely start in April or May. I hope to start doing 5km  a week then.

So first the bad news. I think I'll miss my target of hitting 14st 7lbs in April. I've got down to 16st 2lbs so far. I've lost well over a stone and half, but by the end of April, if I maintain my current progress, I'll be around 15st 7lbs, so still a stone off. Losing a stone and a half is solid progress. Friday is the day I weigh myself. Yesterday, I hit a major milestone! I am now officially FAT! MY BMI has slid under obese!

This is great news. I was obese last week! Of course, in this day and age, the term is overweight. Doing the 20+4 diet is really horrible, but it does work. I did it for three days this week, which is the target and dropped nearly 1kg. A kilogram is 2.2lbs. I expect Easter to be a difficult week to keep up, but I think 15st 7 is achieveable. One thing I've learned is to set realistic goals. 

Which brings us on to the exercise goals. It is clear that I won't be running in April. This week, I had a setback on the exercise front. I hurt my knee and had to scale back the intensity of my workouts. I am actually smashing my targets, I am up to 581km, with 157km rowing and 431 on the bike. I am regularly rowing 10km a session. If I keep this up, I'll blow 1500km in September and do over 2,000km by year end. I am not sure that running as actually a reasonable or sensible aspiration, given the state of me knee and ankle, but I didn't actually think I'd be rowing 10km in under 48 minutes by now. 

So how am I feeling, other than delighted to be a reborn fat git? Well I think the fact that I can do a 10km row at moderate intensity and feel like still doing a bike ride after is great. I had a bug this week, so I have actually been feeling under the weather. Before it struck on Monday, was feeling pretty good.

One hidden benefit of the gym, is that I pass the time on the rowing machine memorising the songs of the False Dots. It is working really well. I've never been the main singer in the band until the post covid period. It took me a couple of years to properly mentally commit to the role. I've come to realise that being the singer in a band is a lot harder than I thought. I've also realised that most guitarists who sing in bands do a rotten job of it. They don't commit to singing. It was only when I started to enjoy singing that I realised that singing guitarists often hid behind the guitar, whilst dedicated vocalists lay themselves bear. I will explore this more, but what I will say is that spending time on the rower and practicing the lyrics has given me dedicated time to concentrate on my singing delivery.

People say to me "Don't you find it boring rowing for 50 minutes without a break". The answer is "No, it is perhaps the best time in the day, it lets me sort thngs out properly that I don't normally have the time or the commitment to do". Performing mental tasks whilst exercising is actually brilliant. Your blood is pumping hard, getting oxygen around the body. I think people who simply get engrossed in listening to a playlist or watching Catchphrase on the cycling machine are really missing something. 

You can see if it's worked at our next gig! 

DETAILS HERE >>>>>>>>

 

Friday Fun March 28th 2025 - Local music news and fun!

 As ever we start with a rib tickler! Once agains thanks to our X rated friend (he's rated on X!) Mr Robert Wilkinson. 

A geordie lass went to the hairdresser, and asked for a perm.
The hairdresser replied.
"I wandered lernly as a clood…"

— Robert Wilkinson (@robertwlk) March 24, 2025

Local Music Round up

Dates for your diary!

Click for details

Other gigs this week

Friday 28th

East Barnet RBLegion 8pm - Midnight DJ King Rebska ska reggae

The Lord Kitchener 8.30pm – late Jamie Callis

The Builders Arms, 8.45pm - 11pm Peace and Love UK (Reggae Ska blues rock)

The Butchers Arms 9pm - midnight The Tailfeathers 70s, soul, funk, disco duo)

Barrington 8.30-midnight Karaoke with Johnno

The Three Wishes, Edgware 9.30pm - 11pm DJ Debbie & Karaoke

Saturday 29th

Dr Realgood (Covers, 5 piece) at The Three Wishes, Edgware 

8.30pm - 11.30pm

The Builders Arms, 8pm - 11pm Rangoon (Soul Rock Blues)

Butchers Arms 9pm – 11.30pm Xspired (60 - 90s Covers)

