Showing posts sorted by date for query The Friday Joke. Sort by relevance Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by date for query The Friday Joke. Sort by relevance Show all posts

Friday, 8 May 2026

Friday Fun and local music round up 8th May 2026

 As is the tradition in Barnet Blogs (well this one at least), we start with a Friday Joke. I suspect a few of us will need cheering up today. This time four years ago, I was recovering from staying up all night at the election count. This time I didn't stand. As it became clear that the Tories had lost by a landslide, I saw one of their councillors at the tea stall. He looked dejected, having just found out he'd lost. He's a nice bloke, so I got him a cup of tea and had a chat. 

As we chatted, he said "I genuinely didn't expect Labour to win, in fact I was so confident that I promised my wife we'd go on three week cruise around the Bahamas if I didn't get in".

I commisserated and said "Well at least you've got something to look forward to now, a few weeks in the Sun to chill out, it'll be great".

He looked at me with a forlorn look "You don't understand, I hate boats I only have to look at one and I get sea sick, I only said it because I thought it wouldn't happen, now I'm lumbered. It'll cost a fortune and I'll hate it".

I never did ask how it all went.

And on to the round up of local music. First of all some news! The False Dots have re-released their 2022 mini hit "The Burnt Oak Boogie" video, rebuilt with AI to transform Burnt Oak into the world of 60's cartoon series Top Cat.




And even better, The band will be appearing at Nambucca in Islington next Friday 15th May from around 8pm. Click image for full details

Founded by Lee Thompson of Madness, The Silencerz deliver their unique brand of reggae-ska-pop to an ever-growing and loyal fan base. Their live shows blend crowd-pleasing covers with much-loved originals, drawing from influences like Ian Dury, Madness, and Prince Buster. The band have had headline shows at the famous 100 Club, Camden’s Dublin Castle and most recently at the Madness House of Fun weekender in Minehead. follow them on Facebook atwww.facebook.com/TheSilencerz

DJ Rebska - North West London's top Ska DJ, long time collaborator with Lee Thompson of Madness, festival favourite and purveyor of the finest Ska tunes, with the odd smattering of Northern Soul thrown in for good measure. Sure to get you on your feet!

Monday, 13 April 2026

Oh Lord, thank you for endowing me with a sense of humour

I will let you into a secret. Well it isn't really a secret, it is just one of my weird and wacky beliefs. You see I believe God has a wicked sense of humour. Now if this is wrong, I may well find myself consigned to the fiery wastes of Hell for publicly writing such blasphemy, but the older I get, the more evidence I see of it. I believe that to some extent we are all victims of this, but most of all the miserable, anti fun religious types. I believe that it was no random coincidence that the first miracle of Jesus was to turn water into wine at the wedding feast at Cana. If you read the relevant chapter, not only was it described as the finest wine, bible clearly states that he produced 40 gallons of it. There are roughly 5 pints in a gallon, so that is around 200 pints of wine.  Theologians estimate that there were around 100 people at the feast, so they each had 2 pints of wine each. Now bear in mind, the reason Mary asked Jesus to intervene was because the guests had drunk the bar dry already. I am not a theologian, but when I read the bible, I often see sections of the bible where Mary reminds me of my own mother. If I had the gift to perform miracles, my Mum would most definitely be getting me to change water into wine. To me, out of all of the miracles, it is the most persuasive. Firstly because it annoys stuck up, miserable theologians, who hate the idea of Jesus and his mates actually having a bit of a craic, I am sure many Bishops over the years have wished it had not been included. But secondly, and more persuasively (for me at least), it shows that we all need a laugh and a bit of fun with our mates sometimes. 

Whatever faults and strengths I have, I have a seriously wicked sense of humour. I get it from my Dad. On occasion, people have asked me where I find the resilience to get through situations. The harsh truth is that life can grind you down, destroy you and tread you into the dust. Often there is little you can do about it. But there is one thing you can always do. You can find humour in the grimmest of situations and I do. I had this problem at school with pompous teachers. They would say ridiculously stupid things, with hugely earnest gravitas and I'd burst out laughing. Only last Friday I was in a difficult situation with someone being extremely unpleasant to me. I fixed the poor deluded fool in my eyeline and I noticed that he had a big bogey hanging out of his nose. The situation was quite tense and stressful. I really wanted to say "Before you carry on, please wipe the large bogey off your nose", but as he got more and more irate, the bogey developed a fascinating life of its own. I was desperately trying to refrian from laughing and I was massively distracted. I realised that as ever, the Good Lord was having a laugh at my expense. I really wanted to say to a couple of people "Did you see the bogie?" but thought better of it, as I am meant to be a sensible grown up now. 

