Seven years ago to the day, I wrote a Saturday List detailing ten drinks that were so 1970's. The country wasn't fully open from lockdown. Vaccination had not started, and although there was "eat out to help out" life wasn't normal. Like many small businesses, I was sitting on the edge of a precipice, surviving on government hand outs for my business. We were actually open, but with very stringent controls in place.
I genuinely didn't know if my business or the country would ever truly recover from the mess. Boris Johnson was PM and had yet to be be discredited and fall from grace. Rishi Sunak was seen as a brilliant chancellor. Nigel Farage had seemingly disappeared up his own jacksie as the European Withdrawal Bill had passed. Football matches were played with no fans present and taped crowd noise. I genuinely wondered if I'd ever go to see another band, and whether there was any future for The False Dots as a live band.
Yet here we are. I was musing on how life has changed, for me, the changes have been massive. Although I've never tested positive for covid, I believe I had it before it was recognised. I had all the symptoms and thought I had lung cancer. I only twigged when it was announced that loss of sense of taste was a key symptom. I'd been for a curry at new year 2020 with mates. They were all saying it was lovely. I thought it tasted of nothing.
So I thought I'd list the ways life has changed
1. My sense of smell. I now have the sense of smell of a bloodhound. This is a terrible superpower to have. The good bits? When Oak trees etc shed pollen, I can smell it. It is like an overpowering fragrance. The bad side? People smell awful. When people have bad personal hygene, it makes me retch in a way that I never noticed before. Worst of all, I hate the way I smell! I will give you an example. I was at Echo & The Bunnymen on Tuesday night and the woman in front of me in the drinks queue stank to high heaven of body odour. I had to leave a huge gap to avoid throwing up. No one else seemed to notice. She was with a friend who was whispering in her ear. Odd.
2. I know Mill Hill better than ever. During lockdown, we did massive walks with our dogs every day. I now know all of the country routes across the Totteridge Valley in a way I never did before. It is amazing.
3. So many of my mates are very gullible. I have become increasingly horrified at how easily taken in so many of my mates are. Being locked up with no social interaction for a year sent many down rabbit holes. AI has turned many into deranged commentators. It is sad to say that I actually avoid a couple of good mates now, because they talk complete rubbish. I am not perfect, but I try and see both sides and take an objective view to information. Many of my mates simply do not want to listen to anything that contradicts their views.
4. My music tastes have changed. I listened to a hell of a lot of music in the period. Whereas I am still absolutely in love with Ska and Punk rock, I listen to a lot more soul and funk than I had previously. I have also almost completely gone off heavy rock, which I didn't mind so much.
5. I have started taking singing seriously and love it. I have been in a band for 47 years, I did a bit of singing, if you can call it that, in the first couple of years, but didn't take it seriously and was delighted to get a singer in the band. Covid saw our then singer, Allen Ashley, unable to join us, so I took up he reigns. I now love it. I am getting a lot better at it as well. The False Dots have a gig in Friday the 16th of October at Nambucca in Archway, it's free so why not come along!
I must say that lockdown made me reflect very seriously on life and I realised that my approach to making music post the 1990 pause in the bands career had gone wrong. I realised that I had to write what I wanted to write, not just write to satisfy what I perceived other people to want. It has worked.
6. My view of Religion has changed. To me, there are two different things that set many people's morality. One is called faith and the other is called religion. I was brought up as a Roman Catholic and if I am totally honest, it has been 90% a hugely positive influence on me. Religion gives a fraework for faith to operate in. However, I realised that faith is the important part. Faith, not religion sees you through. Faith is the voice in your head that tells you what is right and what is wrong. I have realised that some aspects of religion are wrong, but faith never is. I am not articulate enough to spell this out in four sentences.
7. I have realised I still have dreams. The pause in my life made me look at what I was doing. I wanted to make music. I wanted to scratch a few itches that have been bugging me. One day I will....
8. I appreciate the people I love more. I am a pretty selfish person in many ways. That is not always a bad thing, as we live our lives for ourselves, not for everyone else. But I try and be more thoughtful.
9. I realised that very few organisations are well run. One of the reasons that I am not a conspiracy theorist is because I have come to the conclusion that human beings cannot operate any sort of organisation beyond the size of a 5 a side football team, whithout getting bogged down in stupidity, personality clashes, ego's etc. If you look at the UK state. I would estimate that at least 25% of the entire budget of the government is wasted on things that are entirely useless and stupid. However, because they appeal to the certain politicians and the people who vote for them, they are sacred cows. I worked for some of the worlds biggest companies in my IT career. The longer I worked there, the more I realised that the companies were stacked full of middle managers, who contributed nothing but were masters of self preservation and self promotion. There is always someone to stab you in the back when you are doing a good job.
10. The world keeps turning and humanity is actually very insignificant in the bigger scheme of things. Life is a funny old thing. During the early days of lockdown, the weather was beautiful and I spent most of the time on a sun lounger, drinking beer, looking at the sky. It sapped me of all creative energy. For the first time in my life I was happy to do nothing. There were no planes flying, the M1 motorway was silent. I was just staring into infinity, and it started staring back at me. Day would turn to night, the Sun would set, The Moon would rise, the stars would flicker. The same stars that my ancestors saw 10,000 years ago. The same constellations. Somewhere, on a planet orbiting one of those stars, maybe someone just like me was sitting on a lounger, looking up at me. But we'll never ever know each other, even though we might get on like a house on fire. We are all incredibly small. A mate said to me, in a moment of reflection "Do you think anyone will remember you in a hundred years time?". I'm guessing by then, no one will be alive who knew me. Will any of this blog persist? Will my music? Probably not. My Mum was born in 1926, I still remember her but she died in 2008 and in 2108, she will just be a name on a record site. This may seem disturbing, but it is liberating. I realised that I was living my life for me, in the present. I want to leave a legacy for my children, I want my friends to recall me fondly and be glad they knew my, when they attend my funeral. But it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. My mission in life is to try and make people happy. If I succeed that, even for a fleeting moment, it is all worthwhile.
No comments:
Post a Comment