East Barnet RBLegion 9pm – midnight Primal Replay (pop/rock covers, 5 piece)

The Arkley Club 9pm – 11.30pm £5 cash on door The Harmonica Lewinsky Band (pop/rock)

Ye Olde Monken Holt 9.30pm – midnight Mike Gill (Acoustic)

The Cavalier 8.30pm – 11pm Blue North (covers, 6 piece)

Maddens 9pm – 11.30pm Undercovered (pop/rock/funk, 5 piece)

Sunday 30th

Ye Olde Monken Holt 7pm – 9pm Redwood Rose (country)

Maddens 7.30 – 11pm Interfunk (70s Soul, Funk and Disco)

Butchers 8.30pm – 11.30pm Butchers Arms Jam Electric/Blues/Rock (Full backline available)

The Bohemia 7.30pm – 10pm £10 online or at bar B3 Lounge

Monday 31st

Jan's North London Jam at The Three Wishes, Edgware 9pm - 11pm

 Ye Olde Mitre Inn, High Street 8pm – 11pm (stables room) Barnet Acoustics Sessions

~APRIL~

Tuesday 1st April @ The Builders Arms 8pm – 11pm Open Mic Night

Wednesday 2nd

Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30pm – 11pm Open Mic Night

Thursday 3rd

Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30pm – 10.30pm Irish Session

Rock and Roll Stories #27 - Every bands nightgmare - When your equipment goes bang or you fall off the stage!

 What is the worst nightmare of every musician, when you are doing a gig? The answer has to be "When your equipment goes bang and you can't carry on". In the illustrious history of The False Dots, it has happened a few times. I've also seen a few gigs where equipment has gone wrong and led to the cancellation or curtailment of fun. Luckily, I've never seen a tragic event. However, one of the saddest moments in the history of Mill Hill Music Complex was when one of our studio regulars, Andy McGoldrick, who'd been coming down for years, proudly showed us a lovely vintage amp he'd just bought. His band were having a rehearsal before a gig at Kenton. The amp had just arrived. Andy used one of our studio amps for the rehearsal, as they were in a rush and he didn't want to spend time fiddling with a new amp. He said they had a long soundcheck allocated. The next day, we got a phonecall, which was simply unbeleiveable. Andy had plugged his guitar into the amp and it had electrocuted him. This cast a long shaow over the studios. Some things are simply too horrible to contemplate. Soul legend Curtis Mayfield was left permanently paralysed after a lightiong rig fell on him at a gig. Such tragic events infor us of the risks of dealing with electrical equipment and heavy gear. 

Most musical injuries are more mundane. Dropping amps on toes is a favourite of mine. The most embarrassing moment at a gig for me was at The Cricklewood Hotel in 1985. The venue had a stage made of beer crates. Half way through, it collapsed and I ended up in a heap on the floor, much to the myrth of other bands. Not only did I really hurt my elbow and my knee, but I broke my Fender Coronado guitar. Luckily, I had a spare. I was able to continue, but it was humiliating. I've always been wary of dodgy stages since. I am not alone. Musicians as illustrious as Chris Martin, The Edge and Axl Rose have all fallen off stages! 

Nowhere near as painful, but  still rather embarrassing was when we were playing at Tuba Gymnasium in Sweden in 1982. The venue was a big, rather unatmospheric school dinner hall. Until that point, all of the gigs on the tour had been great. This was a horrible venue and it was sparsely attended. As ever, we went for it, but after the third song, suddenly, the drummer stopped playing. I turned around to ask why. To my surprise, he was still bashing the kit. I was totally bemused. Craig, our other guitarist, pointed over at the PA desk. There was a cloud of smoke emerging and the engineers were running around like lunatics, switching things off. The PA had blown up and caught fire. That was the end of the gig. It was a real anti climax. It was odd, because I knew that the whole thing was going to be a nightmare from the moment I woke up. Mind you, I always feel like that before gigs and I am usually wrong!

