Showing posts with label twats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twats. Show all posts

Friday, 22 April 2011

Barnet Eye Official : Councillor Robert Rams is not a Twat

Nope, it's not April 1st. The Barnet Eye is happy to announce that we have revoked the title of "The Biggest Twat in Barnet" which we awarded to Councillor Robert Ramsbottom. Word has reached this blog that young Councillor Sheepsjacksie has seen the error of his ways. Let me explain what seems to have happened. Last August, young Sheepsjacksie had fallen in with a right dodgy crowd (AKA. The Barnet Tories). Under their bad influence, young Bobby, who is a bit weak and impressionable, came up with the marvellous idea to close all of Barnets libraries and sell them off to Starbucks. Now as regular readers will know, this blog immediately lead a campaign to halt the process in its tracks. Poor old Bobby started to feel the heat, being regularly harangued by angry Grannies whenever he emerged from his bunker.

Now my blog stats showed that young Bobby had taken to obsessively reading my blog. At some point, the penny dropped. He suddenly realised "Hey, that Rog T is right. If I don't shut the libraries, the grannies will love me and I'll be able to poke fun at all of those nasty socialist Councils who are shutting them. I'll be a hero!". Now it is quite likely that he discussed his cunning plan with his former boss at the GLA, Roger Evans. Roger is probably the nicest and most sensible Tory in London, if not the whole world. He does good things like campaigning to keep hospitals open, writes a brilliant blog, and is a generally good egg. Now I don't know what Roger would have said, but it was most likely something like "That blogger Rog T is a genius, you'd do well to listen to him and not those dunderheads like Brian Coleman".

Anyway there was a loud clunk as the penny dropped, the Libraries were saved and hey presto, from being the biggest pariah in Barnet, the bum of the sheep became the best loved Tory in the Borough (after Kate Salinger of course). Now as part of his rehabilitation, Roger also clearly recommended that Bobby write a blog. Roger clearly would have given Bobby a few tips "Keep the voters informed, in an interesting and informative way" would most certainly have been his advice. Sadly Bobby's early efforts were rather grim and written in Barnet "Kremlinspeak". This lead to young Sheepsjacksie being awarded the inaugural "Crap London Blog" award. Sadly, as we've established, young Bobby is rather thin skinned and doubtless got rather upset. As ever, he doubtless sought the wise Council of his mentor Roger Evans. Now I've no idea what Roger would have told him, but it was probably something rather like this "Now listen Bobby, I already told you that Rog T is a genius and he's quite right, it is rather dull. Now listen, why Rog T is such a marvellous blogger is because he can be quite funny. He uses all of the tools of the trade, Irony, Sarcasm and Fantastical situationalism to illustrate his points. And don't censor the comments, use them to your advantage to display your sparkling wit".

If ever you want to cut the mustard, you'd do well to listen to him". Now I'll give young Bobby this, he's nothing if not a quick learner.  Yesterday we saw the first efforts, using Roger's wise advice.


http://robertrams.wordpress.com/2011/04/20/council-tax-mistake-isn%E2%80%99t-an-argument-against-privatisation/#comment-27

You can read it for yourself and see that the Kremlinspeak is largely gone. Best of all his comment in reply to Mrs Angry is an effort of supreme wit and irony. I suspect it may even be the work of the Great Roger Evans himself. Check this out
-----------------------------------------------
robertrams says:
Theresa,
You will be pleased to know that there is a skilled One Barnet team in place to make sure all the contracts are watertight.
-----------------------------------------------

Now anyone who has followed the Metpro Scandal, the Catalyst Scandal or knows anything about the background to the IT system which caused the cock up, will know that Councillor Rams is what is known in the trade as "having a laugh". As being a humourless dolt is essentail to being a successful Twat, it is impossible for him to keep the title of Barnets Biggest Twat. Don't worry though, the Barnet Eye team have already started the search for his replacement.

Clarification for the rather dim and humourless : Any references to the opinions of Roger Evans regarding the intellectual prowess of the author of this blog (or anything else) is purely made up for purposes of your entertainment. Whilst both Roger Evans and myself are proud members of the League of Rogers, I'd like to state that we have at no time discussed Councillor Robert Rams, his intellectual prowess, his policy on libraries or whether he's a twat.

P.S - Roger Evans has another blog called Get Selected. He offers advice to women on how to get selected as Candidates. I'd like to suggest that he takes Mrs Angry and VickiM57 under his wing, as I think they have the potential to be the best 2 councillors in Barnet. I don't know if he helps Socialists, but if he does, then I can think of no better candidates in London.

 P.P.S. - I also noticed that Councillor Ramsbottom referred to Mrs Angry her "alleged" first name. Is this a Brian Colemanesque "We've got your number" type of threat?

P.P.P.S - Lets see if young Sheepsjacksie is "man enough" to moderate my comment on his post

Rog T says: Your comment is awaiting moderation.

My Dearest Robert,
Does that team contain the tooth fairy? I trust you are familiar with how the “skilled One Barnet Team” have administered the Metpro contract, the Catalyst contract etc.
As to the “one person making a human error”. I trust you are aware that a well designed IT system should have what are called maker/checker controls to prevent such single points of failure.
-----------------------------

Enjoy your bank holiday !

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Barnet Blog News : Twatman launches a blog !

Great News. Councillor Robert Ramsbottom the man voted a twat in a recent poll of Barnet Eye readers, by the largest ever majority in the history of one of our polls, has launched his own blog. Mike Freer MP once famously said "I have a group of followers I call the One Handed Bloggers, you can imagine what they do with the other hand".  Now we know who he was talking about, as it is well documented that Ramsbottom is a big Mike Freer fan.You can read the witty, intelligent and incisive coverage of Barnet politics from its biggest dickhead political star by clicking here.

http://robertrams.wordpress.com/

I look forward to reading the thoughts of little Bobby on the library closure program.

