What is wrong with the British in regards to sex education?

In all of the debate about sex education,  and when we should start educating kids, the government is denying kids who are vulnerable and at risk and have no idea that things are not right, the tools to protect themselves.  They are vulnerable because they don't know that predatory adults are preying on them. I do wonder what all of these debates and rules really do for people who actually need to have some sort of knowledge at 9. The sad truth is that there are children of 9 and younger who are being sexually abused. In Mill Hill, there is still a resident who was a teacher at a local school, who was jailed for eight years for abusing a girl under 9. She simply didn't have the tools to recognise that what was happening was wrong, because a person in a position of trust took advantage of them. 

If you ban discussions about sex before the age of nine, what happens in class when that comes up. I was at RC primary school and we were told about the biology of sex in our final year of primary school. I then went to RC Boys secondary school. Clearly, what is taught should be appropriate for the age of the child, but they need some idea of what happens and what is acceptable and not. 

My own formal sex education was woeful. I was pretty clueless until I was around 14.  I knew nothing about STD's, contraception etc. My eyes were opened to the failure of the UK in regards to sex education when I was 18 I moved to Stockholm to live with my Swedish girlfriend. In Sweden, children were educated about sex from infant schools. It was taught in a matter of fact way and demystified. As a result she was able to talk sensibly about things in a way most English girls weren't. She was a perfectly normal person in every way.

In the UK we simply can't have a sensible discussion about these things. Knowledge is never a bad thing. Having been treated for prostate cancer last year, I've had lots of conversations with all manner of people about strength of erections etc. This is vital to my health and wellbeing. Had I had a medical condition when I was 13 I'd probably have denied even having erections as I'd be so embarrassed. I thought I was abnormal getting them spontaneously when I was near attractive girls, when they first started aged 10-11.  When I first became aware of them and felt really guilty about sexual dreams. I think it's funny now, but from age 11 to 14 ish, I was completely clueless. 

I think the first time I really had a clue was when I read a book called The Joy of Sex aged 14. To be honest, I couldn't get my head around half of it, not least because the bloke looked like Bjorn from ABBA, but mostly because it was information overload. Having learned nothing to that point, all of a sudden, everything seemed there in front of me. When I read it, much of what was described made me feel highly uncomfortable. Being from a Roman Catholic background, it also seemed incredibly naughty and I felt guilty reading it. Having said that, it was fascinating and at least I felt I had some idea what it was all about. The most difficult lesson for me to learn was that sexual activity is a very wide spectrum of behaviour. You only should ever indulge in it, when you are comfortable with the company you are in and you should only do things that you are happy to do. That is the most important lesson of all. 

The big problem for me is really that I thought I was dysfunctional when I was normal. What would have happened, if I was dysfunctional and was unable to get aroused or get erections? When would I have realised that I had a problem? 

Not educating children is not protecting them. It is placing them at risk. Sadly, we have a government that simply doesn't seem to understand this. 

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The Saturday list #268 - ten reasons why you shouldn't tell children 'white lies'

If you are a parent, you must have been there. Your small child asks you something and the answer is a bit embarrassing, so you make up a little story. At some point in the future, sometimes many years after, the white lie comes back to bite you on the backside.

Last night, we had some friends around, and I recounted how one such white lie caused a friend of mine much embarrassment at Primary School. It got me thinking, was there enough material for a full list? I think there is.

My First Communion

 1. Inclusive Sex Education.

 Lets start with the memory that kicked the list off. Picture a class of nine year old children in 1972, in St Vincents RC school in Mill Hill. In those days, sex education for such children at RC establishments was non existent and sex was never spoken of at home. The first lesson about sex came in a most embarrassing way for a friend.

