The Sunday Reflection #17 - Why are Dad's so badly represented in the media?

I've been wanting to write this for a long time, but never quite had the inspiration to finish it and do the subject justice. I started writing it a few months ago. I went to the funeral of a friend Debbie from schools Dad, who also happened to be a member of the Mill Hill Services club. I knew the pair of them in very different ways. She is one of the life and soul of members of our schoolfriends reunion group, who meet biannually for a boozy evening. We've been mates since we were at Orange Hill School together. Our kids went swimming at Copthall together and our families have a strong affinity with Mill Hill. Her Dad was a life member of the Mill Hill Services club. One of the 'old boys' who are the fabric of such institutions. Always good for a natter about things, if you were waiting for a mate to turn up or just having a swift half on the way home. The fact he was a peer of my Dad in the club was also something which gave me a warm glow inside. Like many such people, he'd often regale me with stories of long scrapped motors that had some strange repair that only my Dad could do properly, or some welding task my brother had spent three hours on and only charged him a fiver. 

When I started to write the blog, I realised that there was one aspect that was indefinable. It was the way such old boys (a term used with love) could strike up a conversation about anything and it would be enthralling. Whether it was about the shenanigans at Mill Hill Village Cricket club, or the state of the roads on Mill Hill Broadway, there was always something to be discussed. It was never angry rants, just good humoured observations of things that a long and well lived life gave you a perspective on and enabled you to make astute comments without getting cross. 

At the funeral I chatted with Debbie about her Dad Roger (wonderful name there) and I was struck by how genuinely sad she was that he wouldn't be around anymore. It wasn't because she needed financial help, the lawn mowed or babysitting. It was just that a chat with Roger was better than a gin and tonic when she needed a bit of cheering up. Another thing they had in common with us is that their family were incredibly close. Mums and Aunties all chip in to help out. Dads and Uncles were a source of fun. As we discussed her Dad's life and his love of his family, a thought came to me. Why are Dads so misrepresented in the media, on TV  and in films? You may wonder what I mean. Well Debbie chatting about her Dad reminded me of my own. In the media, there are men. Men are portrayed in many ways. James Bond, Mad Max, Hannibal Lecter, Sherlock Holmes, Luke Skywalker, Hans Solo, Indiana Jones. Although some may have been parents, the Dad aspect of such heroes and anti heroes is never explored. 

But there is a subset called Dads. Whilst 'men' are usually interesting and exciting, Dads are bland, boring, lazy,  hen pecked, dim and idiosyncratic. I was trying to think of archetypal Dads. Stan Ogden, Terry from Terry and June,  Martin from Friday night dinner are the first few that sprung to mind. There is the odd rogue such as 'Dirty Den' from Eastenders, Frank Gallagher from Shameless and of course Darth Vader. I couldn't think of a single example of a Dad like mine or like Debbies Dad. Interesting men, who do stuff, enjoy themselves,  are astute, funny and clever. You may say "Well it isn't good telly" but we've abolished just about every other stereotype. We don't stand for it, unless it is a Dad. 

Back in the 1970's I'd watch the Coronation St, Terry and June etc with my Mum and I'd get quite frustrated. It was selling a very different image of being a Dad to my experience. I wouldn't have minded if there were a few Dads portrayed as Dads but as Dads who had a life. Dads who add something to offer to the family, rather than just taking up space and being the butt of jokes. When I chatted to Debbie about her Dad, I got a warm feeling as she was saying the same things I felt about my Dad. There are a lot of us orphans around, who miss our Dads. I loved Friday night dinner, but I'd love a show even more that had a Dad character that reflected what I and many others see as the reality of our Dads. I was chatting to a friend who writes comedy and they explained that most sitcoms need a victim to be the butt of the jokes. Generally in modern television, it is the Dad. I sort of accepted this for a while, then I thought about my conversations with Roger and the other old boys in his gang at the club, conversations with my own Dad. Often they were generally hilarious with no one being the but of the joke. There was just a wry observation on life. 

Yesterday, my band, The False Dots played at the East Barnet Festival. There are four of us in the band. Graham, our drummer is a granddad, myself and Fil (our bassplayer) are Dads and Tom our trumpet player, is a youngster (born in 1985, the year Graham joined our band). In truth, apart from Tom, we are now the gang of old boys in the corner. It's our kids that are watching Friday night dinner and looking at Martin as the representation of us! Is that what we are really like, is that how they see us? Lord help us, I hope not.

--------

Just as I finished this, Robert Elms played Daddys Home by Toots and the Maytels. A great Sunday morning track and the best way to finish this blog!