Back in the 1970's, there were two iconic shows on TV. The Sweeney and Morecambe and Wise. One was a gritty TV Cop series, perhaps the first 'modern' take on the Police, where they were more anti heroes, with all manner of personal vices. Morecambe and Wise were safe comedians, who were national treasures. In perhaps the most unlikely mash up ever, they appeared as themselves in an episode of The Sweeney. I've always thought this was the most brilliant and off the wall piece of TV ever.
I've long thought of other mash ups that should be made. Here is my list.
1. The Flintstones meet Homer Simpson. The references are numerous to The Flintstones in The Simpons. However, there has never been an episode of The Flintstones that reciprocates. Here is my premise. An accident happens at the nuclear plant where Homer works. A timewarp happens and Homer is transported to Bedrock and found by Fred and Barney on the way to bowling. They pick him up. Homer is very disorientated, babbling about things that don't exist in Freds world. They assume he's had a bash on the head and take him bowling and drinking. Soon Homer fits in, as if nothings happened. Being a great ten pin bowler, he's just about to win the bowling trophy, when a team from Bedrock hospital turn up. They tell Fred and Barney that Homer is an escaped patient and take him away. They are in fact Men in Black from now, who need to bring Fred back before he damages the timeline, changing the world forever. Fred and Barney sit around wondering how they didn't realise he was an escaped patient. The ending scene, features palaentologits digging up a bowling trophy with the name Homer Simpson engraved on it, in Springfield amongst dinosaur bones.
2. Coronation Street and UFO. I've long been a fan of Gerry Andersons UFO and think that like Doctor Who, it should be revived and modernised. The idea that SHADO, a secretive organisation run by men in black (and ladies in purple wigs) operate under the radar and keep us safe from aliens. I'd love to see a mash up with Corrie, where odd things start happening in Wetherfield and the patrons of The Rovers start talking about "odd lights in the sky" and "people disappearing on Incermon Street". There would be some cameo appearances by whoever plays the modern Ed Straker and Paul Foster, in the Rovers, explaining that they are a "film crew from Harlington Straker studios". Gail Tilsley would have an encounter with the alien before he is captured. Paul Foster administers some memory erasing drugs, so she forgets the encounter. Gail and the Rovers crew decide that the film crew are dodgy, as they assume she was slipepd Rohypnol. An episode of UFO would be screened the next night, where the SHADO operation is followed. How a UFO is tracked to Wetherfield and how the Alien trys to abuct Gail, before being apprehended. As the team leave, Foster says to Straker, "You know that pub looked terribly familiar" and wonders if he too had some sort of memory erasing experience.
3. The Jools Holland Show and Doctor Who. To me, this is such an obvious one. Doctor Who has a Tardis. Just imagine what Jools Holland could do with that! I'd love to see the Tardis materialise on the set and take Jools on a tour of some of the best moments in music history.
4. Fr Ted and The Great British Bake Off. Sadly Fr Ted's Dermot Morgan has died, but I love the idea of a "Ted Memorial bake off" in Craggy Island, with Fr Dougal presiding chaotically, Mrs Doyle providing the teas and various charactures from the series making inedible Victoria Sponges. ALl judged quite seriously by the GBBF team. I love this idea.
5. Friday Night Dinner and Narco's Mexico
Jackie is reeling after the death of Martin. Auntie Val wins a competition for the holiday of a lifetime to Mexico. What they don't realise is that the competition was a scam to recruit unwitting drug mules. The family see them off for the holiday and they arrive and are having the time of their life. The Narco's team are on to the scam. They don't want to tip off Jackie and Val as they are planning a sting. A fake robbery occurs at the hotel. The 'competition organisers tell Val and Jackie that they will replace all of their luggage and clothes free of charge. They send them out to buy new clothes and supply new baggage (with cocaine already packed in the lining). The Narco's team are on to the scam, but want to find out who the contacts in the chain are in London, so arrange for Jackie and Val to pass through the airports unimpeded. A huge stakeout of the house is set up, so the smugglers can be arrested when they come to retreive the coke. Jackie and Val are totally oblivious to the scheme. Val decides that the new bags are "too heavy" and on the final day, buys a new set of luggage more to her liking and the girls repack. At the airport, the 'competition organiser' meets them to 'see them off' as they pass through departures. The Narco's are all watching to see what happens. When he sees the new luggage, he asks what has happened to the luggage he bought. Val say's "It was very nice but it was too heavy for us so we bought some new luggage, it's at the hotel". Thinking there has been a sting, he gets quite aggresive. The Narco's team are forced to intervene and stop him. Jackie and Val, are a bit puzzled at why he was so upset about them not liking the luggage he supplied. They get back to London and the boys ask "How was the holiday?" They say "Great, really relaxing". The boys then ask if they saw about a big drug barron being arrested at the airport. Jackie and Val say no, then put on the telly to see the "competition organiser" being lead away. They both say in unison "blimey".
6. Derry Girls and Top of The Pops. The girls win a trip to watch Top of The Pops being filmed and to meet the stars. Out of their natural environment and rubbing shoulders with the stars, staying in a posh hotel, with all manner of fancy food, the girls react very differently to the envionment. When they get to meet the stars, they are all super excited, but are totally overawed and rather embarrass themselves. Being in London for the first time, the girls realise that growing up in London would have been a very different experience. They all have very diffrent reactions to the experience.
7. Songs of Praise and So it Goes.
Of course Tony Wilson is no longer around. The Granada TV series So it goes featured all of the early punk bands, before anyone else had ever heard of them. Cancelled after Iggy Pop was a bit too sweary for the TV bosses. I've long thought that it would be brilliant to revive the format. The BBC's long running Songs of Praise show, featuring hymns from churches around the country has hardly changed over the years. I think it would be great to do a mashup, presented Tony Wilson So it goes style, where punk and very left field artists do their favourite spiritual or religious song and say a few words why maybe? Maybe finish off with a choir singing Pretty Vacant as a final nod to the mash. I actually think that much of the best spiritual music is not hymns or traditional religious songs.
So those are mine, what are yours?
These are my ideas, copyright to Roger Tichborne 2024. Anyone interested in nicking them, I'm more than happy to let you, for a small consideration!
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