Sister Gabriel, the headmistress came into the class and announced that the Bishop was coming to the school. There was to be a special mass. Such events usually meant no lessons and possibly even a cup of warm orange squash. She announced that she was forming a small choir for the event and stated that she needed boys and girls who could sing in tune and at high pitch. One of my classmates, who's name I will not mention put his hand up. Sister Gabriel said "Yes, what is it". He proudly announced "I'm a homosexual!". Sister Gabriel immediately took him to her office. We were a naive bunch, no one knew what a homosexual was. We were all a bit bemused. He emerged later, without having been slippered. At playtime, a couple of us asked what it was all about. The previous night, his family had been watching Top of The Pops. David Bowie appeared singing Starman. My friends Dad, who was virulently homophobic had shouted "Why is there a homosexual on television". My friend asked his father what a homosexual was. His Dad, not wanting to explain said "It's a man who sings in a high pitched voice. I hate men who sing in high pitched voices". He'd explained this to Sister Gabriel, who as a veteran teacher, realised that Peter had not been given an accurate description. She sought to correct this and explained that Homosexuals were men who didn't like girls. As most of the boys at the school, were of an age where they were not interested in girls, many concluded they too were homosexuals. I told my elder sister of what happened. She took great delight in setting the record straight, as it were.  So don't tell your kids that words have incorrect meanings, if you want to spare their blushes.

2. Safety.

When my Daughter was about three years old, she started to take an interest in the pond at the bottom of the garden. As you know, ponds and small children don't mix. So I told her that my Father was buried under it and if she went near his ghost would get her.  This did the trick, and none of the children ever went near it again. When she was in her mid teens, her friends were visiting. One noticed the pond and went to have a look. My daughter said "Don't go near that, my Grandad is buried under it". I realised that she hadn't twigged that it was a white lie. Don't tell lies that could result in a visit from PC Plod (not that this happened), for the record my Dad is buried in Hendon Cemetary). 

3. The cupboard.

My elder brother asked me to baby sit for him once. His younger son was about three years old. I wanted to watch the telly, but he kept coming down and annoying me. Eventually, I took him to his room and said "Now go to bed, because its after 8.30 and the monster that lives in the cupboard wakes up at 8.30 and if you get up he'll eat you". That was the end of the interruption. A couple of days later, my sister in law rang my mum in a state of rage. The poor lad was scared out of his wits at the monster in the cupboard and was refusing to go in his bedroom. I was not flavour of the month. Don't try and quell childrens fears with stories of monsters.

4. Young ladies.

My friends Dad who was a homophobe was also a rabid anti semite. When we were about 14 we were looking at a copy of the NME and there was an attractive female singer on the cover. As you can imagine, this caused some comment, which was overheard by his father. His father grabbed the magazine, ripped it up and then told us that he wouldn't have pictures of Jewish women in the house. I was quite puzzled. He explained that all Jewish women had loose morals and would prey on innocent young Catholic lads, doing unspeakably rude things to them to make them lose their faith.  As I am sure you can imagine, the very worst way to stop teenage boys to taking an interest in a female is to say that they will do unspeakably rude things to them. Of all the lies we were told, this was the most counter productive. I was actually quite disappointed when I learned that it was not always entirely true. Never think that telling young boys that girls have loose morals will discourage interest.

5. Fleas.

Another one of my friends fathers lies concerned the late, great Marc Bolan. At St Vincents he was something of a hero. We would run around the bus stop singing Telegram Sam. My friend informed us that we shouldn't like Marc Bolan because he had fleas, his Dad had said this after a TOTP appearance. I found this to be a rather odd thing to say. So I asked my elder sister. She was very puzzled. She said "Marc Bolan is a pop star, when he goes on Top of the Pops, he has a special hairdresser who makes him up, he probably washes his hair more than any man alive". I think that this was the first time I realised that adults could talk complete nonsense. Don't make up outrageous porkies if you want to retain the trust of people.