Another gig that went horribly wrong was at The Bald Faced Stag in 1984. We had a residency there. Our bassplayer, Paul Hircombe, decided to get pissed before the gig. This was out of character, as Paul was not a drinker. Paul preferred to smoke spliffs, but he hit the cider. During the soundcheck, he knocked a pint of cider over both his Marshall bass amp, blowing it up and over our keyboard players keyboard, shorting it out. Luckily, there was a support band who lent us the gear, but it really cast a shadow over the gig, which was not one of our best. Oddly, the audience loved the show. Paul never got drunk again and was mortified. He was lucky that he didn't kill himself as the amp was soaked in cider. 

Perhaps the most amusing accident I've seen at a gig, was when Generation X supported The Ramones at The Rainbow. Billy Idol was doing what Billy Idol does best. He was being a rock star, when someone at the front of the audience vomited on the stage. Billy saw this and decided that it would be pretty punk to run and do  skid on the vomit, like kids do on ice in a school playground. Unfortunately, it was more slippery than Billy realised and he ended up on his backside in a pool of spew. I suspect it was Gen X's biggest gig at that time and I can only imagine what a berk he felt. 

Another disaster story, which always amused me was told by a mate of mine who was a roadie for a quite well known metal band. He asked me not to say too much, when he told me the story, as he still works in the industry and this was a major embarrassment and was hushed up. One of his jobs was to look after the vans and make sure nothing got nicked from them. The band were doing a pretty major gig at a well known venue in a northern city. The band tour bus and the equipment van arrived. The band unloaded the gear.  When the gear had been set up and the soundcheck finished, he went out to check that everything was in order in the van. To his surprise, when he checked the handle of the equipment van, it was open. Without thinking, he locked the van door and wandered off to get something to eat. About an hour later, someone came and said "Have you seen XXXXX", who was the guitarist. He hadn't. It seemed that the said guitarist had gone walkabout. As the time of the show got ever closer, the band were starting to get frantic. Where was he. About  30 minutes before the show started, someone went to see if he'd gone to the tour bus and fallen asleep. As they went they heard banging and shouting coming from the equipment van. He was quickly summoned. The guitarist had hidden a stash of some illicit substances in a cranny of the equipment van and had gone to retreive it. Whilst doing this "some idiot" had locked him in the van. He'd been stuck in there for hours and was on the warpath. He demanded a review of the CCTV to get to the bottom of what happened. Luckily for my mate, the show was looming and there were other things to do. As he was in charge of such things, he said "I'll go and check once we've got the gig going". Lucklily for him, the gig went well, the band were in a good mood after and he made himself scarce. The next day, the guitarist collared him and demanded that he told him what the CCTV showed. He said "Oh, it was really bad, you couldn't see the van on CCTV as the bus blocked the view". The guitarist fumed, The guitarist decided that it was a member of the crew, who had been "acting weird since" and demanded that they were fired. My mate said he always felt guilty for not owning up, but he reckoned he had bills to pay. He never locked a van door without checking after that. The guitarist decided that it was a member of the crew, who had been "acting weird since" and demanded that they were fired. 

I know quite a few stories from our customers and their crews of such amusing incidents. Many stars are pretty touchy about their mistakes and miss steps. Some are sent into a rage or have a hissy fit over the oddest things. One superstar was playing the Nobel prize show and demanded the Nobel log backdrop was removed, as they did not want any photo's where they were standing onscuring the EL in Nobel, and they were labelled a nob. For some of the musical community, that would be a worse disaster than falling off the stage!

The False Dots next gig is on the 12th April at The Builders Arms in Barnet, from 8pm and admission is free. We hope to have a great night and hope that there are no stories on the night to add to this litany of disasters. We plan as meticulously as we can to try and make sure things run smoothly, but one of the things about live music is that you never know what may happen. 

We hope it all goes rather smoothly, but you never know? 

Is it still the Sex Pistols without Johnny Rotten?

The Polecats at The Pistols lapping it up!