In the early days of the blog, I was always noticing such things at Council meetings. In one blog back in 2008, when then Leader of Barnet Council was getting grilled for losing millions in Icelandic investments, my attention was drawn to his leg, which seemed intent on performing Buddy Rich like bass drum solo's whilst the rest of hios body was completely still. Only me and a nice lady from UNISON noticed it, but we actually chuckled so loudly that we got told off. 

This is a reason I hate meeting "important" people in formal settings. I've met quite a lot of them over the years and invariably I notice something and find it hilariously funny. Whilst over pompousness is the worst thing to set me, there are many other things that trigger me. What is worse though, is that some wicked people know this and take advantage of it. Many years ago, Tory Councillor Tony Finn was Mayor. His chosen charity was Noah's Ark Childrens Hospice. I decided to make an extremely large donation to this, with a bequest from my Mums will. Now I wasn't a mate of Tony's and I have never been a Tory, but I felt that me giving it a bung and blogging about it would help get money in. We have to rise above party lines when doing good works. I contacted Tony, who invited me over for a scotch to discuss it. He was a tad sceptical at first, thinking it was a ruse to get some indescretion, but when he saw the cheque he realised I was deadly serious. We realised that although we disagreed about much, we had a similar wicked sense of humour and he invited me to his Mayoral Banquet as a thank you. I wasn't seeking that, but it was a nice gesture. I bumped into him at a Council meeting shortly before. I said "Don't you think inviting me will upset Brian Coleman?" (Coleman was then a councillor and hated me). Tony replied that it was the best part of the whole thing. He said that he was looking forward to lavishing praise on my generosity and public spirit and watching Coleman choke on his soup. I was sat at a good table with some lovely people. We had a great evening. A week later Tony asked me back for another scotch in his office. We couldn't stop giggling as he recounted the look on Brians face. The next year, Brian was the Mayor and I wasn't invited again to a dinner.

My siblings are well aware of my wickedness when it comes to humour. A few years ago, I had an argument with one of my brothers, we weren't talking. I can't remember why, but I heard that he was going into hospital and needed strong antibiotics. As we both have an allergy to penecillin, I realised that he'd most likely be given erithromycin. I had a terrible reaction to this and despite the fact that we were not on great terms, I went to see him. He wasn't pleased, but I said "Look, our argument will pass, but there is something I need to tell you. Do not take erithromycin if they give it to you, I had a really bad reaction to it that nearly killed me. He dismissed my warning and asked me to leave. I felt that at least I tried. The next thing I heard he was at deaths door. I was distraught. Much as we often argue, I do actually love him. Eventually after several weeks in hospital, he was discharged. By this time, we'd gotten over the argument. We were having a cuppa and chatting and he made a terrible confession. The Doctor had prescribed Erithromycin, but he was so cross with me, that he did not pass on my warning. Within about an hour, he started to feel very ill and was rushed to intensive care. He realised that there was a very strong chance he'd not make it. What went through his mind? Well it wouldn't have been true, but he thought I'd be cracking up laughing at his stupidity in ignoring my warning. We actually had a bit of a laugh about it. He said that one of the things that got him through was he was determined to not give me that laugh. I am glad he did. I have often wondered whether having a sick sense of humour is genetic or learned behaviour. My mother didn't really have much of a sense of humour at all. My father would do his best to get a laugh from her, but after 40 years of marriage, had just about given up. However I think all of my siblings have to some degree inherited his sense of humour and also his lack of discretion when there is an opportunity to crack a bad taste joke. 

I will end with a story my Dad told me, as a night time tale when I was five. A tragic story that exemplified the Tichborne gallows humour. Dad was an Aussie, who volunteered to fly for the RAF. His best mate from Charters Towers joined the Army and was captured by the Japanese, ending up in a POW Camp. They were treated savagely and not given decent rations. After about six months they were near starvation. The Japanese camp commandant had two prize fighting cocks, that he'd entertain his men with, as they fought. One of the cocks broke loose and some of the Aussie servicemen cooked it up. The camp commandant went mad and demanded to know who had taken the cock. When no one stepped forward, he selected a very popular sergeant and announced that he would take the rap. The poor soul was tied to a post for a week, with no food or drink. It was announced that on the Saturday, if no one owned up, he would be shot in front of all of the troops. By Saturday, he was dragged, half dead in front of the commandant and all of his men. The commandant said "I am going to shoot you now, but I will allow you one last request". The sergeant replied "Can I have the other cock for dinner". Sadly he didn't get the cock and the story ended there. Happily his mate lived to tell the tale.  The story was true and Dad said that in his eyes, the seargent won, because he was laughing when he was shot. If you can die laughing, you've won. That was what Dad told me and it is what I believe to this day. Fortunately, it seems unlikely anyone will shoot me (although I am sure you will laugh if they do).