6. The neighbours cat.

My Dad was an Aussie and virtually never lied, he'd always tell me things straight if I asked him. He took the view that world was a tough place. But three doors up the road was a family with two young, very sweet girls. Their Dad was a Headmaster, but a lovely chap. They got a cat. One day, the Head came down, very upset. The cat had been run over. He didn't want to upset his daughters. He asked my mum if he could put the cat in our dustbin, explaining that he'd tell the girls that cat had gone to live with a kindly old lady who was lonely. My mum being a kindly soul agreed. Sadly she did not tell my Dad. After dinner, he went to put the rubbish out. On opening the lid, he was greeted with the sight of a dead moggy. My Dad was raised on a farm and not sentimental about animals. He immediately picked it up, marched up the road and banged on the door. The two girls answered. My Dad exclaimed "Tell your Dad that someone run his cat over and put it in our dustbin". My mother went nuts at him when he came back, he couldn't understand what the fuss was about. The moral of this story is that even the best intentioned porkie can go horribly wrong.

7. The talentless child.

One of the saddest things I come across in my day job at the studio is the pushy parent with the talentless child. The trouble is that the parent often convinces the talentless child that they are specially gifted. This is usually fine, until it goes spectacularly wrong. There was one such poor soul, who at a young age, his parents decided was going to be the next superstar. They spent a fortune on singing lessons, drama classes, rehearsals, putting bands together that invariably lasted three rehearsals, until they realised that the poor child was completely useless. The charade continued until the first series of X Factor. The parents were desperate for their poor offspring to appear and pulled a few strings, called in a few favours and got their dream. Sadly, what they didn't realise is that the show would take great delight in humiliating the over confident and under talented mugs. There was much hilarity as the Emperors new clothes disappeared on National TV. There was however a happy ending. About a year later, the poor soul turned up at the studio. It turned out, he was actually a nice chap and was really embarrassed about the whole thing. He had however decided that he did want to make it in music, in his own way. He started drumming and was actually very good. He was also a very good songwriter and makes his living as a touring drummer and songwriter. He tells me that he realised he loved being on stage, but as he couldn't sing, the drums were just fine and he was far happier. The moral of this is that you should never let your love of your children mask the truth of their talents, unless you want nationwide ridicule./

8. The sixpence jar.

There is a sub genre of lies that really cause damage. This is the malicious elder sibling. My eldest Brother Laurie was the master of the evil lie when we were kids. He would take great pleasure in winding me up and getting me into trouble. Nothing made him more happy when this resulted in my getting a smack bottom from my Dad, who was very old school. What used to annoy me most, was that I'd always fall for his ruses. There are too many to list, but the lie that really hurt was the sixpence jar. My Brother told me that if we both put a sixpence a week in the jar, by Xmas we'd have enough for a Scalextrix set. After six months, I got a ladder, climbed up and went to count the sixpences, so I could work out how much we had. It was empty the thieving swine had spent it all on cigarettes. I was furious, everyone else thought it was funny. I waited until he had a hangover, and took my revenge by putting a cold flannel on his feet. Much as I love him, I've never forgiven him and never had a scalextrix set. I think the one lesson my brother learned was that if you continually wind up your younger siblings, sooner or later it comes back on you.

9. The Party.

Perhaps the worst of all humiliations is being the kid at school who doesn't get invited to parties. Parents will go to extraordinary lengths to try and ensure that when their kids put out the invites, those that are left out do not find out. Sadly there is another type of parent who takes great delight in stirring and if they find out that little Johnny isn't invited, then little Johnny will find out in the most embarrassing circumstances. There was one such parent that I came across. Their child was very popular but the parent was a real stirrer. As a result, childrens parties became very expensive, as the whole class had to come. One parent, who wanted to save a few pennies, decided to take a different tack and just tell the truth. "We are having a party and you child did not make the cut" would not go down too well in some quarters. So they said "there was only space for ten so we just pulled the names out of a hat, because it was fairer". Whilst this spared the feelings and those who didn't go probably guessed but didn't feel to left out, the parent who was a bit of a stirrer was not impressed. They grilled their child (who was going) and asked them to find out if it was true. The child having the party simply said "Yes I made sure mum invited all of my friends, we just didn't want to hurt anyones feelings". This was gleefully conveyed back to all and sundry. The moral of this story is that your kids won't tell porkies to spare your blushes. 