On my Facebook page, there are various Facebook debates raging about whether the recent Sex Pistols shows with Frank Carter on vocals are 'really the Sex Pistols'? I didn't go to the shows. I really couldn't make up my mind whether I fancied it or not. I've seen several shows in recent years where iconic bands have played without their main man. The ones that spring to mind were The Undertones, The Members and The Stranglers. In both cases, I was massively underwhelmed and wished I hadn't bothered. Seeing The Stranglers without Hugh Cornwell was particularly odd. When I saw the Stranglers back in the 1970's and 80's, Hugh had an electric persona, a mix of menace, jokey banter and a strange sort of vulnerability, that seemed to lure you in, so he could murder you. The new bloke, at one point, put his arm up and shouted "Awright London". It was very un Hugh and just seemed wrong. Musically both bands were great. I saw The Stranglers with a few mates who liked the music, but hadn't seen them before. They loved it. All the boxes had been ticked, they'd heard all the great tunes, they'd danced a bit. They'd had fun. Me? I was just miserable, finding fault in every little thing that I felt was wrong and Hugh wouldn't approve of. I was probably even more critical than Hugh would be, had be been standing next to me. The only bit I enjoyed was when JJ sang a few numbers. For a few minutes, I had The Stranglers back. 

But that is just me. As I said, my mates loved it. One of them said it was one of the very best gigs they've ever been to. As a musician, I get why the rest of the band didn't simply retire when Hugh left. Why should they? They put a lot of work into the whole thing. I see no reason why they shouldn't carry on and earn a few quid from their music, even if it's not my cup of tea. As a rule, I don't really like the whole 'tribute' scene. When bands dress up and pretend to be other people is really not my thing at all. We recently went to see a Bowie tribute at The Horn in St Albans. The band were great and I loved hearing all of the numbers. David has gone and it keeps the flame alive, but I hated the dressing up, pretending to be Bowie. If they'd just worn tidy suits in the style of Bowie in the mid 1980's and left it there, I'd have much preferred it. It just reminded me that they were not Bowie. But hey, ho that is me. I was probably in a minority of one and the rest of the audience lapped it up. 

But here we are with the Sex Pistols. The nearest thing I can think to what they are doing is Queen with Paul Rodgers. I am not a Queen fan, I don't like their operatic, theatrical style at all. I have a real aversion to Brian May's style of guitar playing. It sounds very heartless and soulless to me, but people seem to like it. As Freddie died, they could either hang up their boots or do something a bit different. They got Rodgers, an icon in his own right. If the three members of Queen still enjoyed playing together, then there is no reason they shouldn't. Any audience would want to hear the Freddie stuff. As such getting Paul Rodgers was, to me, a masterstroke. He wasn't pretending to be Freddie, he didn't sing the songs the same, but he could sing them pretty damn well. It wasn't a pantomime, it was an evolution of a functional band.

Which brings us to Jones, Cook and Matlock. They had the band before Rotten came along. They seem to enjoy playing together, Jones and Cook grew up together. They were never just Johnny's side men. There is no underestimating Johnny's input, but he doesn't want to play with them. Frank Carter is a recognised singer in his own right. He is not John Lydon, he doesn't pretend to be. Johnny is suitably miffed, I get it, but I think he's wrong. It keeps interest in the music and the legacy alive and I suspect he'll sell more tickets for PIL and his speaking tour than he would otherwise. Rock and Roll is a music of hype. Johnny knows this and he knows that slagging off his old bandmates efforts is good for ticket sales. It is pretty clear there is no love lost, but it is totally in Johnny's financial interests to milk the feud. 

So is it still The Sex Pistols without Johnny? This is a really good question. To me, they will be The Sex Pistols when they record some new music. I happen to think that Matlock, Jones and Cook are great musicians. I vaguely know Paul Cook, as he's mates with one of my best mates, Boz Boorer and I've had a beer with him a few times. He is one of the nicest people you'll meet. His daughter Holly rehearses at our studios. I see no reason why Paul shouldn't pay the bills with music that he made a huge contribution to. One of the biggest myths is that the Sex Pistols couldn't play. Paul Cook worked as session musician with all manner of people, including Edwyn Collins and Johnny Thunders. Glen Matlock has played with a whole host of iconic bands and artists, including The Faces, Blondie and Iggy Pop and was recognised as a talented musician even in the early days of The Sex Pistols. Steve Jones worked with such legends as Johnny Depp and Lisa Marie Presley. The point is that all three are great musicians, have co-written some of the greatest tunes in the pantheon of rock and roll and want to play together. Fans want to hear those songs. Johnny doesn't want to play so good luck to them with Frank Carter. Having made the decision not to go, when I saw all my mates clips from the 100 club, I felt a pang of regret. It looked like a great night. As tickets were like gold dust, I sort of felt it was wrong to deny someone else, who would've just gone along and enjoyed it a ticket, when I am sure I'd have grumbled. 

