Friday 4 February 2011

Matthew Offord MP - A conversion on the road to Domestos ?

Regular readers of this blog will be all to familiar with the one eye'd waiter of West Hendon - AKA Matthew Offord MP. There has been much debate about his coming out of the closet re parking charges. Those of you who remember his tenure as a Tory Councillor (part of the administration which raised the cost of Parking in Bunns Lane Car Park from £2 -£5 a day, within a couple of years of taking office) may find it rather surprising that Offord has chosen to knife Brian Coleman and Lynne Hillan in the back on the issue  :-

Being a keen biblical scholar (when I'm not drinking beer, watching footie and going to Punk rock gigs) I remember that there is a bit about heaven rejoicing when a sinner repents. It seems that Offord has been doing a lot of repenting recently (for a lot of sins whilst Deputy Leader). He has suddenly decided that he doesn't really like any of his old Tory Council mates now he's got new drinking buddies in the Commons.

Firstly he decided that he didn't want to give the officers of Hendon Tory Association his phone number, then he claimed one was an anti semite and now he's decided that Coleman, Hillan and co are out of touch. Well I don't like anti Semites either, no Tory Hendon Officers have my phone number (unless they are mates of Andy Coulson) and I think Coleman and CO are greedy parasites. It seems like me and Matthew have plenty in common.

Maybe I should ask him over for a bottle of Scotch or two (I'd make sure I got the mugs out of the cupboard though). Anyway one of his mates explained that "now he's an MP he can speak his mind, wheras before he had to toe the local line". I've also been told that he recognised that there was plenty wrong in the local party.

I applaud Mr Offord and his efforts to wreck the Tory Party in Barnet. He's welcome to write a guest blog here any time he likes about what a bunch of *******rs they are. Strangely, despite all of the nasty things I've written about him, he's always been really chatty and friendly with me. He even did a rather humourous send up of Brian Coleman for my benefit whilst Coleman was being found guilty of breaching the Standards code. I'm told Coleman didn't think it quite as funny as me. When I addressed him saying "Hello Matthew", he responded with an unmistakeable widow twanky voice "I am Councillor Offord to you, show me some respect".

Back to the biblical analogy. St Paul had a conversion on the road to Damascus, where he went from being a persecutor of Christians to being a key founder of the modern Christian religion. Has Matthew Offord had a similar moment whilst going to buy the Domestos at Tescos? I hope so. I look forward to more outbreaks of common sense in the Hendon Constituency.


Mrs Angry said...

one eyed waiter LOL ...

baarnett said...

To modify a review somewhat:

This is the episode where the well-known 'David Cameron pokes Matthew in the eye' scene.

By episode's end, it seems like just about everyone has 'had it' with the lousy council - even Matthew belts out a firm, "Meeester David, I no wan' to have a constituency here anymore! I on strike!" But in the end, Mike is the MP who gets the respite, and once again, leaves Theresa to solve the day's problems.

It pretty much drives home the fact that Barnet Council is a London borough that's beyond help.

Moaneybat said...

Mr Offord and his friend, both cut from the same cloth with the same principles.

APML said...

Sort of funny that!,why is Manuel Offordo the "one eyed soup waiter"come out of hiding all of a sudden?, is it to try and justify his existance or is it that he is worried about loosing votes to UKIP.
Rock on Manuel nothing will change with you...