1. Send snotty me emails when it would be just as easy to pick up the phone and have a sensible conversation.
2. Blame me for things which are demonstrably not my fault
3. React with rudeness when it is unnecessary
4. Hit the reply all button to start an argument which involves people in a quarrel who have no interest in it
5. Tell lies which are clearly lies and hope that I'll say nothing out of misguided loyalty
6. Bully people in my presence
7. Try and justify the unjustifiable
8. Use positions of power or authority to achieve unfair advantage
9. Act in a two faced manner
10. Not apologise when an apology is clearly in order
Now just in case any of you are thinking that this is directed at you personally, it isn't ( If you think it is, then you are clearly guilty and need to consider your own actions). I started to make a list of things that I found irritating for the dyslexia blog I am currently writing. When I was much younger I had issues with anger and temper, which I've sought to manage and control. Wheras I would spend weeks, months and years plotting revenges and stewing on perceived wrongs, I realised that such ways of thinking were negative and counter productive. I have learned that the way to deal with such anger is to deal with it in a rational an logical manner using calm reason. So here is my strategy for dealing with such irritations. My response is in italics
1. Send snotty me emails when it would be just as easy to pick up the phone and have a sensible conversation.
Email the person back and explain that this could have been dealt with by having a face to face conversation or telephone call. Leave it at that.
2. Blame me for things which are demonstrably not my fault
Calmly and rationally explain the sequence of events. If that is not enough, then don't worry. You will never get anywhere with unreasonable people
3. React with rudeness when it is unnecessary
This is the one I usually fail to deal with most regularly. When I do, I simply explain that there is no need to behave with rudeness. If this doesn't work, walk away, don't rise to the bait. It is sometimes harder to walk away, which makes it all the more admirable
4. Hit the reply all button to start an argument which involves people in a quarrel who have no interest in it
Email back the person who sent the email (and no one else). Suggest that they should be more circumspect in the use of reply all and ask whether they really thought it was necessary for the world to be involved in the matter. For most of us, point scoring looks silly if we are bystanders
5. Tell lies in my presence which are clearly lies and hope that I'll say nothing out of misguided loyalty
Explain that what is being said is not my perception of events and suggest that maybe they were mistaken or confusing the matter. Give people a way out, even if it is unjustified
6. Bully people in my presence
The issue here is when banter becomes bullying. If someone hasn't realised they've crossed the line, tell them gently that maybe they might not be acting appropriately. If they are being vicious and nasty, just tell them that their behaviour is unacceptable and that is the end of the matter. Sometimes this may have repercussions, but saying nothing has worse ones.
7. Try and justify the unjustifiable
I see this all of the time, in small things and in big things. This can only be dealt with using calmness, reason and logic. Give people a way out though. Allow people to make a dignified retreat
8. Use positions of power or authority to achieve unfair advantage
This is a very difficult one. Although being a City fan, the phrase springs hard from my lips, think "divided we stand, United we fall. Stand together and support your friends. That is why I write the Barnet Eye. A risk shared is a risk halved. If it is shared again, it is halved again. This is why small fish swim in shoals.
9. Act in a two faced manner
This is behaviour which can only be dealt with head on. If someone is acting in this manner confront them. If someone has told you one thing and someone else the opposite, have a three way conversation.
10. Not apologise when an apology is clearly in order
So someone has wronged you. You feel aggrieved. If they are a stranger, let it go and learn the lesson. If they are a friend, forgive them if you can and get on with it, if it is not as serious as to end the friendship. If it is, then explain how you feel. If they don't respond as you hoped, and the friendship ends, then at least you have done what you can.
Of course I fail to follow my own rules on a regular basis. That doesn't mean I shouldn't try. Does it?
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