Monday, 27 February 2012

Rog T's Cancer blog - The way to achieve the perfect orgasm?

For those of you who are regular readers and have read the previous posts, you can skip this first paragraph.This is the latest installment in my occasional series about how I'm adjusting to living with a big C in my life.  For those of you who aren't, here's a quick summary. I'm 49 years old and I recently had a prostate biopsy following two "slightly high" PSA tests - 2.8 & 4.1. The biopsy took ten tissue samples and one of these showed a "low grade cancer" which gives me a 3+3 on the Gleason scale. I'm now on a program of active monitoring.  In early February, I got the results of the latest PSA test - down to 3.5 and an MRI scan which found absolutely nothing. I've no symptoms and sadly for a few people, if I'm gonna die soon, it won't be from Prostate cancer. Got the picture?

Be warned, this blog contains information you may rather not read, concerning sexual function in a medical context. It is designed to give people dealing with similar issues a bit of help coping with what I can attest to being a difficult time. 

Well, that's a bold title isn't it?  Before we get into the interesting business of my latest cancer blog and all the filthy details, You may ask yourself, "How can that Rog T make such a claim? Was he claiming it for himself or on behalf of the lady he loves?" Well sorry to disappoint you. Neither, I just noticed in my stats that someone had arrived at my blog after searching for "achieving the perfect orgasm with prostate cancer". Google keyword searches can be cruel, as if the poor sod doesn't have enough to worry about already, he has to now read my deranged rantings in the search for the perfect orgasm. Now here's a question. Can you guess what the most popular search on google is, for people who find my blog? Well oddly it isn't "Barnet Eye" (which is 2nd) or even "John Prescott" which is 3rd (rather oddly - I had a picture of him eating a pie, which gets thousands of hits). Given up yet? Well it is "Jabba the Hut" and it arrives at this post - - and they find it by doing a google image search.

An Advocado Pear
So anyway, welcome to anyone who has arrived at this page, however you got here. And although I am not going to discuss how to acheive the perfect orgasm in technical detail if you have Prostate Cancer, I am going to have a brief discussion about sex and prostate cancer. As you will read in my preamble, I've no physical symptoms of prostate cancer. Well actually that isn't strictly true. I had a prostate biopsy and for several weeks after I had blood in my semen and in my urine. And let me be completely honest, it rather freaked me out. If you are reading this blog because you will soon be having your first prostate biopsy, be warned. This is perhaps the worst bit of it (apart from the feeling of someone flicking your testicles when they actually take the cores). That and the strange sensations, which may or may not have been psychosomatic. Then on top of that there is the feeling of dread you get when you start thinking sexual thoughts. Maybe it's not a problem you have had or will have, but I went through a 6-8 week period where every time I felt myself becoming aroused, I started thinking about the issues related to the development of my disease from a Gleason scale score of six to a more fully blown version. Incontinence, impotence and sterility. In fact it got to the point, where I started to avoid anything which made me think about sex. Now why am I sharing this very personal information with the world? Well, so that you know that this phase passed. When the blood finally stopped leaking out and I had other things to think about, I found I relaxed. The brain takes a time to adapt to a new situation, but adapt it does. I had to take time to explain my rather odd (for me) behaviour to my wife. I'm really not sure she understood, but at least she knew I had an issue and it was my issue.

There was a period, where I seriously thought about having therapy, specifically to address the issue. I realised it was irrational, but I couldn't deal with it. It was starting to make me snappy, irritable and generally a nightmare to live with. I guess that sexual frustration coupled with a desire to avoid sex at all costs is not a recipe for a happy home. So how did I get over it? Well, I wouldn't necessarily recommend this as a solution, but I ended up getting completely hammered one night and then forgetting the things I was worrying about. At that point, I found everything worked fine and I was able to move on. As the blood issue had disappeared, I realised that it had all "just been in my head". That's not to say that that particular demon has completely been put to bed and may well re-emerge when I have the next biopsy or some bad news. The point is, it isn't there now.

So if you have had issues with regards to these sort of thoughts, if nothing else, you are not the only person in the world to experience them. The human mind is a strange thing. I believe that all of these mechanisms have been developed over millions of years to protect us and our loved ones. It is not beyond the realms of possibility that if we see blood in our semen, we have a natural desire to protect our loved ones from infection, which turns us off sex. Throughout the history of the human race, such discharges were usually associated with VD rather than bits being snipped off our prostate gland. I think it would be natural for us to be subconsciously programmed to avoid spreading it to people we love.

A friend who has a similar issue asked me how I was getting on, now I'd had good news on the MRI scan and the latest PSA test. Yeah good, I said. "Got complacent yet, slunk back into the old ways, the bacon sarnies, the milky tea and the steaks". Actually, nope, and I don't think I will. You see I feel very healthy. My weight has gone down from 107kg to 94kg, due to the new diet (not the cancer, of this I know for a fact). Playing football today, I played for 100 minutes and was still running freely at the end. My knees hurt less, and my head is more together. Last night we went to the Rising Sun pub in Mill Hill for a meal with friends. They do a mean steak, but my prime concern was to try and avoid the foods which I believe promote cancer. As I've mentioned before, the new diet has had the strange side effect of virtually removing hangovers from the equation. I've only had two since I changed my lifestyle, both after mega sessions drinking Fosters beer. Is there something in this which my body is rejecting? Interestingly the 2nd time I got hamnmered drinking it, I threw up badly, which I havent done for years. My capacity for red wine has been massively increased, to the point  where I really don't know what the full capacity is. Now I may hear you scream "IRRESPONSIBLE". Yup, of course it is, but I don't drink every day, in fact I drink less days than don't drink. I only get truly hammered in the company of friends (and luckily I'm a popular guy).

So finally, if you turned up at this blog and you've got prostate cancer and you want to achieve the perfect orgasm for yourself or/and your partner, what advice does Rog T - sex guru - have to give you. Well this is going to probably sound crass, but if you were achieving them before and your not now and you are worried about it, then first you have to accept that your body has an issue that interferes with your normal thought process.If like me sexual thoughts triggered feelings of trepidation, fear and uncertainty, then what you have to do is deal with these first. You can either adopt my approach and wait for them to go away, or you can speak to a qualified counsellor and see if they can help and advise.

What about if you couldn't acheive it before? Well in that case, I'd just get some counselling and advice immediately. If you are searching and you are not happy, this will cause stress. Stress is a major factor in promoting the development of cancer and other illness. We owe it to ourselves to achieve balance in our lives and I believe balance is impossible to find with unresolved sexual issues.

I've not really seen these issues addressed in any of the books or websites I've looked at. I really hope that if you have had any issues with this, just knowing you are not alone helps in some small way.

Have a pleasant week

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