The encylcopedia for (Conservative) idiots

Imagine my deep joy. I've found an encycolpedia full of information that is, shall we say, rather different to that which more mainstream encyclopedia's contain.


Want to know why Evolution is wrong?

Want to know why the Universe wasn't created in a Big Bang?


Want to know why Creationism is right?


Want to know why Global Warming doesn't exist or if it does it's a marvellous thing?

Yup, well if you do WWW.CONSERVAPEDIA.COM is the place for you. Don't Call Me Dave has been saying for a while that Barnet Council's Tories have lost touch with Conservative values. I thought that maybe they should check this "Bible of Conservatism" out. Anyway I thought I'd give you a little tour of the highlights.

There are some fascinating "Facts" which I learned on Conservapedia, as Conservapedia claims to be the Trustworthy encylopedia, I'm sure y'all be fascinated :-

Noah lived 350 more years before dying at the age of 950. All people alive today must be descendants of Noah and his family

In relation to homosexuality and smoking, the recent medical literature states the homosexual men and lesbians in the United States have significantly higher rates of cigarette smoking than heterosexual

The abstract for this study indicated that "lesbians are at greater risk for morbidity and mortality linked to overweight and obesity.

Sadly for such a useful resource, there are a few facts that this Encylopedia For Conservatives doesn't contain. For example :-

The entry for ICELAND doesn't tell you that Conservative Barnet Council lost the family silver investing in dodgy banks there

Having said that, the section on how to be a Conservative  is rather interesting. I'd recommend that the likes of Mike Freer and Brian Coleman read it, they may find this brand of Conservatism rather. I do wonder if David Cameron considers himself a Conservative if these are the criteria.

Interestingly (assuming it's true) there is a rather fascinating entry about David Cameron. There is a cracking quote from Norman Tebbit :-

Tebbit said: "Is he the party's Chairman Mao or Pol Pot, intent on purging even the memory and name of Thatcherism before building a new modern compassionate green globally aware party somewhere on the left side of the middle?"

There are many things about this site which are hilarious, but for a site which professes to promote Free Speech and truth, rule 7 is the best :-

 The senseless changing of American to British spellings may result in blocking.

So there you go. If you want to find out how to be a proper Conservative, you know where to look. 

Who would Jesus vote for?

Firstly, let me say one thing. There is nothing which gets my goat up more than dodgy politicians using Jesus/God as a justification for any policy. Politicians should stand for policies because they are right. The arguments should be based on the merits of the policy, not on some random notion that Jesus might have liked it. Earlier this week Iain Dale did a post entitled "God doesn't do Party politics, but if he did...". It got me thinking about the issue. As it's a Saturday, I thought I'd explore the issue of religion and politics in the usual Barnet Eye way.

Extremist nutcases in the States are often featured on TV waving placards with such messages as "Jesus hates fags" and the suchlike. For people who purport to read the bible this rather puzzles me because, he didn't actually say anything in any of the Gospels about homosexuality. In effect, what they are doing is making things up and then pretending that Jesus said them, which I guess if you are a Christian, is blasphemy. It would be like me proclaiming "Jesus loves the Clash". I'd be rather pleased if he did, but as he never stood up (as far as is recorded) and said "Blessed be Joe Strummer", I just have to have a little bit of faith that he has good taste in Punk Rock bands.

Reading Iain Dale's blog, I got to thinking as to why, when we talk about faith and politics, it's always right wingers spouting nonsense like "Jesus would vote Tory because they'd ban abortions", ignoring the fact that Maggie had a nice big fat majority and never saw fit to change the law. Why do none of the other biblical Prophets get a look in? I considered a few of the important biblical figures and thought maybe we should try and ascertain how they'd vote.

Noah - I guess he'd probably vote Green. He seemed to be interested in the Environment and protecting animals. Not many people realise it, but Noah framed the 7 laws which form the basis of all of the practises of the main religions. These predate Moses 10 commandments. Interestingly enough, Noah was probably the first recorded character to recognise animal rights. Yup, I'd put him down as a Green.

Noah's Seven Laws.

1. Idolatry is forbidden.
   
2. Incestuous and adulterous relations are forbidden.
   
3. Murder is forbidden. The life of a human being, formed in God's image, is sacred.
4. Cursing the name of God is forbidden.
   
5. Theft is forbidden. The world is not ours to do with as we please.
6. Eating the flesh of a living animal is forbidden.
   
7. Mankind is commanded to establish courts of justice and a just social order to enforce the first six laws and enact any other useful laws or customs.

Moses. Well as he was responsible for the 10 commandments and six hundred odd other laws, he's clearly hot on Law and Order issues. I originally was going to classify him as a Tory, then I remembered that it was he who asked God for a handout and got "Manna from heaven". Now as this was not a means tested benefit and was universally available, I guess that puts him down as a Socialist. I've sort of decided that he's probably Old Labour.

As I thought about the issue, I asked myself "Which biblical figure provides the inspiration for our dynamic duo of leaders Prime Minister Gordon Brown and Barnet Council Leader Mike Freer". Now as you know I consider Mike Freer to be a Brownite. I actually believe Gordon Brown to be a Tory, but that is a blog for another day. Given the Midas touch in reverse that both of them seem to possess and the way they leg it when asked to take responsibility, there can only be one prophet for them - Jonah. Eventually Jonah got the message and did what God required. I rather hope that both Mike and Gordon get the message which I've sent them - resign for the sake of us all.

As to my question at the top of the page, who would Jesus vote for? Given the way our MP's have behaved, I suspect that if he was forced, he'd probably pick the Monster Raving Looney Party in preference to any of the others. I base this assertation on his first reported miracle, in which he turned water into 40 gallons of wine for a Jewish wedding party. The one thing we can be sure about is that he liked a party. The gospel tells us that after the wedding feast, Jesus and his followers rested for several days.