Friday, 20 March 2026

Friday Fun and local gig round up

 As is the tradition on Barnet blogs, we start with a joke! 

"Why did Spartacus smile when the lion ate his wife?"

"He was Gladiator!"

Boom Boom!

There was some big local music news this week! Mill Hill Band, The False Dots released their brand new single and video. Check it out, it's called Big Hairy Spider and the video harks back to the Halcyon days of Scooby Doo!


And on to the weeks local gigs! Follow Barnet Music for all the latest updates!


Friday 20th

La Lluna Whetstone 6.30 - Jonathon Black Byrd (Solo Flamenco Guitar)

Butchers Arms 9pm – Midnight AWOL (Rock Covers)

Maddens 9pm – The Drivers

Barrington 8.30pm – midnight Neils Karaoke

Saturday 21st

East Barnet RB Legion 8.30pm – 11.30pm Dr Realgood (Covers)

Lord Kitchener 8.30 pm - late Karaoke with Johnno

Butchers Arms 9pm – 11.30pm Horizon (Rock covers and original)

Sunday 22nd

Kings Head 2pm – 4pm Jamie Whelligan (Solo artist - Free)

Ye Olde Monken Holt 7pm – 9pm Creekside (Americana)

Butchers 8.30 – 11.30pm Butchers Arms Jam Electric/Blues/Rock (Full backline available)

Monday 23rd

Ye Olde Mitre Inn, High Street 8pm – 11pm (stables room) Barnet Acoustics Session

Tuesday 24th

The Bull Theatre £5 Acapella & Accoustic Speakeasy 14+ further details from Nikki or Tim 07754067594 07956875758

Wednesday 25th

Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30 – 11pm Open Mic Night

Thursday 26th

Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30 – 10.30pm Irish Session

Friday 27th

Lord Kitch 8.30pm – late Ela

The Elephant Inn 9pm – 11.30pm Velvetronic (Covers 70`s to present)

Barrington Bar 8.30 pm - midnight Karaoke with Johnno

Friday, 13 March 2026

Friday Fun & this weeks local gigs Friday 13th March - Also some news to warm the cockles of your heart!

Lets start with some great news, something to cheer you up! Did you know today is the first day of the year when the Sun sets after 6pm!

  • Yesterday's Sunset (March 12): 17:59 (5:59 PM)
  • Today's Sunset (March 13): 18:01 (6:01 PM)

Spring is coming!

And to get you in the weekend mood, here is a Friday joke, courtesy of our good Twitter mate Robert Wilkinson

And on to gigs! To keep up to date follow Barnet Music Facebook page

And we'll start with the weekends big event (for me at least!). The False Dots are back at The Dublin Castle for a Sunday Matinee show (Details here). Support from local legends Those Naughty Lumps. More details here. Here is our promo video for the gig. We are launching our new single "Big Hairy Spider"


And here are the rest of the weeks gigs in the Borough of Barnet

Friday 13th

Butchers Arms 9pm – 11.30pm Groove Rats (Rock/blues)
Barrington 8.30pm – midnight Neils Karaoke
Cavalier 7.30pm – late Karaoke inc DJ Iain H

Saturday 14th 
Butcher Arms 8.30pm – 11.30pm Just Kiddin (Covers 50s – present)
The Arkley Club 8.30pm – 11.30pm £5 cash on door Jukebox (rock & roll 60-70s)
Toolans 9pm –11.30pm await details

Sunday 15th
Kings Head 2pm – 4pm Nic Bennett
Butchers 8.30 – 11.30pm Butchers Arms Jam Electric/Blues/Rock (Full backline available
Toolans 8.30pm – 11pm Kieran White
Ye Olde Mitre Inn, High Street 8pm – 11pm Home Cookin (Jazz) 3rd Sunday

Monday 16th
Ye Olde Mitre Inn, High Street 8pm – 11pm (stables room) Barnet Acoustics Session

Wednesday 18th
Toolans 5pm – 8pm Glenn Flynn
Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30 – 11pm Open Mic Night

Thursday 19th
Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30 – 10.30pm Irish Session
Sebright Arms Barnet 7pm – 11pm Open Mic Night

Friday, 6 March 2026

Friday Fun and local music round up - 6th March 2026

 Well lets follow the Barnet Blog tradition and start with a joke! Once again, thanks to that fine purveyor of Dad jokes, Robert Wilkinson. This is the sort of joke my Dad loved BTW!

