Thursday, 1 November 2012

How Brian Coleman could rebuild his shattered political career

The Barnet Eye was rather surprised to see Brian Colemans mea culpa in the Barnet Press today -'OneBarnetshouldbescrapped' - where he admits that he's been fooling us all for the last ten years. He admits that the Barnet Conservatives are a "New Labour" organisation. He also admits that himself and the rest of his colleagues are a bunch of lemmings.

Anyway the purpose of this post isn't to discuss this rather odd turn of events. Nope, here at the Barnet eye, we recognise Colemans outburst for what it really is. It is an attempt to rebuild his shattered credibility. Sadly, the Barnet Eye feels that Mr Coleman has been badly advised. If he truly wants to redeem himself in the eyes of the Barnet public, proving oneself to be a spineless hypocrite is hardly likely to endear yourself to the public. The Barnet Eye believes Brian Coleman could easily become one of Britains best loved politicians by following this simple ten point plan.

1. Own up to your sins, admit you were completely wrong and accept your punishment like a man with good grace.

2. Take the blame for the parking fiasco and admit that you should have listened to residents, traders and bloggers.

3. Stop pretending that the mess in Barnet is anyone elses fault other than the Barnet Conservatives.

4. Grow a Mo for November. The Barnet eye will organise the charity collection. You need a change of image.

5. Ditch the bling and start wearing Motorhead T-Shirts. It is impossible not to smile when you see ann overweight middle aged man with a mo and a motoerhead t-shirt.

6. Come down to Friern Barnet Library for one of the music nights and have a dance with a few squatters from the occupy movement. Explain to your mini me, Robert Rams, why he is making a silly mistake not embracing big society and keeping the library open.

7.  Move out of your charity subsidised flat and announce that you are sorry for the years of poncing and sponging.

8. When that rather embarrassing court case is out of the way, get a real job. I hear that a Cafe in North Finchley is looking for a new washer upper.

9. Apologise to London's brave firemen for all the s**t you gave them when you were in charge of the LFEPA. Admit YOU WERE WRONG.

10. Use your role on the NWLWA to block Pinkham Way.

Brian, I know you are an avid reader of this blog. If you did all of these things, people might actually start to respect you. I know it will be hard, but once you've done it, you will feel a great sense of liberation. As it stands, you are desperately trying to hang on to a life that has gone. Try and move on.


Ron said...

10. I'm afraid that he isn't in the NLWA any more, replaced by J. Thomas.

Morris Hickey said...

The man's doodle alley.

Dave-ros said...

I hereby demand a full and complete amendment to no.5 -- where's the heavy metal umlaut?! It's Motörhead, dammit!!! Lemmy knows where you live...