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Robert Rams - Twattus Norvegicus

As our little poll in the sidebar about Councillor Robert Rams, the man who wants to close and sell off  all of Barnet's libraries and send us to Tescos and Starbucks for our books draws to a close, I thought I'd share with you an amazing likeness I happened to nothice.

Last night I attended a School Transfer meeting with my son. He was enthralled by the biology department (where I had as a 15 year old studied biology). The cause of his excitement? The pet rats being handled by the students conducting the tour. On returning home, I thought I'd read up on domesticated rats, as they were rather appealing little chappies. As I started to research, I was struck by the similarity to a certain Barnet Councillor (and a few of his friends). First of all, the Latin name Rattus Norvegicus. Simply substitute a "T" for the first letter of the name and it seems to sum up our lovable councllor.

There are many little snippets of Rat behaviour decribed on Wikipedia, which reminds me of the way Robert Rams has "risen to the top" of the local Tory hierarchy.

Here are a few examples :-
Brown rats live in large hierarchical groups, either in burrows or subsurface places such as sewers and cellars. When food is in short supply, the rats lower in social order are the first to die.
It sounds rather like the way that the non cabinet members were shafted to ensure that the likes of Rams got a pay rise.

It also seems that rather like Barnet's Libraries and Robert Rams, proximity to rat populations can be fatal :-
Similar to other rodents, brown rats may carry a number of pathogens[53] which can result in disease, including Weil's disease, rat bite fever, cryptosporidiosis, Viral hemorrhagic fever (VHF), Q fever and hantavirus pulmonary syndrome. In the United Kingdom, brown rats are an important reservoir for Coxiella burnetii, the bacteria that cause Q fever, with seroprevalence for the bacteria found to be as high as 53% in some wild populations.[54]
Another similarity with Robert Rams is the way they both squeak to communicate :-
In addition, they commenly sqeak along a range of tones from high, abrupt pain sqeeks to soft, persistant 'singing' sounds during confrontations.
Of course not all rat behaviour is similar to Robert Rams and his Tory chums. They clearly seem to be a far more social and amiable bunch

Social behavior

It is common for rats to groom each other and sleep together.[27] As with dogs, rats create a social hierarchy, and each rat has its own place in the pack. Rats are said to establish an order of hierarchy and so one rat will be dominant over another one.[28] Groups of rats tend to "play fight", which can involve any combination of jumping, chasing, tumbling, and boxing. Play fighting involves rats going for each other's necks, while serious fighting involves strikes at the others' back ends.[29]

Clearly there are some distinct differences. I can honestly say that I've never seen such behaviour (apart from the hierarchy and dominance)  in the Council chamber.

By the way,  on other matters Ramsbottom, it has been reported in the local paper that when asked why, after  3 years and  several million pounds, when Mr Ramsbottom was asked why there was no business case, no cost justification and a high risk profile for the Future shape project to privatise the council, Mr Ramsbottom replied "Don't worry, I'll knock one out by Christmas" or words to that effect. We here at the Barnet Eye wouldn't leave Mr Rams in charge of a rattery, let alone a massive Council transformation. If you agree or disagree, please take 5 seconds to join in our poll at the top of the green sidebar. Please join me on Saturday morning between 10am and noon in Mill Hill Broadway as we protest against the library cuts. We are having a collection of books for young Rams in an effort to  teach him the value of reading. If you have any books which you think could help, please bring them along.

I apologise to any rat lovers who may feel that they get a bad enough press without being compared to Robert Rams.

Monday, 13 September 2010

Councillor Robert Rams Twat vote update : Do the GLA do any work at all ?

If you worked for the GLA, like Barnet Councillor Robert Rams, what would be your top priority when you were at work? This is a publicly funded job. This blog normally gets 3-4 hits a day from people at the GLA (Brian Coleman also works there). Guess how many visits there have been so far today?

Not only that, but it seem that there have been rather a lot of votes in our Robert Rams poll. I wonder what overriding public interest there is on this blog, which so intruges people at the GLA

Here's what my stats tell me has been happening. Where it says  "No referring link" that means someone has bookmarked it. I strongly urge my GLA rep, Councillor Brian Coleman to take urgent action to ensure that GLA staff get on with there job and stop spending the day looking at blogs and voting in silly polls. I suppose it's good to know that they've earned me a few pennies visiting all the porn sites which advertise on my blog via the google ads links.

I know the blog is fascinating, but does it really warrant a full time member of staff to monitor it? I'm all for cutting waste in the public sector and I think Robert Rams would be a very good place to start.

Of course it's always possible that it is someone else at the GLA with a fascination with Barnet, but Brian Coleman has publicly stated he never reads it, so it isn't him.

magnify this user Greater London Authority (213.86.122.5)

United Kingdom London, United Kingdom, 82 returning visits

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Saturday, 11 September 2010

Barnet Eye - The Big Question - Is Robert Rams a Twat ?

Councillor Robert Rams is leading Barnet Councils review of Libraries. He wants to shut them and make us borrow books from Starbucks or order them online and collect them from Tescos. Sadly for Mill Hill residents, there is neither a Starbucks or Tescos locally, although there is a very fine and well loved library. Councillor Rober Rams was so happy to be described as a Twat that he tweeted it to all his friends. Unlike the Barnet Council Tories, where all elections are held in private and they lie about the results, we have decided to set a good example to show the benefits of an open and transparent poll.

I'm sure that Robert Rams will be tweeting all his friends as he is clearly a masterful political campaigner. This means your vote counts - Please use the 5 seconds it takes to vote in the box in the top right hand corner. It is free and completely fair.