And on to the local music round up. Lets start with some big news! My band, The False Dots are back at the Dublin Castle on Sunday week, with a brand new single and video - a tale of horror in a 60's cartoon style and a bit of Benny Hill thrown in! CLICK HERE FOR MORE DETAILS - We will be ably supported by Barnet & Liverpool band Those Naughty Lumps, and a brand new band called No Idea.
Here's a little preview animated video we made


Anyway, that's enough of us. Onto the local gig round up!. Follow the Barnet Music Facebook page for regular updates.

Friday 6th
Butchers Arms 9pm - Midnight Dr Realgood (Covers )
Barrington 8.30pm – midnight Neils Karaoke

Saturday 7th
La Lluna Whetstone 6.30 - Jonathon Black Byrd (Solo Flamenco Guitar)
Butchers Arms 9.30pm – midnight The Looters 60s, 70s covers)
Queens Arms 8.30pm – late Those Naughty Lumps (A Punk/new-wave band)
Lord Kitchener 8.30 pm - late Karaoke with Johnno
East Barnet RB Legion 8.30pm – 11.30pm £10 members £15 non-members The Skalites
The Arkley Club 8.30pm – 11pm £5 cash on door Buskers (covers)
Toolans 9pm – 11pm Damien Delahunty (Acoustic)
Maddens 9.30pm – midnight Odyssey Blue Soul Band (Soul/blues/jazz)
Cavalier 8pm – 12pm DJ Sammie Vee

Sunday 8th
The Kings Head 8.30pm – 2pm – 4pm Leech (Rock & pop)
St Marys Church East Barnet 3pm – 5pm £10 on door The Art Deco Orchestra
Ye Olde Monken Holt 7pm – 9pm Eliza Baya and Ben Rocca
Butchers 8.30 – 11.30pm Butchers Arms Jam Electric/Blues/Rock (Full backline available
Toolans 8.30pm – 11pm Finbarr Black
BC Lounge @ The Bohemia 7.30pm – 10.30pm £12 Just East of Jazz

Monday 9th
Ye Olde Mitre Inn, High Street 8pm – 11pm (stables room) Barnet Acoustics Session

Tuesday 10th
The Builders Arms 8pm – 11pm Jamboree Jam Open Mic/Music Night (2nd Tuesday of month)

Wednesday 11th
Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30 – 11pm Open Mic Night

Thursday 12th
Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30 – 10.30pm Irish Session
Maddens 8.30pm – 11pm
Ronnie Gordon Legacy (ska, reggae, blue, soul, latin)

Friday 13th
Butchers Arms 9pm – 11.30pm Groove Rats (Rock/blues)
Barrington 8.30pm – midnight Neils Karaoke

Friday, 20 February 2026

Back on track! What have I missed

 The more sharp eyed readers will have noticed a relative lack of activity on the Barnet Eye over the last week. There is a very good reason for this, I've not been being lazy. I've been in Portugal with my good mate, music maestro Boz Boorer mixing the brand new album by The False Dots. Boz lives in Monchique in Portugal, up a mountain. It is the perfect location to get totally immersed in mixing an album. This is pretty much all I did for four days!  


All of my creative energy was pretty much used up on the job at hand, and I didn't want to start getting sidetracked. It was nice being in the sunshine, away from the everyday distractions and the news. I deliberately avoided the news etc. 

I travelled back yesterday, got a takeaway curry then got home watched the news and BBC QT. Blimey.....

My first thought was I wished I'd stayed up the mointain! I'll give a short round up of what caught my eye.

The Artist formerly known a Prince Andrew. What on Earth can anyone say. I did a quick google to see how much he'd earned as a Royal from the Taxpayer (well it says from the Queen, but we all know where the cash really comes from "Total Official Funding: Over his roughly 40-year career as a working royal, he received an estimated £13 million (roughly $17.5 million) in public and royal-household funding.". For most people I know that would be plenty. He got free housing and accomodation. I recall his wedding well. I was workin in an office on Buckingham Palace Road. The Police and SAS used it as a hub, as the top two floors were empty. At the time he was a National Hero, a helicopter pilot from The Falklands. He was marrying Sarah Ferguson. She wasn't a beauty in the classic sense. I actually thought "He's a decent boke, clearly values personality over looks". He was a handsome Prince and I assumed he could have his pick of attractive young ladies. I recall a mate of mine saying "what's wrongw ith him marrying her?" I said "maybe he wants someone who will be a life partner and be on the same wavelength as him"..I suspect I was right, but not in the way I thought. In many ways, his life is a modern day Shakespearean tragedy. All Prince Andrew ever had to do was not be a complete twats and we'd have forgiven him anything. 