10. The Priest.

We will finish where we started. Back at St Vincents school. Back in 1972, the Parish Priest at Mill Hill was Fr Dennis Corkery. He used to visit the school every week and hold court with the children. He'd tell us stories of the good work done by Vincentian missionaries in Africa.  He told us how before the Vincentians arrived, Africa was full of savages who went around eating each other, but by the good work of the Church they were now all civilised and good Catholics. In fact they were now better Catholics than we were, as more priests were coming from Africa than Ireland. We all accepted this version of history without question. Africa had names such as the dark continent and I genuinely believed that the Church had saved the continent. Then when I got to around 14, I became aware of South Africa and Rhodesia and the injustice of Apartheid. The more I read about the British Empire, more I came to doubt that Africa had been saved. In 1974, my cousin had been ordained a Catholic Priest and spent his life working in Africa. I always held him in high esteem, but I realised that my education regarding Africa was one of pure lies. It totally undermined my faith in the Catholic Church for a very long time. I realised that like all organisations, the Church had some very good people in and some very bad people. What really stuck in my throat though was that I'd actually believed white people had saved Africa. Sadly the journey of finding out how big a lie that really is, is still a work in progress. Sadly Fr Corkery is responsible for me having very mixed feelings about the clergy. Ultimately, if you are a priest, be honest. 

The 12 STD's of Christmas

I came across this story in the Independent yesterday (no pun intended). The author, Mary Wakefield seems to have been rather upset by this adaptation of the Christmas classic. Click Here to hear this catchy ditty. The Lyrics start with "On the first day of Christmas, My true love gave to me, a bug that made it hard to pee". Mary Wakefield seems to be rather upset that this is being used by the education service to raise awareness of the risks of promiscuity and to promote the use of condoms. To quote her article :-

On days four to 12, sang the happy health workers, my true love gave to me, in this order: genital herpes, gonorrhoea, pubic lice, hepatitis, trichomoniasis, genital warts, scabies, pelvic inflammatory disease and crabs. The song is called The 12 STDs of Xmas and I think (though I hope I'm wrong) it was accompanied by slides.

Afterwards, the NHS minstrels left very pleased with themselves – instructive and fun too! But the kids sat in worried silence. They were traumatised, said my friend. No wonder. Their spongey little brains were learning to associate true love with herpes and Christmas with lumpy testicles.

This sort of article, normally more at home on the pages of the Daily Mail, never cease to amaze me. Firstly she doesn't say what age the children targeted were. She mentioned that Ed Balls was bringing in mandatory warts and all sex education for five year olds. Now you'd instantly think "Oh I don't want my five year old listening to that". The thing that bothers me is that although she drew this link, it is quite clear that the song wasn't sung to five year olds. As ever, the devil is in the detail. When I was 14 years old, I didn't even know what an STD was. I was blissfully unaware of all of the things which I could catch. Would the 12 STD's of Xmas changed my behaviour? I doubt it, but I'm sure it would have got the message across. If I'd have got a bad itch or a sore on my private parts, I'd have kept very quiet. At least todays kids know that they need medical attention.

As to the message that you should wear a condom. It's all about damage limitation. I've got teenage daughters and I'd fell much more comfortable with them abstaining from sex. If they sought my advice (which I think they'd rather hang themselves than do) on such matters, I'd certainly tell them to wait. If they wouldn't, I'd ask them to make sure they were on the pill & used condoms. If this song could help modify their behaviour, I'd play it to them. Oh and before you ask, yup I'm a church attending Roman Catholic, but one who believes in damage limitation and isn't ready to become a grandad just yet.

