This is a public service annoucement. Our friends in the government have a department that monitors the internet, mobile phones and other media. They look for dodgy messages and unexpected "spikes in activity" on the media and social networks.
Apparently there was a huge and unexplained spike in activity on electronic media and social networking sites in Barnet on Thursday afternoon. An unusual amount of traffic was noted, with interest especially centered on the North London Business Park area of the Borough. A covert message was received which has caused much consternation.
It is feared that Barnet Council may have been targeted by unnamed assailants who have only the destruction of this iconic Borough which gave a home to former Prime Minister and scourge of communism, Margaret Thatcher.
Government eavesdroppers picked up this rather bizarre coded message. They were wondering if anyone in Barnet could decode it for them. They have had a team working on it since 4.20pm this afternoon and have failed to decipher the meaning. If you can figure out what the message means, please email the top secret intelligence hotline at TopSecretItelligenceExperts@Topsecret.gov.uk
The message reads
Dear Comrade NonStick,
Congratulations on the success of your mission to destroy the Conservative Party in Barnet. We wish you well in your retirement in the Peoples Republic of Haringey. Viva La Dosh !!!!
The Tooting Twister
The Barnet Eye has not got a clue what it is about, the destruction of the Conservative Party in the cradle of Thatcherism sounds like a most terrible calamity. Whoever this "Comrade NonStick" is he most certainly must be a very shrewd operator.
I would have thought that given the superbly talented people in our local Conservative Party such as Brian Coleman and Matthew Offord any such plan would surely be doomed to failure?
I for one will be sleeping soundly in the knowledge that our boys are working their cotton socks of to decipher the message and expose these dastardly fiends.