I got an inkling what he was actually like 20 years or so ago. A friend was having a 40th Birthday party at a club in Notting Hill Gate. Prince Andrew was at a party downstairs. He got very drunk and abusive and a couple of friends, witnessed him throw a tantrum. We can all have bad days, but what I heard was that this was the norm, not the exception. With every revealation, it becomes worse. Being involved with a dodgy paedophile is never good. Supplying one with dodgy information, so he can make millions is even worse. I have always been a republican. I said that out of respect for her Majesty The Queen, any decision on their future could wait. Butthe horrific truth is that had The King fallen off his horse in 1969 and killed himself, Andrew would be the King. Andrew has done more to undermine the Royals than every UK republican in the last 100 years. But the horrific truth is that The Queen, Charles, the lot of them all knew what he was like. 

Reform. Last night I watched BBC QT. WTF is going on at the BBC. They had Tories, Labour and Reform in QT last night. Where were the Lib Dems and the Greens? The bloke who was their spokesman was Robert Jenrick. A bloke who was a Tory until he decided that Reform had better career prospects. A man with no principles and no honour. Reform have more MP's who defected from the Tories than were elected. The truth is that the country is in a mess because of 14 years of Tory misrule. Jenrick was a big part of that. The only vaguely compelling argument for Reform was that they were untainted by the failure of Tory and Labour governments. Taking the worst of the Tory Party is IMHO a massive mistake.I have an aversion to people like Jenrick, but to me he came across as smug and irritating. A man who stabs all his former mates in the back to further his career is no good at all. 

Immigration. Journalist Jon Sopel made a fascinating revealation last night.  Net immigration to the UK is at a record low. I googled it and it appears to be true. Jon Sopel explained that if current trends continue, the UK may not actually be aable to function as a working economy in ten years. There simply won't be enough people to do all the key jobs. It would be the biggest irony of all, if Reform win in 2029 and have to increase immigration to stop an economic collapse. I need to do a lot more research to properly understand this, but should be the biggest story, as the wellbeing of the economy affects us all. No one seems to know.

Arsenal. This is one story I did know about. I always follow the football result. At Xmas, it looked like Arsenal were romping to the league title. Now they are having a serious wobble, dropping points to a team that had a single digit points tally with twelve games to go. I know, only too well, that you can't celebrate until the trophies are in the cupboard. It is clear that the Arsenal we are seeing in Februrary are a very different beast to the one we saw in December. Winning the Premiership is hard. Pressure is a funny thing and football puts pressure on teams like no other sport. When Wolves scored the equaliser, every Arsenal fan would have felt sick in their stomach. As to how the players felt. Ifyou want to be Champions, you need to pick yourself up and go again. I have seen many Arsenal fans starting to question Arteta. Careful what you wish for. You are still top of the league and it is still in your hands. I hope you lose, as a Mancheser City fan, but Arteta has done an amazing job and anyone who thinks that he's the wrong man should look at their nearest neighbours or City's. If you press the panic button every time things go badly, you end up in a mess. I actually quite like Arteta, tribal allegiances aside. He is a pragmatic manager, who gets results. He sometimes gets criticised for being over cautious, but he has to work with what he has got. Arsenal have far less resources than Mancheste United, but look at the difference in points. It is not Arteta's fault that he is competing against the best manager on the planet, with owners with the deepest pockets. Arsenal fans will hate me for saying this, but for Arsenal to win the league, CIty have to have an off season. And when I say a season, I mean 38 games. City have not been brilliant thus far, but they have a track record of doing the business when it matters. 

And finally....

It's Friday, so as is the tradition in Barnet blogs, here is a Friday joke. This made me laugh, which is probably a terrible indictment on me!

Have a great weekend



Friday, 6 February 2026

Friday Fun and the local gigs round up 6th February 2026

 It's grim out there, so in the long standing tradition of The Barnet Eye we will start with a joke to cheer you up. Today's joke was told to me by Simon Le Bon, back stage at the Underground Club in Stockholm on November 8th 1981. I'd seen them two nights before at The Ritz club and one of the roadies invited my girlfriend and me backstage for a bee with the band after we got chatting at the Bar. Simon and I hit it off, both being North London boys. He gave us free merch and the band signed it all. He also put us on the guest list for the show at The Underground two nights later, where we again went backstage and had a right laugh. 

