Ten reasons why you must not vote for Jeremy Corbyn

A bloke with a beard causing trouble

Are you thinking of voting for Jeremy Corbyn? Here are ten reasons why you MUST THINK AGAIN! Everyone knows beardies are trouble makers!

1. Corbyn has ruled out first use of nuclear weapons. Who could vote for a Prime Minister who doesn't want to initiate the Apocalypse?

2. Corbyn wants to increase Police numbers. This is unfair to terrorists, burglars and rapists.

3. Corbyn wants more funds for the NHS. This will be bad for private health companies and may even make private health packages more expensive.

4. Corbyn wants more money for state schools. This means that the children of the elite, who attend private schools may not have the advantage that daddies cash should secure them.

5. Corbyn grows his own tomatoes on his allotment. This discriminates against tomato growers, who need to earn a living.

6. Corbyn wants higher taxes for the rich? Why should they pay more, just because they've got spare cash. What would you rather have, a new Jag or food for your less well off neighbours?

7. Corbyn wants to renationalise railways. Why should foreign, state owned rail companies not be able to fleece commuters? After all they should have a Jag and drive to work!

8. Corbyn supports Arsenal. So did Osama Bin Laden. Need I say more....

9. Corbyn supports Kyoto climate change accord. Donald Trump says it is a Chinese conspiracy. He's the US President so he should know!

10. Corbyn wants to abolish tuition fees. Why shouldn't students spend their life saddled with debt? It will encourage them to work harder!