Jeff gets a call from his best friend Joe to meet him at his new house for lunch. Jeff turns up at the address and is amazed to see a huge mansion. He arrives to see an immaculate, brand new Jag on the drive. When he rings the door, the most beautiful woman he's ever seen ushers him in. Joe is sitting in the largest room Jeff has ever seen in a private house. Jeff is gobsmacked, he asked "How did you get all this?" he asked, as Joe had never previously had two pennies to rub together. Joe says "I'll tell you, but before I do, have a drop of this". Joe opens a bottle of Scotch and pours Jeff a large glass. Jeff drinks it and it is the best scotch he's ever tasted. Jeff says "That is lovely what is it?". Joe replies it is a Glengrommit. It is the rarest scotch in the world, that is the last bottle!
Jeff says "and who is the beautiful blond?" Joe replied "That's my new wife, she's Miss Universe". Jeff is gobsmacked. He asks "WTF is going on?" Joe replies "Well I was in the Bald faced Stag in Burnt Oak having a pint, when this dude rocks up and says he's the devil. He says if I sell him my soul, I can have three wishes. So I say, I tell you what, you give me the three wishes and you can have it. So I was a bit skeptical, so I say "Can I have a bottle of Glenrommit" And he says sure, and this appears, so I say "and I want Miss Universe, and he says "sure" and in she walks and says "Hi Joe, can we get married" and so I say I want to become a millionaire, so he says "go over the road and buy a Eurolottery ticket and I'll be around with the contract tomorrow after you've won". So I say thanks and buy the ticket. I then checked into the Travelodge and waited for the draw, with young Tammy here, sure enough I won". So Jeff said "and what about selling your soul". So Joe says, "yep, next morning old Lucifer rocks up with the contract and I sign on the dotted line". Jeff is shocked and says "But what about the rest of eternity being tormented in the fires of hell?" Joe says "Oh, don't be stupid, you know I'm an atheist and don't believe in all that nonsense!".