Simon had lived in Hendon and we discussed the local pubs, he also confessed an addiction to TV cop shows. Like me, Simon loved The Sweeney. He then said "By the way, do you know why the Americans never made a version of Z cars, even though it was ground breaking and there was a lot of interest in the format from US channels". I replied "No?". Simon replied "Well you couldn't call a TV show Cop Car Zee could you".

It made me laugh. I've always had a soft spot for the band, even though they are not really what I normally listen to. Simon is a good bloke.

Anyway enough of that. I'll start with a date for your diary, the False Dots next gig

It is our drummer Gray "Rambo" Ramsey's birthday and it would be great to have as many people as possible down to show their love for Rambo.

The Dublin Castle is a really iconic London grassroots venue. It is worth a trip just to see the memorabilia on the walls, posters signed by Madness, Amy etc. Whenever you go, you are immersing yourself in London's Rock and Roll history.  The Venue was recently the subject of a brilliant piece on BBC Radio. Listen to it here. 





And on to the local gig round up. Follow the Barnet Music Facebook page for full details.

Friday 6th

Goodwin House East Barnet 2pm – 3pm Leon Knight (Solo artist)
Butchers Arms 9pm – 11.30pm Groove Rats (Rock/blues)
East Barnet RB Legion 8.30pm – £15 on door members £10 TB/DC (AC/DC Tribute night)
Queens Arms 8pm Karaoke

Saturday 7th
Edgware, The Three Wishes from 8pm (free) - 3d (Covers) 
Butchers Arms 9pm – midnight New Colours Soul funk/disco (4 piece)
Ye Olde Monken Holt 9.30pm – 11.30pm James Or (Acoustic covers)
Toolans 9pm –11.30pm Dylan
Lord Kitchener 8.30 pm - late Karaoke with Johnno
The Arkley Club 8.30pm - £5 cash on door Dream Circle (Covers 60s – present)

Sunday 8th
Bohemia Finchley - From 7pm £12 - 52nd Street (Jazz quartet) 
Kings Head 2pm – 4pm Nic Bennett
Ye Olde Monken Holt 7pm – 9pm Smokin Whiskers (Acoustic Covers)
Butchers 8.30 – 11.30pm Butchers Arms Jam Electric/Blues/Rock (Full backline available)
Toolans 8.30pm – 11pm Shane & Mervyn Owens
Bohemia3 Cellar Bar 7.30 -10.30 £10 Alex Webb and Tony Kofi
Monday 9th
Ye Olde Mitre Inn, High Street 8pm – 11pm (stables room) Barnet Acoustics Session
Edgware, The Three Wishes from 8pm (free) Jans Jam night
Tuesday 10th
Edgware, The Three Wishes from 8pm (free) - 3d (Covers) 
The Builders Arms 8pm – 11pm Jamboree Jam Open Mic/Music Night (2nd Tuesday of month)
Wednesday 11th
Toolans 5pm – 8pm Two in Accord ft Mary O Rourke
Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30 – 11pm Open Mic Night
Barrington 7.30pm – Johns Open Mic Night
Thursday 12th
Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30 – 10.30pm Irish Session
Sebright Arms Barnet 7.30pm Open Mic 
Maddens 8.30pm – 11pm Ronnie Gordon Legacy (ska, reggae, blue, soul, latin)
Friday 13th
Butchers Arms 9pm – midnight Dukes Of Öl (Covers)

Have a great weekend!

Friday, 30 January 2026

Saving Londons music venues - One pint at a time! (and the local music round up)

 I have neglected the subject of saving London's music venues a bit recently. I've been too busy trying to save my own one, Mill Hill Music Complex. The post Covid era is proving to be really challenging for us. People have changed their behaviour and we have had to adapt a lot of the things we do. I will save that for another post. Today we are looking at London's live music scene. 

As a working musician, promoter and venue owner, it is clear to me that no one in any sort of power has a clue about how the music industry actually works at a grassroots level. This is an area that is vital to the UK's music industry, which is worth around £5 billion in direct revenue to UK PLC and ten times that in indirect benefit.

Lets start with a few basic principles. No one ever visited London to sunbathe on the River Thames. People come here because we are a cultural hub. A visitor to London can see museums, shows, gigs, pubs restaurants, etc unrivalled anywhere in the world. Every trip to a show or a museum for most people will involve some sort of food & drink, be it a pub, a restaurant, a cafe or even just a bottle of water from a convenience store. All of this generates jobs and prosperity. That is without the huge sums recorded music generates from radio, TV, websites and streaming services. But no musician wakes up one morning with a career, without lots of hard work and learning the ropes. That is where grassroots venues come in. 