Having said all of that, I think that they are sending the wrong message. You see, I believe that drink and/or drugs plays a major role in many teenagers getting pregnant. People loose their inhibitions and that is when the problems happen. I suspect that if teenagers are given things to do which don't include drinking, then teenage pregnancy rates will drop. That is my bugbear with these campaigns. My 14 year old daughter spends virtually all of her leisure time surrounded by nearly naked men, but I doubt she's in much danger of getting pregnant. She's a swimmer and by the time she finishes her 11 sessions a week, she's completely knackered. I know this isn't the answer for everyone, but I suspect boredom plays a major role in under age sex and relationships. Organisations such as scouts, guides, youth clubs, sport and music projects etc are the solution. Is it any wonder that teenage pregancy rises as councils sell off playing fields and youth clubs?

The most disgusting, repulse product advert ever - Virgiseal

Thanks to my friend Caroline Gold for bringing this to my attention. I saw this advert and felt physically sick.

Here are a couple of extracts from the website of this repulsive company and their repulsive product.

In just fraction of Hymenoplasty ( virginity restoration or revirgination ) surgical operation , no interruption in your sex life, At VIRGISEAL, we believe that every woman has the right to be comfortable with their own body and appearance. In some religion, cultures the concept of an intact hymen is highly valued at marriage and virginity is linked to bridal purity and family honor.more information

Some women in Europe, India, Japan, Korea, North Africa and Islamic countries like Kuwait, Iran, Iraq , UAE etc.. undergo hymenoplasty surgery, for restoration of their hymen where there are a lot of risk involved.

As Europe's Muslim population grows, many young Muslim women are caught between the freedoms that European society affords and the deep-rooted traditions of their parents® and grandparents® generations

'In my culture, not to be a virgin is to be dirt," said the student, perched on a hospital bed as she awaited surgery. "Right now, virginity is more important to me than life - Sara ( South Korea )'

What troubles me is that this advert gives legitemacy to a barbaric process and a vile practise. Let's be totally clear on one thing, female circumcision is NOT PROSCRIBED BY THE KORAN. The whole concept of this product is one that is totally abhorrant to me. I've no objection to a woman wishing to be a virgin at marriage. That is her choice. The idea that her parents have a veto over her life choices is revolting. The concept that she is devalued by having had sex is also a horrible ideology. When people get married, honesty has to be a part of the contract. This company is based in Switzerland. For a European company to promote all of this is sickening. The idea that shareholders of this company are cashing in on such repulsive traditions sickens me.

The Boris Johnson Guide to Sex Education

Boris Legs it from 13 year old Fathers for Justice Dad !!!!

So we've all seen the news this week about the 13 year old Dad. What really shocked me wasn't that a 13 year old could become a dad, but on reading the article, he stated that he'd been in a relationship for 2 years - since he was 11. I was reminded of this typically uninformed piece of Daily Mail nonsense http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1039287/Children-young-11-lessons-condom-says-government-report.html complaining that children as young as 11 were being given sex education lessons. Now I've got a 13 and an 11 year old daughter so this is all pretty relevant to me. If someone asks me what I think my daughters should be told about sex, I'd give the answer "What they need to know to protect them from harm". What does this mean practically? Well it means that they need to be told about things that as a Dad I'd rather they didn't know about. I don't want either of my daughters to start embarking on sexual relationships any time soon. If, however they decide they are going to, in this day and age I'd want them to be safe. This means knowing about contraception, STD's and plenty of other things which Daddies don't like thinking about in the context of their daughters. In a school, they have to be told before they actually need the information. If you wait until they are all emotionally mature enough, then I'm afraid it's too late.

So what has all of this got to do with Boris Johnson and London? Well he's the mayor of this fine city. He has appointed James Cleverly as his ambassador for young people. I follow James Cleverly's blog
- as Tory blogs go, it is OK, but for a Young Person's mayor where is the bit about sex education for youngsters. I checked the GLA website - nothing there either. It seems that Boris and his ambassador have nothing to say on this issue WHATSOEVER. Why is this a disgrace and a scandal? Well first, a lack of sex education can result in Children being exposed to diseases. Secondly it exposes them to the risk of pregnancy. Thirdly it exposes them to risk of exploitation.

