Wednesday, 15 December 2021

This just isn't funny anymore - A guest blog by B. Johnson (no relation)

 Hi. My name is Barry Johnson. Until two years ago, it was quite a nice name. Then a certain Boris Johnson became Prime Minister. My life changed. All of my mates rechristened me Boris. At first it was mildly funny. I'd walk in the pub and they'd say "Got Brexit done yet Boris?". Then he became Prime Minister. For a while, that was good. My friends would buyt me drinks and say "Well done seeing off that Corbyn fella". As news of the many wives of Boris emerged, the comments became "Does your missus know where you are?". This was starting to wear thin. Then the pandemic struck. For six months I didn't see any of them. When we re-emerged from lockdown hibernation, we had eat out to help out. All of my mates would say "Tell dishy Rishi thanks very much" as burgers were scoffed and beers where quaffed. As the winter lockdowns were implemented, my Whatsapps started to buzz with messages such as "Thanks for cancelling Christmas Boris". Things picked up as the lockdown was lifted. Friends would text to say "Don't worry Boris, I've had my booster". Things were just about returning to normal. Then Omicron was announced. I walked in the pub and everyone said "So when are you cancelling Christmas Boris?". Then all of last years parties at No 10 came out. The mood started to turn hostile. It seemed friends were channelling their anger at me. I'd not risen to the bait previously. When you do, you never hear the end of it. But I snapped. "Look, I'm not bllody Boris Johnson" I announced. To my surprise, I was swamped in a stream of abuse. "You didn't say that when we were buying you pints in the summer!". This weekend was too much. On entering the pub, the message was "If you cancel Christmas, we'll all be round yours for the party". This was not a joke it was a threat. It isn't funny anymore, but what can I do? I wouldn't mind, but I'm Barry not Boris. Maybe I could change my name by deed poll. Any suggestions? The way things are going, I am worried that Boris will have to  change his name to Barry. Did I walk under a ladder or something?

Have a lovely Christmas and please don't come around to my place if my namesake cancels Christmas


Barry Johnson is a reader of the Barnet Eye. Guest blogs are always welcome. Email using the link in the Desktop version side bar or DM us on Twitter, 

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