However, what most people don't really get is that live music in small venues is almost never staged because the owner of the establishment likes music. They may, but the reason they put music on is to boost footfall and sell more drink, and food at venues like Pizza Express. In short, no matter how much a venue owner/manager loves music, it has to pay its way. In most pubs and clubs, it is not the owner who books artists. This is down to the promoter. Often the promoter rents the venue (not always) and then sells tickets, covering their costs (sound man, doorman, advertising, wages) and paying bands. If enough punters come in and the pub owners/managers make more than if they'd not had music on, then the venue will be successful. However the venue owner may decide that food or comedy is more lucrative. The promoter also needs to make a profit. It is one of the most thankless tasks. Most bands put little or no effort into promoting their own shows. The False Dots have played around 40 gigs since lockdown and of the bands we've played with (around 100), maybe only 10-15 have brought more than a dozen people with them. Many haven't even posted links to the show or the ticket website. Most professional pluggers know that events at small venues have a promotion cycle of 6-8 weeks, where you need to be constantly engaging and raising interest. One or two posts won't do. You need to post constantly and post things that are different and engaging. If you don't, then people won't come. If they don't come, then the promoter and the pub make no money and will not survive. 

But just getting people to gigs is nt enough. You need your fans to drink in the venue. If your fans go to the Wetherspoons down the road, before they turn up, then they might as well not come as far as the pub operator is concerned. The Wetherspoons may be cheaper, but they are not putting the music on. Of course getting people to pay £7 a pint rather £4 at the cheapo pub is no easy task, but it is at least worth trying. 

The sad truth is that grassroots venues get no help from anyone.In some ways, this means that you have to be good to survive, but it also means that you are always walking a tightrope. The False Dots have had the honour of a residency at legendary London venue, The Dublin Castle. We are mates with Tony, the promoter. We know the challenges he faces. We see the good things he does and why he does the things we don't like! Tony is a music lover, who cares about the bands. He also understands the finances and the dynamics of making a venue work. At the end of the day, he has to pay his engineers, his doormen and he has to pay his bills. 

Tony knows that when he books The False Dots, we will plug our gigs, we will get our fans down and we will have a drink in the bar with them after the show. This means that the Landlord is also happy. So many bands finish and don't even have a pint in the pub. It infuriates me when I see it, because I understand it is a business. 

I contributed to a Parliamentary Inquiry into live music. Sadly, nothing useful came out of it. There are several things that the Government and local authorities should be doing. These are practical things that will make a huge difference.

1. Cut business rates for venues by 75%. I would pay for this by doubling rates on bookmakers, which I believe are a corrosive industry. This would encourage pubs to add music and arts events to the menu. I would suggest a minimum of 50 events a year. This would make venues get creative. I would also require evidence of promotion of such events. 

2. Introduce agent of change legislation, protecting established venues from noise and nuisance complaints from neighbours, especially in new developments.

3.  Give tax breaks for companies investing in soundproofing for live music, rehearsal and recording. 2) Designate established music related sites (venues, studios, etc) as protected sites with stringent planning rules around change of use planning applications. 

4. Require local authorities to ensure that provision of spaces for music and art are integral parts of all large scale planning applictions. Put restrictions on these to guarantee that they are provided and not repurposed.

5. Require local authorities to ensure that music venues are not left empty to rot by developers seeking to get around planning laws. This could be done by setting quadruple business rates on such properties which are left empty for more than six months.

All of this would re-invigorate the grassroots arts and music scene. 

And on to our local music scene. Justin case you weren't aware, The London Borough of Barnet has plenty going on. My band, The False Dots have two great gigs coming up (click for details)



And here are this weeks gigs! (follow the Barnet Music Facebook page for details and updates).

Friday 30th
Lord Kitchener 8.30pm – late One Man Stand
Queens Arms 8pm  Karaoke
Barrington 8.30pm – closing Johnnos Karaoke
Butchers Arms 8pm – Midnight Fast and Bulbous (DJ)
Saturday 31st
Butchers Arms 9pm – 11.30pm The Past Unperfect Trio (Country/blues)
Toolans 9pm –11.30pm Dan McHugh Music (Irish plus 70s-00s music)
Queens Arms 9.30pm Soul Disco Band

Sunday 1st
Ye Olde Monken Holt 7pm – 9pm Hannah Harris (Covers)
Butchers 8.30 – 11.30pm Butchers Arms Jam Electric/Blues/Rock (Full backline available)
Toolans 8.30pm – 11pm Two in Accord