When the Pistols split, Malcolm Maclaren put out The Great Rock and Roll Swindle, a mish mash of recordings, milking every last penny out of the brand. Some tracks even had Great Train Robber Ronnie Biggs on. all highly dodgy, but I have to say, I've always loved "No one is innocent" with Biggs singing, and have a soft spot for "frigging in the rigging" with Jones on vocals. To me, both are an important part of the Pistols legacy, which means that it isn't entirely necessary for Johnny to be there.

Having said all of that, if they can ever reconcile their differences and bury the hatchet (and not in each others heads), I'd be delighted and have no qualms about seeing them. Many people are highly critical of John Lydon and his apparent lurch to the right. I don't agree with much of what he's said recently, but I do take the view that he's entitled to his opinions. Lydon, PIL, Sex Pistols with Frank Carter, as far as I'm concerned, if you wanna pay your money and see them, great. Never mind the Bollocks was one of the best albums ever made and all those guys deserve their pension. When I first saw the Pistols on the Bill Grundy show, I never guessed that we'd still be talking about them 48 years later. Then again, I never thought I'd be in a band, still playing rock and roll 48 years later. 

I will part with my one Sex Pistols story. When we first started the False Dots in 1979, I wrote Not all She Seems with Pete Conway. We always used to invite mates down to watch. Pete especially liked inviting attractive girls (he was less shy than me back in the day). We met a couple of attractive punk girls and asked them to a rehearsal. Paul Marvin (Hank's son) was drumming. Our best song was "Not all she seems" and we excitedly played it. One of the girls turned around and said "That's a rip of from Submission by The Pistols" (It had the same chord progression on the verse). Pete, who was always far more on the ball than me and a very accomplished liar, shot back "They ripped it off from us. We wrote it in 1975 and my uncle was John Lydon's mate from the building site and he played him a cassette and he stole the idea". This was absolute nonsense, but within a month, we were getting asked by all sorts of people if it was true. We made a pact to swear that it was. Even 20 years later, I still got asked occasionally. When Paul Hircombe joined the band, we went for a rehearsal at Hank Marvin's studio. Hank came in and jammed with us. He suggested a simple, jangly riff to play over the Submission chords. This was in 1980. We modified the story, so that we co-wrote the song with Hank Marvin, before the Pistols ripped it off. The first time Boz Boorer introduced me to Paul Cook (who he knew from playing with Edwyn Collins) I was half expecting Paul to pull me up on Pete's porky! Fortunately, the rumour never got back to him. 

Anyway, what better reason to play it and you can hear it at our next gig at The Builders Arms in Barnet on 12th April!

Rog T's Food blog #8 - Fish and Chips!