Tonight as I write this there are prostitues working in this city who are below the age of consent. Tonight there will be youngsters below the age of consent getting STD's and there will be youngsters getting pregnant. Do't believe me? Check these graphs on the Poverty website - http://www.poverty.org.uk/24/index.shtml - London has the third highest rate in the country. What didn't surprise me is the link to poverty. The teenage pregnancy/poverty link is a cancer which eats away at the heart of society. As for prostitution, this is the very best way to contract an STD. Many Holllywood movies sell the image that having sex with a prostitute is a right of passage for young men. The reality is far removed. It is exploitative of women and is one of the main conduits of VD in the UK (and globally). Often these are then passed on to unsuspecting partners. I'd make sure that every young man was graphically made aware of this risk.

Boris is in a position to address this issue. How can a young persons ambassador such as James Cleverly have nothing to say? If I were doing his job, this would be the no 1 priority I set.

So how would I combat it. Well I'd have a look and see which country and which city had the most successful policy. Then I'd steal their policies and ideas. If you check Wikipedia they have a chart of teenage birth/Abortion rates - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teenage_pregnancy - The lowest - the Netherlands which has what we may call a liberal approach. The highest - The good old USA.

Per 1,000 women aged 15 - 19
Country ↓ birth rate ↓ abortion rate ↓ Combined rate ↓
Netherlands 7.7 3.9 11.6
United Kingdom 29.6 21.3 50.9
United States 55.6 30.2 85.8

I find this shocking. In this country the problem with sex is we all bury our head in the sand. Boris & his mates are too scared of the Daily Mail and it's fellow travellers to be honest with us. It is cowardly and it is unforgivable.

For those of you hoping to see "The Boris Johnson Guide to Sex Education" - the big scandal is that no such thing exists and their is no policy that I can see to address this - this is picture is the nearest thing I've seen to Boris trying to improve sex education in London!
The Boris Johnson Sex Education Initiative

Sex education for kids - The awful truth they never tell you !!!!

Nothing seems to get people more hot under the collar than the subject of sex education for Children. At what age do we tell children where babies come from and how they are made. There is currently a row about whether telling kids the biological facts at age 5 or 6 is too young. At what age do you have "that talk". I went to a Roman Catholic primary school and was told aged 10. That was probably about the right age. I must say that I didn't really care. I couldn't foresee a situation where my parents would do such a thing so I assumed it happened when you were asleep. Given that the British use the phrase "going to bed with someone", it all seemed to make perfect sense and I guess this was even more validated by my first wet dream.

As to when the real picture began to emerge, that happened over the next 2-3 years when I started to notice strange things happening when I saw attractive girls on busses and in conversation with mates who had elder brothers (who unlike mine hadn't left home). When I was 13 or 14 our biology teacher gave us a lesson where he tried to impart some more usefull information about sex. He told us about VD and how it was transmitted and about contraception. He told us how he'd had sex and shortly after a scab came up in a rather private place. He said how he'd prudently been to the doctor and been told it was unrelated, but this was the sensible thing to do. After that I found him rather hard to take seriously. I guess when I was about 22 a whole new aspect to sex emerged. Up until then it had simply been about fun, babies and VD. All of a sudden AIDS raised it's nasty head. All of a sudden sex became deadly.

I first heard of it through my sister, who was a nurse living in the USA. She told me that there was this terrible illness, that nobody knew what the cause was that was killing all of the gay's in LA and San Franscico. Not being gay and not living in America, I wasn't too concerned. As we all know, there was far more to it than that. Within a couple of years, Mrs Thatcher and her government gave us wall to wall public health advertising and we all knew about AIDS. There was the advert with the Iceberg. Then Richard Branson, always quick to spot an opportunity to get his name in the public eye, launched the Mates range of condoms. By the time AIDS really became an issue, I was in stable relationship, so in a lot of ways it has passed me by.

