Paraprosdokians ... Winston Churchill loved them!
Here is the definition: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it!"
is a paraprosdokian.
Having been supplied with this list, I married them up with the name of the first Barnet Councillor who's name popped into my head when I read it. For some of them, it's because that is just the type of thing they'd say, for others, because it reminded me of them. They are all lovely people.
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience (Dan Thomas)
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list ( Can't possibly say)
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak (Dean Cohen)
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong (John Hart)
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public (Brian Gordon)
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left ( Richard Cornelius)
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad (Sachin Rajput)
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't (Jack Cohen)
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research (Barry Evangeli)
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.(Maureen Braun)
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks ( Andreas Tambourides)
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.' (Danny Seal)
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you (Andrew Harper)
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. (Couldn't possibly say)
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory (John Hart)
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice (Robert Rams)
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with (Mrs Tambourides)
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away (Oh dear, now this I really couldn't possibly say without a lawsuit !)
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure (Alison Moore)
21. You're never too old to learn something stupid ( John Marshall)
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target (Brian Coleman)
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be ( Kate Salinger)
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine (Robert Rams)