 As a citizen of the London Borough of Barnet, there is one culinary delight that I can honestly say we are spoiled for. Even better, it is one which I absolutely love. I am talking about Fish and Chips. When we talk about proper British cuisine, we think of three things. A Sunday Roast, A full English Brekkie and Fish and Chips. In my house, growing up as a Roman Catholic, Friday was fish and chips day. My fish of choice was Plaice. In our bit of London, we didn't have mushy peas, that was a northern thing. We'd have pickled onions and gherkins. Dad would buy it, so he'd always ensure the portions were massive. Mum was always more frugal with her portions, and fish and chips meant it was the weekend, so I loved every aspect of the dish. Back in those days, there were three chippies we'd use. The King Neptune at The Green Man, Salcolme Gardens (Now called Frydays and locally known as Nicks) and the one on Deansbrook parade. Dad would go through spells of each. All were customers of his, but his preferred one was The Neptune, which later became The King Neptune. He liked this as he'd put his order in, nip over the road to the pub, have a beer and then collect dinner. He'd tell them not to rush. Mum would always moan about how long it took, Dad would blame their 'terrible service'. On occasion, he'd have two or three pints and forget, and the food would be cold. Mum would be outraged and insist that he used another one for a few weeks. I always assumed that Mum didn't know what Dad was up to as a kid. Now I realise she knew full well, but it was all part of that game we call marriage. If I was lucky, Dad would take me, he'd buy me a lemonade and we'd sit in the garden of The Railway Tavern. Sometimes, I'd sit there on my own, whilst he chatted inside to a mate. I didn't mind. I was always warned "Don't tell your mother".

Fish and chips was the one food that I always associated with takeaways. It also was a food I assciated with fun. We'd go to the seaside and have fish and chips. Sitting on the beach, with  fish and chips and a bag of pop was one of my best childhood memories. It didn't really ever occur to me that you'd eat fish and chips in a restaurant. Of course, fish and chips became a staple of pub food, but it wasn't 'proper'. The fish was always a bit dry, the chips not properly cooked and some don't even have malt vinegar. How hard is it. In the 1980's a wonderful fish and chip restaurant opened in Mill Hill Broadway. It was called La Carp D'ora. It immediately became my mum's favourite restaurant, where we'd eat out when she wanted 'dinner out'. They even got a supply of Guinness in for her. It was the best fish and chips I'd ever had. One of my best mate's girlfriends worked there, which was even better. We got star treatment. 

It closed around twenty years ago. Several restaurants have come and gone. It is currently a Pizza place. It is a shame. I've rarely eaten fish and chips out since. Last Saturday, we were going to a gig in Barnet, so we went for fish and chips at Fresh Fry in Barnet, by the Everyman cinema. It was wonderful. Excellent fish and chips, massive portions and reasonably priced drinks. I'd highly recommend it. We usually have a fish and chips takeaway once or twice a month. Frydays (Nicks) are currently our choice, although this is as much because I pass it on the way back from the gym at Mill Hill East (yes I know....). We also regulalrly use Booba's and The King Neptune, when it is convenient. Both are good. I will be visiting the Neptune soon, but this is to try their new range of pie and mash!

On our visit to Fresh Fry, I actually realised that it is nice to eat fish and chips in a restaurant. Not only that, but at £25 for dinner inc a glass or two of wine, it is great value. I think it needs to be done far more regularly. Any suggestions......

Adolescence, Samantha Cameron, growing up and getting it wrong

Have you watched Adolescene? As a parent, it is probably the most horrible thing I've ever watched. I've always said that the worst thing I can imagine is one of my children losing their life. I may have had to re-evaluate this. Would my child senselessly taking the life of another child actually be worse? I genuinely don't know. As I occasionally do, I was reviewing old blogs. The one from fifteen yers ago today was perhaps more interesting in light of this TV series than I may have imagined. The subject? It had been announced, fifteen years ago yesterday, that Samantha Cameron was pregnant. David Cameron was still the leader of the opposition. Oddly, at the time I vaguely knew Samantha Cameron. We both volunteered at The Passage, a Homeless day centre in Victoria. I knew who she was, but we were both there to try and do good things for Homeless people, so I never engaged her in conversation about David. In truth, I think all I ever did was smile and exchange pleasantries, as I did with most volunteers I met passingly. My assumption was and is that if someone was volunteering there, they were an OK person. Samantha had lost a son the year before. I felt incredibly sorry for her. In truth, I had no idea what to say.