I guess that I could say the fairly minimalist sex education I had worked pretty well. I've never had VD and I had my kids at a time of my choosing. To be honest though, I think that is probably more to do with the fact that I'm attracted to women who are quite sensible about such things, than any great effort on my part. I read all of the debates in the press and I am struck by the lack of common sense in all of the discussions. When I was 18 I went to live in Stockholm for a while. The Swedish have a completely different attitude to public health. On my first day in Stockholm, I visited the Culture Centre at T-Centralen station. On walking in I was greeted by a huge montage of breast. Some of these were quite shapely, some were a bit saggy, but for every two pictures of a nice pair of breasts, there was one of a horribly mutilated pair, with scars and horrible bruising. Now not reading Swedish, I couldn't see what this was all about, but assumed some sort of Tracy Emin style modern artist had put it there to shock. When I got back and discussed it with my then girlfriend, she looked at me like I was an idiot. "That is a public health awareness exhibition. It shows the breasts before the mastectomy, immediately after, and then following plastic surgery, it is there to show women that they need not fear that the surgery will permanently mutilate them". I quickly discovered that sex education in Sweden was light years ahead of the UK. Unfortunately this didn't mean I was ravished by sex crazed women everywhere. It actually meant that people were able to conduct relationships a bit more sensibly than teenagers in the UK seemed to.
I discussed this with my Swedish friends and they could not believe that the UK was so far behind. It seems with some Roman Catholic schools refusing to administer the HPV vaccine, we are still stuck in an outmoded way of thinking.

I honestly don't know what is a good age to start, but by the time a child is 14, I think it is essential to know all of the facts. This includes the mechanics of the act, the risks, the responsibilities. I think that it should be taught in a framework of morality. This is not because I think any teenagers will necessarily listen, but because I think it is important that teenagers learn self worth. If they want to be promiscuous and sleep around, that is a decision they are perfectly capable of making. I think that it is far better for society if sex is generally conducted within the framework of a stable relationship. This is especially true for teenagers finding their feet in the world. When having sexual intercourse for the first time, surely you should be taught that it is far better do this with someone you care about and trust? If it is just with someone you have casually met and has got you drunk, can that really be good initiation into the adult world. Especially as such relationships are far less likely to take proper precautions. I'm not a fool and I know many people have started out like that and it has done them no harm. I'd just suggest that for the purposes of education that is not a best case scenario. I know a couple of pretty good drivers who started their driving career by stealing cars when they were 14. Responsibility can develop, but it isn't bad to teach it.

Now if you read this because of my attention grabbing headline, you may wonder what this awful truth is that they never tell you. Well, the sad fact is that sex is a trick played on us by nature. What do I mean by this? Well raising children is very hard work. Men and women often have wildly different tastes and interests. Why on earth would you want to get together with someone who you have nothing in common with, for the privilidge of spending the next 20 odd years earning money to support a bunch of ungrateful little oiks, who see you as an unpaid cook, driver and cleaner. When you get old and they could repay the favour, you get stuck in a stinky home and forgotten. I'll tell you why, because sex is rather nice. We enjoy it and it blinds us to the obvious character defects of our partners. How many times have you heard people say "I had nothing in common with X. I don't know why I stayed with them for so long". Well I do, it's clear. How many times do you hear "I don't mind the arguments because the making up is such fun" - suckered again. The truth is that sex is the sugar coating on the medicine necessary to keep the human race going. It is the one thing which will make us tolerate anything.

The one thing I'd teach kids before I taught them anything else about sex is this. It is impossible to make a rational decision when sex becomes involved, so open that door with care. And yes I know, I haven't always practiced what I am preaching, but hey you've gotta try.