Monday 2nd
Ye Olde Mitre Inn, High Street 8pm – 11pm (stables room) Barnet Acoustics Session

Tuesday 3rd
The Lord Nelson 7.30- Open Mic Night (1st Tuesday of month)

Wednesday 4th
Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30 – 11pm Open Mic Night

Thursday 5th
Ye Olde Monken Holt 8.30 – 10.30pm Irish Session
Sebright Arms Barnet 8ish Karaoke (fortnightly)

Friday 6th
Butchers Arms 9pm – 11.30pm Groove Rats (Rock/blues)
Goodwin House East Barnet 2pm – 3pm Leon Knight (Solo artist)

And finally, the Friday joke!

Thanks to our mate Robert Wilkinson. It is terrible, but it did make me laugh.

Friday, 19 December 2025

Friday Fun and local music round up

 As is the tradition in Barnet, we start with some festivae fun, courtesy of our Twitter mate Robert Wilkinson. If you need a stocking filler his Dad joke book is excellent.


And on to the Barnet music. The Borough's favourite Ska/Punk Band The False Dots will be in Camden Town at The Dublin Castle this Sunday from 2pm having our annual Xmas party!

We have some amazing special guests lined up and have even put together a very special Xmas song for your delectation, in Portuguese, English and Spanish!

It has been a tough old year for some of us, but Xmas is a time to see family and friends, kick back and celebrate, so on to the rest of our local gigs, no one can say Barnet is not rocking this Xmas. Keep an eye on the Barnet Music Facebook page



Friday 19th
Kings Head 8.30pm – 11pm Jamie Whelligan (new change of music)
Butchers Arms 9pm – 11.30pm Highstone (60s, 70s, 80s, 90s covers)
Queens Arms 8.30pm – 11pm Phoenix Blues Band (Rhythm & Blues)
The Old Bull Theatre 8pm £7 (plus booking fee) £10 on door Folk Club Night
Elephant Inn 8pm – 11pm Leon Knight (Covers 50s – present solo artist)
Lord Kitchener 8.30pm – late Karaoke Night
Barrington 8.30pm – midnight Karaoke with Neil
Cavalier 7.30 - Karaoke Disco with Iain H

Saturday 20th
Builders Arm 7.30pm – 10.30pm(early start/finish) Paparazzi (Covers – various)
Toolans 9pm X-pressions
Butchers Arms 9.30. - midnight The Looters (60s/70s covers
The Arkley Club 8.30pm – 11.30pm £5 cash on door Peace & Love Ska & Reggae Band
Lord Nelson 8pm – 11pm - The Cool Hand Ukes

Sunday 21st
Ye Olde Monken Holt 7pm – 9pm The Sequels (60s/70s covers)
Toolans 8.30 Two in Accord ft Mary O Rourke
Butchers 8.30 – 11.30pm Butchers Arms Jam Electric/Blues/Rock (Full backline available)

Monday 22nd
Ye Olde Mitre Inn, High Street 8pm – 11pm (stables room) Barnet Acoustics Session

Tuesday 23rd
The Bull Theatre £5  Acapella & Accoustic Speakeasy 14+ (3rd Tuesday)
further details from Nikki or Tim 07754067594 07956875758
Lord Nelson 8pm Carol Singing Evening

Wednesday 24th
Toolans 5pm - John Joe Shields and the Ramblers
The Lord Kitchener 8.30 – late (ticket only) Ela
EB Royal BLegion 8pm – midnight £5 cash on door Bop Street

Saturday 27th
Butchers Arms 9pm – 11.30pm Harripaul (pop/rock/jazz/blues)
The Arkley Club 8.30 – 11.30pm £5 cash on doorGemma Anne (60s, 70s, 80s and 90s covers solo artist)
Toolans 9pm Declan Gaynor
Lord Kitchener 8.30pm - late Karaoke with Johnno.

Sunday 28th
Toolans 8.30pm – 11pm Barry Owen
Butchers 8.30 – 11.30pm Butchers Arms Jam Electric/Blues/Rock (Full backline available)

Wednesday 31st
Ye Olde Mitre Inn Marys Exit
East Barnet RB Legion 8.30pm – 1pm (ticket only) Dream Circle
East Barnet Valley United Services Club Ela
Lord Kitchener 8pm – late ticket only Karaoke with Johnno
The Elephant Inn 9pm – 12.30am Leon Night (Covers 50s – present solo artist)
Maddens 8pm – Crusin Mooses (Blue/rock/soul)
Toolans 8pm – late DJ Freddie