Monday 22 May 2017

Barnet Eye exclusive - Jeremy Corbyn refuses to condemn earwigs

The Barnet Eye can this morning exclusively reveal that hard left, communist, vegetarian, beardy, allotment owning Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has been exposed as an earwig sympathiser. Corbyn clearly has no compassion for the millions of people injured, damaged and killed by the nocturnal activities of earwigs. Speaking exclusively to his former science teacher, Mrs Jessica Beans, we were told 'yes, it's true, in his science project, Jeremy said that earwigs are much misunderstood and maligned, and are actually a fascinating member of the insect family'. We immediately called Mr Corbyn for confirmation, his disgusting reply was 'I equally condemn all acts of terror perpetrated by insects, whether woodlice or earwigs'.

A spokesman for Theresa May stated that this proved Mr Corbyn was soft on the Earwig issue and had no compassion for victims of nocturnal attacks on poor defenceless children. Furthermore they stated that the dementia tax would free up resources to tackle the earwig threat, although they couldn't say how this would actually be funded.

Of course, we've made all this rubbish up. Unlike the nonsensical tosh being fed to the Mail and the Telegraph by The Conservative election machine, we at least have the decency to tell you it's cobblers. It may be inconvenient for the Tories, but the troubles are over, the political wing of the IRA are in government, Martin McGuinness shook hands with the Queen and we've all grown up. Corbyn was right to engage with bad people, because it ended violence. Many world leaders started out as terrorists and many of these have been welcomed by Conservative Prime Ministers. I'd love it if all bad men were locked up, but in the real world we have to talk and grandstanding and condemning people achieves nothing except getting a nice editorial in the Daily Mail. Corbyn may not be a great Labour leader, but he is a decent man and he deserves better from the press. Kick him for his policies, but this vilification is disgusting and I hope it backfires. For the record, I'm a Lib Dem and won't be voting Labour, but honesty and fairness is far more important than tribal politics. The Tory campaign stinks.


Unknown said...

Did they say anything about that terrorist sympathiser Thatcher and her friend the lovely
General Pinochet? Who made the I R A look like boy scouts !

John Sullivan said...

The reality is as stated. The efforts of Corbyn Livingstone and others to engage with the IRA broke the impasse, the deadlock the ice, and led to talks that culminated in the Northern Ireland Good Friday agreement.
Corbyns was an act of courage not treachery, the treachery of history was the Daily Mail support for both Adolf Hitler and Oswald Mosley , now that was true treachery, from a paper that willingly supports the premature and unecessary deaths of disabled people every single day.

The journalists at the Daily Mail are not fit to wipe Cornyns arse.

And on the point of Corbyns leadership,ability.

Any man that can withstand two years of abuse, lies, personal attacks, humiliating and untrue headlines, and comes out the other end, to coin a phrase Strong, and stable enough to have stuck to his guns and what he believes in, is a leader of men.

I have never been a Corbyn man but I am now, because I want a strong and stable man at the Brexitbtable, not a uturning excuse for a human being like Theresa May, who is frightened of her own shadow, and like Offord hides from the public .