When the news emerged that she volunteered, various tabloids offered volunteers to talk about her. I was doorstepped as I arrived at 6.30am. I told the journalist to do one. I'd almot forgotten about the whole thing until I re-read the blog. It occurred to me that the daughter Samantha was pregnant with would be around the same age as the kids in adolescence. When I read the blog, it made me think about what must be going on in the Camerons house. I assume their kids are all pretty normal kids. Her daughter will have a mobile phone and may well be on Instagram etc? This is the world she has grown up in. I wondered whether Samantha watched adolescence? My kids are all in their twenties, her daughter is in the eye of the storm. I think its a horrible age. I hated being 13. I was on anti anxiety medication and we didn't even have social media or cyber bullying to worry about. A nother thought occurred to me. As her daughter was born after Ivan passed away, she will have no real idea about her brother. It is strange growing up when you are the only family member who didn't know a key family member. My Mums mum died two years before I was born. I spent my early years hearing my siblings talking of 'Nana'. All I really had was a sense that I'd missed out. Such family dynamics can be difficult.

I always felt cheated about never knowing Nana.  A few yearsago, I was discussing this with my elder sister Valerie. She told me I was lucky. Nana died in 1960 after a botched medical procedure at Edgware General hospital. My Uncle George was sent to collect her. When he arrived, he was told she was dead. He returned to my Mums house, where everyone was having tea. He entered and announced "They've butchered Mum, she's dead". Valerie said it was the single most horrible moment of her life. I was spared that moment.  I got to thinking whether Samantha's daughter feels she missed out on not knowing her brother Ivan and whether she understands the pain his passing caused the family?

Such things are a sadly part of growing up. Sooner or later, you lose someone you love. Shortly before my Mum passed away, she started talking about her mother. I reminded her that I never met her and said of my sense of missing out. My mother also recalled how her brother announced the news. She told me she'd been furious with him for years for blurting it out in front of my siblings in such an insensitive way. She realised that it has utterly traumaised all of them. She said it had been the worst day of her life, but the way the news was broken made it far worse. My mum had to pacify a bunch of hysterical children, as well as handle her own grief. 

Which brings us back to where we started. Adolescence shone a light on just how difficult being a parent can be. I doubt any parent emerges from the process completely unscathed. We all have things we think we could have done better. There are moments when we realise that we don't know our kids as well as we thought. Sometimes, their behaviour can be shocking. We can't believe that we are in a situation. But sometimes, we are reminded how bloody brilliant they are. We have to see things like Adolescence in perspective.We can only do our best. What do you do when your kids don't meet your hopes and expectations? Well I'd say you should do exactly what you do when they exceed them. Tell them that you love them and you will always be their for them. You might miss out the bit about bein g proud of them, but when they are at their lowest is when they need you most.

But I then thought about my Mum and her mums death. Who is there for us when we are in the eye of the storm? I'm pretty lucky in as much as I have a partner who is supportive and friends who make an effort. But in such an extreme situation, I guess we'd learn who our friends really are. The one thing I can vividly recall about Samantha Cameron was feeling extremely sorry for her. Being such a public figure, she couldnt really let her guard down. If she had deciced to have a cuppa with me and share her thoughts, she might find them splashed on the front page of The Sun (I wouldn't do that but she wouldn 't know). It must be a lonely old life.

So I guess what I am saying, in a very long winded fashion, is that in every tragedy, there are people who are blameless but deeply affected and often they can't talk to anyone about their feelings. We are not a kind and loving society. Perhaps the worst aspect is that you get a lot of very right wing people bemoaning the 'death of Christian society in the West', but the same people have completely forgotten the first principle of Christianity, which is forgiveness and reconciliation. The one thing I learned from the clients of The Passage, who were largely using the service because something in their lives had gone horribly wrong, was that we are all human beings. Just chatting to the clients over a cup of tea made me realise we are a  harsh and uncaring society and there is no forgiveness and little real compassion. What we want when things go wrong is to demonise people, lock them up and throw away the key. I have no problem with locking people up when they are a risk to other people. I know that there are bad people who don't change. But when people make a bad decision, an error that they come to bitterly regret, we really should do more to support them in making amends. I am not sure that I'd forgive anyone who murdered a child of mine. I have no idea how I'd deal with it if my child was the perpetrator. But I do know one thing, without doubt. If I didn't have the support of people who love me, I'd fall apart. That is my take away.