The Saturday List #477 - My top ten male role models

 This list never occurred to me until I heard Gareth Southgate talking about male role models and how boys need them. I am a big admirer of Gareth Southgate as a man. He seems intelligent, decent and honest. He is also clearly a driven individual, being a retired professional footballer and England player and manager. You do not reach these levels if you've not got something about you. Southgate was speaking in response to the rise of toxic masculinity and influencers such as the Tate brothers. Their attitudes are abhorrant to Southgate, who sees things such as being respectful to women as a critical part of being a man. I agree with Gareth. It made me realise that this was a long overdue list.

1. My Dad. I cannot overstate the influence my father had on me. He wasn't perfect, he had faults, but if I could be a tenth the man he was, I'd die happy. He was a decent, honourable man. He was an Austrailian who'd volunteered to fly with the RAF to defeat Fascism, because he believed it to be evil. He escaped from a POW camp. But it was his personal values that really impressed me. He ran a business and was always brutally honest and fair with his staff. They all turned out for his funeral. He'd retired from the business three years before. His attitude to women was the opposite of the toxic sexual aggression of the Tate's. Dad always taught me that you respect women, you don't swear in front of them, you never use violence. If you fancy a girl, you schmooz and flatter them and with their heart by being nice. If your partner is happy, you will be happy. He also taught me that you should be loyal to females in your life and that you should put their safety as a paramount, be this your wife, daughters and female friends and relatives. If you see a woman in distress, you assist her, assuming she wants your help. Very old fashioned? Yes but truly honourable.

2. My brother Laurie. Laurie is my eldest brother. When I was growing up, he had a massive influence. Laurie is someone who reads, was a superb guitarist and spent a lot of time travelling around the country and Europe as a teenager. He went to school in Rossindale in Holland, as he was training to be a Roman Catholic Priest. He wasn't ordained, decided he wanted to have a family. But I was highly influenced by his intellectual approach to life. He had a subscription to Scientific American and New Scientist. His view was that you should be well informed if you want to succeed. That was a massive lesson.

3. My brother Frank. Laurie's younger twin, by 20 minutes. Very different to Laurie. Frank is also a great musician. Hearing the jam as a kid was a massive influence. Unlike Laurie, Frank loves football, sadly he's Man Utd, but no one is perfect. Frank went to University and got a job in electronics. His example gave me a blueprint I aspired to follow. Sadly, I was too thick to go to Uni, but he also gave me a great road map for life. Frank was also very kind to me growing up. Laurie spent his life winding me up. These three all contributed to my view of how you should live your life and conduct your business.

4. Joe Mercer. Joe Mercer was the manager of Manchester City in their most successful period, before the Arab spring takeover transformed the club. He was my hero, because he was the boss! To my great delight, my Dad arranged for myself and my sister Valerie to have tea with him. He asked me what position I played. I said 'goalie'. Usually the most useless footballer became the goalie, which was probably true, but I idolised England goalie Gordon Banks and City keeper Joe Corrigan. I excitedly told Joe this. He said "Being a keeper is the hardest job, if you want to be a keeper, you have to work ten times harder in training than any other position, as one mistake and the team might lose". Even though I was eight, Joe was really great with me. I was devastated when he left City. A mistake City spent four decades paying for. 

5. Colin Bell. As a City fan, Colin, the King of The Kippax was my absolute hero. I told Joe Mercer this and Joe told me that, in his opinion, Colin Bell was the best player on the planet. He told me that Colin understood the game better than any of the other City players. He always seemed to be in the right place, make the right pass and when he ran with the ball, he was glorious, being nicknamed Nijinsky, after the Grand National winner. Joe Mercer told me that Bell was brilliant in training and also an inspiration to younger players. There were never any scandals with Colin Bell. His wikipedia entry doesn't even mention his family. I suspect that he's the only City player of that era who'd get into the current City team.

6. Ian Dury. I doubt anyone could be more different to Colin Bell than Ian Dury. In many ways, Ian Dury was not a wonderful role model. But if it wasn't for Dury, my life would be very different. I met him in the late 1970's, a chance encounter in a cafe in Camden. He was grumpy, but in a nice way. I told him I was getting a band together and asked for some advice. He said "Have you got any gigs?" I said "No not yet, we're just getting it together". He then said "Have you actually got a guitar?". I said "No, I'm borrowing my sisters". He shook his head and said "My advice, stop f***ing around, get yourself a guitar, then get yourself some gigs, then come back and ask me again". I felt chastised and started to slope off. The great man took mercy on me and said "Don't forget, always give it big, but get your band together before you start bothering people about it" and almost cracked a smile. Dury was a man who lived with a disability, it didn't stop him. I always loved the honesty in his lyrics, and the observational style. He didn't sing with a mock American accent. I wrote a song about it as I felt it was only fair to acknowledge his role. 

The False Dots · Channelling Ian Dury

7. John Shuttler. My old physics teacher at FCHS. Undoubtedly the best teacher I ever had. A decent, fair man, who wasn't afraid to tell you it as it was, but also did it with kindness and in a way you understood. He was also a brilliant physics teacher. I got an O level and an A level in physics, which is remarkable. It was the least I could do to thank him. He was also a man who loved music, guitars and amplifiers. I think every teacher should be like John. Sadly, they are not. 

8. Fr Perry Gildea. The former parish priest at The Sacred Heart. I am a person with a strong faith, but a huge dislike and distrust of structures of formal religion. Perry encouraged me to go to Lourdes in 2001, as a volunteer with HCPT, a charity that takes people living with disabilities away for a week there. I've been most years since. I took my mum four times, she was disabled and housebound and it gave me some wonderful time with her towards the end of her life. I also took my cousin Tessie, who was my age and lived with Downs syndrome four times. Just for that I owe Perry a huge debt of gratitude. However he is also one of the few priests I've met who I can talk sensibly about religion with. When he speaks, it is always interesting. I have come to a far better understanding of my relationship with the Universe as a result. I don't want to preach in this column, but it is a really important lesson, that you can still find mentors when you are in your later life.

9. Ernie Ferebee. My former business partner at Mill Hill Music Complex. Ernie was ten years older than me, a man who'd lived a bonkers life. His Dad was an East End bareknuckle boxer. He'd driven coaches overland to India, which is when I first met him, he'd regale us with stories from trips, I was about 12. He'd also worked as a road manager for me, before joining as studio manager. Ernie helped me transform the studio from a hobby to a thriving business. He had a different approach to business to most people I'd dealt with. Ernie had two criteria. You must make money and you must have fun. It is a lesson I've tried to continue with.

10. Pat Daley. Pat Daley was a stonemason who worked at Bunns Lane Works. I did some summer work with him. Pat had been an officer in the army in WWII. He was the hardest man you'd ever meet. He always had a cigar in his mouth. His unit had been the first British Army unit into Belsen. What he saw caused him to have a breakdown and commit a warcrime against SS officers held at the camp. This was hushed up. Pat was so disgusted that he nicked a tank and robbed a bank. Pat told me what happens when you have fascists in charge. He said "I saw Belsen first hand. You cannot imagine it. One day you will hear someone deny it happened. If they do, please smack them in the mouth from me". Pat taught me that when people are evil, no quarter can be given. Some of the things Pat told me, haunt me to this day. He said "You need to know these things son, one day this knowledge will ensure you make the right decision, as you know the truth". Pat had been an army boxing champion, he wasn't what might be called Woke now, but I know what he'd make of the likes of the Tates.

God bless all of them, alive and dead. Not an Andrew Tate style idiot to be seen anywhere.