Sunday, 28 June 2026

6 Day countdown to the release of We don't live in America by The False Dots - Chinese Nosh

Less than a week to go now! The False Dots release our brand new album "We don't live in America". The songs are a celebration of the things that separate us from our wonderful American cousins.One of the best things about London is our amazing selection of culinary variety. I was blessed with a Dad who had travelled and loved the various cuisines he'd encountered. When I was a wee nipper, the biggest treat was to go for "Chinese Nosh" in Burnt Oak. There was a wonderful restaurant up on the High Street, proper old school. In about 1969, the New China Garden opened on Station Road. A short sequence in an episode of Budgie, starring Adam Faith was filmed there. As I loved the food and I loved Budgie, this seemed like the ultimate endorsement. I remember watching the scenes being filmed.

The New China Garden went througha  series of rebrandings. It was the Moon House, Wok Epress and Hee's takeaway. There may well have been others that I've forgotten. I was friendly with the family who ran it as the Moon House. I can't recall how many times I stopped off on the way home from work, after a few pints, for a takeaway. I'd have a spring roll (the old schoool one with beansprouts), Kung Po Prawns and special fried rice. I'd have a chat with the family and I was really sad when they left. About 5 years ago, I met the former owner, working as a waiter in another restaurant. He came over and we had a good chat. The food was proper old school. In truth I much prefer that to the more fancy version you get in more expensive establishments, although I must say Mill Hill's Good Earth is superb. 

Even better though, and something that always makes me smile, was the banter I'd have with the other drunks who got off Thameslink at Mill Hill, and stopped off for some sustainance. There was a litte community who'd gather shortly before they shut. We'd have great banter. Jokes about crispy duck and greasy prawn balls! These days we get our takeaways from Tangs at Apex Corner. I suspect that per sqare foot, it is the busiest food outlet in Mill Hill, maybe the whole of London, they re incredibly busy and rightly so. The problem is that its a bit of a shlep when you get off the train, so I eat a lot less of it!

Whenever people start to go off on one about immigrants, I think of restaurants like the Moon House, the Mill Hill Tandoori, etc. I think how dull London would be without all of the various communities. I love Chinatown and the restaurants there, much as I also love Brick Lane and the Indian restaurants around London. My wife always used to berate me when I turned up with a Chinese, usually worse for wear after a night out. She'd point out that it was not exactly health food. For me, the Chinese takeaways on the corners of our High Streets are part of the absolute fabric of my London. Sadly, they are disappearing. I really wanted to write a love song to them. An American friend pointed out "you can get excellent chinese food in the USA". This is true, but it aint the same as London takeaways. I don't know if it is the air in the UK, the ingredients or the fact that they have tweaked it perfectly for us philistine Brits, but there is nothing better!

Chinese Nosh

I loved the China garden down on Station road
With Spare ribs, spring rolls and orange gunk that glowed
When I was skint I’d have the Chinese chips
Served by the guvnors daughter, with the luscious red lips
I asked a girl called Penny if she fancied Crispy Duck
But she said I’m not a cockney mate, your well out of luck
Tracy was quite partial to some greasy prawn balls
But she said she be unhappy if the portion was too small
 
Chorus
What I really want is some Chinese nosh
But the Missus won’t let me, she doesn’t think it’s posh
She makes me get Sushi or a tiny Kinoir pot
Which is green and horrible and tastes like snot
 
Middle eight
Don’t lie to me, you’re getting hungry, You can’t fool me, I know what you want
Six pints of lager and some silver containers, You’ll be in  heaven quicker than you want
 
Verse 2
My honey says “Darling lets get a take away”,
But her idea of food, is horrible and grey
It tastes like cardboard and it doesn’t make you full
But you know we have to eat “whats good for you”
I love nice chow mein with some hot curry sauce
Salt and pepper squid And Kung Po pork
But the Doctor Gone and told me I’ll have an heart attack
Cos I put on forty kilos since I gave up smack
 
Chorus
What I really want is some Chinese nosh
But the Missus won’t let me, she doesn’t think it’s posh
She makes me get Sushi or a Kinoir pot
Which is green and horrible and tastes like snot
 
Coda
 
Healthy living is just a big lie
Life just seems longer till you die
What I really want is some nice junk food
But the missus says no, cos you know its killing you

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